The Catastrophic Swap

"Let me tell you about my mother..." Rose said long before the actor on screen reached his line, and reached for the gun. "You know? Saying that 'Blade Runner' is based on 'Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?', is like saying 'Harry Potter' is based on the 'Earthsea'. "

"Who cares?" Liam fished a pistachio nut from a basket that was lying between them on the bed. It set a convenient border. "It's a unique case of an awesome book and an awesome movie?"

"Earthsea?"

"No! Do Androids Dream," Liam spit out the nut shell.

"Oh, I'll take Ursula over P.K.D every time."

"Say what?"

"For sure."

"Ursula over P.K.D? Blasphemy!"

"Oh god, another Philip. K fanatic drone. I like Le Guin; shoot me."

"Over Philip. K every time." Liam mouthed the words slowly. "Blasphemy."

"Some of what he did was great, but some of the early work was hack writing. He was a known schizophrenic and an amphetamine addict, and it shows."

"Okay," Liam sat up. "I thought I could spend the weekend with you, but this is.., pffft." He made the 'way over the top' sign. "Sorry, Rose, I thought I could do this, but I'm afraid you'll just have to leave."

"What? Right now?"

"I'm sorry, but a man has to draw his red lines somewhere."

"Alrighty then, it has been-" Rose almost said fun. "It has been surprisingly interesting." She reached out and shook his hand. "I guess I'll be going now."

"You're still here?"

"No, I'm gone already." Rose sank back on the bed. "I meant, she's gone already, I'm the new girl they sent as a replacement."

"I hope the new one doesn't think Le Guin writes better than Philip. K. Dick."

"Le Guin who?"

"Good girl. Want a Pistachio?"

"Too fatty." Rose slapped her stomach. "You know? That's the nerdiest conversation I had in years."

"Good passionate talk about stuff that doesn't really matter to most sane human beings?"

"Exactly! You are a nerd."

"Told you so." Liam pealed another pistachio, threw it in the air and tried to grab it with his mouth. It hit his nose instead and skipped onto the carpet. "In fact, I'm so nerdish I once flew to a Star-Wars convention in California and George Lucas and all the fans went outside and did 'The Wave' just out of respect to my superior geekiness. True story."

"Which part of it?"

"The part where I almost flew to California. I'm in the closet nerd; I would never go on a convention. Society wouldn't accept it."

"Thanks for the effort, anyway." Rose sighed. "Yeah, it has been..."

"Nice." Liam tried an underhand throw of another pistachio; this one landed true. "Yep nice. Say it. It has been nice here for the past sixty minutes with you, Liam. Won't kill you to admit. I counted four smiles and one short laugh."

Rose glared at him.

"Or maybe not."

"You know, it's a beautiful day outside," she said.

"Wanna go out?"

"Yeah. It's stupid to watch a movie I've seen a dozen times on a day like this. I want to go out and pick acorns, so Ben can show them at his kindergarten next week. They do a circle gathering sort of thing, and anyone who's done something special on the weekend or brings something special to show the other kids, gets to be a hero for like five minutes."

"I get what you're saying. Nice being the center of attention once in a while. Builds character and self-confidence."

"I bet that if my parents had taken care to build me some, I wouldn't have been here while my husband is out there with..." She choked.

"Hey."

"No, I'm not crying about it anymore. Enough is enough. Let's find us some acorns in the wadi." She jumped out of bed. "Look up." She pointed at the ceiling. He did, and Rose changed to a comfy white T-shirt and training pants. She checked, Liam kept looking at the ceiling and didn't sneak a peek even once, as befitting to his new title as a nerd.

"Actually the trees around the cabin are oaks," he said.

"Oh, right, right, you said something about that when we were in the Jacuzzi."

"You actually listened."

"Just a little because it was so absurd."

"Me? You mean I was absurd?"

"Yeah, you, Sir. Obtuse a Lot," she tied her sneakers. "You rambled about hypothetical trees, oblivious to the fact that everyone was all about the non-hypothetical question of who is going to have sex with whom in a few minutes."

"I'm not an idiot or obtuse." Liam face darkened. "I knew exactly what was going on. I just tried to diffuse the situation."

"Touchy. Okay, okay. I'm sorry. "

"No you're not."

"So you're also a psychic?"

"Just a vibe I'm getting. You chose to be here, no one forced you, Rose. Don't blame it on me."

"Except that I wouldn't be here!" She raised her voice.

"What?"

"If you hadn't filled my husband's head with swapping, I wouldn't have been here in the first place. I had a perfect marriage before you came."

"I filled your husband's brain? Me?"

"Short memory syndrome?"

"What?"

"Caused by a guilty conscience, maybe? Wasn't it you in that stupid party in your stupid house that jumped and told us we should try swinging?"

"Adam initiated that talk, not me."

"What?"

"We had a swap with Andrey Schwartz and his wife, and the idiot went and bragged about it to Adam. Your husband initiated that talk."

"And you immediately figured it was an invitation!"

"Because Adam told me both of you discussed swinging and this was something you both-" Liam slammed his fist on the bed, and the plate of pistachios flew and flipped.

"You wanna hit me or something?"

"So now I'm also a violent fuck who hits women?"

"Both of us what?"

"He said you both considered swinging, just didn't have the opportunity."

"Bullshit."

"How was I supposed to know he's a lying douche? I would have never-"

"I don't believe you." She screamed, picked the empty bowl, and threw it in his face. Liam simply dodged. "Adam would never-" She thought of all her husband's little lies. "He would never." She thought about all his nasty secrets. "He would never betray me like that!" She thought about her image crying in the grass, while he called her a jerk and rushed to his new sex partner. "He would never!"

"Really, Rose?

Rose buried her face in her palms.

"Crap, look, don't cry."

"He's such an idiot."

"I'm sorry, I really am. Just don't cry, please."

"What am I going to do?"

"Let's just go outside for some fresh air. Okay? One acorn at a time."

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"Maybe I should climb higher?" Rose got a bleeding scratch from a low branch and she sucked on her thumb. A sense of calm hit her and she closed her eyes. Maybe it was the fresh air, maybe she was fresh out of tears.

One acorn at a time. Liam was right. Occupy your mind with something else.

"I think there are no acorns on this stupid oak," she said.

"Maybe because it's an Ella (Pistacia)."

"Oh." Rose hiccupped, the aftershock of her crying.

"But when you have an Ella, the one next to it is always an Oak, they are lovers."

"So this one?" She pointed at a tall tree shading their cabin.

"Yep. Zeus once got down from the Olympus to see how men were doing. And he found only crappy people."

"Swapping partners?"

"Sodom and Gomorrah. But then he found this nice old couple-"

"Oak and Ella."

"So you know the legend?"

"And they were the worse rotten pair in the bunch, like you wouldn't believe." She sniffed a little and hiccupped. "So the godfather of the Olympus turned them into trees. Shazam. No acorns for you, next."

"No, they took him in, shared their meal etcetera. So when they died he immortalized their love by those two trees that always grow together. Oak and Ela. Now they keep watching each other in the afterlife."

"Spoken like a true nerd. You better watch him good, girl," Rose patted the trunk. "Don't blink. You can never know when your hubby might decide that you're not enough for him and he might want to sample a pine-lady. That oak is too tall, let's find another, Liam."

Before she could protest he was already half way up the trunk. "Do you need just one, Rose?"

An acorn bounced off her head and skipped happily into the grass. "Ouch, that hurt."

"Sorry."

"No, no, throw more. If Ben can give each kid an acorn, he'll be very popular."

"He's five."

"I wanna start early on his popularity. Prep him up when he's young, to compensate for my own horrendous lack of social aptitude as a kid. You know, Liam?"

He threw down another acorn.

"I just realized something."

Liam kept climbing up.

"You've been really nice to me since the moment we came, and I've been a total bitch."

He shook a branch and two more acorns fell.

"And you were really empathic, and caring. Not a douche bag at all."

"And?"

"And I'm sorry I lashed, it was unfair. I'm mad at Adam, doesn't mean it's your fault."

"Some of it is. I shouldn't have done what I did at the party. I acted like a major douche. I'm not like that."

"So why?"

He stopped shaking the branch and looked down. "Because of you."

"Me?"

"You're special, I think you're amazing."

"Stop."

"You are amazing, Rose."

"I'm also married."

"Yeah, me too." He tried to wiggle another branch, but he overreached and it cracked. He tried to balance himself with another branch, but that one too betrayed him. Rose screamed and Liam he went like an angry-bird flop, onto the tall grass.

"Are you okay? Liam?" She rushed over. "Are you hurt?"

"Just my pride. Oh, crap. Maybe more than just my pride."

"I'm so sorry, Liam."

"Me too."

She leaned over and kissed his forehead, startling them both.

"Yeah, okay."

Then she leaned again and touched his lips with hers.

He stared at her, eyes wide.

Rose shrugged. Next she leaned over and kissed his lips again, only this time it was much longer. Her tongue tried to part his lips but Liam pulled back.

"Rose, wait. What are you doing?"

"I thought this was the whole point of the weekend? No?"

"Yeah, but-"

"But I want to now. I want that very much."

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"We were hardly out on the sun?"

"Blame it on my fucking genes," Adam gave a halfhearted snarl at his red face in the mirror, "not everyone's grandparents were Yemenites."

"I'm fifty percent Persian."

"And a hundred percent a gold-digger tease." Adam mumbled.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, I'm sweating like a hog."

"What did you say?"

"I'm taking a shower."

"I haven't eaten anything since morning."

"You should have said something when we were at Tiberius. Nothing nearby is open on Friday afternoon." Adam pealed the shirt that was glued to his body with sweat. The wetness in his pants wasn't that great either. "Your husband said something about going to a restaurant this evening. We could ask him to make it earlier, say, seven? Hey!" He heard the shower door open up behind him and turned around.

"Hey, big boy."

"Hey, yourself."

"I just wanted to tell you that it had been, so far, the best day." She placed her hand around his neck and pulled him over for another one of her French, full tongue action kisses. "I'm really grateful. It was special."

Adam smiled and kissed her lips back.

"I like you, Adam Alexander. A lot."

"I'm glad."

"That's the part when you're supposed to say that you like me too, a lot."

"Sure."

"Hey, don't be like that."

"Like what?"

"Like cold. I've got enough of that from," Michelle nodded her head towards the shower room's wall and Liam's side of the duplex cabin.

"Duset daram?"

"Huh?"

"I think that's Persian for I love you, Mrs. Half Persian."

"You don't say, hmmm... I could use a shower too."

"With all your clothes on?"

She kicked off her stylish shoes and pulled the flowery dress left strap slowly, proceeding with the right.

"You can leave your hat on."

She slowly danced out of her dress, letting it slide to the wet floor. Her bra was off a second later, revealing the extraordinary work Liam paid for. Not too big, symmetrically round, and large brown nipples pointing up. "You like?"

"Comme ci, comme ça."

"Okay, have fun-"

"Oh God, wait, can't you take a joke?"

"Nobody likes a wiseass." She frowned but took off her panties nonetheless, she was completely shaved. "That was a rhetorical question. I can see you really like, Adam."

"Don't be intimidated, I have a license to carry an extra-big caliber."

"So where did you leave it?"

"Come here." Adam growled, pulled her into the shower, and closed the door behind her. "All of it, just for you."

"It's just a cock, sweetie."

"Only bigger."

"I've seen bigger and longer."

"Like when?"

"Each time Liam takes his shorts off."

"Get the fuck out of here."

"My husband got something in common with the donkey we saw today."

"You're just trying to bust my balls."

She cupped his balls and rubbed the mushroom's head with open palm. "Why, you have a size issue?"

"Not until today, I hadn't."

"Are you afraid Rose will like it?"

"Fuck no! Anyway, it's how you use it that matters."

Michelle took the shampoo and squeezed it hard on her perfect chest and flat stomach. A short wicked smile escaped her lips. "I bet he'll make that prune wife of yours wiggle."

"What? Bullshit. Anyway, your husband isn't getting any tonight."

"Don't bet on it."

"Rose had a change of heart at the last moment. She won't do it."

"Don't bet on it."

"I know my wife. When she is set on something... Too bad, buddy." He said to the wall.

"But that would mean that he'll never want to swap again, I mean with you." Michelle hugged Adam and pushed him to the wall. Her shampoo wet body made squishy sounds against his. "I don't want this to be a onetime event only."

"We'll jump that fence when we get there."

"Liam would never agree."

"What he doesn't know can't hurt him," Adam said.

"And Rose?"

He didn't like to think about cheating on Rose. "You know, I fantasized about us in the shower." He changed the subject.

"Was there something in that fantasy like this?" Michelle turned around and leaned back until his cock was nestled in the cleft of her ass.

"Oh God," Adam grabbed her perfect tits from behind. He rubbed both nipples, slowly with his fore-finger and Michelle moaned. He opened the water and hot drops rained down on them and soon covered the glass with steam.

She started rubbing her ass against his cock, up and down. Her lithe brown body glistened from the shampoo. Adam's fingers traveled on her belly and thighs, and his lips explored her shoulder. The shower was full of heavy breathing. Adam's body tensed as he flexed himself into her muscly ass. Her ass cheeks enveloped his cock, slippery and spongy from the hot water and soap. Michelle suddenly turned around and grabbed his cock with both hands. Her hands pumped twice.

"Wait, just-" His cock disappeared between her fingers and reappeared again. She pumped twice more.

"Christ I can't. Oh fuck-"

His cock reappeared between her slippery fingers, this time the slit opened up and a thick stream of milky semen flew from it, and sprayed on the glass opposite him.

"Oh, gaaad." Adam legs were shaking and he leaned back on the tiles. "I'm sorry. I'm not used to-" he gulped some air, "so fast. I'm sorry."

"I like it when a guy can't hold it when I'm near."

"Next time I'll go slower."

"Promises, promises." She placed her hands around his neck and pulled him for a deep French kiss.

He grabbed her buttocks and Michelle moaned into his mouth. Their lips separated but their bodies didn't. "You sure like to kiss," he said.

"It's romantic. He doesn't," she nodded her head to the wall again. "He hates it when I kiss him in public, and when we're alone he never wants to."

"He doesn't know what he's missing. Well, I was-. What the hell is that?"

"What?"

"There, again. That noise?"

"Sounds like a horny cat that's- wait, Adam, where are you going?"

But Adam was out of the shower already. Head extended forward, he walked slowly to the wooden wall separating their shower with Rose and Liam's bedroom. The cat like moan rose up again, this time much louder. Without the water's noise to muffle it, what he hoped was a mistake turned into the devastating truth. "That's no cat, that's Rose." His face was a mask of shock. "That's Rose when she's..."

"I guess my husband is getting some after all."

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Liam sat himself slowly on the bed, his ass' bone and hand still ached from the fall. "I'm not sure we should do this, Rose."

"You're killing the mood."

"What mood exactly?"

"I'm starting to think that you said you wanted me just to make me feel better. You keep saying that we shouldn't."

"That's just the decent nerd in me talking."

"Tell him to zip it." Rose sat down on the bed and took a deep breath. In contrast to her bold demeanor, that breath came out shaky. She sat like that, for almost a minute, looking at the TV screen that still ran Ridley Scott's 'Blade Runner' while Liam stared at her profile. "Awkward silence moments." She sighed. "Don't you just love them? Say something."

"You told the inner decent nerd to shut up."

"Let the hot surfer player do the talking."

"No such person in here." He lay back on the bed.

"Can I..?"

"Sure."

Rose lay down her on his huge chest and listened to the strong heartbeat. Another ten minutes of Blade Runner went by. Liam slowly caressed her cheek and lips with his finger until her breath became more ordered and her shivering stopped.

"Liam, I do want to."

"Why?" He kissed her top.

"Not out of revenge, not out of spite. I just want to feel needed. That I'm worth something, and I'm not just convenient; I wanna feel desirable."

"That's just your insecurity again."

"My husband doesn't think I'm desirable."

"He's an idiot. If you had been mine I would have never let anyone else touch you."

His hand floating so lightly on her face felt really good. "So why don't you touch?"

"I'm afraid that's difficult."

"Aha, I knew it."

"You're a friend now; I can't objectify you anymore, I'm too emotionally invested."

"Crap."

"It's not necessarily all bad."

"You're a nerd and a lil too attached to your feminine side. But if you want to help a friend in need, well this friend needs to feel desired. I have an idea." She jumped out of the bed. "Hi there, you must be Liam."

"What?" He laughed.

"Just go with the flow. I'm Indiana Rose, the adventurer; you must be Professor Liam, the famous explorer."

"What?"

"I found this treasure map."

"Can I see it?"

"I seem to have misplaced it." She checked under her T-shirt. "I know it's here somewhere, can you help me find it?"

"How?"

"You're the famous explorer. Explore!"

Liam laughed and jumped out of bed. He grabbed her hips and Rose screamed a little when he placed her effortlessly on the kitchen's countertop. "Can I look under your shirt?"

"The famous explorer needs to stop for directions?"

"I like this game." Rose raised her arms while he pulled her T-shirt over her head. However, he left it half way up.

"I can't see anything." Came Rose's muffled voice through the cloth.

"Too much adventure for you, Indiana?" Liam kissed her naked bellybutton and Rose giggled, some because it tickled and some because she felt an electric shot of excitement rising from her belly up. This was so different from anything she ever done. "I can't see the map anywhere. Maybe it's here?" She felt his finger on her back, and second later her bra was open and then gone. She was glad that her head was still in the upside shirt, because her face was burning. The only man who ever saw her naked twins beside Adam was her doctor.