The Struggle Ch. 05b

"Yes. She probably wants me to. However, I have something to say about that as well. I will think about what you just said, I was thinking the same thing. You don't go to those kind of meetings, do you?"

"No. I have visited some in the past, but then I had a few 'clients' who fulfilled my needs, and now I have found myself a family and close friends. That is enough for me, so no, I have no idea of what is around these days."

"Typical. Helena is full of surprises. One day she will have one surprise too many..."

"Don't say that, Rob. Whatever Helena has done wrong in the past, I know she loves you the most of all of us, except me of course." Cathy had a sad smile when she said these words. Rob knew she was unsure about him, his feelings towards her. He took her in his arms and whispered in her ear, "I love you Cathy. My heart is big enough to love you as well. I really do." And he kissed her full of passion on her lips. He heard a few wolf whistles and comments to 'go get a room!' He looked up and saw some guys grinning at them.

"I hope I didn't embarrass you?"

"No, not at all," Cathy replied. She smiled at the boys nearby. "I have some groceries to buy."

"Me, too." They both went in, talking and laughing and when they were both ready and paid for their things, they departed as lovers in front of the shop.

"I will see you soon, Cathy."

"I can't wait to hold you in my arms again," whispered Cathy, and she licked his ear. Again some whistles and Rob blushed. Cathy smiled innocently and waved goodbye. She swung her hips, rounded the corner and she was gone. Suddenly Rob felt all alone.

He went back to Michelle's place and started making preparations. He cleaned vegetables, cut the beef into small parts and peeled the potatoes. Next he made some soup, from vegetables and small pieces of chicken meat. Finally he prepared dessert, a pudding consisting of chocolate in combination with cake, custard and whipped cream that had to stiffen in the refrigerator. He decided to have a light lunch just before Michelle would come back. When he was finished, and had something to drink as well, he hurried downstairs and unclothed. Exactly at 13:00 he was ready. Of course Michelle wasn't home in time, he had no idea about the time, but it must have been at least thirty minutes later when he heard the clicking of her heels. He was cold, there was no heating in that room and he was ill tempered when she opened the door.

"Come in!" she ordered him.

"You took your time. You said 13:00, and since that time I have been waiting and becoming very cold," he accused her.

"That is my decision, not yours. Maybe I did it on purpose. You really have to learn a lot, don't you? You earned yourself 12 strokes with the cane."

Rob just said "Black!", turned and went back to the dressing room. He was fuming. He shut the door behind him with a loud bang.

Quickly he started to put his clothes on, when Michelle entered. "I'm sorry. I was out of order, you were right to complain about my late arrival. This I hadn't planned, or anticipated. I should have called you, I'm truly sorry. I keep forgetting that you are not a submissive, but are here to learn and you are right, an appointment is an appointment."

Rob watched her closely. "And what now?"

"Please, come back. Then I can use the cane on you, but not for being impertinent. I will bring you to a new level of play, but not because I'm angry. I had planned this thing so long, you are prepared for it, let's just do it."

Hesitantly Rob put down his pants again and Michelle waited for him until he was naked again.

She went on ahead. Rob admired her clothes, he was so angry at first that he didn't even notice what she was wearing for him. Now he saw that this time she was wearing an outfit a bit similar to what Helena had wore some time back. It consisted of a PVC open bust bustier, a PVC wide garter belt, with the inevitable stockings attached. She wore an officer's cap, also in black and PVC gloves up to her elbows.

She pointed at a chair, he fetched it for her and she sat on it. Then he had to lay down over her lap, hands on the floor. She used her hands to spank him. She started in a steady rhythm, one buttock, then the other. When they started to glow she used more force. Rob moaned a bit, but he didn't give any further sign of distress. Finally she thought he had enough warming up. "Stand up and go the whipping bench!"

Proudly Rob walked to the bench and awaited further orders. Inwardly he was afraid, he knew this afternoon she would go further than before, probably further than what Marion and Helena had ever done to him. This was the dreaded afternoon, the one she had him prepared for. He knew, if he could endure it, that they would look at him with different eyes. The downside of it was that they probably would treat him more cruelly. But he could always say 'no', Michelle herself had told him that. When it's no more fun, not fulfilling and only pain without a sexual release or arousal, it would be maltreatment, and that was something he would never accept, but he also knew Helena would never do that to him.

So for now he would play their game.

"Lie down, face down, legs together and arms forward." he lied down and made sure his dick had some room to grow below his belly. He knew that in spite of the pain he expected, he would get a hard-on, in fact, he already had one right now. The spanking had aroused him and the pressure of his dick against Michelle's warm, nylon clad legs had stimulated him even more.

Michelle knew that she would be treating him harshly this time, she was going to test his pain tolerance to a level not done before to him. Helena, Marion and she had talked and discussed this over and over. They had spent some time together in Helena's library, drinking tea and the conversation was to the point and serious. Finally Helena went along with her idea: that she would try to bring him to a subspace level where he had never been before. She would build up the tension, stress level and pain, but would never go too far.

Marion had told her that he went a couple of times into subspace, but on the lowest level only. She hadn't dared to go any further. Helena thought it may not be a good idea, but on the other hand, he had to try it once, without even knowing it, otherwise he would probably back off. They were convinced of that.

This afternoon Michelle would go for it. Helena had given her permission to bring Rob to a climax if he was 'brave'.

"Rob, I have something to tell you. You know that I have been going somewhat further than what you are used to. I have spoken a lot with Marion and she told me that you have been into subspace before. I am hoping this afternoon to get that result again. I have been allowed by Helena to let you come, to give you a climax, or more than one, if you behave. But only if I decide you deserve a climax. I can feel you are aroused already." She walked around him and his eyes followed her. He could only look a bit forward, but not upwards, so he couldn't see the expression on her face. Maybe that was better, because Michelle had a cruel expression on her face now, she could finally do what she was the best at: bringing pain without traces afterwards. Of course, maybe tomorrow he would have some bruises, but they would be gone very soon. But she would still give him hell on earth, which he didn't know.

"Be brave, please don't use your safe word unless you really can't take anymore. When you have endured my test without making use of your safe word, then I will give you your well deserved climax, but only then. Should you otherwise have problems, like a cramp, use 'white' instead of 'black'. Using your safe word will be the end of the test. Understood? And do we have a deal?"

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes - Mistress."

"Thank you. Please give me the regard I deserve. Remember you are a guest in my dungeon."

She was truly not amused,because Rob still resisted her. Maybe, when this session was past them, he would behave; or he would flee. She had to be careful, damnit. Some men, and always the ones she liked, were hard to convince.

"I will now start." She took a small paddle from the trolley and used it on his buttocks. At first she didn't use much force, but when his arse began to glow again and she caressed it, and felt the skin getting rougher, she used more force. Rob didn't respond very much to the first strikes, but when she used more force, he began to moan.

The blows she dealt were given with care, she wanted to hit all the flesh on his arse, and the area below, in between the thigh and buttock, where it really hurt. His thighs were not spared as well, luckily for him his legs were bound together, and she couldn't reach his inner thighs, but she knew that wasn't necessary. He would still get his surprise.

Rob felt the blows fall one after another. He lost count and just surrendered. They hurt, but not as badly as he had expected. He knew Michelle was famous for her technique, and he knew this was just a start.

Finally Michelle stopped. She stood in front of Rob and said: "So far you're doing great. I bet you have done this often with Marion."

"Yes Mistress," he answered timidly.

"I have built up the heat in your buttocks. Prepare to receive the worst you have undergone in your experiences with BDSM. I will use a very simple whip, but it is easy to underestimate it. In old times they used it sometimes on children but I can assure you that there is nothing childish about it. You may cry, in fact you probably will. Be brave. You will receive 15 lashes. Thereafter I will untie you. I promise I will take care of you. I will beat your behind, and tonight we will shower together if you are up to it. But only if you don't safe word. Understood?"

"Yes, Mistress."

Michelle fetched a bucket of water with a rod made of a birch branch in it. She showed it to Rob.

"It is wet, so it won't break easily." It looked harmless, almost, but Rob saw the buds and twigs, and suddenly he realized that this instrument was fearsome.

"You count. I will have a slight pause after each stroke. Fifteen strokes, Rob. Are you ready?"

"I'm not sure."

"Start counting!"

She was annoyed again by his lack of respect.

"One," he said softly.

"Speak louder, I want to hear you!"

"One!"

Rob heard a swishing sound and then the first stroke landed on his buttocks. He hardly felt it, his arse was still a bit insensitive from the beating with her hands and the following beating with the paddle.

"Two!"

Again the swishing sound, and this time he felt something, but nothing to worry about.

"Three!"

Again the swishing sound and then it landed on his arse, this time he felt little tickles, as if his nerves were stimulated.

He hesitated. Michelle waited and finally she ordered "Go on!"

"Four!"

Swish, crack and this time he felt as if his behind had been touched by thousands of needles.

Again he hesitated and finally:

"Five!"

Swish and then pain. He didn't foresee this, this hurting. It was as if his arse was on fire.

"Six."

Why did she wait? Then, swish and pain.

It hurt like hell. He realized, the pain was building up. Each stroke was worse than the one before.

"Seven."

Fearfully he awaited the next blow. Michelle took her time, then, swish, and his world then consisted only of pain. Tears came into his eyes. It was as if knives were cutting his buttocks. How much longer could he endure this?

"Carry on!" she ordered impatiently.

"Eight," he said, with a trembling voice.

Swish, and he had to bite his teeth, otherwise he would have screamed. This one was more painful than he expected. Seven more strokes to go, and each one more severe?

"Nine," he said softly.

A pause, a few terrible seconds; and then again swish. He was fighting for air, his world was red and he wriggled and shouted "Stop, you have to use less strength. It's too painful."

"Six more to go, be strong. Continue!"

With a broken voice he said "Ten."

This time the pain didn't stop, he wriggled his arse in vain and screamed.

Tears flowed from his eyes. "Please stop!" It hurt far more than anything else that he had ever endured before.

"Again!"

"Eleven..."

The swish he feared, then the slash on his arse and then his world was pain. Only pain, the world faded, became black and he fainted.

"Are you there? Rob, look at me!"

He opened his eyes, didn't know for a moment where he was, then felt his buttocks burn and said "Black!"

But she already had him untied.

"You were so close," she sighed. "Let me take care of you."

"No thank you. You have done more than enough." Very stiffly he stood up, almost collapsing. Michelle had expected this and supported him. With a growl Rob tore himself away from her. "I'll manage," he said with an angry voice.

He stumbled to the clothing room, and examined his behind. A whole lot of scratches, but no real cuts, but he saw that the upper skin was damaged and although no blood drops were visible, he knew it would only take another stroke and he would have bled.

He went out and entered the shower room. A first-aid cabinet hung on the wall, and he opened it. Inside he found the normal wound treatments, but also some oils and salves. He decided to take a hot shower first and after the shower treat his behind.

He didn't start with hot water, he knew it would be agony and at first he used just lukewarm water. When he got used to it, after spending some ten minutes under the stream and trying to ease the pain from his hurt buttocks and then finally, when his arse didn't burn so much anymore, he used warmer water.

When he got out, he almost spent some twenty minutes in the shower, also letting the water flow over his face. He didn't want to show Michelle that he had actually cried from the pain that she gave him.

Then he used some oil to relax his buttocks and carefully lied down on a bench while waiting for the oil to do its work. When it was incorporated into his sore flesh, he applied some more and he started to massage his behind, which felt good and bad, too. Finally he stood up and put on his clothes. He was glad he was wearing satin panties, the smoothness of the material was much better than his cotton male underpants. Thereafter he put on the rest of his male clothes. When he stepped out of the shower room, Michelle stood waiting for him.

"Finally. I hope you are feeling better?"

"Yes, but no thanks to you," Rob said with a very hostile voice. "I'm out of this silly game. I get nothing out of it, only hurt, it doesn't do anything for me, and if this is to be my future with Helena and Marion, I will seriously reconsider it!"

Michelle was shaken by his words, and her face went pale. "Rob, that was not the intention."

"Hah. Not the intention? Seriously? I think you wanted to break me, so I would finally fall for your games. Sorry, that is not going to happen. You have stepped over a boundary, that I never intended to take. I was out for a few moments, and you just said that it was a pity I fainted, then 'You were so close'. What were you thinking? Did you even care that I had fainted?"

"I'm sorry. I thought you could handle it. You are not the first one, you know. I have done this to others, and they endured the fifteen strokes."

"Whatever. I didn't. And what now?"

"It's perfectly clear that I crossed a boundary. Nothing else will happen. I have one more request. Please stay here, tomorrow it will be an easy day. I had planned a session with somebody else and the only thing you have to do is to be present."

"I will think about it. If you don't mind, I will leave. If and at what time I'll be back depends completely on my mood. For now I have seen enough of you." Again he offended her, on purpose, but this time Michelle could understand his anger. In fact she was mad at herself as well. She wanted him to reach that special place, but he had resisted, and he ended up only being hurt. She should have stopped by herself, and not by him fainting. She had went too far, she knew it. Helena would be very pissed off, and she probably had lost Rob's friendship as well. The way he treated her was not of a dear friend anymore, in fact he was very hostile. She had tears in her eyes.

Rob saw the emotions on her face while she swallowed his words. But he had no pity for her when she showed tears. He turned, walked up the stairs, grabbed his coat and went outside.

"Where are you going?" Michelle shouted after him.

He just shrugged his shoulders. He needed fresh air, to see other people and to know there were other things than these kooky women.

He walked a couple of blocks, until he reached a road with shops and restaurants. He saw an inviting looking pub and headed for it. He decided to get drunk and ordered a few large whiskeys.

When he had four in a row, he decided he had had enough. Not enough to be drunk, but the amount was sufficient to feel a lot better and he staggered off, back to Michelle's place.

At arrival he rang the bell and Michelle opened the gate and stood waiting for him at her front door. This time she was normally clothed, no more provocative dresses, but just a sweater and jeans.

"I didn't expect you back, I thought you had run off."

"I did run off. I needed a stiff drink and I had a couple." Michelle could smell it.

"Was that necessary? You could get them from me as well."

"I had to go out."

"I see. You didn't want to be near me anymore."

"Exactly!" He wasn't going to deny it. "The only reason I'm back is because I want to fulfill my promise, to stay these days at your place and to 'learn'. So far I didn't learn a thing, did I?" He was talking with a drunken voice, but Michelle knew he was right.

"No, except maybe for some anger management. I recall a few cases where you would hide in your bunker when something bad happened," she said, unintentionally hurting him with her remark.

"I remember a woman who was crying, because she was treated so badly," he parried.

"OK, you made your point. Peace?"

"Truce, I cannot forgive you yet for what you did."

"Do you still want to have dinner with me?"

"The dinner that I made?"

"No, let's go out. I'll drive us to a cozy restaurant, on neutral ground. Is that good enough for you?"

Rob didn't hesitate long. "Yes, I would like that." He was still a bit stiff from the beating and hadn't sat comfortably during the evening. The booze in the pub had numbed the pain a bit, but now that he sobered up, it hurt again.

Later, at Michelle's place after they had had their dinner at a restaurant, he gave up his resistance. She applied oil and massaged his hurting buttocks.

After that, he went to sleep, in her bedroom. Michelle crawled against him, spooning her body against his. Michelle didn't sleep very much that night. She still thought about the things that had gotten out of hand. Finally, early in the morning, she fell asleep as well.

All becomes clear

Michelle and Rob sat together, sipping their coffee. Michelle had made them a breakfast consisting of strong coffee and some hot breakfast sandwiches. While Rob thought he wasn't very hungry, and his behind still was hurting, the moment he smelled the bacon and cheese, he gratefully accepted the plate she offered him.

"I was planning to confront you with one of my subs, but he called in sick this morning," Michelle said. It was true, Rob had heard her phone ringing, wondering who that was so very early.

"I hope you were not planning to let him near me?" He asked suspiciously.

"No, of course not! My sole purpose is and was to let you become more familiar with being in the presence of other people, of other men to be precise, when doing a scene. There are lots of people like yourself in the scene. Men who like to dress up, to fulfill tasks as a serving 'girl', or just walk in nice dresses or whatever they feel relaxed in. It's not all S&M stuff. There is a whole world full of people who act differently, and are seeking a place to enjoy themselves amongst like-minded friends. I have been thinking, since my original plan can't be done today, we can perhaps do something else."