The Fun & Risks of an All-Over Tan Pt. 02

"That was something Helena pointed out to me, that it took courage for you to tell us. Still, it's not easy for me either, suddenly finding out you're lesbian. I'm sorry; I know that sounds sort of homophobic."

It's okay," I tell her, "I understand it's hard for you but if you're just willing to try and accept it."

"Mum, why did it have to be Nix? Why a woman who's my age and, and why choose her?" There is a pleading note in her voice.

"Would it have been easier if it had been Cathy Thomas or Annie Munroe? Could you have just accepted that as two old women having mid-life crises and trying Sapphic sex as a result? Katie, I wasn't happy in the marriage because your Dad didn't seem to care for me, barely even to notice me, not even when I lost all that weight. But, despite all that, I wasn't looking for a lover and certainly not a lesbian lover. When I met Nix she was interested in me; more than that she said I was attractive and she flirted with me. I, I guess I thought, 'Sod it, if Vince doesn't care for me, why should I care about him?' So I kissed her." I see the look on Katie's face. "Sorry, was that too much information?" I see her bite her lip.

"It's okay, I know you're trying to explain and not deliberately trying to shock me. I admit that I was a bitch to you and Nix that evening I met the two of you. I wonder whether I could sense how close you and Nix were and reacted against it." She looks at me. "Are you really going to go and live next door with her?"

"It seems more sensible than your Dad moving out or her moving in here, doesn't it?" She nods, slowly. "I love Nix, Katie, but that doesn't mean I love you and Helena any less; I know the same is true of Dad too. Will you give me a hug?" I ask, shutting the dishwasher. She smiles and steps in to cuddle me.

"I will try and be nice to Nix, I promise."

"That's all I ask, Katie love." I touch her cheek. "I know you don't want to think about it, but you need to have this conversation with your Dad too; I'm not the only one in a gay relationship." She nods. I didn't mean to be hard on her with that last comment but wanted to remind her that this isn't all down to me. To my surprise she gives a little chuckle.

"It's like that that quote from Oscar Wilde: 'To have one gay parent may be regarded as misfortune, but to have two looks like carelessness!'" We both laugh a little and I feel that, somehow, our relationship will come through this, whatever happens between Nix and me.

We finish clearing up and I thank Katie for her help, asking her to let the others know that I'll make coffee for everyone. Alone in the kitchen I dig to the back of the fridge to find the ground coffee and then begin filling the coffee machine. "Are you okay, Mum?" I turn at the sound of Helena's voice to see her in the kitchen doorway.

"I'm alright, I suppose; just a bit wrung out with the emotion and stress." I smile reassuringly at her, touched by her concern. I slide the jug into place and switch on the coffee machine. "Thank you for whatever you said to Katie on your walk this morning."

"You don't need to thank me, Mum; the way she reacted to you upset me too. It wasn't fair because, you know, she's not been giving Dad the same grief even after what he did to you."

"Maybe his turn will come. Whatever, thank goodness at least one of my daughters isn't anti-lesbian."

"I, think it's easier for me because I, er, I can empathise with how you feel about Nix, Mum." There's a shy half-smile on her face. "I guess I'm a bit bi, you know? I had a couple of massive crushes on girls at school that, well, if they'd been reciprocated, who knows..." I nod; she doesn't need to paint a picture for me. "Anyway, that sort of leads me onto my news."

"What's that," I ask, intrigued.

"I met someone when I was in the States, another Camp America councillor: Nathan, Nathan Vaughan."

"Oh, an American?" I ask.

"No!" she laughs. "He's actually from Reading and he was visiting over there like I was. After our time at the Camp was over we travelled together."

"So would Nathan be the red-haired lad who cropped up in a number of the photos you posted on Facebook while you were over there?" I ask and she nods.

"He's still over in America, visiting his sister who lives in San Francisco but he's coming home on Wednesday. Oh Mum, Nate's lovely and I really want you to meet him!" Her face lights up as she talks of him and it makes me smile.

"It sounds... serious. You and Nate are close then?" Helena's coy look and soft blushing of her cheeks suggest that quite a lot of closeness has already happened. "So... he's your boyfriend?" I ask and she smiles shyly. I cross the kitchen and wrap my arms around my daughter. "Congratulations darling," I tell her honestly. "It'll be lovely to meet him."

"Thanks Mum," she says, relieved to have made the announcement. "I want to meet your girlfriend too," she adds, hugging me back.

"Thank you, Helena. I'm please you can recognise that's what Nix is. Katie has promised to try and be nicer to Nix but she doesn't seem comfortable with me being gay, not accepting like you are."

"Mum, it's... it's not that Katie is homophobic, it really isn't."

"Do you really think so? It certainly feels like it."

"No, it's not. It's... Nix." Helena looks very uncomfortable. "Look, we talked on the walk this morning so, if I tell you this, you won't tell Katie I told you, please?"

"Okay," I agree warily.

"The thing is when Nix, Nicola, used to come over, Katie felt sort of pushed aside, do you understand? She felt that Nix was stealing your love and affection." I nod; Katie had said something similar to me while we were clearing up. "Mum, she feels that's happening again now, that Nix is stealing you from her, almost."

"But that makes no sense!" I protest. "I don't love either of you any less because I've fallen for Nix."

"Mum, I didn't claim it was true or rational; it's just the way she feels," Helena explains and then gives a deep sigh. "I think, Mum, that she might always feel some resentment of Nix and she'll always be a bit cold towards her... and towards you too maybe, I'm sorry to say."

"Thank you for telling me, Helena, and for the insight. I should have realised from things she's said to me... Nix and I will just have to hope she'll realize the truth." The coffee maker gives a loud gurgle as it finishes brewing. "Coffee, Helena?"

"Please Mum."

"I'll bring it through in a minute so you go and join your Dad and sister." She hesitates but understands I need to be alone for a few minutes.

I think she's probably right about Katie's issues with Nix, it does make sense. However, I really hope she's wrong about the future and that Katie can come to accept that Nix needn't affect our relationship.

A loud rapping on the window almost makes me jump out of my skin and I turn with my heart hammering. Nix is grinning through the window at me. I place my hand on my chest and shake my head at her trying to convey how badly she'd startled me. Still, I can't help smiling too as I signal her towards the patio doors. As she moves off I head back into the dining room to meet her.

She is fully, even demurely, dressed in cargo pants and a long sleeved shirt but she's still gorgeous. As soon as I slide open the door she is in my arms kissing me. "Sorry," she apologises after a while, "but I just had to slip through the fence and come and see you."

"And a very great surprise it was," I tell her. "Seriously, Nix, you almost gave me a heart attack! Do you want a coffee? I was just making some for the others."

"That'd be nice," she replies and takes my hand as I lead her into the kitchen.

"Oh, Helena," I say as I see her with her back to us placing cups together with the cream jug and sugar bowl.

"Ah, there you are Mum. We were wondering what had happened to the coffee and then you weren't here." She reaches over to pull the full jug of coffee from the machine and place it with the other items on the tray. "I wasn't sure where you'd got to so I decided to sort the coffee... oh, hello," as she turned, holding the loaded tray, she suddenly noticed I was not alone. "I guess you must be Nix."

"Was it the hair or the hand holding that gave me away?" she asks smiling. "You must be Helena. How was America?" Helena puts the tray back down before answering.

"It was brilliant, thanks. I mean Camp America was good but the chance to travel afterwards was... fabulous."

"Was it the country or the company that was fabulous?" I ask, teasingly.

"Mum! It was both, actually. You see what you're going to have to put up with, Nix?" she asks, sounding like a thoroughly oppressed teenager.

"Oh, I know Suzie has a cheeky side, but I can cope with that," Nix assures her. Helena looks at me, an amused look on her face.

"So you've turned into a Suzie, eh Mum?" I give her a defiant look in return. "Sorry, it's just That Dad's never called you anything but Susan... oh, I suppose..."

"Yes, that was sort of part of the problem between us: not much, well, affection I guess. Anyway, I'm still 'Mum' to you, young lady!"

"But I'm just Nix, Helena," Nix adds, offering her hand to shake. To my surprise, and very great happiness, Helena stepped forward to grasp Nix's proffered hand but continues on and kisses her on the cheek.

"Thank you, Helena," Nix says, evidently as moved by Helena's gesture as I am.

"Do you want a coffee with us?" Helena asks and Nix and I share a look. Even though I offered her one just now, I'm now having second thoughts and, while part of me would love her to stay and join us, I also don't want to push too hard too fast with Katie, nor Vince for that matter. Nix seems to read my thoughts.

"Thank you but no, probably best not to at this point." Helena nods in understanding.

"Helena, would you help me move some of my things over to Nix's tomorrow?" I ask. I hope I'm not taking advantage of Helena's acceptance of my relationship with Nix but I really need to feel I have an ally as I move out.

"Sure. Shall I ask Katie if she'll help too?"

I hesitate. "Do you think she would?" Helena gives me a 'maybe, maybe not' wag of her head. "Well, if you think she'd be okay with it then it would be good if she helped too."

"I'd better go and let you have the coffee before it goes cold," Nix says and Helena nods before picking up the tray.

"Come through when you're, you know, ready Mum. See you tomorrow Nix and maybe we can talk some more?"

"Yeah, thanks Helena," Nix replies," and yes, we can definitely talk more tomorrow." As Helena leaves Nix slips into my arms again. "She's lovely!"

"She certainly is and hopefully she can help Katie to accept you. I'd better go, darling, but tomorrow night..."

"Mmm yes!" She lifts her head and kisses me, just briefly on the lips, before pulling away. "Sleep well Suzie love," she says and then in an undertone adds, "coz you won't get much sleep tomorrow night!" Then, with a wave and a cheeky smile, she is gone.

- - - - - - - - o o O o o - - - - - - - -

Epilogue

I come quietly down the stairs and, on the last but one step my eye is caught by the view of Nix through the sitting room doorway, sat on the sofa. The second glass of wine on the low coffee table in front of her is appealing but the sight of her is more captivating as she leans over her sketchpad drawing.

I remember her drawing me in that very room, naked and with pussy held open, just after we met five years ago. This time it is the young cat, that Dylan named Screwball because of her mad behaviour as a kitten, and Nix is working quickly before the cat wanders off. Nix has changed a little, of course: her hairstyle is softer and, though there are still highlights, they are a currently a deep red rather than the violet I first knew. Her job as an art therapist hasn't stopped her from her from maintaining her idiosyncratic style.

I hear Dylan turning over in bed and glance up, wondering if something has disturbed him... but, no, all stays quiet. I had been surprised when Nix first mooted the idea of us fostering although, looking back now, I guess I should have realised that she had an interest in helping kids who are growing up in sad or difficult circumstances. No doubt her own experiences growing up with oppressive and judgemental parents were part of her motivation but I think there was also a simple desire to share our love with others and to do some good in the world. I'm so glad she suggested it.

I can hear that glass of wine calling me so I descend the final two steps and head into the sitting room and Nix looks up. "How's Dylan?"

"Tucked up and fast asleep; I only read four or so pages before he was nodding off."

"He likes it when you read to him because you do the voices. You'll have to give me some lessons because when I tried last night he complained 'that's not how Sam talks!' Here you are, darling: a glass of wine for you." She picks up the glass and passes it to me before putting the sketchpad aside.

"Oh, thanks love," I say, taking the glass as I sit beside her and feel her arm slip around me and she cuddles in for a quick kiss. "So how's Mummy Nixie? You two seemed having fun with the Lego when I got home."

"He's only called me that once, so there's no need to be jealous!" She tries to be off-hand about it but I know how much it meant to her when he said it. The way Dylan has taken to Nix is perhaps not too surprising given that Nix is a similar age to his birth mother. I try not to think about the fact that at my age I could not only be his mother but also his grandmother, even if only just. It doesn't matter; I love Dylan and I love that Nix is so special to him.

"He calls you just 'Mum' quite often though. Anyway, I'm not jealous, Nix love; he called me 'Sue Mum' as I tucked him in just now. It's lovely that he's starting to see us like that isn't it?"

"I love it. I hope he can become officially our son." She takes a sip of her wine, replacing it on the coffee table before tucking her legs under herself and slips her arm inside mine, our fingers interlacing as she takes my hand.

I look down at our wrists, each with a tattoo of a vine with small leaves; mine is a copy of hers, though she has flowers of pale and dark blue while the flowers on mine are red and pink, echoing the vine tattoo that encircles her waist. I had the tattoo done on the first anniversary of the start of our relationship, choosing my left wrist just so they would line up like this when we hold hands, pink and red flowers as a reminder of the sight of her naked, not that I needed much reminding! "We've certainly proved Katie wrong, anyway," she adds, startling me from my reverie, and I cannot help but sigh.

"I know. I'm sorry about Katie, Nix, I really am. She keeps promising to try and be less of a bitch to you and about us but..."

"It's not your fault, Suzie darling," she points out and I nod.

"I just hope she behaves at Helena's wedding. I really don't want a day of her being arsy with us both."

"Oh, she will, I'm sure: Helena and Nate would kill her if she causes any upsets on their big day! Only a couple of weeks to go; are you excited?"

"Very: my daughter is getting married at last! Have you decided what you'll wear yet?"

"I'm going to go with that suit I showed you, if that's okay? I mean, if you think that won't make me some dyke-girl stereotype."

"No, you looked cute in it, although, you are going to wear a shirt aren't you? I recall you weren't even wearing a bra when you modelled it for me! It was very sexy but you might want to take the jacket off at the reception," I tease her and she sticks her tongue out at me. She might be over twenty-five now but she's still just as playful. I look at her and feel the same upsurge of warmth of love and affection for her as I felt five years ago. No, not it's the same because now it is even stronger and more certain.

"What?" she asks in response to the look on my face.

"Nix, my darling..." I hesitate for a moment. "Um, if Helena's bouquet came in your direction after the wedding... would you, er, catch it?" Her eyes widen in surprise.

"Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting, darling? Are you trying to make an honest lesbian of me?" I smile at her.

"Well, I was trying to subtly test how you might feel about it, but yes, I am. I love you so much and, anyway, it seems only fair. After all, you made a lesbian of me!"

"Well, perhaps you'll just have to wait and see at the wedding. Come here and kiss me, you darling woman," she says as she pulls me in to plant her mouth hungrily on mine. I feel her hands caressing my boob and know that two can play at that game, my hand slipping up under her shirt... and sliding over her bare, braless boob. She laughs into the kiss. "I wonder if I can buy one of those baseball catcher's glove thingies before the wedding?" she muses before moulding her mouth to mine once more and slipping her tongue between my lips...