The Struggle Ch. 05b

Meanwhile Rob arrived at a place where a man and a woman were being lashed. He knew it was not very severe, but still could be quite painful. Both the man and the woman were tied to a whipping bench, opposite to each other, and thus they could see their partner. Their heads were facing each other and they both had a mistress who was whipping them with a belt. The lashes gave them both red stripes on their backs and with each strike they got, it was met with a soft moan, but still they kept looking at each other, with love in their eyes. They were encouraging each other, and the lashing would continue until one of them would use their safe word, or so a woman dressed just like him explained.

He could not see the mistresses well, they were both wearing some kind of zorro-mask. One mistress was dressed in red, she was the one who whipped the woman, while the mistress in black whipped the man.

Suddenly the crowd gathered around the platform made noises and spread out. Clearly, one of them had finally safe worded.

Rob moved forward. He wanted to see the mistress in black. He had a bad feeling in his stomach. Was she.... When he approached the platform he heard the mistress speak in a familiar voice: "You were both brave. You will both get your reward."

The man had a boner and Helena, because Rob knew the black mistress could not be any other than Helena, kissed the man on his mouth and then she softly stroked the man's dick with her gloved hands until he came. He spurted his cum on her gloves and she offered her cum stained gloved hand to the woman, who eagerly licked it off.

Marion, nobody else could have been the mistress in red, had done something similar to the woman, and when the whipped woman came on Marion's gloved fingers, she brought the wet fingers to the man and pushed them to his mouth, which he in his turn eagerly licked off.

Rob was ashen when he saw what had happened. He felt sick and almost vomited. Helena kissing another man and then giving him a hand job - this was the last thing he would have expected from her! And now, he saw her do it with his own eyes, which were filled with tears. Feelings of anger, sadness and loneliness were torturing his soul. It was as if his stomach turned and he stumbled away from the platform. He had to get out of here, and fast. But first he had something to do. Tears ran over his cheeks. Helena and Marion saw him standing there, but ignored him. This of course was because he was masked, Helena could not have recognized him, and he was able to make his move backwards without interference. A woman clad the same as he was stood at the same place and he asked her with a broken voice: "Can you do me a favor, please? I have these two rings," he pulled his wedding rings from his finger, and gave them to her. "Can you bring this ring to the black mistress and the other ring to the red mistress? I'm sure they will understand what it means. Thank you!" He stepped away from the confused woman, who saw his distress.

The woman in her French maid outfit walked hesitantly to Helena and offered her the ring and pointed at Rob who turned the moment Helena was handed the ring. Then Marion got her ring and both woman suddenly looked at each other and panicked.

Rob quickly headed for the exit where he met Michelle.

"Everything went well, as I don't see angry mistresses at your back?" she smiled. Rob took off his mask and said with a raw voice, "And you never will again. Thanks for the betrayal. Thanks for all the fun at my expense. Thank you for nothing.... Mistress!" Bystanders stood still when they had heard him talking with his loud, hostile voice. "Fuck you! Fuck all of you," he said, with veiled eyes. He couldn't take it anymore, the hurt, the betrayal, the loss. He headed for the exit.

Suddenly a dungeon master came to him and wanted to take him by the arm.

"The moment you touch me, I will kick in your balls!" he hissed to the bewildered looking man.

"Leave him!" Michelle ordered. "I think he just saw something he wasn't ready for. It was my mistake!"

"Yes, A revelation that will cost me my marriage!" Rob showed her his fingers without the rings. "You can go to work in your official function. Please start the arrangements to cancel my marriage!" Michelle looked shocked.

Then he turned. He had a clear path to the exit,the doors to the hall automatically opened and he was given his coat by Miriam, who didn't dare say anything when she saw his pale face. She unlocked the door and within moments he was gone.

Two days later.

Rob was back in his old home. The sign 'for sale' was gone, Nicky and Inca were lying at his feet and he was reading some stories at the usual sites, when the doorbell sounded early in the afternoon.

He had expected this. Sooner or later the confrontation would come. At first he had refused to even talk to Helena and Marion, then Michelle had come to negotiate but he had left her standing at the front door and let her say what she wanted to say. Finally, at last he agreed to meet Helena. This time he would open the door for Helena, just this once. She had been banging on his door right from the start, until he was fed up with it and secretly left his house through the garden at the back with Nicky and Inca. But this afternoon, this would be a onetime meeting, he had made it clear to Michelle to tell her so that she really understood. Every other contact would go through lawyers, he had had enough. This whole situation, accidentally unlocked by Michelle, was consuming him. He could not sleep well anymore, he could not think straight, he felt tired and even the walks with his dogs didn't make him feel any better. Time after time he was lied to, deceived, tricked and humiliated. Visions of Helena with other men haunted his thoughts. He even dreamed of it.

As he opened the door and let Helena in, only Helena, no one else was allowed, he scanned the street and only Helena's car was parked at his door. He had made certain that if other people had been following Helena to join this meeting, he would kick them all out. He knew that the pressure would be too much otherwise and he expected he could not say his point of view under those circumstances. But she appeared to have arrived by herself, and that gave him some confidence.

They greeted, he took her coat and offered her coffee. Silently they went to sit at the dining room table. He didn't want to touch her, and kept his distance, although she tried to kiss him. He warned her off quickly.

"I don't want to kiss you, if you want to kiss, use the guy at the playground if you have the need," he said sharply. It was as if he had hit her, tears sprung into her eyes but she didn't say anything back.

She sat, he poured the freshly made coffee in her cup and sipped his own coffee. He needed to be cool and emotionless.

Silently Helena took a sip too, while she looked at him, searching for words to start the conversation.

Finally she said: "that was a cruel thing to say."

Rob said nothing and waited for her to continue.

"What did I do to be treated like you did just now? Why do you want to get rid of Marion and me? Why this divorce?"

"Why??" Rob laughed incredulously. "I finally know all the facts. You deceived me from the start. I won't even call this a divorce. I had no marriage, I was the victim in a play. I was the foolish idiot you all had a laugh about, from the very start! From the moment Jenny took me to Marion's place I was a puppet and you pulled the strings and I fell for it. I bought it all, your crocodile tears, your speeches, your games, your parties, and I was the fool who kept entertaining your friends. You have humiliated me in front of so many women, that when I walk nowadays in the local mall, I'm afraid someone will recognize me as the poor sod who revealed his genitals for a lot of women. You ruined my life and you ask me what you did? Hah! Who needs enemies with a wife like you, and a friend like Marion?"

The words cut Helena but she kept her voice quiet in the face of his accusations.

"Are you finished?" she asked softly.

"No! You have lost my trust, I will never believe you again. Whenever you want to explain something to me going forwards I would think, what game is she playing? What is behind her words? I don't want to live like that anymore. I have asked myself if you even understand what kind of person you are. You deceive, mislead, and never tell the whole truth. When I was young, I would call people like you liars. Today, as a grown up, I know that you tend not to tell the whole truth, which is almost the same thing. The effect for me is of course that I never can trust you, ever again!"

Helena kept a deadpan face in the fire his accusations, but inwardly she cringed. He was right, that was the problem, but he needed to be convinced that her reasons were honest.

"First of all, I didn't deceive you, I just didn't give you all the information. I have spoken with Michelle and she already told you about my fear that you wouldn't commit to me when you knew I was a Mistress. So I wasn't completely honest with you, okay, I'll use your words, I lied to you. But was it a lie? From the start I let you know that I was highly interested in the BDSM scene. I also made clear that if you didn't want to be involved in these things, I would quit. I would have! For you I would have given up everything, but you gave the impression that you didn't want to stop, you just didn't want to go all the way. But you have to understand, I love you and I would have given up the whole BDSM scene, if you asked me to do so. I still will give it up, if you want me to, and will come back to me."

Rob listened to what she said, and recognized some truth in it. But it wasn't enough.

"No. I never can trust you again. I saw you with that man. How many others have there been? What else have you done? Maybe this was 'innocent', but in my eyes you have gone too far. What you did was a very sexual deed and I think there is not much difference in allowing him to penetrate you, or that hand-job!"

"How many times did you fuck another woman?"

"Only when YOU asked. You were always present, and it was on your okay. I was always reluctant, but you insisted that I give 'mercy fucks' to your friends. I never did anything without your approval, but better said, I only did it because you urged me to. Don't give me that crap. I always have been faithful. Remember Bridget!"

Helena remembered Bridget, she and Bridget had made Rob believe that while he could not see due to a blindfold that Bridget had 'raped' him, while it was in fact Helena who mounted him. Rob did not take that well.

"OK, so you always have been faithful, well, I was faithful too. Yes, I gave that poor man a hand job, I sometimes do so when they behave bravely, but usually I let them do it by themselves. It was nothing. I didn't even touch him personally, I always wear gloves. And yes, I kissed him, like I kiss so many people."

"I don't care anymore. You can do as you like. I've given up - I'm done with you and Marion and all the others. Too many things have happened and I want my freedom back. I will start looking for a job again, maybe I will sell this house and start all over again in another town, I don't know yet, but you can forget about my coming back. It's not going to happen.

Oh - and if you use being depressed again to try to get some pity from me: don't bother, I won't come. I suggest you find yourself another lover from the playground, someone more forthcoming, there must be plenty who will want to do all the things I didn't do, so it's a win-win situation for the both of us. I will get my freedom, and you get a man who will worship you, more than I ever could!"

Helena now cried openly, but Rob was relentless. "Please leave Helena. Nothing you say will bring me back. It's over."

"I will not divorce you. Why are you doing this to me? I always loved only you. You are the only man in my life. Please Rob..." she begged.

Rob just stared at her and finally said "If you would have been honest for once, but after a while I faced another secret and then another, and another. You lured me into things. I can't live like that anymore. I have the feeling that it's all a game for you, that you are not taking me seriously. You play with my feelings and each time I become more uncertain. I love you, I probably always will, but I cannot live like this anymore. For example, when you told me you had some 'business' to do, I learned from Michelle that at least a few times a month you visited that club instead."

"But it is my business, Rob, amongst other things, I am the owner. I would have thought you had figured that out by now. Oh, Rob, what a mess! I'm sorry I wasn't more open with you, but how could I be?"

"Well, unfortunately, I found out about your secret life after all and, I really don't care anymore. Be the black queen or whatever they call you. It's none of my business anymore. You hurt me one time too many. Maybe it wasn't adultery in the classic way, but I know for sure that I will think each and every time when you would go to your club, what is she doing? Whom is she kissing today? Will it only be a kiss? What will she do as a 'special reward'? I'm guessing your special slaves can eat your pussy as well?"

Helena blushed. "No! Never when we were together. And even in the past..." She didn't finish her sentence. Obviously it made her uneasy.

"Yea, whatever, I don't know if I can believe you. There have been so many lies... Or, like you would phrase it, not telling all..." Rob continued. He thought for a moment, then shook his head. "Well, have a nice life Helena. I wish you well. But please leave me out of it. I cannot play your little games anymore. I want a woman for myself, with no hidden agenda, with no hidden properties, and with no hidden duties. I will find myself a caring, honest woman who I can fully trust. I really don't want to live with you anymore, I can't," he sighed. Suddenly he looked very sad and his initial anger was gone. "You have indeed hurt me one time too many times. Please go, Helena. Leave me alone."

"I have never let another man become intimate with me from the day we met!" She still was fighting, she wouldn't give him up.

"Whatever, maybe you have 'forgotten to mention a thing or two that I will find out the next time? I cannot simply trust you anymore!" He was sounding very sad when he said this.

Helena saw his mood change and this scared her more than his anger. She was used to his anger by now and she always could bend it to the right direction. But this was different, He was broken, and she knew it. This time she knew that anything she would say would not reach him anymore.

Softly she spoke to him. "I will use all my power, relatives and friends to make sure you will stay attached to me. I will not abandon you. You are my man, my lover and my soulmate. I will not ever give you up!" The last words she spoke with determined force.

"Fine," Rob shrugged sadly. "What's in a name, man, lover, soulmate. I know it doesn't really mean anything to you. But I know this, when I find myself another woman who I can trust I will build a new life with her. I will tell the truth about you, and then maybe, just maybe you will let me go."

"Never! You will always be bound to me. Maybe you need your freedom. Take it. But know this, I'm your wife and as such you will stay attached to me. I have judges in my pocket, don't mis-underestimate me. You are mine!" The desperation was taking its toll. Tears streamed over her face, she was hyperventilating, and needed air.

"Rob. Please wait! Let me say something to you. Please..." She was begging him between sobs and searching for air.

"Say what you have to say, Helena," Rob knew he loved her more than anyone else ever in his life, but he simply couldn't trust her. He loved her so much, it hurt - and when he saw her tears, he wanted to cry too, but he had to protect himself.

Helena sighed a few times, took a handkerchief and cleaned her face, trying to relax and to sound reasonable.

"It hurts me to say this, but can you agree to a cooling-off period? I know you are hurting, but honey, nothing really happened. God is my witness, but you are the only man in my life. You are the only man who has made love to me, no-one else has. Only you. There have been a few women - you know that - but I only love you as the one and only man in my life. Don't ever forget that. Can you please consider your actions? Give us some time? Is it an option to take a break and think things over? Do you want me to do some things to make it easier for you? Do you want me to step back from the club? No problem, it's done, I'll do everything for you. Do you have other grievances for me to consider? I will do anything you want. Just don't throw away our marriage about such a stupid thing as a little BDSM scene - it was nothing, and had nothing to do with love for that man or even others. You are my man. Please stay with me." Tears were rolling over her cheeks again. She wept openly, and Rob's heart was torn when he saw his wife cry and saw her despair.

Rob let her out, still saying nothing. Helena tried to kiss him again, but again he was prepared and shoved her out of the door.

"Helena."

She stopped and looked at him.

"Give me some time to make up my mind."

"Do you want me to stop going to the club?"

"I want you to keep your distance from other men, until I have decided what to do."

"I always kept my distance. But I won't go there anymore. Rob, don't give up on us. I love you with whole my heart. I cannot live without you. Please don't make me suffer too long. You said I cannot use depression, as if it is something you choose to have. I try to be cheerful, but please give me a little bit of hope, and come back to me when you are ready. I'll be waiting for you."

She walked to her car. Suddenly she turned. "Come back to me my love, and again, please forgive me for not telling you all from the start," she said with a sad voice.

"And remember, I will always be your wife."

He sighed. He knew Helena didn't make idle treats. She was extremely powerful and he doubted if he ever would be legally divorced from her. For now he had his freedom but could he really be free from her? Did he want to be free? Deep in his heart he would always love her. She was his everything. That's what made it so hard to decide what to do next.

Now what?

Helena went directly from Rob to Cathy's place. She needed her support, now more than ever. In her mind she reviewed the words she had said to Rob. She was desperate and she knew, the longer he was alone and away from her, the chances for her that he would come back would be less and less.

When she arrived at Cathy's house she immediately went in and entered Cathy's treatment room without even knocking. Cathy was busy taking notes, while a man was speaking to her. Helena apologized for barging in and then started to cry. Cathy recognized Helena's distress, thus, didn't get angry, and immediately ended the session with the patient, made a new appointment and within a couple of minutes Cathy and Helena were talking.

"Cathy, you have to help me! Rob found out about me."

"Found out? What do you mean? What have you done?"

"He saw me at the factory."

Cathy had no idea about what she was talking about and asked "Factory? What is the factory? What has that to do with you and Rob?" She was completely in the dark.

"The factory, the place where I sometimes go with Marion, our BDSM club. He saw us there - and he left me....us after seeing us play."

A very surprised Cathy said, "I had no idea that you visited such a place. I suspected it about Marion, but you?" She stood up and walked from behind her desk towards Helena. "He saw you... And you are in distress. He has left you? Us? What did you do?!" She accused Helena, suddenly angry. Her professional coolness was gone, and she started to panic. "Tell me, c'mon girl, tell me!"