So I Might've Cursed My Family...

One of my favorite stories, but sadly it appears the author has stopped writing

Well written twist on the basic theme. I especially liked the use of the magical curse to extend the main action well beyond human stamina. Also, love the pseudonym. It fits the writing style very well. Sesquipedalian without excess.

This has ended being one of my favorite stories on this site, I would love to see a follow-up, I hope the writer is still writing because this is great

I'd especially like to thank JessicaS and Who_Knows for your thoughts on pacing. This is an area I was a little leery about as I wrote it, I really liked the slower character stuff at the beginning but I was advised to sort of 'get things moving'. I don't have the pacing quite right yet, but I think the key problem was that there were just a few too many characters interacting at once.

It ended up being a kind of 'Tab A into Slot B' misadventure that I'm not too happy with. I don't hate it necessarily, but I'm much more interested in what the characters are thinking as opposed to what they're physically doing. My partner suggested that if I had my way the sex part would never actually materialize, and she might have been on to something there. I'm willing to give it a couple more tries and see if I can weave the characterization and the action a little more skillfully.

I think that I'd like to trim down the character list a little for the next chapter, maybe focus on her and one or at most two people she interacts with. Five separate individuals working all at once was perhaps a little ambitious for a first attempt?

I have 2000 words or so of the morning after and I think I'd like to work on scaling back the action, letting the characters unwind and separate, sort of establish their new normal without any real sexual activity.

I was planning to introduce Evie's two best (read: only) friends, but I'm torn between doing that and focusing on the relationship between her and Jeanne.

Well, I'll see which idea has legs as I go, but thoughts are always welcome.

Once again, thank you all for reading and for your comments.

Started out with a very specific point of view, but in the middle it just became an exercise in "How many different combinations of these people can I run through?" which could have been written by anybody about any indistinct group of family members.

Now, I *suspect* "partner's behest" means you may be basing this on specific people, which would leave you and her with a fleshed-out picture of all personalities involved no matter how little detail appears on the page. Even if I'm wrong in that supposition, it doesn't matter; this still gets immediately better by developing the characters (and character dynamics) beyond rough sketches. Spend time in their world and allow them to demonstrate they have inner lives.

This showed great potential otherwise. So much amateur writing is just the rote checking off of events that constitute the plot, whereas your opening demonstrated a stylishness and facility for weaving a tale. Also in that vein, ignore criticism of the italics. Emphasis gets across tone and meaning turning inert words on a page into dialogue you can hear.

Looking forward to seeing more from you in the future.

I especially liked how you had the action continue when the pov character wasn't looking (or distracted by an approaching orgasm). It lets you fill in the gaps and draws you deeper in.

I didn't mind the italics, they gave the story a distinct voice. The humour was spot on too. Not too much and not so little it feels out of place. I assume this is your first erotic story. Keep it up. More please

Excellent story. Definitely doesn't read like "first one" - you can feel the touch of experience here.

I especially enjoyed the original start/setup, even laughed a few times when they tried to resist only to fail miserably. And it was interesting how the sisters had a special connection - glasses, love/affection etc. I wanted more on that level, maybe even between other people.

It's a pity that, though skillfully written, the latter part devolved into a crazy dream-like fantasy, abandoning any attempt at depth. At first you at least kept it distinct and fresh (with Evie's commentary), but soon their actions lost most of their impact. And the more you turned it up, the less involved I felt. Who they are, how they feel and what they do goes beyond positions and orgasms. It may be just me, but I prefer more plot than "everyone has lots of sex".

Either way, I'd be happy to read any sequels. And despite what I wrote, if you keep this up, you'll be popular.

story was ok. Not my style, but ok.

Not usually into Mommy stuff but I liked your story. The doll in the beginning reminded me of Bartimaeus (a demon from a decent young adult trilogy). I'm always a big fan of supernatural family kink so thank you for writing.

Oh I didn't mean anything negative by "expecting the worst", It's just in the past (from my experience anyway) new author stories have been a coin toss between good and bad. In this case I was happy to be surprised! Apologies.