Step by Step

"Oh, I heard every word, Colton. You told me I need other men. Only one kind of woman is like that. So what other meaning could I take away? What other meaning is there?"

"Do you think I'm a sicko?" he asked.

"What? Why would I think that? I think you were mean to me, but why would I feel that way about you?"

"Because I can't...get off...without a material object. A fetish. Does that make you think I'm a 'sicko' or any such word."

"No, of course not. It's not exactly the kind of thing most men...no, any other man I've ever heard of...need or want, but it isn't something people would find socially reprehensible if they learned about it. But if people think a woman is a whore..."

"Riley? At the risk of angering you even more, may I ask you to listen to what you just said? Did you notice how you used the term 'socially reprehensible?' If I may, might I then ask you to ask yourself who gets to decide what's normal, acceptable, abnormal, or in this case—reprehensible? Who are those people and why would we let them—whoever they may be—have any say in our lives?"

Riley looked away and began fidgeting nervously. "People talk, Colt. It's what people do."

"They do but the bigger question is why does their opinion matter? What is it about them that makes their opinion more valid than yours or mine or anyone else's? That's exactly the kind of thing I had to give up in order to be free to live my life the way I want to live it. Aren't there people back in Roanoke at church who think I'm an apostate?"

"Of course," Riley said quietly.

"Technically, I am. I don't believe in 'The Gospel of Jesus Christ' which is Mormon-speak for Mormonism. Therefore, I am an apostate—in their view. But because I'm happy with my decision to leave the Mormon Church, their opinion holds no sway over my life. I don't care what word they use to describe me. It has no power over me and it never will."

He stood up again and moved toward her. This time she didn't stop him. He reached out for her hand which she allowed him to take but it was limp and cold. "Riley—honey. I'm in love with you. I don't care what anyone else says or thinks about me or you. All I care about is what you think about me and what I can do to make you happy. You have a special need just like I do. The only difference is the importance you attach to the meaning of what you think others might call you for having yours. But who cares what they think or say? No one will ever know what we do other than you or me and I not only accept you as you are, I am crazy in love with you. And I have never, ever even once thought of you...like that. So if you and I agree we both have...unique needs...and we find love by meeting them for each other, what difference does it make what any other human being on earth thinks? Why is needing other men 'worse' than needing someone to wear a specific thing? Why are those kinds of needs somehow less valid than needing traditional things in a relationship? Why are either of them 'bad, odd, strange, weird, or sick?' Why do we let other people have that kind of power over us?"

Riley say there for several moments before saying, "I don't know why." Colt didn't speak while Riley sat there looking down at the floor. "Colt? If you don't see me like that, how do you see me?" Riley finally looked at him. Her eyes were imploring. She needed to know how he really felt about her. "And why did you call me 'honey'?"

"You ask a lot of questions, Miss Riley."

"Colt, please. Not tonight. I'm barely holding it together here. Please don't tease me."

He put his hand on her shoulder and said, "I feel like you're someone special, Riley. You're a kindred lost soul. Like me, you're a fish out of water. Do you know how long I felt guilty, bad, or embarrassed about my needs?"

"But yours are so...tame. Mine are..."

"Yours," Cold said. "Your needs are yours. That's all. There's nothing more to it. We each need what we need but society and especially religion, tell us we should all fit into nice, neat boxes where two people meet, fall in love, get married, have children, go to work, take a vacation every year, then retire—and in that order. There's no room for exceptions because it's a 'one-size-fits-all' approach to life and that just doesn't work for everyone. Look. I'm sure there are needs some women have I couldn't meet. I can't name them off the top of my head, but it has to be the case. Yours is something I could meet. It's something I would even enjoy doing with you."

"How? How could you, Colt? How could you ever even...look at me after...knowing... Help me understand that because I couldn't meet that need in you. It would kill me. So why is it different for you?"

"Because I know what it means to want something so bad it hurts. I know what it feels like to want something people think is...wrong. What we want; what we need...isn't wrong as long as you and I both think it's right. Is what you want legal? Yes. Do we need to tell another soul on earth what we do? No. So if I'm okay with it and it's what you want and need but can't find and are even afraid to look for...if you can find it in me, then tell me why it's wrong, Riley?"

Colt felt Riley's body shake. She was crying. "Hey, it's okay. Don't be upset."

She turned toward him and put her arms around him. As she did, she began to sob. Uncontrollably. He just sat there and held her until she had nothing left to cry. It just kept coming and coming. After nearly fifteen minutes of unchecked weeping, Riley finally managed to get her breathing somewhat under control. When she finally lifted her head up it looked like someone had given her two black eyes. "I don't have a silk handkerchief this time but I can get you some Kleenex. Wait right there."

"No. Don't go. Please? I have to say something else. I'm scared, Colt. I've never been so afraid of anything in my whole life."

"What are you afraid of?"

Riley not only had two black eyes, she had snot streaming down her lip and tearstained cheeks. Neither of them cared because that didn't matter.

"Of being happy. I've never been happy in my entire life, Colt. I told myself I was bad. I believed I was even evil. I know you didn't call me that word but I've called myself that for as long as I can remember. I've felt so ashamed for so long. I really have run from one marriage to the next trying to fill this need that can't be filled that way. And you not only understand me, you accept me for who I am. And that means I could finally be happy if I can stop hating the woman you say you..."

"Love? Is that the word you were looking for, sweetheart?" Cold said as he tried to wipe away some of the mess on her pretty face.

"Do you really love me, Colt? Do you love the real me? Because even though you didn't use that word, that's what I am. Deep down, I am a whore." Riley no sooner said that word again than she began to cry again.

Colt stood up, went around in front of her and got on his knees in front of her. He put his hands on her shoulders and said, "Riley? Look at me—right now." Riley did look up but she couldn't make eye contact. He gently lifted her chin and turned her face toward his. "Just like that. Now stop...crying." She blinked several times and willed herself to stop.

"Okay. I'm sorry. Go ahead," she said.

"I really do love you. I've loved you for a very long time. But you MUST learn to view your needs as normal as...well...drinking Kool Aid for dinner and stop thinking that disparaging word applies to you. It doesn't. Period. And I called you 'honey' because I want to marry you, Riley. I'm willing to be victim #4." Riley laughed and managed to send a stream of snot flying into Colt's hair.

"Oh, my goodness. I am SO sorry. Here, let me..."

"Riley, stop." Colt took her hands in his. "Stop deflecting. Stop trying to play this off. Just listen to me. Our life together isn't going to be some kind of non-stop orgy." Riley managed a laugh. "Because of our unique needs, sex will be a focal point yes, but I want US to be the most important aspect. I want to spend my life with you, Riley Peterson, because I'm in love with you. I just need you to be there for me in my special way and I will be there for you and yours." He watched her eyes as he poured out his heart. He could tell she believed him. "There's something I haven't shared with you yet because it's hard even for me to explain."

"What could be harder than this has been, Colton Bradley?" she asked him.

"I...I get really...turned on...thinking about you and...you know...you being with another guy."

"Colt, this is so embarrassing for me just trying to deal with admitting how I feel. So please don't say things you don't mean because you think they might convince me to accept the...new me? faster because it would kill me if you did. Just be honest with me and that will be enough. You've already said everything I ever dreamed of hearing but never dreamed I could ever tell anyone. Even then, I feel a sense of deep shame for having these feelings."

"I'm not saying it for your benefit, Riley. I'm actually very into helping meet your needs. I think it would be crazy hot finding the perfect guy to bring home to you. To watch you watch me getting turned on seeing you getting turned on. This sense of shame is yet another guilt trip laid on you by religion. If I'm okay with it and you're okay with it and the other guy is okay with it, then what's wrong with it? Hurting children is evil. Having sex with another adult isn't. It's that simple, Riley."

"Oh, my God!" she said as she put her hands over her face. "That has been THE biggest fantasy of my life. To have a husband who loves me more than life itself but who loves by showing it in...that way. I should be screaming for joy but hearing those words being said brings all the guilt and shame I've ever experienced for wanting those things all these years crashing down on me."

"Shhh. That's okay. Getting past that will take some time. You have to give yourself permission to do what you want to do first, while you work on accepting that I want this for myself, too." Colt smiled at her and said, "But you will have to wear something I like while he's fucking you."

"Oh, my God, Colton Bradley! You are so terrible. And I'm such a wh..."

"Hey. You're not...that. But even if you were, then you'd be my whore and I promise to love you because of it and not in spite of it."

"My head is spinning worse than it did the first time I drank. I think I'd actually like a drink if you wouldn't mind. I'll go freshen up while you get one, okay...honey?"

Colt helped her stand up then put his arms around and bent down to kiss her. "Don't you dare! I'm a mess. Let me just go..."

He shut her up by putting his lips on hers and pressing hard. It worked. She stopped talking, stopped crying, and started moaning. "Oh, wow. I love you so much, Colton Bradley."

"Will you stay with me tonight, Riley...Bradley?"

Riley was so overwhelmed all she could do was nod before more tears came. "Go clean up and I'll pour you a glass of red wine. You've got a lot of new thing to try, young lady."

When Riley returned a few minutes later, she was still wearing her black coat. "Are you planning on sleeping in that tonight?" Colt said teasingly.

"Oh, right. My coat. I suppose I should take it off, huh? I mean, if I'm going to have a glass of wine with you and if you want me to spend the night, I probably won't be needing it."

"It seems pretty unlikely since it's comfortably warm in here and since a heavy coat isn't the object of my obsession."

Riley was still hesitant. "This coat is a metaphor for my life. Or would it be a simile?"

Colt said, "If you use 'like' or 'as' it's a simile. But first you have to tell me what the coat represents.

Riley sat down and put her hands in her lap. "It represents the outer shell or as you called it, the veneer I keep in place to prevent people from seeing what I want to keep hidden from the world."

"Then what's underneath the coat and what does it represent?"

Riley stood up, unbuttoned the coat and let it fall to the floor. Underneath was one of the sexiest long-sleeved, rib-knit sweaters Colt had ever seen. It was a soft beige with a jewel neckline which held a beautiful silver pendant. Riley also wore a dark brown, very short skirt with heels that matched the color of her skirt. "The real me," she said. "The one who fantasizes about a man like you who will not only share my deepest desires but enjoy doing so. I didn't wear this to work today, Colt. I changed into it before I came here because no matter how angry I was, I couldn't stop hoping you might say something to change how I feel. So I guess the sweater represents my approval of your needs and it's a recognition of my own. So metaphor or simile?" she said softly.

"Beautiful," Colt told her. "Stunning is a better word."

"I have all kinds of wicked desires, Colt, but I'm not an aggressive woman. Can you please take the lead and teach me? Can you show me how this is supposed to work?"

"Why don't you sit down and have a glass of wine with me. We'll talk and then I'll...show you."

Riley sat next to him on the sofa as she sipped her wine. The taste was still too harsh for her but the effects were very pleasant. "Tell how this is going to work, Colt. How am I going to be with...you know."

Colt put his arm around and said, "We can fine tune it as we go but initially I see me finding out what kind of guys appeal to you and then I find a very confidential way to approach them and see if they're interested and can be trusted. Although I'm pretty sure I know what kind of guys you like based on your um...past choices."

"Are you making fun of me?" she asked while she finished her wine.

"No I'm not, honey. I'm just letting you know I don't think it's a secret you like younger guys who are the shy, quiet type."

Riley laid her head on his shoulder and put her hand on his chest. "It seems surreal to be sitting here talking with you about the thing I've been to afraid to even mention to anyone. I feel like this huge weight has been lifted off me and I can breath. But what's best about it is how you make me feel. I don't feel dirty or evil anymore. I feel...happy." She looked up at him and said, "For the first time in my life, I feel really happy. Maybe content is the better word because I don't feel like I'm at war with myself and that's how I've felt for so long I can't remember the last time it wasn't that way."

"Are you going to be okay if we sleep together tonight? Are you at least reasonably confident you won't wake up tomorrow feeling remorseful?"

"Yes. I'm absolutely sure. In fact, I've never been more sure of anything in my life, Colt. Except maybe that I'm in love with you."

Bradley put his glass down and stood up. "Come on. Let's go have some fun."

Riley'd been married three times but she'd never really been satisfied before. Having a young husband was exciting but his lack of experience was frustrating. Colt wasn't the most experienced lover but he'd had enough practice since he quit going to church that he could hold his own with any woman who wasn't a pro. And Riley was no pro.

"Colt? I know you're gonna think I know what to do because I've been married...three times...but I have no idea what you need or want from me. Will you teach me how to please you?"

Colt took her in his arms and kissed her. "Just follow my lead like you did on the dance floor."

"Okay," she said as they kissed.

"Unbutton my shirt, sweetheart. One button at a time. In between, kiss me. Long and slow with lots of tongue."

"Gladly," she purred.

Five minutes later, his shirt was on the floor. "Now do the same with my belt buckle, pants, and zipper."

In two more minutes, he was wearing only his boxers. His cock was slightly swollen with blood but nowhere near erect. Riley slid them off and said, "It's beautiful, honey. I love it!"

Colt sat on the bed and told Riley, "Get on your knees for me, baby. I want to be able to see your beautiful face."

As she did she said, "Colt? I've never done this before. No kidding. I always thought it was...so gross. But I want to more than anything with you. I just don't know how. I'm sorry I'm such a...prude."

Colt held up his index finger and said, "Take this into your mouth."

Riley lowered her head and wrapped her lips around it. "Now slide your head up and down being careful not to use your teeth but definitely use your tongue."

Riley did as she was told and after several strokes Colt told her, "Now do that same thing with my cock."

Riley blushed when he said that. She put her hands over her face and said, "I've never heard any man use that word, either. Are you sure you want me for a wife? I can't even please my own lover. How am I supposed to have others?"

"One step at a time, honey. Step by step. That's how. Say it out loud for me?"

"That word?" she said with a quizzical look on her face.

"Yes. That word. You've got to past this kind of shyness in the bedroom. There's no hurry. But you do need to make progress. Can you say it for me?"

"I think so," she said as she looked down toward the floor.

"Uh, uh. Look at me, beautiful. Look right at me and tell me what you want. There's no need to be embarrassed because there's nothing wrong with that word. So go ahead."

He reached out and stroked her pretty hair as she looked up at him. She held his gaze then finally said, "Colt? May I please have your...cock?"

He smiled and said, "That was perfect. Of course you can. Just please keep looking at me while you take me in your mouth."

"Okay. I'll try," she said as she wrapped her tiny fingers around his now-fully erect shaft. Her lipstick was a kind of copper shade which matched her nails. Seeing them together was a huge turn on for Bradley. He also loved seeing how her sweater clung to her body and especially around her small shoulders. This was what he'd dreamed of for so very long.

Riley's eyes stayed on his as her warm mouth sank down toward his pubic hair and remained there as she came back up. "Put your other hand under my balls, sweetheart," he urged her.

"Okay," she said during a brief moment when her pretty mouth was above his cock. "Like this?" she asked as she cupped his balls.

"Mmmm. Yes. Now roll them in your hand for me."

Riley was a fast learner. She was now gently rolling his balls in her left hand while holding his large cock with her right as she fellated him. "Does this feel good, Colt?" she asked.

"It's wonderful. It feels so fucking good!" he said.

Riley giggled. "That's another word I've never heard any man say," she told him in between strokes. "But...I like it...when you talk...dirty...to me."

"I'm glad. I want you to talk that way to me, too," he told her. "Keep sucking my cock but put your hands behind your back and don't stop looking at me, okay?"

"Okay," she said as she clasped her hands behind her.

"Oh, God, that feels good!" he moaned. "You are so fucking beautiful. I love you so much."

Riley's large, almond-shaped eyes were locked onto his. She moaned in return. Colt hadn't had sex in several weeks and he wasn't even close to being ready to cum yet.

"Come here, baby," he told her. "Take off your skirt and panties for me."

Riley stood and unzipped her short skirt which fell around her ankles. Colt reached out and helped her remove her beige colored panties. "I wore stockings instead of pantyhose. Is that what you like?" she asked as he slid his hand between her legs.

Riley gasped as Colt told her, "It is. You look perfect." She was very wet and Colt's finger slid in effortlessly.

"Oh, my...gosh," she moaned. "That feels so...good."

Colt pulled her onto the bed next to him then laid her on her back. He reached for her pussy again and stroked it gently. "Feel good?" he asked.