Yearning Hearts Ch. 05

By then he was finish eating when he looked up into her pleading eyes. "Ok fine, if Thomas wants to go I'll consider it, he breathed and shook his head unbelievably. What was with him not being able to tell people no, the people he loved that is.

She grabbed him and hugged him tightly as she giggled and squealed. Meanwhile he was stretching his arms out as to not soil her clothes. If he'd known it would've made her happy before, he would've agreed much sooner. After about twenty minutes of talking he told her to go home. She was resisting at first but he didn't like her over working, doing things she didn't have to do. Before he left to go back upstairs she gave him another one of those winks but he had no idea what she was going at.

*******

'No, oh god no, not yet.' Thomas mumbled as he slowly started drifting out of his sleep. For a moment it felt like he and Jonathan were perfectly happy. There were no lies, no fighting, no mistrust and no deception. They were just happy. They were in a white room with white flowing fabric on this unbelievably huge bed both wearing white boxer briefs. They were cuddling and laughing. Jonathan was tickling him and he was losing it in a fit of laughter trying to get away but Jonathan had him in his grasp, he wouldn't have it any other way.

"T?" He didn't want to wake up but Jonathan' voice was calling him; now, that he could wake up for. "Baby come on look at me, hey." His eyes fluttered opened and what he saw next took his breath away. Jonathan was crouched over him, his knuckles brushing his cheeks gently as he stared at him intently with intense concerned grey eyes.

"Hi," Thomas whispered tiredly as he held the hand stroking his cheek.

"You were mumbling in your sleep, are you ok?"

"Sorry, did I wake you? Do you want me to leave?" Thomas asked meekly as he pushed the blanket off him and scooted back against the leather back headboard.

Jonathan chuckled softly then unconsciously placed his hand on Thomas' knee. "No you didn't. I've been up for a while now. I was starting to get a little worried about you, guess you really needed some sleep huh?"

"Sorry, I just haven't had a chance to sleep that much lately." He locked eyes with Jonathan. "When I saw you laying there, I just couldn't resist. I know I shouldn't have barged in here like that but I just needed to be near you." Thomas noticed Jonathan's hand on his knee and reached out to cover it with his but before he could do that Jonathan pulled his hand away and stood.

"No way you aren't hungry after all that shut eye so how about we head downstairs and I'll make you whatever you want," Jonathan told him warmly as he swiped nimble fingers over his phone screen.

'What I want is you,' Thomas thought but he didn't want to risk pushing Jonathan further away. He was grateful that Jonathan was talking to him and no longer appeared to be in a bad mood but he noticed that Jonathan was still holding himself back. That could only mean one thing; that last conversation they had back at Jonathan's penthouse was hindering any remotely possible progress between them.

"Ethan look at me...please." Before he let another minute slip past, he knew how crucial it was for Jonathan to hear how sorry he was for all those things he said. A simple I'm sorry wasn't going to cut it, he needed to reverse those insults. Jonathan shoved his phone and hands in his pocket then looked up and met his eyes.

"I don't regret meeting you. Meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me, I need you to believe that. I don't hate you; I love you, more than ever. 'THIS' as I've so blatantly pointed out last time, isn't just some meaningless fling, I know that, I've always known that and I'm so sorry I made it sound less than what we are, what we've been for so long.

You're my best friend; you're the love of my life and the man I love. I know who you are. You are the kindest, most loving, most considerate, most selfless person I've ever met and that's how I know you were only looking out for me when you let me believe Belle was mine. I know you love me. Not because you tell me but because you've shown me how much for the past ten years in everything you do for me.

Especially the way you look at me but just know that whenever you utter those words to me you fulfill me in ways you can't begin to understand. I love you Ethan." He concluded walking closer to Jonathan who didn't break eye contact with him for one second.

Leaving just a few inches between them Thomas continued. "Baby I need you to look at me and hold me the way you used to. I need to hear those words again; I need to hear you say you love me again," he whispered, eyes heavy with unshed tears. "I can't lose you Ethan, I won't, not over this," he stepped even closer placing his right hand over Jonathan's chest.

"You once told me that this beats only for me, I need to know that's still the case, I need to know that I'm still yours; that you haven't given up on me. So am I? Do I still have you or have I destroyed it all?" he asked searching eyes he couldn't seem to read.

"We should..." Jonathan's ringtone interrupted and instead of giving Thomas an answer, he answered and stepped out onto the balcony. Thomas just stood there watching him in fear and panic as his whole body started to shake.

He wished Jonathan would've ignored that call and talk to him but he wasn't going to let that stop him from fighting. He was optimistic that he could make things right between the two of them but he couldn't help but feel scared out of his fucking mind. What if there was no restoring what they had; what if he lost him forever? He couldn't tell what was going through Jonathan's head but one thing he knew for sure was that he had no intention of giving up, no way in hell.

He walked into the en suite bathroom and splashed his face with some water. When he came back out

Jonathan was gone so he headed downstairs to the kitchen where he was certain Jonathan went.

Jonathan definitely didn't see that coming. That definitely wasn't a part of his plan. He wanted to show Thomas that what they had wasn't just about sex. That they could function without wanting to rip each other's clothes off. Maybe even suggest the option of going back to what they were before, just friends. Thomas saying all those things only achieved one thing, a hard dick and that hard dick wanted to be buried deep inside Thomas. Talk about throw you against the wall and fuck you until all you see are dark spots.

Thankfully the phone rang right at that moment because if it hadn't, Lord knows the whole house would be echoing with sex noises by now. Just thinking about it made his dick painfully hard. Fuck. He knew Thomas would want to talk when he came down but in order to keep on track with his plan. He had to try touching other topics that wouldn't intersect into eyes locking, lip smacking, clothes tearing, ass grabbing, backwards pounding history. And that's what he intended to do. All he had to do was try not to look Thomas in the eyes, he could manage that.

*********

When Thomas arrived downstairs, Jonathan had on some alternative R&B music playing while he sprinkled some salt and pepper on some diced up chicken breast as he skillfully stirred some finely chopped garlic in a skillet. He wanted to resume their conversation but something told him that Jonathan would just try and divert into something different. He could read the man like a book.

He was cordial, warm, inviting and he was making him dinner but obviously Jonathan didn't want any intimacy between them. Friends, Jonathan wanted friendship, nothing else. Unfortunately that wasn't possible, not with them anyway.

Jonathan cleared his throat then spoke. "Camila brought over some killer stew yesterday, I don't know why I waited until today to eat it but that lady can cook." He boasted as he threw some chopped onion and bell peppers in the skillet and stirred them into the garlic. "I forgot the name she called it but she didn't want to translate for some reason. I honestly don't care what it means. She very well may be the best cook I've come across in my life."

"Better not let your mother hear you," Thomas interjected trying to play along with Jonathan's ridiculous little game. What was he doing anyway; he looked like a nervous wreck.

"Better not," he returned in a roaring laughter, maybe a little louder than he intended. "As a matter of fact I didn't say anything," he backtracked innocently. Thomas' mind was in a turbulent turmoil but he couldn't help the smile that tugged at his lips right then. He made Jonathan nervous, that never happened before.

In went the chicken then later some precooked carrots and broccoli. In another pot was some brown rice steaming in chicken stock. It smelled amazing and Thomas mouth watered in anticipation, he couldn't wait to taste it. Sometimes he wished he could cook as well as Jonathan. Surely he must want to be taken care of that way too. Luckily that would change in a bit, he wanted to make Juliette's signature casserole for him but he needed Camila's help to pull it off.

"So Camila wants us to come to a barbeque she's hosting tomorrow but I told her I'd ask you first. So what do you think?

Thomas watched as he turned around towards the contemporary wine refrigerator that hung on the wall and opened it. "I guess it'll be fun."

Thomas answered unenthused. Was Jonathan really going to stand there like nothing happened upstairs? He poured his heart out to the man for god's sakes and he has yet to respond. He felt like an idiot sitting there. 'Enough is enough,' he thought.

"Ethan, what are you doing?" he demanded somewhat irritated.

"Hmm? I'm choosing a wine to drink with dinner. Do you prefer red or white?"

"Jesus, I'm not talking about the damn wine Ethan!" Thomas snapped then sighed deeply. "You won't look at me. You're pretending like I didn't just speak to you a while ago. Why am I the only one that's fighting for us? Tell me." Thomas made a small whimper and had to cover his mouth immediately. No crying, he told himself.

Ok, now his plan was having the opposite effect. He wasn't even thinking of how Thomas must've felt. As he turned around his heart broke at the look in Thomas' eyes. "I'm sorry, please don't cry alright," he whispered as he pinched the bridge of his nose and tilt his head back.

"How can I not? I just poured my heart out to you and you're acting like nothing happened, that hurts Ethan," Thomas murmured then held his head down. Before he knew it Jonathan had rushed around to his side and pulled him to his chest. "Please stop pushing me away.' He muffled against Jonathan's chest.

"I'm a fucking idiot, I'm sorry. I just...God." He breathed frustratingly. It's just that after you left my room this morning I got to thinking, what if we just focused on what we had before. You know, before we involved sex. We were inseparable before I kissed you, nothing could touch us.

I mean, every time we fight, we say something to hurt each other, that can't be healthy. What's gonna happen next time one of us fuck up again?" From where Thomas sat on the stool, he lifted his head from Jonathan's chest, hugged his waist and looked up at him.

"We won't ever have to find out, because we know what it's like to not have each other. I don't know about you but it's the worst feeling ever. I never want to know what that's like again. It's you and me; it's always been that way. As long as I have you I know I can make it through anything." Jonathan tore his eyes away from Thomas' and looked passed him as if he didn't want to look at Thomas when he responded.

"Maybe I shouldn't have put the moves on you that night, I mean look where it's gotten us," he murmured miserably and met Thomas' eye again. "Everything was fine before, you were happy." He laughed humorlessly to himself, released Thomas and leaned his back against the island then continued. "I kissed married man for fuck's sakes." He laughed some more.

"Then I expected him to drop everything and be with me just like that. That was beyond selfish of me and I'm sorry, so fucking sorry baby," he breathed dishearteningly as his eyes welled up.

Thomas got up and moved to where Jonathan stood and melted into his side. "I'm not, that night was so special for me and I know it was for you too. The way you held me, kissed me, you took care of me like no one ever has. If there's anything to regret, it should be wishing you'd done it sooner, I wish you had because I have no doubt that I would've surrendered to you just the same."

Thomas moved from Jonathan's side, stood in front of him, reached up and pulled Jonathan's head down to meet his eyes. "I hear what you're saying, you're tired of the fighting and the heartache but you know it's not possible for us to be just friends anymore. You don't want that, I don't want that."

Right then Tory Lanez - Say It, started playing and with that he straddled one of Jonathan's right leg and pressed his groin closer. He wanted Jonathan to know how he made him feel. He lowered his voice to a seductive whisper as he caressed Jonathan's neck and chest. "Are you ok with someone else touching me and kissing me?"

The corner of his mouth curved in a sexy smirk when Jonathan growled deep in his throat and his eyes went dark with jealousy. "Guess I'll take that as a no. I don't want anyone else touching me baby, only you. Do you have any idea what it does to me when you're inside me and you have the most satisfied expression on you face like I'm the only one who can make you feel that good."

Jonathan made an aroused groan as his already semi filled out and went completely hard as steel in a second. Thomas' hands on him, the way he spoke, the way he bit on his lip as he moaned and pressed his own hardening sex into his leg. If there was any plan of them being just friends before, it just got killed. No fucking way is someone else touching that body. Hell no.

"And when you come inside me, I fall impossibly harder for you. I don't think I'd survive it if you shared that with someone else and I sure as hell can't imagine myself with anyone one else. You're it for me baby, for the rest of my life. You're my beginning, my end and my forever. A life without you in it is nonexistent for me. Just please tell me you want to fight for us too, please tell me you want that too. Please tell me you haven't given up on me, on us. I need you baby, I can't live without you.

Instead of answering, Jonathan pulled his leg from between Thomas' and thrusted his rock hard cock into Thomas'. At Thomas' breathy moan he crushed his lips against Thomas' and fed on those full, succulent aphrodisiacs. Thomas felt like Jonathan was going to suck the last breath out of him but he didn't care, he welcomed it, he needed it.

He already felt like he was going to come, he didn't want to come so soon but he didn't want to stop it either. "Oh god," he cried out when Jonathan released his mouth and attacked his neck kissing and sucking possessively. "Etha... I'm gonna co...ahhhh." He gripped Jonathan's shirt with his fists hard as he came heavily in his underwear.

"You're mine, no one touches you, no one," Jonathan whispered roughly as he held Thomas tired drained frame in his arms and ran his thumb over his moist bottom lip.

"Yes." Thomas moaned vulnerably as he looked up at Jonathan who looked back at him with absolute pride. Finally he had his man back; finally he was back in Jonathan's arms where he belonged, finally Jonathan was looking at him like he used to. He could feel Jonathan's hard cock still pressing into him, he wanted it inside him but he really wanted that big fat monster down his throat milking it until he got the last drop.

He ran his hand down the front of Jonathan's shorts and grabbed that hot throbbing length and squeezed. "Ohmotherfuck..." Jonathan's breathed raggedly grabbing Thomas' wrist, stopping him from stroking his cock.

"What's wrong?" Thomas whispered lustfully as he used his other hand to try and unfasten the button. "I want you down throat, please give it me...please," he moaned wantonly but Jonathan stopped him again. "Ethan come on," he whined in protest a he looked up at Jonathan with pouting lips.

"Later," Jonathan chuckled as sat Thomas back on the stool. "Let me feed you first, we'll handle this later." He kissed the top of Thomas' head and moved back around to his simmering pot with a painfully rejected hard on.

"You're no fun," Thomas pouted and rested both his elbows on the island.

Jonathan reached over and popped a piece of chicken in Thomas' mouth then whispered, "I love you too. Now tell me if you like that."

Thomas blushed as he chewed and watched his man at work. "Ok you're forgiven, and it taste amazing as always but I'd rather be tasting something else right now." Jonathan flashed him one of those heart melting smiles and he just about died. "You're teasing me and that's not fair so I'm gonna head upstairs and clean up." He watched Jonathan intently as he stood and headed for the stairs.

Jonathan watched that sexy ass that he alone had the pleasure of claiming and smiled to himself. "I'll make it up to you later," he shouted.

"You better." He heard Thomas yell from the top of the stairs which made him chuckle out loud. He'd definitely make it up to him later.

******

By the time Thomas returned from upstairs, Jonathan already had their dinner plated and two glasses of red wine on the coffee table in the living room. The two sat on the couch and ate and talked and laughed with each other as if they hadn't gone through the biggest test in their relationship. Although Thomas' whole body was in heat, he had no problem just sitting there and talking Jonathan over a nice meal.

The subject of whether Jonathan slept with Jesse or not did come up. Jonathan told him that even though he was almost certain that they were over, he still couldn't imagine touching another person. When they came back from the club, Jesse was beyond drunk so he gave him his bed while he slept in a chair and that was why he looked so tired when he opened the door intentionally shirtless.

The next obvious question was why Jonathan didn't just sleep in another room but Jonathan explained that he wanted to keep an eye on Jesse as he wasn't looking too good. Upon hearing that Thomas felt extremely guilty that he treated Jesse like that, like some cheap whore. He made a mental note to call Jesse and apologize.

After dinner, they agreed on taking a walk on the beach but Jonathan had to take an important call so Thomas decided to do the dishes in the meantime. Nearly thirty minutes later and they were walking on the beach holding hands and stealing sweet kisses here and there.

A few people gazed at them as they passed while some smiled at them admirably. A few months ago he knew he would've been self conscious of what people thought of him in the arms of another man but in that moment as they turned towards the sea gazing at the sky while Jonathan hugged his body close, he didn't give a damn what people thought.

Finally everything was perfect again, the way it should be and he couldn't be happier. When the beautiful colors adorned the sky, he couldn't resist taking a selfie with Jonathan; ok maybe a few but Jonathan indulged him all the same. "Isn't that beautiful?" He murmured as he leaned relaxed back against Jonathan chest.

"Very," Jonathan breathed but Jonathan wasn't talking about the sunset, all he saw was Thomas. He looked so happy. It seemed like forever since he'd seen that side to Thomas. He was relaxed, smiling and just at ease. Thomas was literally glowing and he hoped to God he could keep that look on his face for as long as he lived.

At one point Thomas left him and returned with a young blonde girl and asked her to take a few pictures of them. Thomas apparently wanted a few from afar as they stared idly at the sunset while some were simply of them kissing or just staring into each other's eyes.