There Must Be a Mistake Ch. 03

"You know that's impossible Uncle Even. If they want me to learn a new language I'm going to have to bust my hump doing that, and doing your piddly little garbage will just get in my way."

"Did you just say, "My piddly little garbage?"

"I didn't mean it like that, but you not giving me anything hard to do anymore. It's not like the Freolyte problem you wanted me to solve. This is all mundane math and physics. I was hoping to do something hard again."

I walked over, and held her in my arms. "Child, I want to be alive when you grow up. I want to see what you are going to do to this world. If things I am giving you to do are mundane, you are above 90 percent of the college students studying these areas of mathematics in Doctoral Programs. I have to get you down to Austin, and have them test you. You are going to knock their socks off."

"But I don't want to leave you Uncle Even; I wouldn't know what to do with myself if you aren't around."

"We will take this 1 step at a time. I will not let you go until you are ready to go. If that time doesn't come, we will grow old together. However, I have the feeling that you are going to blossom into a wonderful young woman, and everything that goes with it. You are going to meet a young man, who will take your breath away. You and he will take it one-step at a time, and from that point on you will make that decision. Don't argue with me now, because I've heard you say it before. You are very young, and you have a lot of years ahead of you. Right now the only thing I'm concerned with is the money in that jar, and the two $100 bills under it. They are mine."

"BULLSHIT!"

"That will be $10 please."

"You cheated again Uncle Even."

"Yes, and I'm so good at it."

**********

The buzzer went off at the gate and I opened both of them for the delivery I expected. Much to my surprise a uniformed Air Force Lieutenant delivered the box.

"You must be very important Mister Luck. They normally don't let these programs off site."

Suddenly his eyes left mine, and I knew where they were looking. Delicious had just joined us.

"This is my niece Delicious Mark. She just moved here from Waterville Maine. She is the reason for what's in this box."

The officer nodded his head and said hello, more with the hunger in his eyes, then with the words from his mouth.

"Sir, this program is meant for a linguist, not for an adolescent."

Delicious was about to say something, but I held up my hand to her before she had a chance to jump down his throat.

"Lieutenant with all due respect, she will have the Mandarin language memorized in 2 weeks; 3 weeks at the most. She will also be working on my computer digital science project at the same time. Do not insult her again."

He looked at me and then at Delicious. "I'm sorry miss, I meant no disrespect. I apologize."

"You know the way out Lieutenant; drive safely, and have a good day."

As he drove off I said to Delicious, "I hope you are not going to make a liar out of me."

"Can I take my money out of the pretzel jar?"

"I'd rather be a liar. All that money is mine, and that $100 bill of yours is going to be prominently displayed on my head."

"Could you glue to your mouth instead?"

"I have been living in this compound for 7 years. I am used to hearing no one's voice but my own. You on the other hand have to communicate orally, otherwise you will go crazy. Change that please; you will go crazier than you already are."

After she hit me, she said, "I'll still bet you talk first."

"It will get awful quiet in here, and you are not going to be able to take it."

"After I win this bet, would you like to place another $100 bet?"

"You just love to lose money little miss. I may be able to stop working, with you living here."

"Who are you kidding Uncle Even. You could stop working and live off the interest on your money now. You own that whole city block; and the income from that alone would keep you happy for the rest of your life."

"Enough talking, where do you want to work on your language lessons?"

"My bedroom for now, and if I need to change my location, I'll let you know."

**************

9. Rides and Rod

10:30 Monday morning, I was fine-tuning my experiment bending radio waves, while Delicious sat at her desk learning to speak the Mandarin dialect of Chinese. I had to answer the phone, because Delicious was wearing a headset, which canceled out 99.97% of all outside noise. It was state of the art, and it was one of my first patented products, while I was still a student at MIT.

I took the message and smiled. I opened a large felt tip marker and wrote four letters on a piece of paper. I walked up the two flights of stairs, and stopped at the open doorway to Delicious' room. As she peered into her mirror she saw me standing there.

She waved to me, turned around, but did not remove her headset until I showed her the piece of paper with the letters: C A R S.

She screamed with joy, turned off the machine, and pulled off her headset. "When Uncle Even, when are they going to be here?"

"You talked first; that $100 is mine. The delivery driver said 5 minutes, but you can't go outside in your pajamas."

"I hate you Uncle Even; you tricked me again. Leave my room before you see something you don't want to see."

"Delicious, you have played your tough girl act very realistically since you were 12 years old. Now I am going to call your bluff. Go ahead, drop pajama bottoms, and I will be right here to see if you shave your pussy or not. You told Rod and me that you are a virgin and I believe you. It does not mean that you were not an exhibitionist. Go ahead girl; let me see what you have."

Her right hand was on the string that would untie the bow that held the bottom of her pajamas together, but her hand would not move. I saw tears begin to well up in her eyes, and that was as far as I wanted this lesson to go. I moved quickly, and gathered her into my arms. As soon as she felt safe, she burst into tears.

"Why did you do that to me Uncle Even?"

"You can't do that and expect to get away with it all the time. If you are in a room with a young man, and don't pull that string, he will pull it for you. You will be at his mercy, and he will not be as generous as I was. You will have intercourse with him, whether you want to or not. It will not be a pleasant experience for you. I want your first time to be a glorious experience; preferably in a bed, and definitely not in the back seat of a car. You must learn to control your actions, just as you are learning to control your language. Oh by the way, you lose you talked first."

"Learning to control my language is becoming very expensive Uncle Even."

"When you cannot afford to put gasoline in your car, your language will become perfect in a matter of days. However, the pretzel jar stays on the table just in case there are any relapses. My $100 bill will always be there. When you slip, I expect yours to be there, plus a $10 bill inside the jar."

"I don't like you Uncle Even. I love you with all my heart, as I'm sure my mother did, but you do not fight fair. You make up the rules as you go along, and when you see a weakness, you take advantage of it."

"Darling Delicious, isn't that what all good parents do to their children to make them better than they are?"

The buzzer for the main gate sounded, and Delicious tried to get by me and get downstairs to see the cars. I grabbed her around her waist, and dumped her on her bed.

"CLOTHES, NOW!"

"Get out of my room so I can get into my clothes and play with my new car, please!"

"Does that mean I can't watch?" I ducked into the hallway quickly, just before a pillow went flying through the door.

She yelled, "Does that answer your question?"

"I would have understood your answer more clearly, if you had hit me."

"Watch out Uncle Even; I have a car now, and you may get your wish."

***********

I punched in the codes for both security fences to come down simultaneously, and watched the monstrous truck make its way through the turns in my driveway. I thought to myself this driver must have years of experience to be able to do what he had just accomplished without leaving the paved surface.

When the driver exited the cab I was amazed. He couldn't have been more than 20 or 21 years old. He stood about 6'2" tall, was well muscled, with black slicked back hair, and a baby face.

He was walking towards me, with a clipboard in his hands, when she ran out of the house. His mouth opened, the clipboard fell to the floor, and his feet stopped midstride. I felt sorry for him, because he didn't stand a chance.

She was wearing a pink crop top, tight pink shorts, pink socks, and white tennis shoes. She looked 'HOT in PINK.'

She bent down, picked up his clipboard, stepped back, and looked up into his eyes.

After a seconds hesitation she offered her hand and said, "Hi, my name is Delicious. Do you know which one of these cars belongs to me?"

As he regained the power of speech, he took her offered hand and said, "Hello Miss Delicious, my name is Duncan, Duncan Apple. Neither of these cars is registered to you personally. They are registered to a corporation."

Delicious turned to me, but before she could say anything, I said, "The car is yours, but for insurance purposes both of them are registered through one of my corporations. It is safer for you, and for me to do it that way. You can never be sued personally by anyone. They have to sue the corporation instead."

She nodded her head, and said, "Oh."

I breathe a sigh of relief. A major argument had been avoided.

Delicious looked him up into his dark eyes again, and asked, "Could you start taking the cars down now please, Duncan?"

He released her hand and said, "Absolutely Missy."

He walked a little funny on his way back to the truck and I pointed it out to my niece.

"Do you see what you did to that poor young man, by being nice to him?"

"No, what did I do?"

"That young man has an erection so large and hard, he can barely walk straight. It will take him a few moments to get it under control so he can do his work properly. You did nothing wrong or inappropriate; neither did he. It is just a natural reaction between a handsome young man, and a beautiful young woman. He could be married, with four children, and love his wife dearly. It does not matter; a man's body will react to a beautiful woman the same way every time. Hormones rush through the bloodstream, pheromones are picked up through the olfactory senses, and the body of a man will react the same way all around the world."

"I will tell you something if you promise not to laugh at me."

"I will try my best, but sometimes you tell me the funniest things and it is a natural reaction for me to laugh. What is on your mind sweetheart?"

"Duncan is not the only one with a problem. I'm going to have to go upstairs and change my panties. I'm all wet down there."

I tried, I mean I really tried not to laugh, but I failed miserably. I grabbed Delicious and hugged her tight to my body until I stopped chuckling. I looked into her eyes and she was not happy with me. She was as pink as her clothing. Duncan was far enough away that I did not have to whisper.

"I cannot wait for Halloween."

She said "Why?"

"Have you ever gone to a carnival where you have people throw a ball, hit a bulls-eye, and a man or woman drops into a barrel filled with water?"

"Yes, we had it at our school to raise money for our athletic teams."

"Well, this year we are only going to have one person sitting on that little chair, and we are going to be 'Dunkin Apple!"

Delicious burst out laughing at my little joke.

I said, "STOP, what are you laughing about? If you two get married, you are going to be a 'DELICIOUS APPLE."

"I am not getting married. I told you I would never allow a man to have that power over me.

I whispered, "Why are your panties wet?"

"I am not telling you anything ever again."

"I will tell you something if you promise not to laugh at me."

"Here is that damn echo again. Go ahead; I will try not to laugh as long and as loud as you laughed at me."

"I didn't need you to tell me that you had an orgasm, while you were talking to Duncan. When you returned to my side, your body was giving off an aroma that gave you away. It is a delicious and edible treat that most men love drinking from the source. They would rather drink that honey from your vagina than the finest wine ever made."

"How would you know that tidbit of information Uncle Even?"

"What do I do in this wonderfully secure compound of mine?"

"Research."

"What is my line of work?"

"You are a research scientist."

I looked into her eyes and let her words sink into her brain.

"How stupid can one person be, Uncle Even?"

"I'm not absolutely sure. Should I call Rod and ask him the question about the coach, the B, and knocking him on his ass?"

"No, I think he would hurt me this time."

"Rod does not have a mean spirited bone in his body. He would never hurt my niece for fear of losing my account."

"You have to promise me never to do that to him Uncle Even. Rod and I talked about you as he drove me home. He would give up both his arms to protect you."

"I wouldn't do it to him anyhow. He's been a pain in my ass since I was five years old. I wouldn't know what to do without him in my life. He is the only constant I have had since elementary school. If it were not for Rod, I would have gone mad years ago. That's why I drive him crazy about being in my Will. It's my only way of getting back at him."

"Maybe you should join me at his house Wednesday morning, when he comes home from having the procedure done. If you want to see fear in a grown man's eyes, you will see it then."

"What are you going to do to my friend this time Delicious?"

"I will swear to you on a stack of Bibles, I am not going to do a thing Wednesday morning, except babysit."

"What are you going to teach those six adorable children of his to do to their father when he comes home?"

"Later today, when you are not working down in the lab, I'm going to make 40 foam balls; white, three inches in circumference, and I'm going to paint red stitching in the same pattern as baseballs. What do you think Rod will do, when he sees his children throwing them at him as he enters the house?"

"Delicious when Rod recovers from his heart attack he is going to buy the biggest gun available and come searching for you. He is not going to want to miss when he aims at your evil horns. Does Roz know about this attack on her husband?"

"Roz wants to know where I come up with these ideas. I tell her it must come from your side of the family. She thinks it's wonderful that we are together."

"Did you ask Rod his opinion of our pairing?"

"No, I didn't; the children were still awake."

Duncan parked the first Audi Q7 SUV by the garage, and walked back up the ramp to get the second one. Except for their license plates they were identical, inside and out.

After I finished assigning the paperwork I said, "Mister Apple do you live in this area?"

"Yes sir, down by Conifer, about forty miles from here."

"Is it an easy trip for you to get here?"

"Yes sir, why do you ask?"

"Well, my niece just moved down here from Maine, and doesn't know anyone here. She's going to have a birthday a week from Friday...

"UNCLE EVEN, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU." Delicious stormed away.

"Now, where was I? Oh yes, we are going to have a tiny birthday party for her. I don't know any young men in this area. I saw no rings on your fingers and I hope I do not embarrass you by asking if you are unattached. I saw the way you looked at my niece, and there was definite interest. She will be seventeen one week from Friday. She has never been allowed out on a date, and she will not be allowed out this time either. I was hoping you could come to my home, enjoy an evening talking with her, possibly teaching her how to dance, and having some food with a few of my friends. Are you at all interested Mister Apple?"

"What time would you like me here sir?"

"Is 7 o'clock convenient for you?"

"I will be here at 7 o'clock."

"Thank you, may I call you Duncan?"

"Yes sir, please do."

"My name is a little funny; it is Even; Even Luck. My nieces name is Delicious, Delicious Mark. She is a very bright young woman, but she has no idea what goes on outside that fence, or what went on outside of her home in Maine, because of the way her family raised her."

"I understand sir. I will keep the discussion as light as possible. She is truly a beautiful young woman."

"She is a beautiful young woman, with a short temper, and a very strong right cross to along with it."

"Yes Mister Luck, thank you for the invitation."

I watched as Duncan drove the truck clear of the property and closed the gates to the compound. I held my head in my hands and said, "What the fuck were you thinking Even? She is going to kill you."

I put on my happy face to cover the fear I felt inside, and marched into the house. I yelled out, "Are we, or are we not going for a ride in our new cars?" There was no reply. This was not a good sign. Should I check the steak knives, or take a chance that Delicious would be reasonable? Let's be safe, check the steak knives first. All twelve of them with there.

I walked up the flight of stairs and knocked on her door. There was no answer. I knocked again, harder and louder, and still there was no answer. I pressed the lever down and the door opened. Upon initial inspection she was not in her room. I checked the closet, under her bed, behind her desk, and behind her drapes. She was not in her room. In a 3600 square foot two-story house, I had a lot looking to do. I was about to divide and conquer the upstairs when I said to myself, "Idiot, she's in the lab." She was.

When she heard me approach her she said, "Don't touch me. I am so angry with you I will rip your fingers off if you touch me."

"Are we going to talk like adults, or are you going to pout like a child?"

"You pimp me out on a date, and you are calling me a child?"

"I did not pimp you out on a date. I set up a meeting between a boy and a girl approximately the same age. You are not leaving this house. Rod, Roz, the children, and I will be here celebrating your birthday. I explained the rules quite clearly to Duncan. I told him you have never been out on a date, and have no experience conversing with a member of the opposite sex. He knows to expect nothing and in return he is getting a glass of milk and a slice of cake. If you feel that it makes you a whore because of that exchange, you think very little of yourself."

"I have never acted normal around a boy."

"Did you hear what you just said? You have never 'ACTED NORMAL' around a boy. Consider this part of your attitude adjustment period. You are changing the way you speak. You are changing the way you behave; and now you have to start changing the way you relate to young men. You are no longer allowed to ACT the way my sister taught you to ACT. Your mother made you project yourself in a manner that kept you, and your body safe from abusive men. You no longer have to act that way. You are SAFE from all predators, especially the one that lived in your home. You will always be SAFE, because I am here for you. Rod is here for you, and Rosalynn is here for you. You will never be abandoned by any of us. You will always have a wonderful protective home. Three adults will protect and care for you at all costs. You will never have to worry about money. Rod has opened a checking account for you with $5 million in it as a safety net, if anything was to happen to me, and my Will gets stuck in probate. The checkbooks are in the top left-hand drawer of your dresser. I let Rod put them there so he could smell your panties."