The Flume at Falcon Rock

"I wouldn't know. I've never been so inclined. I have enough problems with sunburn. I don't need to expose more skin."

"Oh, c'mon, Laurie. You must have tried it in your wild, younger days."

"I didn't have any wild, younger days." Her flat voice revealed that she might have wanted to but didn't know how.

"There's a waterfall up there, too. Really nice."

"Yeah, I've always wanted to see it but wasn't willing to go nude for it."

"At the bottom of the waterfall, there's a natural flume over these mossy rocks. You can ride down it like a water slide and splash into the lagoon below."

"That sounds dangerous for the guys."

"How do you mean?" I couldn't resist teasing her.

"Don't make me say it."

"If they're hanging low, down below? Well, I wouldn't risk it these days. You do a lot of crazy things when you're young."

Our conversation grew serious again. Laurie lamented her upbringing in a female-only household.

"I'm an only child. I never had a brother, and my dad died before I turned ten. I had no male close enough to confide in about sex or get an honest perspective from the other side."

"I wouldn't glamorize having an opposite-gender sibling growing up. Erin and I rarely talk about anything related to sex."

"Really? Both Terri and Fran have brothers, and they've been able to have frank discussions with them about men things."

"Well, they're a lot closer in age. Erin and I are six years apart. I still get woozy when I think about Erin having sex, even with her husband."

Laurie let out a girlish giggle. "Hee-hee! You're funny. I could tell you stories."

"Please don't."

That got her laughing even more. "You know, Joe, it feels odd, but I'm enjoying being able to talk about boobs and sex with you and not worry that it's some new guy I have to worry about offending."

That gave me an idea. I thought back to her comment at the Whispering Pines Café, where she offered to give me some "sisterly" advice about dating and the opposite sex.

"Laurie, free to veto this idea if it offends you, but hear me out. You gave me an idea with what you just said. We could bare our souls to each other as an exercise in gender exchange. Act like we're surrogate siblings. We could ask those questions about how the opposite sex acts and thinks. The whole range of topics, nothing off limits."

I could sense the wheels spinning in her head. "How that would work. How do I know your intentions are pure?"

She thought about it for a minute.

"I would need you to open yourself up first. Reveal something super embarrassing, an encounter with a woman."

"Something sexual?"

"Absolutely. And make it good."

"Let me think of one. There're a lot to choose from." Yeah, and a lot that are way too embarrassing to tell. I finally came up with an anecdote that wasn't that unflattering.

"I was set up on a blind date by the girlfriend of a close buddy. I didn't fancy the gal once I saw her, but I tried to be polite during the date. After a tepid goodnight kiss, I turned to leave but heard her ask if I wanted to come inside. Her voice had a sad, pleading tone. I couldn't decide which would be more humiliating for her: my continuing to walk away or not calling after a one-night stand. The sex was awful, but I decided to stay overnight to avoid causing a fuck-and-run crisis.

"The next morning was excruciatingly awkward. She cooked breakfast and ruined it. We both sat there in silence trying to force down inedible food, cutting tiny bites, cutlery scraping on the plates the only noise in the room."

Even though it had been many years, retelling the story made me feel almost as uncomfortable as it did that morning.

Laurie looked at me with an air of disappointment. "That story doesn't count. It's not cringe-worthy enough, not enough sex."

"What? Do you just want to hear me talk dirty?"

"No, but I want to know why was the sex was bad? I worry that guys think that about me."

I wasn't expecting the conversation to take that turn. I had to think about my answer.

"I could see she was doing it for the wrong reasons. That came through strongly. And she seemed uncomfortable about her body."

"Small boobs?"

"Yes. Plus she was very awkward while we were screwing. She turned out all the lights, not even a candle. She said she was on the pill, but she had the demeanor of a woman who was scared shitless about getting pregnant with every stroke of my dick. I had her get on top, but she seemed very self-conscious in that position. She held back her reactions. And when she didn't, they seemed forced and unnatural."

"Sounds like you're talking about me," Laurie said candidly.

An uncomfortable silence followed before Laurie insisted that I come up with a better story.

"OK, this one should do it. I was dating this gal who was a virgin, and I had only been with a few women at that point. I didn't want to be the first since I wasn't that into her, but I was OK with kissing and petting."

"Meaning ...?"

"Meaning mutual manual stimulation outside the clothing, including below the waist, without release. That night I convinced her we should go a step further and get each other off with our hands. It would help tamp down our youthful libidos and keep us from crossing the line. I said taking her jeans and panties off would be a good start.

"I got ready to finger her, but decided to go down on her instead. She gotreally tense and nervous and made a funny noise. I thought that once I started in on her, she would be a quick convert. But after the first lick, she pushed me away, jumped up, and ran to the bathroom." I stopped there to see if I could get away with telling part of what happened. Laurie was having none of that.

"There's more to this story, I'm sure."

"Yes ... she got sick. It was a real mess later when I had to clean it up. She was in there for an hour, sobbing, wouldn't come out or talk. I finally offered her a solution since her jeans and shoes were still in the living room and she'd locked the bathroom door. I called a cab for her then went outside so she could get dressed. I met the driver and sent him up to get her. I promised to stay out of sight."

"And ...?"

"It was the last I ever heard from her. I guess I 'skipped a chapter' by going straight to oral. Was that my problem?"

Laurie was chuckling. "No, you should never 'skip a chapter.' Follow the time-tested sequence: touch it before you lick it. Was her Aunt Flo visiting? From Reading? Maybe that was her issue."

I was slow in deciphering the euphemisms: was she on her period? Laurie allowed that my second story qualified.

"What about your first time receiving oral?" I asked her.

Laurie got flustered and said that wasn't the story she was going to tell.

"Mine is actually better. My first oral was bland, all smoke and no fire."

"You didn't come?"

She shook her head. Wow, how do you eat out a woman and not make her come? That must have been one inexperienced dude going down on her.

"Alright, here's my story. I was having sex with this guy in college. He was the first person I'd been with, so when he kept falling out, I thought that was just part of what happens during intercourse. I realized some years later that he was below average in length. Anyway, he was going at it with great vigor—"

"What position?"

"Missionary. So he was screaming he was about to blow, and I was responding well, also."

"How so?"

"My juices were flowing down into my butt crack," she answered, with a look that dared me to say it was too much information. "I was very close myself, hoping he could keep it hard long enough afterward to make me come, when he fell out—but he stuffed it back in the wrong hole and immediately finished in my back door."

"Wow! What did he say? Or what didyou say?"

"I was rendered speechless, too startled to feel any pain. The guy tried to pretend nothing had happened. He quickly pulled out and rolled over. I had his mess leaking out in the back and it made me ... it made me have to go sit on the can."

"You had to go poo?" She gave me an embarrassed nod.

"When I ran to the bathroom, the last thing on my mind was being so close to an orgasm but not getting one. But once I finished what I went in there for ... I don't know what came over me, but I had to finger myself on the toilet until I came. I couldn't go back and do it in front of him."

"That's a good story, Laurie." I wasn't expecting something that raw and intimate. "Did he ever ask to try it again, back there?"

"No, he kept calling me, but we never went out again." Laurie started to say something more but pulled back. "Well, there was one thing that I ..."

"That you what?"

"Uh ... that's all. End of story."

"Oh, c'mon. You were about to say something else. What was it?"

Laurie clammed up and refused to tell anymore. So I decided to guess at what might have happened.

"Let's see ... you were grossed out but enjoyed the sensation a little bit?"

Laurie hid her face in her hands and tried to change the subject.

"There're a lot of nerve endings back there ..."

"OK, enough. I'm going in the water. Story's over."

Laurie ran toward the shallow end of the pool and gingerly eased down each step. She winced as the water covered an ever increasing portion of her skin. That's the most miserable way to get into really cold water. You should just jump in and get the shock over with quickly. Laurie paddled out into the middle of the pool but kept her hair dry.

I dove into the deep end and felt the knife-like cold pierce through every part of my body. Even though it was well into the nineties that day, it was still a jolt. When I surfaced, I saw Laurie swimming toward me.

"Joe, this water isfreezing! Don't swim away. Let me come over there so you can warm me up."

She got about twenty feet away but stopped paddling. She appeared to be in distress.

"Joe, I need help. My leg is cramping."

I quickly glanced around. I was a lot closer to her than the nearby lifeguards.

"I'm coming right away. Hold on."

I did an aggressive breaststroke in her direction, keeping her in sight the whole time.

"I'm going around behind you so I can get ahold of you."

"Hurry, please, I'm so cold. My leg really hurts. It's hard to keep my head above the water."

A few seconds later I had reached her, keeping a safe distance in case she panicked and tried to grab me. I maneuvered up from behind her.

"I'm here. Let me put my arm across you so I can take you in."

Somehow my Red Cross junior lifeguard training from decades ago locked in, and I was able to put the correct hold on her and begin pulling her toward the shallow water.

"You're OK now, Laurie. I've got you. We're not that far. Just a little more."

Her shoulder was nestled in my armpit with my arm stretched across her chest—right between the two lumps that Erin had claimed were not there before. A healthy spurt of adrenaline helped me get her to safety. I guided her to the steps at the shallow end so she could rest for a moment before getting out.

"Help me get all the way up on the side. I need the warmth on my leg to ease the cramp. Damn, that was scary. But you knew what to do, didn't you? Now I remember your having that Red Cross lifeguard patch on your swimsuit when I was a little girl. Didn't think you'd be saving me when I was in my forties."

Laurie glanced down at her chest. "My god, this suit hardly has any padding in the bust! Look at the way ... actually, don't look. My 'headlights' are definitely on high beam. Let me soak up the sun for a few minutes so I won't be mortified walking around like this."

"Maybe you should look around you. You're certainly not the only woman in the pool affected by the water temperature. Just embrace it. It's natural. Every guy here knows you have two nipples under that bathing suit. There're plenty of 'headlights' for them to gawk at. You're just one of many. C'mon, let's get back to our spot."

The first thing Laurie did was wrap herself in her big beach towel. She was still shivering.

"I'm thirsty. What's in that jug you brought?"

"A type of grape punch with some extra fruit. Let me pour you a cup."

She took a big swig.

"You scamp! There's wine in here."

"Shhh, keep your voice down. Or we'll have to share it with everybody."

Laurie scolded me with a playful slap on my butt. Before long, I was pouring out a second round for us both. Our conversation bounced around an impressive range of topics, mostly sexual. Soon we were ready for another refill.

"Maybe you're right, Joe. Maybe going up to Falcon Rock would help me tamp down my anxiety about undressing in front of a new man."

"Good idea, Laurie. It'll help you get over your body image issues. You'll see how indifferent everyone is to the things you obsess about."

"I don't know, though. That would be an awfully big leap for me to take. Public nudity."

"Afraid to bare yourself in front of strangers?"

"No, the opposite. I'm worried I'll see someone I know. Anyway I hear it's very difficult to climb up there."

"I can show you where the secret path is up to the top. It's a bit out of the way, but it's not as steep and treacherous as the main path."

"You really think I'd go up there by myself? Hah, that's a good one."

"You wantme to go with you? I thought you didn't want to be seen by someone you know. Wouldn't you be embarrassed to see the 'longsword' of a guy you've been talking to all afternoon?''

She pointed to the front of my swim trunks and smiled. "After that cold water, I might not be able to see anything at all."

I was shocked. It was very uncharacteristic of Laurie Quinn to make a dick joke. Must be the sangria going to her head.

"Keep in mind, Laurie, if you go up but chicken out, you'll have to come right back down. It's bad form to keep your clothes on when you're on Falcon Rock. And I'm not sure you have the right footwear. Clambering up the rocks is tricky. That's what keeps the crowds of leering old fat guys away."

"I'll do it barefoot if I have to," she said bravely.

Back in the day you could find people drinking and smoking weed up there. Taking your clothes off was just part of the lifestyle. Everyone was very strict about bringing their trash back down and not causing problems. I wouldn't be surprised to find out not much has changed along those lines.

"Here's how I'm going to do it," she announced. "Take me up close to the top then you can wait for me up there."

"What? I'm supposed to sit in the woods until you've had your exhibitionist thrills? I don't think so. You can find your way back by tagging along with some of the other folks when they come down."

"Alright, I need to go to the ladies' room. Then we can head over to where the secret path starts."

The Flume at Falcon Rock:

It was about a half-mile to the trailhead—which wasn't that much of a secret anymore, based on the number of people we saw coming in and out. Laurie took off her expensive sandals before we started up the narrow trail. We had to maneuver around other folks who were on the way down as well as being careful to avoid the poison ivy along the path. She noticed most of the people on the trail were young enough to be our children.

"Are we going to be the oldest people up there?"

"No, there's always a bunch of leathery hippies with permanent all-over tans. It's probably the same ones from the last time I was up there."

"Just men?"

"No there are some female counterparts. With their titties riding low."

Laurie was beginning to struggle as the path got steeper. Her going barefoot and using one hand to hold onto her sandals wasn't helping.

"Are youthat desperate to see a naked woman?"

"No, I just want to seeyou naked," I joked.

She sputtered with embarrassment and ended up tripping and scraping her knee on the rocks.

"Ow! Shit! Look what you made me do. Oh, I'm bleeding. Damn it!"

"Laurie, let me see ... hold still ... OK, it's not that bad. You'll live. You can rinse this off in the lagoon when we get up there. The hem of your dress is above the scrape, so be careful and you won't get any blood on it."

As we neared the top Laurie started getting cold feet. I had to calm her down.

"Laurie, it's not going to be everyone stopping what they're doing and staring at you as soon as you take your bathing suit off."

"Maybe I'm too old for anyone to look at," she rationalized.

Just before we reached the end of the path, Laurie turned toward me.

"I just thought of something. I'll let you stay with me on one condition."

"What's that?"

"You have to ride down the flume."

"Are you trying to turn me into a eunuch?"

"You said you used to do it all the time back when. If you're too scared to do it, then you have to go back down. I'll meet you at the car in one hour."

"Speaking of scared, how will I know if you really got naked up here? You've been getting more reluctant the closer we get. What's to keep you from hiding in the bushes until the hour is up and pretending you've been sunbathingau naturel?"

"If you want to monitor me, you know what you have to do: nude flume ride. In fact, I'm going to insist that you do it before I take off my clothes. If you chicken out, I'll announce it to everyone else up here. Time to man up."

How dare she! I wasn't going to take any guff from Laurie Quinn. She's my little sister's age, for god's sake. "Sounds like you just want to seeme naked. I'm calling your bluff. Let's go. Flume riding time."

We walked out onto the wide, flat rock together. A few heads glanced our way, mainly to see if we were someone they knew. We set down our towels, and Laurie nervously removed her cover-up dress.

"First things first, Joe. I'll hold your swimsuit for you while you ride down the flume."

I pulled my trunks down and handed them to her, wondering if she was bold enough to glance down at my exposed member.

"The flume's over this way. Follow me."

There were plenty of guys clambering up the rocks to ride the flume. Even a few women. Fortunately I remembered the trick: holding your package in one hand while you slide down. Of course when you only have one arm free it becomes very hard to maintain your balance as you go down—which is half the fun. When it was my turn, I waved to Laurie, who still hadn't taken her suit off.

On my first ride I got slammed around as the rushing water propelled me down the mossy rocks. Nothing serious, I just looked foolish. The final thrill was still as powerful as it was when I was younger: shooting out of the flume and splashing down in the lagoon about ten feet below. I pulled myself out and walked over to Laurie.

"That was fun. I'm riding it again. Oh, by the way, you're overdressed for Falcon Rock. Remember what I told you about gawkers who don't play by the rules up here. I better see you holding two swimsuits in your hand when I get out of the water."

Laurie gave me a defiant look and threw mine on the ground. Her indigo eyes glared at me, daring me to lower my gaze as she pulled the straps off her shoulders and pushed the swimsuit down past her knees. She kicked it aside next to mine and placed both hands on her hips.

"How's this?" she taunted.

"That's the spirit." I picked up both swimsuits and handed them back to her. "See you in a minute."

As I made my way up to the top of the flume, I tried to quickly forget what Laurie looked like naked. I liked what I saw, and nature was sending blood down below my waist so I could follow through on those urges.

Laurie was waiting for me after I splashed down a second time. I suggested she get in the water so she could wash off the wound on her knee.

"I've got a first aid kit in the car with disinfectant and bandages. You'll just have to wait until then. And we'd better put on some sunscreen, too. Our nasty bits are white as snow."