The Journal

They were saying their goodbyes when Bertie's friend Tiffany yanked Jason to one side, pacing in front of him and rubbing her bump. "Look, I don't really know you," she started, Jason almost laughed, she was desperately trying to look threatening but she was so tiny, "but Bertie's been talking about you a lot lately so I guess you guys are going out?" her American accent caught on Bertie's name, Jason didn't like it.

"Well, yeah, I think so?" Even Jason wasn't really sure of his and Bertie's relationship.

"Well," Tiffany folded her arms, resting them on her bump, "I think you should know, he has some issues." Jason faltered for a moment, were there things Bertie hadn't told him?

"Oh, well I am his counsellor so we have talked quite a lot," it came out a little more arrogant than Jason intended.

"Well, you know about?" Tiffany silently gestured to her temple.

"Yep," Jason nodded.

"And the?" Tiffany drew imaginary lines along her arms, mirroring Bertie's cuts.

"Them too."

"And his?" Tiffany circled the entire head/brain area.

"Yeah," Jason smiled, the woman clearly didn't know how comical she looked.

"Wow...and you're still going to date him?"

"That was the plan," Jason beamed, feeling rather pleased with himself. He couldn't believe it but he'd felt genuinely upset at the thought that there was someone out there who knew more about Bertie than him, the fact that he was still the only one sharing their little secret filled him with pleasure. Just a little obsessed with him are we? It was true, Jason was fixated on Bertie Price, he had been since the moment he had met him.

Jason was buzzing when he and Tiffany returned to the group, Bertie immediately found his way back into Jason's coat, frowning but leaving his questions for later. Jason hugged him close, pecking the top of Bertie's head and keeping him there even whilst they said their goodbyes. They walked hand in hand through the streets of London, still busy even though it was late. Without thinking, Jason was steering them in the direction of his home, "you want to go and get dinner or something?" he asked Bertie, who was now practically drowning in the coat Jason had put on him, the other man shook his head. "We could always just go back to my place," Jason ventured, enjoying the way Bertie squeezed his hand at that, "I could order a pizza or something?"

"Mmm, pizza," Bertie went onto his toes, smooching Jason right in the middle of the street, still playing his games.

"Hey," Jason swatted at him, finally shutting him up with a rather firm squeeze of Bertie's arse.

"Eek," Bertie bit his lip before dashing away.

It took them a while to get to Jason's house, flirting, playing and chasing one another down the streets before finally reaching his block. Sadly, they were both too hungry and tired to feel particularly lusty at the idea that Jason had actually bought Bertie to his house. Without the distraction of their constant sexual undertones, they settled in and shared pizza and wine. Bertie's mask slipped the moment he stepped through the doorway, his regular self immediately apparent. They chatted over their pizza, finally sharing the smaller parts of their lives which never seemed to make their way into conversation. Bertie talked at length about his cat Snowy, fetching his phone to show endless photos and videos of the little black kitten. Jason chatted about work for the first time in a long time, he had gotten used to not sharing his work stories with anyone, Bertie gasped and laughed at all the right moments.

Jason loaded the dishwasher for the third time since he had started living alone, usually there just weren't enough dishes to warrant using it. Bertie hovered by the wall lined with bookshelves, trailing a finger along the spines of old medical journals and huge anatomy tomes. Jason eyed him, his small, bare feet padding along the wooden floors, his pale skin, glowing under the dimmed lights, his top showing a myriad of marks and scars, each telling part of the long story as to how the two of them had ended up together that night. Jason pulled out his phone, taking a sneaky photo before accessing his stereo system, he put on his favourite song, hoping to set some kind of mood, he wanted things to be special with Bertie, wanted things in a way he had never wanted them with anyone else.

At the opening bars of Bobby Hebb's Sunny, a slow smile made it's way to Bertie's face as he bobbed along to the tune. "This is my favourite song," they said in unison, both shocked for a moment before breaking into laughter. It seemed to be another tiny stitch added by the long thread which bonded them, pulling tighter and tighter, fusing them together. "Sunny," Jason sang softly, aware that his voice was average at best and that his accent was murdering the lyrics a little, "thank you for the love you brought my way," he swayed towards Bertie, who reached out tentatively for Jason's hands. Jason bridged the gap, continuing to sing and swaying them both, more vigorously now as the song built, making Bertie chuckle. Their dancing got faster, Bertie's little voice also singing, but much quieter than Jason. By the fourth verse Jason had Bertie in his arms, singing loudly as he spun the man around, grabbing him by the waist and clasping their hands, badly ballroom dancing them around the living room. Bertie laughed, freely and lovingly, his face lit up like Jason had never seen before, his eyes glistened with joy, his mouth wide, showing white teeth, he threw his head back in laughter when Jason picked him up and spun him around. Shit, I think this is the happiest moment of my life. Jason finally slowed their dancing as he knew the song was coming to an end, he let his hands settle of Bertie's hips, enjoying the way Bertie's hands rested on his chest. "Sunny one so true, I love you," he gazed into Bertie's eyes, unsure if he was singing or speaking now, he repeated the words four more times, finishing the song.

They stood in silence, their loud breathing the only sound, Jason felt like he could cry. Shaking, he lifted his hands from Bertie's hips, bringing them to the man's cheeks, cupping his soft, smooth skin and desperately, desperately searching Bertie's eyes for the emotion he knew was plain as day in his own. I love him. Fuck I love him. I need him, I need him so much. Silently, Bertie placed his own hands over Jason's, squeezing them before rising up to place the sweetest, most gentle kiss on Jason's lips. Jason noted the tears streaming down his own face as he hopelessly returned the kiss, "Jason, my love," Bertie made soothing noises.

"Bertie," Jason's body shook.

"Do you love me Jay?" once again, Bertie should have sounded arrogant, but didn't.

"Y-Yes," Jason crumpled to his knees, Bertie gracefully descending with him and pulling him close, squeezing Jason with surprising strength, "I love you Bertie, I love you," Jason whimpered into Bertie's shoulder, wetting it with tears. "Please say you love me," dignity, pride, Jason had thrown it all away. "I'll be good, so don't hate me," he clutched at the back of Bertie's shirt, hating that he felt like that same thirteen year old all over again.

"I could never hate you Jay," Bertie rubbed circles on Jason's back, pulling away so he could looking deeply into his teary eyes, "I love you, I loved you before I even met you."

Chapter nine

Of all the times Jason had fantasised about his first time having sex with Bertie Price, none of them included much of what happened that night. For a start, Jason hadn't intended of being an emotional mess. After his confession of love, Bertie had kissed him lovingly for what felt like hours. At some point, they had finally managed to stand, with Bertie taking Jason's hand and leading him to his own bedroom. They had stripped each other slowly, studying each other's naked forms with curiosity and lust. Bertie's body was surprising, those pale limbs each held a coating of lean muscle, a rather deep V in his lower abdominals leading to his nicely sized cock. Awkward and still emotional, Jason felt less impressive, he'd never really gotten around to putting on the muscle he'd intended to and though he was a few inches taller than Bertie, he felt just as slender. His long legs had lost a little muscle and though his shoulders were still broad, his stomach was flat, not even domed with any hint of abs and whilst his facial hair grew like there was no tomorrow, his chest and belly were sparse. If Bertie's body did have any hair on it, it was so light it was practically invisible, he almost glowed in the dim light, his hair like a halo.

Bertie approached him cautiously, like one would a wild animal, his eyes never leaving Jason's. Standing his ground, Jason took a deep breath, his throat tight, why was he so nervous? He hadn't been this nervous about sex in many, many, years. They finally made contact, their bare chests meeting, heat pooling between them. Bertie's little fingers found Jason's hair, pulling him in for a long kiss, Jason let out a sigh, which Bertie took as an opportunity to shove his tongue in Jason's mouth. That was enough to start the fire in Jason's belly, he pulled Bertie close, letting his fingers trace either side of Bertie's spine, enjoying the way he shivered at the contact. They both flinched where their hard cocks brushed against one another, slick with someone's precum but neither knew who's. "Bed," Jason finally said between their kisses, he couldn't remember the last time he'd actually had sex on a bed but it was happening this time. Bertie nodded, pulling Jason down on top of him, opening his legs so Jason could slide in between them. They kept kissing, it seemed they couldn't stop. "Lube?" Bertie finally asked, pulling off Jason's mouth for a moment. Jason nodded, scrambling to his bedside cabinet to grab the appropriate equipment, he handed Bertie the lube and grabbed a condom, he was about to put it on when he noticed Bertie was silent. "Sunny?" he asked, Bertie gave a little smile at the nickname but followed it with a huge sigh.

"Jay, do you trust me?" he had never sounded more his age than then.

"You want to do it bareback?" comparatively, Jason sounded like a horny teenager.

"No, Jay," Bertie held Jason's hands for a moment before taking the condom and slowly handing him the lube, "this, is what I want."

Fuck.

"Bertie," Jason's mouth was so dry he could barely say the word.

"Because of my size, everyone assumes I don't ever want to..." Bertie fiddled with the bedspread, "but there's times when I want to," he looked up, into Jason's eyes, "people I want to do that with."

"Bertie, I don't think...." a sweat broke out across Jason's body.

"I know my love," Bertie gave a humourless laugh, "I just thought I would give it a try," just as Jason's body was relaxing, Bertie spoke again, "I just thought you would enjoy it too."

What?

He thought what?

"W-Why would I enjoy it?" Jason gulped. Bertie gave him a long stare before shaking his head,

"It's nothing, it's fine, let's just continue."

"No," Jason said too loudly, "I want to know why you thought that," he pointed at Bertie with a shaking hand.

"Jay," Bertie sighed, acting infuriatingly mature again, Jason wasn't sure which one pissed him off more, child Bertie or adult Bertie, "I'm just saying, it's okay if you..." he did a meaningless gesture.

"If I what?" Jason demanded.

"If you want it," Bertie said wearily, "just because that happened, it doesn't mean you're not allowed to ever enjoy it Jay." Jason swallowed, he should have known this would happen, Bertie could always read him, he should have known he would read this too.

"I-I can't Bertie, it's wrong. I shouldn't feel like that, I shouldn't want that," did he dare unlock those thoughts he had sealed away so long ago?

"Jason," Bertie crawled towards him, dotting kisses all over his face and on his lips, "I love you. Do you trust me?"

Jason buried his face further in the pillows, desperately trying to muffle a long moan of pleasure, "good boy," Bertie's voice came from behind him, "that's two now." Jason hid his shameful face, he couldn't believe what was happening. He had been on all fours, now, his upper body was slumped on the bed, his face deep in the pillows, his hands grasping at the bedspread. It had taken them awhile to get started, Jason would freeze every now and then, Bertie would coax him gently with loving words or offer to bottom instead. Jason had turned him down, he wanted it, he really wanted it. He'd always wanted it.

Bertie's slick little fingers must have had some kind of prostate radar on them because he had Jason squirming in moments, he fell full and stretched, but nothing like the pain he'd felt before. "Bertie, f-fuck," he screamed into the pillows when Bertie added a third finger, swishing his tiny digits around Jason's loosened hole, his other hand pumping Jason's cock.

"Good boy Jay," Bertie leaned forward, pecking along Jason's spine, his smooth, articulate voice sending shudders through Jason's body. Sucking in a breath, Jason peeked behind him, almost cumming at the sight which greeted him. Bertie was kneeling, his erection proudly bobbing in front of him, his eyes trained on the fingers disappearing in an out of Jason's hole, his face held that mischievous emotion his other self often wore, however, this time it was genuine. His tongue flicked around his mouth, his eyes, burning with lust, were narrowed with something between concentration and unabashed lechery. Jason realised then, had Bertie been a foot taller and a few stone heavier, he would have assumed straight away he was a top. "Bertie," Jason whined, getting the man's attention and shivering when that look was suddenly directed at him, "you can do it," he whispered.

Bertie flipped him onto his back, shoving a pillow under his hips with amazing speed. "Jay," he grabbed Jason's face giving him a long kiss, "you tell me if you want me to stop okay?" Jason hesitated for a long moment, but nodded. Bertie slid on a condom and Jason was once again grateful that he was average, if not slightly smaller, sized. He slathered lube on his cock, somehow making the rather functional task look distractingly sexy. "Ready?" Bertie sat back on his heels, pulling Jason's body towards him, careful not to loom over him the way he had before, Jason nodded mutely. "Breath out my love," Bertie smiled. Jason exhaled, letting a tiny bit of tension go, which immediately returned when he felt the tip of Bertie's cock at his entrance. "Jay," Jason's eyes snapped down from where they had been drilling into the ceiling,

"What?" he said in a panicked squeak.

"Sir Reginald is very happy," Bertie gave a sly grin. Jason couldn't help but laugh, which was the exact moment Bertie gave one long thrust, burying himself in Jason's arse.

"Fuck!" Jason screamed, pain and pleasure swimming around his head. He felt so stretched, so full, the feeling both alien and painfully familiar. It also felt good, so good, the kind of good he hadn't allowed himself to feel for fifteen years. Bertie pulled out slowly before feeding himself back in, inch by inch, "Jay, you're so good Jay," he voice was low and smooth, raising goosebumps on Jason's body.

"Bertie," Jason reached out frantically, his arms grasping wildly for his lover, "come closer, you're too far away," he gasped out between thrusts.

"Are you sure Jay? I don't-,"

"Hurry!" Jason wailed as Bertie's cock hit his prostate. Bertie lunged forward, melding their bodies together, Jason didn't have time to feel afraid, didn't have a moment for anything other than Bertie. He wrapped his legs around his lover, letting his nails claw along Bertie's back, he almost came when Bertie's lips found his neck, licking and kissing along his jaw. "Shit," Jason cried, releasing Bertie so his hands could desperately seek his own cock. Bertie leaned back slightly, openly eyeing Jason as he lewdly pumped his cock with both hands, a mess of precum and lube, moaning weakly, tears spilling over onto flushed cheeks. "Cumming! Cumming! Cumming!" he chanted, openly weeping with pleasure. His orgasm was so powerful it verged on painful, his midsection spasming with such force his muscles began to cramp, it was the most earth-shatteringly pleasurable moment of his life. Even as the aftershocks subsided, he felt his cock pulse, still half hard, his body electrified with pleasure and energy. Bertie pulled out and Jason was very aware that he hadn't cum yet.

"Bertie," Jason made to crawl over in hopes of providing a blowjob, but his arse throbbed, making him squeak and freeze.

"Hold up there Jay," Bertie pressed a hand against Jason's chest, gently pressing him back down and taking the pillow from under his hips, "that was amazing." Bertie practically glowed, his hard cock standing proud, "I'm glad you're still hard," Jason's brain took a hazy moment to register that Bertie was indeed, correct. Before he could question what was going on, Bertie was taking off his own condom and putting one on Jason. Is he doing what I think he's doing? Fuck, I think this is the best day of my life.

Chapter ten

If Jason hadn't been partially absorbed by the throbbing pain in his arse, the emotional conflict in his mind and the hypersensitivity of his post-orgasm body, watching Bertie Price impale himself on his cock would have been the most erotic sight of all time. Jason was pretty average in size, but Bertie's little hips made the fit look almost impossible, his tightness and heat overwhelming. He finally settled against Jason's pelvis, his cock straining, some parts still coated in remnants of the lube he's just used to fuck Jason. God that's so hot. Jason thrust up without thinking, his mind whirring, so aroused that he was feeling what Bertie had only moments earlier. "Ah Jay," Bertie gave a little gasp, resting his hands on Jason's stomach to give himself some leverage before slowly rising and falling on Jason's cock. It was a wonderful sight, Bertie's pale little body flushed with heat, damp with sweat, his mouth open slightly, his honey eyes glazed with concentration and he adjusted his angle. They both knew when Bertie found the spot, his body tensed, his grip on Jason's cock almost painful, "there," Bertie breathed, his eyes half closed. Taking the hint, Jason grabbed Bertie's slender buttocks, pumping his hips as quickly as he could without too much pain in his ravaged arse.

"Jay, I love you Jay," Bertie's voice was the sweetest, high pitched little whisper. He was already close to cumming, too worked up from already having been inside Jason. Pulling him down for a kiss, Jason managed to keep a good angle, now going deeper than he had before, "love you Sunny," he whispered, doubling his speed, ignoring how his body protested.

"Fuck! Jay! Jay!" Bertie's lips were close to Jason's ear, his whisper's loud and breathy. Jason groaned, he was alarmingly close to cumming for the second time, he grabbed Bertie's cock, using the copious amounts of precum and lube to pump it quickly. "Ah god yes," Bertie's voice was sweet, a stark contrast considering what he did next was bite hard into Jason's earlobe. It was painful, but not enough to stop Jason cumming again, filling the condom. That seemed to set Bertie off, who came almost silently, shuddering against Jason and trembling for quite some time in what turned out to be a lengthy orgasm, his cum splattered between them, adding to Jason's from earlier.

They didn't move for a long time, Bertie not even letting Jason pull out. "Sunny," Jason said after a while, enjoying the little nickname their song had provided, "I think we should get cleaned up." Bertie nodded, letting Jason carry him to the bathroom and fill a scalding hot bubble bath, which they both sunk into with a sigh. "You okay?" Bertie asked, settling back against Jason's chest and playing with the bubbles.