The Diary

"I still miss Don." Maggie said wistfully. "It's been five years now." She tightened her mouth into a strained smile gathering her strength. "It does get easier. I promise."

"I hope so." John replied. "You know just because she's gone... I... well I hope you know that you're welcome to visit anytime. I don't want you to feel strange about it. You're still family."

"Thank you, John. It means a lot hearing you say it."

"Stay the night if you'd like. I'm going to bed. I think I'd like to be alone for a little while."

John stood up and walked down the hallway to his bedroom. He looked around at the condo as if he'd never really paid much attention to it before then. It was a perk for landing some big accounts for the hedge fund where he worked. They had only lived there for two years. It was elegant and expensive, a far cry from the condo they had in Hoboken across the river. Maybe Sarah was right. It was no place to a raise a child.

******

Callie was pressing buttons on the center console and tinkering with the radio. It had been three months since the funeral, and John was driving her into New Jersey to finally start their new life. He'd bought a brand new 2006 Audi A7 SUV. He thought it would be best to start fresh with a new home and new car—a clean slate.

"My butt is getting hot!" She laughed.

"It's a seat heater. You'll appreciate it in the winter when it gets cold."

"And this is ours? We own it?"

"Yep. We're moving to the suburbs. We need to get around somehow. It's not like living in the city where everything is close and you can walk everywhere or take the subway." He looked at the smile on her face. It had been months since he saw a genuine smile. "Are you getting excited?"

"Yes! Are we almost there?" She stared out the window taking everything in. "There are so many trees!"

"Just another minute or two. I think I found something with everything you wanted. You're going to love it."

"I am? You promise?"

"I promise." He said. "It's got a pool. And a unicorn. It has a beautiful dungeon in the basement to lock up bad little children. And there are bars on the windows so you can never get out..."

"Dad!" She whined. "You're teasing." She could hardly sit still at all. "Does it really have a pool?"

John made a left turn into a neighborhood. "You'll find out soon."

The street was wooded and they drove by beautiful homes with huge landscaped lawns. Callie's eyes stared in awe. Everything was bigger than she imagined. There were other children riding bikes and playing. John continued on until he stopped in front of a house with pale blue, vinyl siding and a dark pink door. It was set back from the street with an enormous front yard.

"What do you think?" John asked.

"We own this?" She asked in astonishment. "We're going to live here?"

John held up a set of keys. "I have the keys right here. Do you want to go look inside?"

"Yes!"

John drove up the long paved driveway and parked in front of a detached garage. "I'm going to build a big work bench with lots of tools in there. That way I can fix stuff around the house." John got out of the car and Callie ran over to him. "M'lady. May I escort you to your castle?" He said holding out his hand. She grabbed onto him and they walked up the tiered pathway toward the front the door. He held out the keys for her. "Would you do the honors?"

Callie grabbed the keys and unlocked the front door pushing it inward. She stepped into the huge tiled foyer. A curved staircase wound around the far wall leading to the upstairs hallway. Callie looked to her left and saw a living room with their old furniture. The walls were covered in pink floral wallpaper. The sofas and end tables were all antique. Sarah had always wanted a proper living room.

"Is that mom's furniture?" She asked.

"Yes." He smiled. "All the furniture that she never wanted us to sit on. We can do tea parties. There are pictures of her in there too. So we'll always remember her." He took her hand. "Come on. There's a formal dining room over here." He pointed to the right side of the foyer where an entryway framed the dining area. "Remember how she liked to throw dinner parties? But I want to show you the family room."

He walked straight ahead under the staircase and stepped down two steps into a huge room with vaulted ceilings and picture windows. The room had a maple hardwood floor. A large stone fireplace rose up the height of the back wall in between two large windows. There was an enormous curved couch that sat in the middle of the room with a beautiful wood inlayed coffee table. Matching arm chairs rounded out the seating area. The wall on the left side of the room had a long maple cabinet built across it with a new flat screen television resting on top.

"No way!" Callie chirped. "The TV is ginormous!" She jumped onto the couch and sank into the cushions. "This is ours too?"

"It's all ours, pumpkin." He smiled. "Kitchen is up there." He pointed to two steps on the right side of the room that led to a large eat in kitchen with granite counters and an island. "But I think you want to look out there." He pointed out the back window.

Callie ran over and stared out the window. "Really?! We have a pool!" She ran over and threw her arms around his waist. "Thank you, Daddy."

"Go out and look." He said. "The door is off the kitchen."

Callie bounded up the two steps in one leap and opened the French doors leading outside. There was a wooden deck that stretched off the back of the house with steps leading down toward a flagstone patio that surrounded the kidney shaped pool. On the opposite side of the pool there was a small pool house. The backyard was surrounded by trees making it feel private. Callie kicked off her shoes and dipped her feet in the water.

"Can I go swimming?" She asked.

"Not yet, pumpkin." He said. "You can go later. The pool house has towels and inflatable rafts and a shower to clean off before you come back inside. But there's one more thing you should see, don't you think?"

"My bedroom?" She asked.

"Yeah. I think you should see that. Come on."

John and Callie stood in front of a door at the top of the stairs. "This one?"

"Yeah. That's the one."

Callie opened the door and squealed with delight. "No way!" She ran inside and jumped up on a white canopy bed.

"You did say you wanted a canopy bed, right? Like a princess?"

"Yes!" She cried. "It's perfect!" She looked around at her pink and white room. It was much bigger than her old bedroom.

"Do you think we can be happy in this house?" John asked. "I know that none of this stuff brings her back. But I think she would've liked it here."

"I think so too."

"It's almost your birthday, isn't it?"

"Next week!" She blurted excitedly.

"Well, we'll have to do something super fun." He said. "You got all your school work done early. I talked to the teachers at your new school here and you'll be ready to start after summer. I'm so proud of you, pumpkin." He looked around and smiled. "Welcome home."

******

John stood on a ladder in the gymnasium at Mendham High School securing a giant paper mache tree to wires hanging from the truss above. The limbs stretched out from the top of the tree creating a canopy of fake silk leaves. He hung a vine from one of the limbs letting it dangle ten feet above the floor. He climbed back down the ladder and surveyed his work with a satisfied smile. He set his tools off to the side and grabbed a beer from his tool kit.

John's short brown hair had speckles of grey along the sides. The crow's feet at the corners of his eyes made him look older and wiser. His brown eyes looked more piercing. But he had the smile of man that was happy and content. He took a swig of his beer and then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He could hear the clacking heels approaching.

"Ladies." John greeted them.

"Holy shit, John." Trisha Connors blurted as she looked up at the tree. "I had no idea it would be so big. Did you build that?"

"I built ten of them." He replied candidly. "You did say enchanted forest, right? You need more than one tree to make a forest"

"Is that going to be safe?" Allison Costas asked with a look of concern.

"Solid as a rock. The trees are in three pieces each. It doesn't take long to bolt them together. I built a wooden frame and covered it in chicken wire and then paper mache and painted it to give it that bark texture. The base is set in poured concrete so it won't budge." He shoved the tree to show them that it didn't move an inch. "The limbs at the top are wired to the ceiling. It's not going anywhere. Trust me."

Melanie Olsen marveled at the detail. "Do you think you'll be able to see how beautiful it looks when the lights are down? I can't imagine how much work this took. It would be a shame not to see it."

"That's true." Trisha noted. "The lighting will be darker."

John smiled. "I haven't gotten to the best part yet." He walked over to the light switches by the door and flicked them all off. "So it looks really dark without the lights on." He flicked a switch at the base of the tree and two small up lights lit the trunk. "That way no one trips on the roots at the base. And I added some canopy lights." He flicked another switch and illuminated a slew of tiny green lights hidden through silk leaves making the canopy glow. "And I hung one vine. But I want to have a bunch of them at different lengths from each tree." He flicked one last switch and tiny sparkling LED lights flickered up the length of the vine. "Imagine a whole bunch of trees with the canopies lit up and then a bunch of the vines. It looks enchanted, right?"

Allison gasped. "That is amazing. It's absolutely breathtaking."

"The lights make the leaves glow without lighting up the whole room. It really does look enchanted." Melanie added.

"I'm so glad you like it... 'cause I wasn't starting over." John joked. "I'm thinking of lining the trees down either side to make a dance floor in the middle. And I thought maybe we could lay down some sod under the tree bases to make it look grassy. We could add some potted ferns to give it ground cover. And maybe put some around the drink and food tables."

"Where do you come up with this stuff?" Trisha asked bewildered. "You're going to make this one of the best decorated proms ever. Are you even within the budget?"

"Eh, don't worry about it. I don't need to be reimbursed for this stuff. My little girl is going to prom. I want it to be perfect."

"You are the best dad in the world." Allison gushed. "I wish Darren would be more involved."

"I get to make my own schedule and work from home. Not everyone gets that kind of freedom." John noted. "Excuse me for a minute. I have to use the restroom." He made his way back through the gymnasium doors and down the hall.

"Is it just me or is he the perfect man?" Allison swooned. "I would leave Darren in an instant for a chance to get him into bed."

"I heard his wife died of cancer and he sat by her bed without leaving for months. He took a vow of celibacy after she passed away to honor her." Melanie said.

"I heard it was brain cancer. His daughter is like the poster child for perfection." Trisha chimed in. "She's the most well-mannered kid in this school. I heard that John took her out of Villa Walsh Academy because he didn't like the pressure they put on those kids. Can you imagine? I'd kill to get Amy into private school. He's taking his kid out to make sure she's happy."

"Did anyone look at his muscles? I just want to touch his chest and his arms." Allison was flushed.

"I'm telling you no one has ever seen him on a date." Melanie added. "He moved out here from New York because it was his wife's dying wish. I heard he used to be some big time hedge fund manager. He was on his way to making huge money. Like I own four homes, a plane and yacht money. He gave it all up to raise his girl."

"Fuck. Why is that so hot?" Trisha asked.

"I bet he's gentle in bed." Allison said dreamily. "Those big strong hands touching you softly. Just filling you up slowly."

"Jesus, Allison. Control yourself." Melanie snorted.

John came back and saw the girls chatting. "So do you like the plan? Everything looks good?"

"It's beyond." Trisha said. "I can't tell you how thankful we all are that you're on the prom committee."

"It's no problem." John said. "Just remember that I want to come in the day before to set everything up. I don't want to be here while Callie is getting ready. I want to be at home to take pictures."

"Of course." The women chirped.

"Call me if you need anything." John added. "I've gotta get home. It's Callie's birthday."

******

Callie slammed the front door and dumped her backpack on the floor in the foyer. Her eyes were red and swollen with tears. Callie wasn't a ten year old girl anymore. She had long light brown hair and dazzling brown eyes. Her body had filled out nicely, and although she was thin, her figure was stunning. She looked more like her mother than ever. She sniffled and walked through the dining room into the kitchen. John was already busy preparing her favorite meal.

"Happy birthday, pumpkin." He said cheerily. "You should have seen your dad today. I blew the prom committee away with my enchanted forest demonstration. It's going to be epic."

"Don't bother." She snapped. "I'm not going to prom. It's stupid anyway."

John looked up seeing the tears in her eyes. "Callie, what happened?" He asked with concern in his voice.

"I don't want to talk about it. This is the worst birthday ever!" She stormed out of the kitchen and stomped upstairs.

John set down his butcher knife and washed his hands in the sink. He wanted to go up and comfort her, but it was getting harder and harder to know what to do. She was a young woman and it was tough for him to relate to her problems. He sighed heavily and went to find her.

"Callie?" He called through her door. "Come on downstairs. I'm making your favorite dinner."

"I'm not hungry." She yelled back through her tears.

"Callie, I don't want you to be upset on your birthday." He waited for a moment but there was no response. "Okay, sweetheart. I have a gift that I was going to give you later. Just let me know if you want it tonight. It's from your mom."

"Wait." He heard her say. The door opened up slowly. "From mom?"

"Before she passed, she put a bunch or her stuff in an old trunk and told me to give it to you when you got older. It has all her jewelry. Some of it is worth a bit of money. I think you're old enough to take care of it now. There are some clothes and other things too, but it's really the jewelry that's the gift."

"Can I have it now?"

"I don't see why not." John said. He walked down to his bedroom and found the trunk in the walk-in closet. He grabbed the brass handle on the side and dragged it down toward her room. Callie stared at it nervously. "I think you should keep the trunk too... if you want it. I never knew where she got that thing. I've always hated it. But she had it for as long as I knew her." Callie ran her hand across it carefully. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Callie had forgotten all about being upset for a moment. She looked up at her father. "Jason Saunders was supposed to go to prom with me. He told me after third period today that he didn't want to take me anymore. Then I found out that he was taking Kelly Costas instead." She sighed. "I really liked him, dad. We've been going out for five weeks and I kissed him."

John had no idea she was dating anyone. He didn't know what to say. "Boys can be stupid, pumpkin. I'm sure someone else would love to take you to prom."

"It doesn't even matter. Because Chris DeMico told me that Jason is taking Kelly because she said she would have sex with him after prom. And then he told me that Jason and Kelly have been telling everyone that he broke up with me because I'm like a huge slut that slept with everyone and I have herpes."

John looked shocked for a moment. Callie had been such a sweet and simple girl and these sorts of problems had never come up. He sat down on her bed. "You know it's days like today that I wish your mother were alive. She would know the exact right thing to say to you. She gave great relationship advice to everyone. It was like an uncanny ability of hers."

"Really?"

"Yeah." He said. "She was amazing like that. I didn't even know you were dating Jason what's-his-name. But let me say it like this... Jason sounds like an insecure dick that needs an easy lay because he doesn't know how to treat a woman and win her heart. Which makes Kelly Costas the slut and probably means she has self-esteem issues. I bet she's the one who has herpes. Gross by the way. When someone makes stuff up you can't let it bother you. You know it's not true. Anyone who really cares about you will know it's not true. And everyone else doesn't matter. I think Kelly is a sad girl if she has to resort to making up rumors."

Callie chuckled. "I guess you're right. Thanks, dad."

"You look just like your mother." He added. "I see her every day when I look at you. You'll have so many guys interested in you. There's no reason to worry." He thought about how grown up she was now. "Callie, you're going to meet someone that you want to have sex with at some point. Just be careful. Don't rush into it. And make sure you're safe. It's not about doing it. It's about making sure you share that part of yourself with the right person." He kissed her forehead. "I'm gonna go put away that dinner. You're still not hungry, right?"

"Not tonight. I think I just want to look through mom's stuff."

"Okay."

"Dad?" Callie said as he was walking out the door. John turned to look at her. "Is... is that how it was when you met mom? I mean did you guys wait to... you know."

"We were older than you are. I was twenty-four when I met your mom. She was only twenty-two. She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen." John looked away for a minute while all those memories came flooding back. "But we waited before we did."

"You did?" She asked. "Is that what mom wanted? It didn't bother you that she wasn't ready."

"She made me wait. And I would've waited as long as she needed." John replied quietly. "When you meet the right person everything is worth the wait."

Callie smiled the widest smile. She never wanted to talk to her dad about that kind of stuff. It was embarrassing. But he didn't make it awkward at all. He treated her like a grown up. That's how it had always been since they moved to this house. Part of her felt bad seeing the sadness in his eyes when he thought about her mom. She wondered if he was lonely. It had been over seven years since her mom passed away, and he'd never once brought a woman home or gone on a date. He never complained about it or ever hinted at being unhappy. But she wondered if he was lonely sometimes.

She looked back at the trunk sitting on her floor. It was made of thick hard brown leather. The corners were covered with decorative brass brackets. It had a large brass clasp on the front and two matching brass handles on either side. Callie agreed with her dad. It was sort of ugly and the leather looked worn and scarred with age.

******

John sat on the front porch with a bottle of wine. He began to wonder what he would do when Callie left home to go to college. His whole life had been about her. It was only a matter of time before he lost her to some guy. Someone else would become the focus of her existence. It was the natural evolution of things. Every parent had to go through it at some point.

He walked down the front the lawn with his glass of wine and made his way to the mailbox. It was stuffed with junk mailers and magazines. He sifted through the pile and removed the few pieces of actual importance and set them on top.