A Simple Domestic Love Story Pt. 03

I did try to get her to talk about anything that was bothering her. She'd talk about everyday stuff, mostly. Sometimes, when she let herself be open, she'd mention "just feeling down" or "in a blah mood". Eventually I figured out that was her code for feeling much worse than a normal bad mood. I wondered if something was going on between Dad and her, and that worried me a lot. Even if I did want to fuck her, that didn't mean I wanted to replace Dad, as if that makes any sense.

So time passed. I was constantly debating telling someone about my attraction to Mom. I'd decided that I couldn't just tell her directly. If I knew what was going on with her, maybe, but what if I made it worse? Dad? Normally I'd feel like he would at least have some kind of fatherly advice on the subject. But this was his wife! If it went bad, it would go very bad. And then there was Julia. She was out of the question. I loved her but if I thought I was a freak god only knows what she would think. Eventually i just decided to wait it out.

And then came movie night.

For fucks sake it's the most wholesome part of our family. How could I fuck it up? It's literally dinner with the whole family, sometimes we order out, other times we make it. Then we watch one or two movies. Often bad. And its nice. Everyone puts aside what they're doing for a short amount of time and we are all together. I used to hate it when I was thirteen or fourteen but now it seems like one of the best parts of the week.

Never mind that it was an excuse to sit next to Mom in the dark.

So we eat, everyone is making each other laugh. So far so good. Time to move to the couch. There's really only room for three people so the fourth person has to sit on the floor. Usually that's me or Julia. For the first movie it was me. I'm secretly kind of relieved though. Why? Because now I know I can't just cuddle up to her. I'll be laying on my side or whatever on the floor. Less comfortable but whatever.

So Dad's on the left, Julia's on the right, and Mom is in the middle, right? I go to lay down, Mom says "Noooo...come over here with us."

I point out the obvious: "There isn't any space."

So she scoots her legs over to the left a little and points to the floor between her feet and Julia's. And because I have no reason to say no, I sit there, upright with my back between their legs and my legs sticking out on the floor.

Which seems ok in theory but there isn't much space. Which means that Mom's legs are pressing against me. And my left arm is behind her legs, almost hugging them. This seems to make her happy, because she can put her hand on my head and kind of play with my hair. Its innocent. I wish it wasn't. Oh, and did I mention she was wearing a skirt?

I was grateful that the dark room covered for my huge hard on. I won't pretend that I didn't like it. I was cuddling with her, she was touching me, and I was so close to her pussy I swear I could taste it. I know how it sounds, but damn, that felt good. Not just from the contact, but because, for a little while, I could pretend to be her man.

Finally the first movie was over. Mom and Dad shooed us out while they chose the next one. I went to make cocoa and Julie popcorn. While I did enjoy being that close to Mom during the first film it had made me intensely frustrated. i didn't think i could deal with that again so I made the drinks fast and got back in enough time to steal Julie's seat.

When Julie got back she glared at me, but then she just plopped down in Dad's lap, which I will in retrospect admit was pretty odd. Mom though was pleased. She had the popcorn and she was next to me. I kind of leaned back in the corner of the couch where I figured that I would be safe from temptation. But Mom, she knew better. She moved my arm so it was up and around her shoulder and then leaned back into my chest. Jesus. And then she rested her hand on my leg. Specifically my upper thigh. This was getting rough.

I looked over at Dad in worry but he either didn't mind or didn't notice what with his eighteen year old daughter in his lap. When I turned to look at them I noticed something else. I could easily see down Mom's top.

Oh god, she was so beautiful. Her breasts were exposed to me in her loose, comfy shirt, almost as nice a view as if she were naked. I could see that they have a cute little upturn, and they are so firm and gorgeous looking. At that Moment I was harder than i had ever been in my life. It hurt. And I was pretty sure that I was getting case of blue balls. But naturally, I don't stop looking down Moms shirt, and then I notice her shiver a little.

I do what any horny, lovestruck teen would do, i pull her close. And she makes this little noise. Somewhere between "oh" and whimper. And I suddenly want to hear a lot more of it. She looks over her shoulder at me and gives me this look. There's so much love and appreciation in it, and then she just cuddles in closer, her hand now inches from my hard cock. Fuck.

Just when I start wondering how much more of this i can take, I look up from Mom's incredible rack to see...Dad. He's staring right at me. Through me. I've seen him happy and sad, content and mad. He's very open. But I can't read him. He's suddenly got the best poker face I'd ever seen. I look away nervously, but I know that he's still watching. Thinking god knows what. And then Julia jumps up like something stung her and we all forget whatever else is going on because we're worried.

She looked pale and sick. I believed her when she said that she had a headache. I almost went after her myself but instead we all kind of got up and and left. Dad was thoughtful. Mom looked, well, she looked sad and confused. I wanted to hold her again but I knew that wouldn't go over so well in the light.

In the end, I decided the best thing to do was go to bed before I did any more damage. As I was on my way, Dad ambushed me in the hall.

"Son, we need to have a serious talk, and soon. I can see that you're freaking out. Stop freaking out. I'm not mad. Now isn't the right time, but maybe tomorrow."

"Don't freak out," he says after catching me cuddling with his wife and my mother and staring at her amazing body. Good luck with that.

--- Julia - Evening after Movie Night ---

The next day was a blur. I know that I must have gone to the bathroom and eaten and maybe even gone outside to get the mail. Mostly I just slept and tried not to think. I don't have a lot of specific memories. Eventually I decided to just find Dad and let him know that I was leaving the house. I didn't have much of a plan but I thought that I might stay with friends for the rest of the year.

I wasn't right. I don't mean my desires, either. It was like I was outside myself, watching things happen. I left my room. August walked by on the way to his, said hi. I didn't want to say hi back. I never thought about doing it. But I did. I watched my brothers brow furrow in worry. I knew that I had spoken to him, but I guess my expression was probably empty. Dead.

My mind was spinning futures, trying to find one with hope in them. They all started with me leaving my family. And that's as far as any of them got.

After a minute i realized that someone was touching my shoulder. I shrugged it off, unthinking. It came back, harder, stopping me. I snapped back into myself. Looked around, confused. Someone was talking? Someone upset, but trying to keep it in check.

"Julia. Please listen."

It was Mom. I just looked at her, my eyes wide.

"What?" I said.

"Julia," Mom began again, "This is important. Please. Pay. Attention."

I was now. There was nothing more important to me than what she was going to say. Another voice spoke up from behind me.

"Mom, somethings wrong. Julias sick, or something."

"Not now August," Mom said irritably, dismissing him.

"Mom, I'm serious. I saw her go in her room earlier and she didn't look ok and she just came out worse. It's like she's not there." He was pushing. Trying to stop Mom from, I dunno, asking me something?

"August. I said. Not. Right. Now." Mom's seemed angry now and was taking it out on August.

Wait. That wasn't right. He didn't do anything. He wasn't destroying the family. He didn't even know anything. He just was worried about me. Probably Mom too.

"Leave him the fuck alone," I said really quietly. I was dangerous now. I felt something coiling in my gut. It had been there for a little while now. But it was just about wound as tight as it could go.

"What did you say to me?" Mom's tone was angry but her face was surprised.

"I told you to leave him the fuck alone. He's not a part of this. He doesn't even know what 'this' is,"

"Julia, we absolutely need to talk right now." Mom's voice wasn't angry but brittle. Hurt? Concerned? I wish I would have stopped. But I was tired and frustrated and cornered and I thought I knew where she was going with all of her prodding and questions. I was afraid of Mom and also jealous of her. I was completely hopeless and ready to leave the house never to see any of the people that I loved most (including Mom) again, and her probing just felt like...like gloating. I exploded

"No! We don't! You know what I want and I know I can't have it. OK? So fuck your talk, and fuck you. I'm leaving and I don't want to hear any more of your bullshit. I know you can't wait until I leave to get on with your oh so perfect life with Dad. Why can't you just leave me alone?"

I was shouting, attacking the person that I should have been begging forgiveness from. If I would have thought for just one second as to how Mom had been acting. What she seemed to be feeling. But I was inside my own head and didn't actually consider her. I was still just a selfish little girl.

She devolved into tears, put her hand on her mouth and fled towards the kitchen. I was expecting a fight. She was always so firm and strong. I'd never spoken so awfully to her but I knew in my heart that she'd never tolerate it. I felt a sick sensation in my stomach as I began to feel lightheaded. I'd...I'd just hurt her.

By the time she was halfway there I was sobbing. I ran to my room. I'd ruined my place here, not Mom, not Dad. I'd done it. No one else. I started to fill my school bag with clothes and toiletries. I had luggage which would have held more but I still wasn't thinking straight. I just knew I needed to be gone. I needed to go before I did any more damage.

Mom deserved a better daughter. So did Dad. And August. Jesus, he saw everything. He was...so wise sometimes, but so innocent. What would he think of me when he found the truth about his sister? Well I guess that's one other person who would hate me.

I needed to be gone. I needed to leave. But I was so tired. I gave up, sat on my bed, and cried.

My life would still be on fire when I woke up, so rushing didn't seem that important any more.

--- Dad ---

I had been working in my home office and trying not to think about how useless I felt with regards to helping Becky. I heard the shouting through the closed door. I ran out. Shouting like that didn't happen in my house. I was certain someone was hurt, or being attacked. I was right but not in the way I thought.

I got there in just enough time to catch the epic conclusion. I watched in shock as my daughter ran to her bedroom and slammed the door, sobbing. I watched Becky, so totally unlike her, run crying to the kitchen and sit at the table, eyes hollow, face gray with sadness.

August stood there. Shocked. I got the impression that he was collateral damage in what had just happened. He looked guilty and sad and scared. I thought back to my youth, and felt for him. But I needed him now.

"August, I need to ask you something, and I need you to be as honest as you can with me, ok?"

"Su...sure Dad," He looked at me, his eyes hollow.

"What they were arguing about?"

"Mom really wanted to talk to Julie about something, but she was...fucked up. Even before they started talking. Julie looked like she was sick. And then Mom started asking her questions and Julie wouldn't even answer. Mom got a little frustrated and started asking more firmly, then I tried to tell her that Juila wasn't right. Mom got a little frustrated and told me to butt out, but not in those words. Then Julia just...she exploded, Dad. I've never seen anything like it."

I nodded my grim understanding.

"August. Thank you. There's nothing you could to or can do now, except what your doing, which is being a good kid. Can you do me a favor? I need to to keep an eye on your mother for a little while. Pretend to be doing something else if you need to. I just don't want her to be alone right now. Meanwhile I'll talk to Julia. I'll figure out what is going on between them, and then make sure that our girls are ok."

He looked skeptical that I could fix this, which I understood, but he nodded, and looked relieved. I watched him go to his room and close the door.

I was pretty sure that I knew what was going on, but I need to speak with Julia to be sure.

I knocked on the door, but there was no answer. I went in. Julia was sitting on her bed, her head in her hands. She was crying softly. She looked so small, so young sitting there. It broke my heart. I closed the door behind me and sat next to her on the bed.

I put my arm around her and she jumped like I'd hit her.

"Dad, no! No!" she almost shouted, looking at me with red and scared eyes, "Just stay away, ok? Please...I love you, but please...I can't...I'm not..."

And then she devolved back into tears. Yeah, I was right, I had just caught on too slowly to prevent people from getting hurt. I'd have to handle this very delicately. Whatever was going on, Julia was full of hate for herself. I also noticed a half packed bag on the bed. I had a really bad feeling that if I misstepped, she'd run out the door and maybe not come back.

"Julia," I said in my most soothing voice, "I know, for a fact, that you are a good person. I know it."

She shook her head quietly but said nothing.

"Do you trust me? Any answer is ok. I'm not going to be mad."

She looked a bit worried, but she saw I was relaxed, not moving to touch her or shout at her.

"Yes...yes Daddy. I trust you. I...I love you, too."

She never called me Daddy except when she was exceptionally vulnerable or sad.

"Honey, I don't know what's going on between you and Becky. I'm going to help you both, ok? No...don't worry about the how just yet. For now, we need to be honest with each other, ok? Can you do that for me?"

She bit her lip, said nothing. Didn't nod. I wasn't really surprised.

"Its ok. I'll start. I'm going to tell you something that only one other living person knows. It's not exactly the same as what you are going through, but I believe that its related. This is one of two secrets that I keep from you and August. And it's for good reason, but you're an adult and i trust you, ok?"

She nodded now, looking at me with interest. She wasn't crying now. I saw what I thought was a little bit of hope in her eye. I had to kindle that.

"My father was an abusive man. He beat my mother and me. He even hit my little sister sometimes. Maybe worse than that, he was a narcissistic and vindictive manipulator. In the stress of that situation, Mom and I...well we fell in love."

Julia's jaw dropped. She listened, riveted.

"We had an affair. It was secret but it had to be. But not like the traditional meaning of the word. After beating me into unconsciousness, father left us forever and Mom and I lived together. We made love and we did it often. We lived as man and wife for over fifteen years. She was my first love and I was broken when she died. Only...your mother...only Becky saved me."

Julia blinked. Then opened her mouth. Closed it. She was stunned. It was understandable. But I needed her to tell me what she knew.

"Julia, I trusted you with my secret. It's time to tell me yours. Whatever you say, I'll still love you. But if I'm going to fix all of this, and I can, I need to hear your truth, and I need to hear it from you."

Finally, she nodded to herself, as if resolving herself to a hard decision. Which I am sure it was. She spoke. So softly that I had to quiet my breath to hear her.

"Daddy. Don't hate me, please. I know...I know what you said, but I fucked things up. I...I'm in love with you. Like a woman, not like a daughter. I want you and need you and it's so deep," she sobbed a little despite herself, "it aches to be near you. It hurts, Daddy...and I'm dirty and I lied to Mom. I lied to her and she knows how I really feel and how awful I really am. And...and she hates me for it. She hates me Daddy and she's right to hate me...I have to leave before...before I..."

And then she started to cry. Only getting words out between sobs.

"I understand. I want you to listen very carefully to me now. Whatever you think of yourself, you aren't bad for your thoughts or wants or loves. I also know, for a fact, that your mother doesn't hate you for these feelings. She was trying to talk to you. Just talk. She's going through her own thing."

She shook her head in denial.

"No! No Daddy she hates me. You heard us. You had to have heard us. I was awful to her and..."

She bit her lip in anxiety. I laughed, which I admit must have seemed wildly inappropriate. Julia was obviously annoyed.

"It's not funny, Daddy!"

"It is a little funny, but only from far away. I'm hoping that one day we'll all laugh about it. There has been a very serious misunderstanding here. You're afraid of what you're feeling and Becky's afraid that she's lost you, maybe her family, and she's blaming herself for all of it."

Julia shook her head.

"But...but she didn't do anything. And you and August would never leave her. Neither would I...I just don't know what to do."

I looked at her in gratitude. I wished that my wife saw the same obvious truth, but it looked like she needed to be reminded. I sighed, deeply.

"I'm going to go talk to your mother. She's...going through some things. I'll let her explain it to you herself, but the point is that she's...vulnerable right now. This thing...it makes her feel like shes been a bad wife to me and a bad mother to you. That no one could really love her. She's getting better I think, but it looks like things are going just exactly wrong. Will you help me make them right again?"

Julia nodded rapidly, her eyes wide.

"Julia. I'm going to leave now. Your mother will be coming in soon. Go ahead and explain everything to her, like you did to me. She will listen. And then she'll explain what's going on in her life. When you get through with that, you can ask her about my sister, but I suspect she'll tell you on her own. Then you'll understand everything. And we can be a family again."

Julia was still unsure, and afraid, but hope was there. I saw it in her eyes. I resolved to fulfill that hope. I left the room full of that resolve.

--- Dad ---

Everyone else was confused and I was seeing things clearly. That was a first. Time to talk with my sister.

I walked into the kitchen. Becky was sitting at the table, tears still running down her face. She looked up at me, and her eyes were so sad that it broke my heart. August was reading on the couch but he was keeping an eye on his mother, just like I'd asked. He really is a good kid.

"August, go to your room."

Understanding that I wasn't angry and that his work was done, he left quickly.

Becky took a deep breath, steeling herself for the worst. My god how had i missed things getting this bad this fast.

"I know," she said quietly, not meeting my eyes, "I...I know I fucked up everything. I'm a terrible mother. I've driven Julia away. All I wanted to do was help her understand what...what I think she's feeling."

I sat down across from her and smiled at her. Just smiled and held out my hand.