The Catastrophic Swap

"Rose, stop, not that fight all over again."

"Yeah." She dropped the iPhone. "Silly me."

"You're not."

"Here I am, going into this totally embarrassing sex-toys store, when the only fantasy you want me to fulfil doesn't include toys or sexy lingerie. It doesn't even include me at all."

"That's not fair."

She picked the iPhone again. "I'm calling Michelle and Liam."

"Stop! You're being childish."

"I'm being pragmatic. You're obsessed and I give in. You have my blessing, go and swing with her." She felt the tears and she bit her lower lip, she won't cry, not this time.

"It's called swinging, not cheating and disregarding the fact that Liam won't let me just sleep with his wife-"

"So that's what stopping you?"

"No, what stopping me, is that a day after we swing, my wife will serve me divorce papers. This fantasy is not for everyone, certainly not for us."

"So it's fear of repercussion that's keeping you from doing this. Not love or fidelity, god forbid. Fidelity, such a dirty word."

"Like I said, this fantasy is not for everyone. It takes a bigger person to-"

"So I'm small and petty."

"It needs better communication, not this 'Now I got you, you son of a bitch' game you're playing each time it's brought up. But most of all it needs trust; loads of it. We don't have that kind of trust between us. Well, at least you don't."

"How the hell am I the evil guy in this movie?"

"You're not."

"Just small, petty, and untrusting. I'll show you broad minded." She dialed. "Hi, who is this?" she pressed the speaker so Adam would hear. "Is Mom home?"

"Who are you calling?"

"Michelle, this is me, Rose Alexander."

"What do you want?" A cold reply from the other end.

"What the fuck?" Adam whispered; Rose ignored him.

"First let me apologize, about that night, at the party. I'm really sorry."

"Okay."

"I am."

"You called me phony. You promised, how did it go? You promised to kick my phony behind."

"Rose? It's Liam." The cheerful voice must have come from another phone, because the sound was different. "Michelle, I'm taking that call. Rose, are you there?"

"Sure."

"I'm really glad you called."

She wanted to say 'I bet you do, asshole' but she pinched herself and just said "I wanted to apologize."

"What? No! I should be doing the apologizing here. I should have called you a week ago, but I didn't have the nerve. It was too embarrassing."

Yeah, I'm not buying your bullshit. "Okay."

"We jumped you, I'm really sorry, it was nasty and unthoughtful. You don't do something like that."

"Okay."

"I can blame it on the alcohol, but no matter how I turn it, I was a jerk."

The apologetic attack took her off balance. "Oh... Okay."

"So, ah, yes. Please accept my sincere apology, and don't judge me too much for trying."

"That's Okay."

Adam punched an imaginary iPhone. "Hang up." He whispered and she remembered why she called.

"Actually I called because we gave your suggestion another spin," she was surprised at how unwavering her voice sounded. "We decided that we're totally gonna give it a shot."

"What?"

"We want to swing."

"Partners swap?"

"Sure."

"Not a good idea."

"What?"

"It's-"

"Three weeks ago Adam was hot, and I was beautiful." She felt a sudden relief, but also annoyed at the rejection. "What happened?"

"You're angry, Rose."

"Am not. I'm happy, ha, ha. See?"

"Yeah, is Adam there?"

"He is; you're on speaker."

"Did you two have a fight or something?"

Wait, a douchebag like Liam wasn't supposed to be so perceptive. People who think the sun shines out of their crap holes, as a rule, aren't.

"You did have a fight. Probably Michelle and I had a part in it."

"No we didn't, no you weren't."

"Swinging is not something you should do out of anger, or because you want to prove something, Rose. You sound angry and hurt; nothing good can come out of it."

"Adam thinks it's not a big deal."

"He's wrong. It is, if you do it from the wrong reason. Some people, and I'm not talking about you two, this is just an example; but some people think that swinging can save their marriage by adding lust or interest. They're wrong. Afterwards they still have the same issues, and they've only added the complexity of sleeping with different partners."

"Oh."

"So you get me?"

"You surprisingly sound like the only adult in this conversation."

"Yeah, well, comes with the practice. It takes a certain kind of people to do this, and some people just can't, which is cool."

"The problem is that it's a huge thing with my husband. Apparently; a hidden fantasy he had been harboring."

"Some fantasies are better left to just that... fantasies."

"You know what? Let me and Adam worry about the results, are you two game?"

"I say you need to give it another spin, or better still, ten spins."

"Okay."

"Whatever you decide, I still would like us to be friends."

"Sure."

"Okay, so I guess not. But give it another spin."

"I'm hanging up."

"Cheers."

Rose took a deep breath. "That was weird."

"Sure was."

"I'd thought he'd be salivating over the idea."

"Weird that he isn't some hormones raging sex maniac? No, that wasn't weird, you were weird. What the hell did you think you were doing?"

"Fulfilling your fantasy."

"But why?"

She threw her arms in the air. "So you can fucking get over it. You know what? I'm willing to bet she's the worst fuck ever, model pretty women usually are." The tears were climbing her frustration ladder again; one made it through the barrier of her determination. She blinked and wiped her eyes with her sleeve. "I don't know what's wrong with you, you're having a forties crisis at thirty two and we're going to resolve this one way or the other."

"I don't want to lose you, Rose."

"Don't you worry, baby. No repercussions. No divorce papers from this cookie. This is a onetime thing, so you won't die knowing you've missed something in your life."

"I don't know."

"Oh, you do. If you didn't you would have made an effort to sound more resolute."

"I don't know, Rose, maybe Liam was right about doing this for the wrong reasons?" But he was lying, because he did know. His mind was already in a bedroom with Michelle Colman's lips wrapped around his cock.

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

About a month later.

"You should have turned right where the nav told you to."

"I know the way, Rose."

"I think we're going in the opposite direction, the sun should be to our right." Her Samsung chirped an incoming message. "It's Liam; they are already at the gas station, asking if we got lost."

"Tell them five minutes." Adam didn't sound so sure.

The sun was still low in the east when they left. Adam convinced everyone involved, it's best getting an early start on Friday, before traffic, but Rose suspected he was just eager for more Michelle time. They didn't say a word throughout the whole ride. Rose tried hard to imagine that this was just a dream. A mirage that will go away once the weekend passes.

The sun was up now, in full glory, its rays splashing the water on the Sea of Galilee below them. Rose's eyes followed a fishing boat running circles around a wind surfer. She wanted to submerge, to dive into the cold bottom. Maybe she can learn to walk on water?

"There it is." Adam shouted. The moshav (Israeli cooperative agricultural community) gate and its first houses appeared behind the bend. Nested between the green slopes, it had a perfect view over the sparkling blue water. "I knew I can navigate better than any stupid application. Too much dependency on technology, Rose."

Rose kept looking at the water.

"Goddam, what a view. To think that people here wake every morning, open the window, and this is what they get. Life just isn't fair."

Rose didn't want to wake here even once, but she kept staring out of the window. Maybe it's time to develop alcoholism, to acquire the ability to skip some memories.

"The gas station should be just ahead. There it is. I think I see Liam's yellow Isuzu Trooper. Did they say where they are?"

"Drinking coffee inside." Her voice came to her ears through a long tunnel.

"Let's go."

Adam parked the car; his jump was springy, like a ten year old kid on his first visit to Disney World. Rose followed behind. She didn't feel anything, she was numb, detached.

The gas station diner was all about Elvis. It had a ten foot statue of 'the king' smiling on its doorstep. The floor, walls, and ceiling showed scenes from 'King Creole' and 'Jailhouse Rock'. The sound system played soft Elvis songs.

"I wanna go home." Rose said suddenly, but her husband already rushed into the diner, and he didn't hear her.

Inside the warm smell of over-fried French Fries hit them. The Colman couple sat themselves in a corner booth. Michelle smiled coldly from her sit when she saw Rose, but Liam gave her a warm smile and waved. She preferred the cold smile.

"I ordered coffee for the two of you," Liam smiled again. "Did you get lost?"

"The nav system made me take the wrong turn. Crappy technology." Adam hurried up and took the sit next to Michelle, in the four sit booth.

So soon? Michelle, thought. He forgot to pretend he isn't so eager.

Liam had no choice but to smile and let her slide into the sit next to his. Rose pressed her back to the wall, keeping as much distance as she could from him.

An elderly waiter placed a tray on their small table. An Elvis doll stood smiling in the middle of the tray, holding straws and toothpicks.

"How was your ride?" Liam said.

"Great, no traffic, once we cleared road six, I hit a wave of green lights." Adam was all smiles. "Can we go to the cabins now or we're too early?"

Liam checked his watch. "No, we're good. This place rocks, you won't be disappointed. I've been here once."

"With you wife?"

"Not with Michelle, don't panic. I once checked a real estate option. Wanted to buy my own guesthouse on the slopes."

"Nice."

"Yeah, mucho expansive, and it only gets guests on weekend. Not a very smart financial investment as everyone seems to thinks. You're not drinking your coffee, Rose. Are you okay?"

Funny that my husband doesn't notice, but not surprising as he keeps eating that whore with his eyes. "I need to go, for a second. The ride was too..."

"Sure."

At the smelly restroom someone painted on the wall with lipstick. 'Rachel Gur the whore, opens her legs for two shekels'. The frightened Rose, staring back at her from the mirror, frightened her, so she closed her eyes. A second later Rose puked out the sandwich she force fed on the road.

I said I'm gonna do it, so I'm gonna do it, and I'll never think about it.

I said I'm gonna do it, so I'm gonna do it, and I'll never think about it. Clean your face and your act, girl.

Liam surprised her in the hallway. "Better now?"

"Yeah." She tried to smile but it came out all wrong.

"Because you don't look the part."

"I'm okay."

"It's fine to have a change of heart at the last moment, Rose.," He said in a low voice. "We can turn it into a regular weekend, you know. Two couples hanging out in two cabins. Each with the original spouse he came with."

"I..."

"It's okay, Rose, no biggie."

"No, no. We said we're gonna do it."

"So what?"

"Adam wouldn't like it."

"So Adam will be a bit disappointed."

"A bit?" Her laugh came out so bitter it had sharp teeth.

"So, he'll be a lot disappointed, tough."

"No, this train had left the station."

He shrugged, unconvinced, and she hurried back to the table, before he'll convince her to turn tail and do a runner. Adam and Michelle were chatting like the best friends ever. Michelle was even laughing at his repertoire of three stupid Polish jokes. When Rose appeared from the hallways, they sort of moved backward, like a pair of teenagers caught holding hands.

Michelle looked her up and down, decided that there was no competition here, so she smiled. "Your husband is so funny."

"He's a riot. And I'm fine, Adam, thanks for asking."

"What was that?"

"Nothing." She picked up the menu and buried her head in it. Each time she heard Michelle laughing, she felt her stomach churn.

"Okay boys and girls." Liam came back from the restroom. "Ready to go? Oh, Oh, sorry, Rose, you want to order something? Breakfast?"

"We ate sandwiches on the way." Adam said.

"Rose, you want me to order something for you?"

"I said we already ate." Adam said.

"Heard you the first time, buddy. Rose?"

"No, I'm full."

Outside she bumped into Michelle when they both tried to enter Adam and Rose's family car. Rose mumbled a weak apology and went to Liam's Jeep as they had planned in advance. A moment later Adam took Michelle's suitcase from the Liam's jeep and Liam entered carrying her suitcase from their car. The setting and the details was his making. Away from home and nosy neighbors, they'll rent two cabins for the weekend. Both women will switch cars, in advance, so they'll get no raised eyebrows from their hosts.

Rose didn't remember anything from the ride to the cabins. Liam tried some small talk but he might have been talking to an early version Siri.

@@@@@@@@@@

"We had some trouble with the swimming-pool, and we emptied most of it. So don't dive in head first or anything." The tall blond owner's son smile looked tired. He still wore his army uniform, probably just back for the weekend. Probably just waiting to have some time off and unwind instead of dealing with the weekend tourists. Rose was still numb.

"I'm Arik, by the way, this is my number, if you need anything. On the back of that card you'll find the Wi-Fi password. Those are the keys to the cabin; just leave them in the keyhole tomorrow. Just don't jump head first into the pool." He sniggered.

"Your dad promised a swimming pool," Liam said.

"I'm sorry, the pool walls developed a weird brown stain and no one knows where it came from. You don't want to swim in it today, honest."

"You're dad also said two comfi-remote cabins," Liam nodded toward their accommodation for the weekend. "But all I see is a single cabin that someone turned into a duplex, by adding a wall and cutting the space by half."

"Sorry bout that too."

"I don't know, man, I feel like I'm getting the shaft here."

"There was a mix-up with the booking, I'm really really sorry. You know what? Breakfast is free of charge, plus I'll fire up the outdoor Jacuzzi. I'll give you the keys, and I won't give it to any of the other guests. You'll have an exclusive access. How does that sound?"

"I guess Jacuzzi it is," Liam didn't sound so enthused.

"Great idea." Michelle said. "I could use a dip to start the weekend."

@@@@@@@@@

Liam was humming in the bathroom; surprisingly it was the Andante movement from symphony no. 5. Rose went into the small bedroom and unpacked her swimsuit.

"Are you coming outside to the Jacuzzi?" He asked.

"Sure, just a sec."

"Take all the time you need. I noticed that the air conditioning isn't working. Gonna have a chat with that Arik kid first."

Rose unfolded her swimsuit on the rug. She could have done it on the double bed, but she kept a wide berth from it, as if it had sharp teeth. Of course Michelle wanted a dip in the Jacuzzi. She probably could model bathing suits with that body. She regretted now her choice of her one piece swimsuit. She tried a mini bikini at the boutique last month, and even her critical eye loved the result. She looked super-hot. However when the clerk asked her if she wanted to take it, she decided a bikini is unbefitting of a married mother.

The outside Jacuzzi was as big as a small pool. Enough to indulge two dozen bubble loving guests. Michelle was already laughing in the bubbling hot water at some joke Adam mimed. If Rose had reservations about her unsexy swimming suit, they were immediately gone.

"How do you like Michelle's swimsuit?" Adam laughed a bit too loud.

"I don't know. Did she bring one? "

"What for?" Michelle rose out of the water and sat her tiny butt on the Jacuzzi's stairs. She was butt naked. Her body was a work of art; plastic art. Brownish skin, zero fat and abs in the all the right places. A waterfall of raven black hair, fell down to her sculpted ass. Everything that Adam adored in a woman. She looked like a brownish Barbie doll.

Rose gave the water a try with her toe; then she entered as slowly as she could. A strict discipline of daily marathons and zero-carbs diet worked wonders on the body of a once chubby girl. She was really proud of it. However, next to Michelle she felt like a beached whale in a red swimsuit.

"So how do you like this place, kids?" Liam smile changed to a frown when he saw his wife's natural Jacuzzi style. "You know, someone might come in, dear. That kid, Arik."

"We're on holiday, Liami. You might wanna take a chance and loosen your tie."

Liam shrugged and took off his shirt, then jumped in and took a sit near Rose. He gave his wife another unsympathetic scan, then leaned back and sighed. "Did you see the trees around the cabin? It's like sleeping in a forest."

"You've been working out in that basement of yours, man?" Adam sounded as if he'd been tricked.

"What? No, I don't use the gym, only Michelle does."

"Yeah, sure, I guess the six-pack sort of popped up one day."

"I'm thirty five; I've been surfing daily for... hell, thirty five years I guess. The abs are just a bonus."

"Yeah, every morning at five: am, like a Swiss clock; wakes me up." Michelle rolled her eyes. "You think he could skip it once or twice during winter; let me sleep a full night every now and then."

If Michelle was Barbie, then Liam was certainly her Ken. Sculpted triangle body with muscles showing where most people who aren't surfers have nothing but body fat.

Adam had a moment of panic. For the first time since their arrival, he stopped eating Michelle with his eyes and started checking out the person he was giving his wife to sleep with. He had that 'What the fuck? Why did no one bothered to tell me?' smeared all over.

Serves him right. Rose had a vindictive thought. Eat your own messed up meal.

"So did you notice the trees around the cabin?" Liam asked Rose. "Pretty awesome, no?"

"Huh?"

"The trees."

"What trees?" Rose was looking at her husband; Adam's head swiveled back and forth, between her and Liam. Michelle stared at Adam, annoyed. Liam was the only one oblivious to the little drama. "The trees around the cabin. They are Oak and Ella (Pistacia) lovers," he said.

"Nobody cares, sweetie." Michelle was obviously not used to not being the center of attention for more than sixty seconds. "It's not healthy to stay so long in a Jacuzzi. Are you coming, Adam?" She wrapped her lithe form in a white towel and went outside. Adam gave Liam one last look and took off after her. Rose picked herself from the Jacuzzi and ran after him.

She caught him outside as he cleaned his legs from dead grass. Michelle was already inside their cabin and Rose sighed in relief. She hugged him from behind and clung to him, his familiar heat and smell eased her mind a little.

"Hey baby," he said.

"Got a little scared when he took off his shirt, eh?" She kissed the back of his neck.

"Yeah, the son of a bitch got the looks. I didn't know you could get a six-pack just from surfing."

"Me neither." Rose laughed. "I saw how you freaked out. Don't worry, I never meant to sleep with him anyway."

"What do you mean?"

"Did it ever occur to your selfish self that I'm not attracted to douche-bags? This is all about you."