Femina Perfecta

"There's nothing to tell."

"Then you don't mind just saying it."

John shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "I didn't exactly grow up with my parents."

"Go on."

"It's weird to talk about it."

"Why? No one is going to judge you."

"My parents both went to prison soon after I was born. I never really knew them at all."

"Then who raised you?"

"No one. I grew up in an orphanage."

"That's nothing to be ashamed of. Why keep it a secret?"

"No one would understand and sometimes people don't even believe me so I just don't like to even get into it. I'm me. My life is mine. No one ever gave me anything that I didn't earn myself."

"This explains a lot about you."

"What?"

The old man nodded to himself. "Yes, I see it clearly now. So, where are your parents now? Still in prison? Do you go visit them?"

"They're not in jail anymore. My mom's been out for a long time and my dad, he was in longer and when he got out he just went right back in a couple more times before he stayed out."

"But they're out now?"

"As of right this moment? Yes, they're out."

"Do they know who you are? What you've done with your life? They'd be proud of you."

"They're white trash."

"What?"

"My parents are just ... trashy garbage people."

"Oi! You shut your mouth talking like that. Look up at that sign. Rule number 4!"

The mention of the word 'rule' cause John to feel as if a thousand vice grips were affixed to his body and clamping down on his arms, legs, and throat. John looked up. 'Honor your Father and Mother.'

"I know that." John said. "But ..."

"But nothing. They are your parents."

"Sir, all they ever do is ask me for money."

"That's all my granddaughter ever asks me for. What are you saying?"

"It's not just that. I mean ... My mom went and had another kid with some other random guy who she didn't even know and then my dad had two other kids with two different women at the same time. Then, if that wasn't bad enough, they both cheated on the person they were with at the time and got back together in secret to have one more kid together."

"So you do have brothers and sisters."

"Just sisters. But the point is ..."

"The point is that they are your family and instead of being alone you are starting to sound like you have quite a big family. John, family is important. Family is everything."

"They don't feel like my family. When I first met them all, I was already in college. I got the key to one of the auditoriums and I played piano for them. The entire time, they were talking and jiving the place up the whole time. Whole time."

"You're being too hard."

"Two of my sisters are already unwed mothers and I only ever found out after they already had their babies. And they didn't even call me to tell me. I had to read about it on facebook. But once they remembered that I existed of course they had to ask me for money. When it's my birthday, they never call. I never get a Christmas card. Nothing. Nothing but non stop pleading for just a little extra to help fix a car or pay for their light bill and then later I find out that they spent the money on alcohol."

"That is the burden we men have to carry. We work and we pay and sometimes we aren't appreciated. But that is the mark of a real man."

John shook his head. "They aren't part of my life. Not really. And I'm ok with that."

The old man looked down and opened the drawer in his desk. He fetched out a red booklet and tossed it at John. "Look at that. Who's mark is that on the cover?"

John examined the Japanese passport and shrugged. "I don't know."

"The emperor. That's his seal. And I have to have that on my passport even after what his family did to mine. But I don't mind it. After all, I'm free and he's a prisoner in a palace and can't even vote. But more importantly, that passport let me come here. It let me live my life here. It let me bring my family here. It let me build this business here. I don't look to the past. I look to build a better future. We all have a past but every one of us is given a new day every day to start to build a better future."

John, nodded. "I think I understand."

"No. You don't. Not yet. But you will."

...

Arguing, arguing, arguing. It had taken over a month of arguing and John revealing to his parents that he was in fact a lot richer than he'd been letting on for them all to finally agree to come and celebrate Christmas with him. John's boss had forced him to take a two week vacation and had insisted on giving him the use of his own vacation spot out by a beautiful lake. There was a string of several cabins linked together to a main hall. John was sure the place looked a lot better in summer but now the lake was partially frozen over.

He could do this. That's what he said to himself over and over again. He could do this. He spent that first night in the main hall all alone with his thoughts of how this was even going to go down. He could just imagine some of his family members breaking things or stealing things. This was going to be a nightmare.

Oh, and it wasn't just his parents and siblings that were coming. One of his sisters was bringing a boyfriend, though he wasn't the father of her baby. His mother was bringing her brother and his father had wanted to bring his current girlfriend too. Once word got out that some in the family were getting a free 'luxury' vacation for Christmas, all kinds of extra family members wanted to get in on it but there was only so much room and so many beds. In total there would be 30 people, most of whom John had never met or even knew existed.

John worked out exactly who was going to sleep where and as it stood, there were just enough beds. If even a single additional person showed up, someone was going to have to sleep on the floor and John knew it would not be him.

The next morning when John had woken up he noticed that the view of the sunrise from the second floor of the main hall was amazing. He tried very much to imagine what it might be like to have the Christmas tree all decorated and everyone being well behaved with the fireplace going and everyone singing while he played Christmas songs on the piano. Realistically he knew it would not be that way with the kind of family he had but it was a nice image.

"Maybe we should all start going to church. Maybe a sermon on fire and brimstone will start to straighten them out."

One more day. One more day before the disaster happened and his family did so much damage to Mr. Yamaguchi's private vacation spot that John would be fired. But in his defense, this was not his idea. His boss had insisted, demanded even. And if everything went ok, he was looking at becoming VP at the start of next year. It was too much to even think about. So much responsibility to so many people.

He felt like he needed to be at the office. He needed to be preparing. There was still so much to do and to learn. People were going to be counting on him. But instead he was exiled out here and he had to waste brain energy on trying to remember which one of his sisters had the little boy and which had the little girl. The little girl had been named Sierra but just then he couldn't recall the boy's name. Something with the letter R.

Of course a baby doesn't get mad at you if you can't remember their name. An adult will. He could barely remember what his three younger sisters even looked like and he only remembered the oldest one because she constantly posted pictures of herself on facebook in skimpy clothes with alcohol in her hand. That was why he couldn't have the app on his phone. The last time he'd even met the two youngest ones was all the way back in college during the last disastrous reunion.

Ok, so Brandy was his half sister by his mom and she was the oldest. Britney and Misty were the two half sisters by his dad. Then of course there was the youngest and allegedly John's full blooded sister, Kryssy with the stupidest name of all. They spelled it with a K and two Y's. Poor girl. He could only imagine that she either turned into an emo with piercings everywhere or she had a tramp stamp and highlights in her hair.

John spent that morning buying presents at the local 'cheap plastic crap from China' store. Instead of driving all the way back to the lake for lunch, he just stopped at a greasy spoon. There the coffee was just terrible and John could not abide not getting a proper cup of coffee so it was off to that bookstore that he'd discovered the day previous.

And of course it was in the bookstore that he met Megan. That woman who had stolen his heart. She was here of all places.

"Well, a little fresh air never hurt anyone." she said in response to his comment that he needed to get out of the city as she offered him a seat at her table.

John sat down and wondered to himself as to how he should proceed. He took a sip of his coffee and then looked up at her beaming at him.

"I have to admit, I'm not sure if we have a lot to catch up on or not." he said.

"Well, I'd say we do. How have you been?"

"Um ... I know maybe it's none of my business but ... where have you been?"

"Excuse me?"

"You're right. I'm sorry. I'll just go sit over there and leave you in peace."

"Wait. What did I do?" she asked.

"That ... that night meant a lot to me. I've been ... I was worried."

"I told you I was going to Europe for a job interview."

John could vaguely recall something like that having been said. "Right. Sorry. Did you get the job?"

"No. Actually, this might sound crazy but as soon as it was over I got right back on the first plane to the states and I went looking for your apartment but I couldn't remember where it was."

"Really?"

"I kept waiting for you to call me but you never did."

...

"Dude, you scored."

Those were the first words that John remembered hearing the morning after his one night with Megan. She'd come over and spent the night and John discovered that her perfection extended to the rest of her body as well. She was the most perfect fuck of his life. No other woman could compare. The next morning, John woke up later than usual and his roommate was dancing in the kitchen.

"You totally scored. You totally scored."

John just figured that a musician would try to make music out of something like that.

Wait. Something was wrong. Wait.

"She's gone?" John asked.

"Yeah. Oh, and dude, she's so hot."

"Oh, no."

Contact information. Contact information. Did she leave contact information? John rushed back to his room and turned the light on. Please. Please. A note. A card. Something. Please. Oh, shit.

"It's ok." he said. "It's ok. She knows where I live. She knows who I am. She ... thinks my name is Max. FUCK."

"Me thinks you are looking for this." the musician said. John spun around and by his door Jerry was holding the little white board that they had on the fridge for leaving notes to each other.

Her number written by her. Happy day. John didn't even care what time it was. He was going to call her right away.

The phone was ringing. Oh, to hear her voice again. "You should have woken me up." he said to his roommate as he waited for someone to answer. The first call went to voice mail. Damn. He waited. A minute passed. He went to the kitchen and sat at the breakfast counter. Another minute passed. How long should he wait? She had some important thing she was doing this day. Or maybe the next day? He couldn't remember exactly. Another minute passed. Fuck it. He was calling her.

"Hello." a man's voice on the other end said.

"Hello." John answered while his roommate looked on with delight. "Is Megan there?"

"Who?"

"Megan."

"There ain't no fucking Megan here. Who the fuck is this?"

"Sorry to bother you. Wrong number."

"Well, next time check the fucking thing before you just fucking call out of the blue and bother me, you little piece of shit. I eat motherfuckers like ..."

John hung up. Damn, what's wrong with that guy?

John looked down at the number and compared it to what was written on the white board. There was no mistake. She'd given him the wrong number.

...

"No." she said. "I'm so sorry. I must have written one of the digits down wrong. I promise I was not trying to blow you off." Megan said.

There was silence for a moment as they each came to terms with their situation. "Ok." John let out. "So then, you wouldn't object to having dinner with me."

"Tonight?"

"I'm going to be a bit busy after tonight but ..."

"Ok. I mean, I was supposed to have dinner with my mom but we can work something else out. I mean, sometimes just being around her I feel I'm trapped and I want to scream. You know?" John did know. He knew all too well. "Where do you want to go?" she asked as she reached out for his hand.

To the altar. To the honeymoon suite. "Ahem. I think first we better officially get each other's real number."

She laughed. "Right. Totally." She got her phone out and then she presented it to him for him to write his number after she'd already put his name in. She still thought his name was Max. He'd have to correct her on that but not just now. For right now, it was best to just officially be dating her.

"I've got some things to do with my family later in the week but ..."

"Family? You're not married, are you?"

"No. I meant my parents. But if you're going to be in town for a couple days, I'd love to sneak away. Maybe you could even introduce me to your mom."

She blushed. "My mother has a way of embarrassing me."

"Say no more. I get it. Just me and you then."

"Sounds like something to look forward to."

...

This was unbelievable. John was so happy. After Megan had made a phone call to her mom, she told him that she was free for the rest of the day. So, why not go see a movie? So they went and as soon as the lights went down in the movie theater he looked over at her and they shared their first quick kiss of the day.

After the movie he just drove around with her in his car and then suddenly he stopped and parked on the street. She asked what this place was and he just beckoned her to come with him. He had stopped in front of a jewelry shop and without even considering the price, he pointed at an elegant diamond pendent necklace and bought it for her.

"No." she said. "It's too expensive."

"If only it could be worthy of you." John was crap at being romantic but this was his way of trying to tell her that she meant something to him and he never wanted to lose contact with her again.

She wore his gift as they ate at the most expensive restaurant in town. She was stunning and the poor diamond could only come in second place for beauty.

Then John made a bold choice. He decided that he didn't want to bring her all the way out by the lake and potentially have family members show up early in the morning. He felt like he needed more time to lock her in as his one special girl before she learned anything about those people. He checked into a nice hotel that they had in town, though not as nice as what can be found in the city. The evening was still young but very naturally Max and Megan found themselves in bed together and they enjoyed fucking for hours on end without the effects of alcohol diminishing their enjoyment.

She was so perfect. As he looked down at her with his cock all the way in her as deep as it could go, he thought about asking her to marry him right then. He didn't hold back and again and again he let his semen flow into her. She never complained about it either and he didn't want to ask if she was on birth control or not. If she got pregnant then that would be ok. He'd marry her and make her an honest woman in a heartbeat. Not once did his mind even wonder about how many men she might have been with between the last time he'd been with her and now. He didn't care. A man stayed. A man forgave.

The last thing she said to him before they fell asleep together was, "I love you."

Without hesitation he said it right back.

...

The next morning, John awoke to find Megan still right there in his arms.

"I could just stay here with you all day." John meant it too, but for the last fifteen minutes his phone had been buzzing every thirty seconds or so. He had to go. Damn. Why today? Of all fucking days!

"I understand." she said. "Just make sure you call me later."

"I will. Make sure you're free."

"Don't worry."

With great regret John drove Megan back to her car and they said goodbye.

Once she drove away he finally felt at liberty to get on his phone and start taking care of whatever his family wanted.

Problem 1: his father was stuck at the bus station since he didn't have a car anymore. Why was John not surprised? So someone had to go and pick him up. But before John could look up the bus station on his map app, he had to drive to the lake and let his uncle in since he was already there waiting.

Problem 2: When John unlocked the door for them, he discovered that his uncle had brought his wife and their three kids along which John had not been told about; two boys and their older sister. So that meant there weren't going to be enough beds. Smile and tolerate. John wasn't against his uncle bringing his family, he just wished he'd been informed of that fact earlier than the moment when he was unlocking the fucking door.

Problem 3: One of his sisters was having an argument with her boyfriend out in front of the post office in the damn town. Great. Just great. This is starting off so well.

Problem 4: Before John could get back on the road to go pick up his father, his relatives were already complaining that there was no food cooked and prepared for them. What were they going to eat? Apparently they were fucking blind and couldn't see that the fridge and the pantry were fully stocked. But no, they expected John to cook for everyone.

Problem 5: and this was the kicker. Whenever John said something, they acted like he was hotel staff and didn't pay him any mind. Hello, assholes! John was the one whose job was on the line if you fucked anything up. John was the one in charge here. He was already planning a family meeting to lay down the ground rules and anyone who didn't want to abide by those rules could pack their fucking bag and hit the fucking road.

Ungrateful heathens.

When John was going to the door they actually had the gall to ask him why he felt he could just leave.

"Fine. You go pick up my dad."

"But I just got here." his uncle replied.

"And if you want to stay here you're going to get off my back."

"You can't talk to me like that."

"Fine. Get out. Right now."

"You can't be serious."

"I can call the police and have them throw you out."

"There's no need for that." John's aunt insisted. "Honey, relax. You're stressing him out. Find your chi."

John rolled his eyes and went to his car. As he was pulling out and turning around to get back on the main road he could just imagine those bunch of idiots burning the damn place down before he got back and then expecting him to pay for their inconvenience. Before John was even gone he saw his uncle light up a cigarette and toss the match over by some bushes.

Thankfully he new there was one person in this town who would not treat his kindness in such a way. He stopped by the jewelry store again and quickly chose a ring. The salesman was talking and talking and talking about how natural diamonds weren't as bad as everyone was claiming and didn't cause cancer and were perfectly safe for the environment no matter what the diamond grower companies claimed but John just stood there silent. He pointed and then put his bank card on the glass. "Ring me up."

All the way out by the bus station John had to search around for his father because he wasn't waiting in the normal waiting area. Instead, John found him outside, behind the building, taking a piss.