There Must Be a Mistake Ch. 03

I said, "Doesn't it take days for the concrete to be ready to hold the monument?"

"No sir, we use quick drying cement, reinforced with rebar, which we did at the plant. This cement is amazing. It takes one hour to dry, and 100 years to cure. It will be here long after we are gone."

I looked at Delicious. "I guess were staying?"

She replied, "I am not giving you my $100."

We watched two men dig a trench 10'L x 8'W x 18"D. They poured in five inches of silica sand and a little water. They pounded it down with a heavy tamping tool, until it hardened, making sure it was level. They put the preformed rebar assembly into that area, and verified it was level also. With a great deal of effort, these four men pulled a piece of steel out of the back of this truck. It was 6'Long X 4" Wide X 8'H. They picked it up, with a great deal of effort, and slipped it into the center notch of the rebar. They held in a vertical position with two pair of 2"D X 4"W X 10' L They used a two by four and a heavy sledgehammer to make sure the monster was level and plumb. They poured the cement to the top of the form, made sure that it was without defect. When they were done, they began cleaning their tools, cleaned up the debris, and left the area perfectly clean. They called their boss and gave him the time so he knew approximately what time to deliver the monument.

Delicious looked at me and asked, "What are you going to put there that requires such a wide base and heavy center post?"

"Darling, I asked them the same thing and they told me it was part of the building code because of the winds we get up here during the winter. We get ninety mile an hour winds here, like California gets sunshine. These center posts are to keep the monuments in place. If you don't like the monument, I can take you to their site, and you can choose one that you like even better. You can even design one for yourself. You do not have to be satisfied with anything I do when it comes to your mother. You are the one that has to be happy."

She looked at me with sad, puppy dog eyes. "Did they give you one that was made twenty years ago for a mobster and nobody was left alive to pick it up?"

I said, "No. It was for a horse. When they realized the horse wasn't dead, it was too late to cancel it."

Delicious smiled. "Do you realize what you just did? You just told an original joke. I knew you could do it. Congratulations, it was even funny, almost."

"Do you want to go back to the house and wait for these people to come; or do you want to stand out here, like Rod, and get sunburn."

"Air-conditioning sounds much better than putting that white stuff all over my face. I think I'm ready to go home."

I kissed her head. "I'm happy that you consider this your home. When can I start operating on your knees, I can't wait to get you naked."

"I always thought you were pervert."

"Oh yes, Rod taught me everything I know about sex."

"If you said Rosalynn taught you about sex, I would have said you had a complete education. However, what can you learn from a man who fell asleep on his wedding night?"

"He did what?"

"He fell asleep, and Roz had to wake him up by hitting him with a pillow. I was hysterical when she told me that."

"Is anything sacred between women?"

"On a scale of 1 to 10, I would go with 1."

"You women are scary."

"How do you think we keep men up at night?"

I walked in the front door and heard the children running around the downstairs. Roz was busy in the kitchen making drinks, sandwiches, and snacks for them. The one person I did not see was Rod.

"Where is he hiding Roz?"

"It was funny as hell Even. You banned him from the house, so he looked for a hose. You didn't have one outside. He went to the Van and stripped. I mean stripped down to nothing because Adam didn't miss a thing. He got in, and drove home. I know it's not funny, but I hope he gets stopped for a ticket, and has to explain why he's naked."

Delicious said, "What do you mean not funny? If he gets a ticket I will go down to the jail and bail him out. I will hand him his clothes, PERSONALLY. Of course, I will be taking pictures with my cell phone as fast as I can. I am sure he will be very happy to get out of jail, with all those other men looking at him in the nude.

If the police hear him threaten to take me to the top of Republican Mountain, and leave me there for the vultures to feed on, I'm not sure if they will let him out. They may take him to the hospital for psychiatric evaluation. Where is Adam, I want to kiss him, because his timing was perfect."

"I would put on a protective garment. He has been passing gas regularly, and if he is going to do it to anyone, I would rather it be Rod again."

I said to Rosalynn, "I don't want him doing it in my house. If he's going to do it, let him do it outside on your husband again. It could possibly mean you would be down to five children, and no husband."

"Let me see, Even; five children, no husband, 6 ½ million dollars in the bank, $2 million in life insurance, and a good friend that is going to help keep an eye on us for a lifetime. I think we can make due, don't you?"

"Roz, I will repeat what I said to you the other day. You wouldn't know what to do without that jackass, and he would be lost without you."

"Yes, I know Even, but a girl can dream, can't she."

"Delicious, did Roz tell you that from the day she met him, to the day she married him was six weeks."

Delicious said, "Roz you left that part out, was he that good in bed?"

"I didn't know a thing about sex when I went to my marriage bed. For sixteen years I went to Catholic schools, and my parents kept me cloistered in my home after I get home at night. The only men I knew were priests. I was teaching at Brandeis University and went to give a speech at Harvard Law School. I was wearing a dress was slightly shorter than I normally did and my pervert husband caught sight of my panties. After I finished addressing the graduating class, they stood up and applauded. I went back to my seat, and almost everyone sat down and except him. He said the word blue which was the color of my panties and I blushed. I was walking across campus, talking on my telephone, and accidentally bumped into him. He threatened to sue me if I didn't go out to dinner with him that evening, the next evening, and Sunday. By the end of dinner that first night, I was gone. He talked me into everything including saving my virginity, until our wedding night. In front of me he told my parents if they didn't want to come to the wedding to fuck off. I loved him before that conversation, but when he told my father the same thing I wanted to tell him for most of my life, I would have followed him anywhere. He was brash, bold, and beautiful to look at. He kept saying that I was Catholic and we were going to have tons of kids, because I couldn't take birth control. I was going to need him because he was going to be a very successful lawyer, and he would be able to feed, clothe, and keep everyone of his children and his lovely wife in the manner to which he would love to keep them accustomed. He asked me to marry him Friday night, Saturday night, and Sunday after church. I said yes all three times. Sunday he pulls a contract out of his suit jacket and has me sign it. I couldn't believe he did that, and I couldn't believe I signed it. He has it hanging on the wall in his office."

Delicious looked at Roz in total confusion. Delicious loved Roz. She was an educated, intelligent, and street-smart woman. How could any man do that to her?

I saw the look on my nieces' face, and so could Roz. Roz jumped in first.

"Don't you dare laugh at me Delicious, one day it could happen to you?"

Delicious started to say something but it was not coming out properly. I interrupted her saying, "Niece Delicious, do you remember our discussion about that four letter word jumping up and biting you in the ass? Roz is taller than you are. If it jumped up and bit her ass, it certainly could bite yours."

My niece replied, "You are both lying to me. Rod probably had two shotguns at your head, because he was already starting to go bald..."

Rod screamed from the entrance to the kitchen, "I am not going bald"

Roz laughed and hugged Delicious. "How do you do that to my husband? Your timing is always perfect."

"It was easy Roz. I saw him walk by the kitchen window. I counted to six, and knew he would be behind me. He was a sitting duck."

"You are amazing, little girl, you are truly amazing. I know you are smarter than I am. You are smarter than Rod, and I would bet you a dollar to a doughnut, that you are smarter than your uncle."

Just loud enough to be heard by the children, Delicious said, "Second Lieutenant Lily is smarter than Rod."

Lily heard Delicious and started yelling, "I'm smarter than daddy. I'm smarter than daddy. I'm smarter than daddy."

Rod mumbled to Even, "Can I kill her please?"

I said to my friend, "No you cannot. I just bought her a $78,000 car. I won't have it sit in the driveway gathering dust."

"I will pay you for the car. I will pay you more for the car than you paid for it. It will give me great pleasure to do it for you."

"If you do that the police will come directly to your door and charge you with first-degree murder. They will know that you were responsible for her death, and we are a death penalty state. Sometimes I worry about you being my attorney Rod. I'm beginning to wonder if you have my best interests at heart. If you did, I would never have gone to Maine and none of this would be happening."

"I did it for your own good. I wanted you to get out of the house and get some rest. You had been working sixteen-hour days on your project and all I wanted you to do was take a break from the intensity of the work in your laboratory."

"I love my work Rod. I would stay up twenty-four hours a day to continue to do it. Going to Maine was just a distraction, until I met Delicious. She was as needy as I was. I believe that is the reason we bonded so quickly, and so well. We were both alone in this world, and the prospects of that changing were negligible. Did Delicious tell you she is going to get me a date?"

Rod's face went blank. He tried to talk, but this time he was the one that started to stammer and stutter. He took one look at his nemesis, and started moving towards her.

Delicious did not like the look on his face and moved towards the exit of the kitchen. Rod moved to cut her off, but she was too quick. As he chased her through the living room, Delicious yelled, "Colonel Jeffrey, CHARGE"

She exited the living room with Rod fifteen feet behind her. When he made the turn five children were there to greet him. He collapsed like a house of cards.

Trying to get up without hurting your children, who are determined to stay on top of you, is like a magic act you have not mastered. You pulled two off of you, and the three others have a better hold on you. He never yelled at his children, but he wanted to now. The next best thing he could think of was to call out to his wife.

"Roz if you don't get these five children off me, you will be pregnant tonight."

Rosalynn walked over to him and kicked him in his thigh. "You were so close to getting into your own bed tonight. Then you had to go open your big mouth, and spoil it for yourself. It looks like I am going to get another good night's sleep, while you enjoy another night on the floor, in your office."

"Don't you see what she's doing to us Roz? She has you and our children set up against me. It's three against one; and there is no way I can win."

"Yes there is dear; keep your mouth closed and be nice to people."

I asked my lawyer, "Did you ever figure out why Delicious got a B in Physical Education."

"Go ahead, Even; kick a man when he's down. Yes I know why she got a B in Physical Education, and I also passed the Bar Examinations in Massachusetts and Colorado."

"I know you are lying down on the floor Rod, and if you want me to kick you I will. I just wanted to make sure that you hadn't forgotten about that question."

"You said you called a tow truck."

"No, I told you to have the tow truck driver take you home."

Delicious said to Rosalynn, "If we don't stop this now is going to be a fight in this house."

"Delicious, I'm not sure if Rod knows how to fight. He makes love, not war."

"What about my uncle?"

"Your uncle would probably build an android, and have it do the fighting for him."

"They are two of a kind."

********

A tractor-trailer entered the property, followed by a crane. Both vehicles headed towards the gravesite. Delicious looked at me with her mouth open in the biggest 'O' it could make.

I smiled. "I told you it was made for a horse."

Instantly, she kicked me in the ankle, and I followed our group and the trucks with a limp.

The trucks bracketed the prepared site, front, and back. Two cables were connected to the top of the monument, and the crane lifted the monument several feet off the carrier. As soon as it was clear of the trailer, the truck moved out of the way, and men removed the bottom pieces of wood, leaving the sides, and shroud covering the block of granite. The crane moved it to the steel center post, and with eight men struggling to line it up, the crane operator slowly lowered the monument over the steel upright, and down onto the steel reinforced concrete pad.

"What is it Uncle Even?"

"It's your skirt and shoes from Waterville."

Delicious replied, "Where is Adam when you need him?"

"He could be the first visitor to sleep in your new bed."

*******

"That reminds me we have to go shopping again."

"Why is it every time I say something to you, it reminds you that we have to go shopping?"

"Just call it a woman thing. We have to buy sheets and pillow cases from my new bed and new pillows."

"Your drivers' license will be here tomorrow, you can go by yourself."

"Really, you will let me drive all the way to Denver, by myself?"

"What is the matter with Idaho Springs?"

"I don't know; you never took me shopping there."

"It looks like I'm going to have another wasted day."

"Look at it this way Uncle Even; the cleaning crew is coming to the house tomorrow. You would be hiding in the basement anyhow. Why not have some fun with your niece. I'll even treat you to lunch using my $100."

"The way you eat, $100 will barely cover it."

"Is that a nice thing to say to someone was offered you a free meal?"

*******

Six men removed the front portion of the wooden frame, while others bolted the edges and the rear of the monument into the concrete base. They removed the sides, and rear portion of the frame; and cleared all the debris from our field of view. The cables were disconnected from top of the monument and the truck disappeared.

When the view of the gravesite was pristine, and we were standing in a row, at the foot of Divines grave, I nodded my head and the supervisor pulled a cord that removed the shroud that covered the monument. There wasn't a sound. Everyone was as quiet as my sister. I was not sure if it was good or bad omen.

In front of us, almost like a shining billboard, engraved in Polished Black Granite; nine feet wide by 7 ½ feet tall, by three feet deep, was the sign for 'INFINITY' using the word 'LOVE' going in opposition to one another, 6 times, in one half inch italic lettering. It was exactly what I asked for, and it was better than I hoped for. Now all I needed was affirmation that someone besides me liked what they saw.

If I did not look down I would never have heard a sound. Delicious had tears flowing down her face, while kneeling on the ground. She had one hand on the barren ground, under which her mother's coffin lay. Her other hand was trying to wipe the tears from her eyes so she could see the monument. I knew the words I said to Delicious about my feelings for her mother, became more indelibly etched in her heart.

When I looked and saw Rosalynn's head on Rod's shoulder, I breathe a sigh of relief. I now had confirmation I had done something I could be proud of for my sister. I could not bring myself to tears, because in my heart I knew I was much too late to do something right for her.

I said to Delicious, "Do you see why they thought it was for a dead horse?"

"Dammit, you are not going to spoil this moment for me Uncle Even. I'll kick your ass later. It is so beautiful, what made you think of it?"

"Our conversations, dummy. I told you I wanted your mother in my life: Forever. I told you I want you in my life: Forever. The word 'Forever' kept popping up in all our conversations. This site is for the three of us. It can be made larger, for your husband and children if you want, but it is meant for me and you to lie beside your mother: Forever. In my Will a portion of our land will be given to the National Park, with enough money to take care of it: Forever. There is no sign in science for the word for 'FOREVER.' However, there is one that means the same thing: 'INFINITY'."

I bowed my head and said aloud, "May God rest your soul, my sister; I am so sorry I did not do more for you in life, than I should have."

*******

As we began to leave my sister, Delicious asked, "Do you ever forget anything Uncle Even?"

"Unlike you, Delicious, yes I do."

"What do you mean 'Unlike me'?"

"I am not a snitch, why should I tell you?"

"Uncle Even, do you want to limp back to our house or do you want to crawl back?"

"I refuse to tell you, on the grounds that it will hurt me."

"I am going to hurt you very soon if you don't tell me what you're talking about."

"We will talk about it, when I am safe in our house."

"Don't piss me off Even, or you will crawl around our house."

"I told you it was going to hurt me."

***********

After everyone left, I asked Delicious to get me a glass of water. As she was walking to the refrigerator, I asked her nonchalantly, "What is on the right corner of my desk in the lab?"

Without hesitation she replied, "The same garbage you always read: the Journal of Analytical Science and Technology, Scientific America, and Scientific American Mind."

"Which one was I reading, and what page was I on?"

As she filled my glass, she said, "You are reading Scientific American Mind, and the book is upside down. I don't know what page you were on."

"When was the last time we were down in the lab Delicious?"

"Let me see: We were out Friday, I went shopping with Roz Saturday and with you, Sunday. I babysat the kids all day on Monday, so it must've been last Thursday."

"You're right Delicious it was Thursday. Do you realize what you just did?"

"No."

"My friends and I believe that you are totally photographic: video and audio. If I asked you to recall a conversation from yesterday and gave you a cue of what that conversation was about, I would bet you could give me the entire conversation verbatim. I know you can do it video, because I've seen you do it with my codes for the gates, and what did just now. You have just given me a detailed description of what's on my desk from last Thursday, without thinking about it. I have a little surprise for you, and you cannot say no, otherwise little people are going to sneak into your room one night, and carry you away in the dark. You are going to start learning to speak Mandarin Chinese this weekend. You are expected to speak their entire language within two weeks. It should be quite easy for you."

"You are out of your..."

I placed my hand over her mouth before the next word was able to exit. "There is one other thing you and I have to discuss, and that is the use of unacceptable language. Each unacceptable word will cost you ten dollars. There will be a very large jar on the kitchen table for you to deposit your money. This will be an honor system. If you use a foul word, you will stop what you are doing and deposit a ten-dollar bill in the jar, and return to your work. We will start tomorrow. For every foul word you utter, a ten-dollar bill goes into the jar. If you go a full day without saying a foul word you empty the jar. If the jar is full on the seventh day, I take the money. If I catch you cheating, it will cost you three times the amount of money in the jar. Do you understand Niece Delicious?"