Femina Perfecta

Now that John was really thinking about it, he wondered if he even really was their kid. Why couldn't he be someone else's kid? Why couldn't he have normal parents instead of a thug and a barroom fly. Oh, they were more civil now after their hard living had worn their bodies down prematurely but John had read up on what they were like when he was born.

Even with all the noise and sounds of life outside his bedroom, John reflected again the same old thought. He was all alone in the world and no one really cared about him. Not really. Not intimately. He would grow old alone. He would die alone. Then he could leave all his money to charity and maybe they'd name some building after him. They'd tell the story of John's life and people would look up to him and maybe some would even idolize him. But they wouldn't know the real John, just a story. No one would ever know the real John. He had thought maybe he'd found someone who could know, but she was just a carbon copy idiot like the others.

Megan wasn't real. She was a ghost. A phantom. It would have to be a secret that he could never tell or talk about; like what had happened to him at the orphanage. It seemed that for him, sex was never allowed to just be a beautiful thing that happened. It always had to be cruel and painful, if not physically than emotionally. Besides, telling would serve no purpose but to be a reason for people to look down on him and hold him back. There was no support for men who had to deal with things. There were no services for you if you had a Y chromosome. Men are expected to deal with their own suffering themselves.

A man's life had no value, only his money. A man's wellbeing was not to be looked after, he had to just get back on the line and work. Stop whining. Grow up. Be a man. Some foolish people might even call what had happened to him awesome as if it was something that John shouldn't be upset about. Nonetheless there was something that John wanted. Even after all these years he still wanted it. But if he ever asked for it, he'd be called unreasonable or selfish.

Mr. Yamaguchi would likely get pissed if he heard John say it, but John knew how to not feel upset about losing things. He had to give up on the idea of ever getting them. That was how you stopped yourself from feeling pain when there was no justice for you. That was what John had to do when the perpetrator was never punished and never went to prison for what she had done to him.

And that was what he had to do now. That false hope that he could ever have a wife and a family of his own was a lie. There was no more cooperation between men and women in this modern age. Now it was every person for themselves to see who could give the other the biggest raw deal. John was not going to participate in that.

...

After a bit of rest John came down to dinner where an argument had broken out concerning who was going to sit where. John just didn't even have the energy to try and stop it. He walked over to the seat in dispute next to his sister Misty and he sat down. There. Problem solved. Let one of them come and tell him he had to move. Come on. He dared them.

Franny sat at John's other side and she somehow had a way of even turning her head with disdain. "The mirrors are all clean. Do you want me to do the windows, too?"

"I'll leave it to your discretion. I trust you."

"Psst." Misty said.

John sluggishly looked over at her.

"Who should I give the train set to?"

"I don't care."

"It looks really expensive so I just thought you have someone special in mind."

"Give it to whoever you think will take better care of it."

She nodded and gave him a face like they were sharing a secret but John was clueless as to what it could be. "Got you." she said.

As John was looking down at his plate the aunt that had been in charge of the kitchen started to speak up.

"Ok, everyone, before we all dig in I just want to say how much we all appreciate our host. John, could you stand up for me?"

Oh, boy. What was this going to be? John got to his feet and just did a short wave.

"John, we all want to thank you for bringing us all here so we can all have Christmas together as a family. I know that not many of us know you very well but from what we've seen of you so far, I think I can speak for everyone when I say we all think you're a fine young man and we're proud to say we're part of the same family."

There was agreement shouted from various people around the great room. Then there was clapping. Then there was a toast and John really could not stand all this attention on himself. Then, they expected him to speak.

"Well, I can only really take credit for just renting the place. You guys are the ones who made all this delicious food. And you guys put up the tree and the decorations. Sure, I bought the presents but I was just going to give them unwrapped."

There was a laugh at that.

"But now the presents are wrapped and the tree is up and I can tell you, you know, I was here alone the other night and it was a completely different place. It's not me who makes any of this special, it's you all. Thank you for coming."

With that, dinner finally got underway and John's aunt made a special trip to him to serve him something called beef Wellington.

"Tell me what you think."

"What is it?"

"Just try it and tell me."

John took a bite. "This is really good."

"You like it?"

"Yeah."

"When I saw everything for it I knew I had to try but I've never made it before."

"Wait. What?"

"And you do like it?"

"Well, yeah, it taste great."

She gave him a half hug while he was still sitting in his chair and then she was off to serve it to some of the others. There wasn't enough of it for everyone obviously and John could only hope that didn't start people fighting over it.

Dinner, like lunch before was a great success and John was also happy that dishes weren't going to be left over to be done in the morning. Britney and John got some of the kids together and after dinner they all started to get things washed and ready for breakfast.

While John was there with his hands in soapy water and not particularly concerned with how they were going to work out the sleeping situation someone tapped him on the shoulder.

"Nice speech." Megan said. "One wonders how you can even condescend to have words for my kind."

"How indeed."

"Oh, and you putting on such a show of getting your hands dirty. Bravo."

"You got something you really want to say cause I'm a bit busy here."

"Uncle Joe's kids took my bed. They told me I had to come to you and find out where I was going to sleep."

"You don't have to sleep here. Go back to town if you want."

"And sleep where?"

"Where ever you want. I'm not your baby sitter."

"There any other bedrooms in this building?"

"No. Just mine."

"Well, you're the one with the hotel room back in town."

"Sh. What are you doing?"

"What ever do you mean? I was just saying that I happened to know where the sad, lonely little man that is you happened to sleep all alone with nothing but figments of your imagination to keep you company. I suggest you go there again so the rest of my kind won't have to put up with you."

Oh, so she thought she could boss him around. John pulled his hands out of the water. Time for her to learn. He rinsed and then started drying with a towel but still had it in hand when he turned to her and saw the smug look of victory on her face.

"Who the hell do you think you're talking to?"

"A nobody who will never amount to anything."

"Well, this nobody is ..."

"I know. I know. The only reason we even get to be here as if this dump is anything special to write home about."

"I'm so happy we see eye to eye on that. Have your bags ready. I'll call a ride for you and ..."

"Oh, but see, I'm staying and you're going."

"You're going to do that to everyone?"

"Not everyone, just you. And you know you have to do what I say."

"Do I now?"

She nodded.

"Well, I'm going to call you a ride and I'm also going to call a police escort for that ride. You are no longer welcome here so get your bags ready."

"You still don't get it."

"Make a scene and Christmas is not only over for you, but for everyone else here, too. Look at my face and tell me I'm bluffing. Go ahead. I dare you."

This interaction was not going unnoticed and their mother came over to see what was being whispered between them that looked so angry.

"Y'all ok?"

Rapidly John responded with "Kryssy here was just letting me know she can't stay the night so I'm calling a taxi for her."

Megan started to shake her head. "No."

"Ah, you don't have to go, honey." the mom said.

"I'm not. He's going."

"Idiot." John interrupted. "You think I'm going to go back to the owner of this place and tell him that I let you all stay here while I ran back to town to stay in a hotel? Huh? One of the conditions of us all using this place is I have to be here. So I'm a prisoner but you are free to leave. So go pack your stuff cause if I have to go, then EVERYONE has to go and we can just shut this whole thing down, call it quits, and everyone fly home."

"Fine. Then shut it down."

"Oh, so selfish. Glad I know."

"I bet you are."

"You two don't need to be ..." the mother was trying to say but John did a quick pivot and got his phone out.

"John, just wait a minute honey. No need for hard feelings." his mother said as she reached for his hand. "Let's try to get along. For Christmas."

"The fact of the matter is, there's nowhere for her to sleep." John said.

"That's on you. You promised us all a place to sleep when you begged us to come here." Megan said. "I had other plans already and had to drop them and now you're saying I have to stay in some creepy hotel where nasty people sin in ways that God only knows."

Then more people were taking an interest in this and before John knew it, there was this impromptu meeting happening where a bunch of people were all trying to figure out a way for 34 people to all share bed space that was meant for only 30. No matter how they all worked it out with kids sharing and other tricks, there was always at least one person who ended up without a bed.

"See, Kryssy, you in the hotel is just the best option."

"What about your bedroom? You've got a big bed in there."

"That's Mr. Yamaguchi's room and I'm the only one allowed to sleep in there."

"Hiding behind your boss again."

"Call him and ask him if you don't believe me."

"Give me his number. I'm sure he'd love to hear about all of your extra activities."

John's father had a comment that seemed to get a lot of agreement. "Well, John, just don't tell him."

"And that's how you repay hospitality? Lie?"

"Well, no but I'm sure if he was here he'd understand."

"If he was here he'd have you all sleeping on the floors Japanese style."

"Ok. Ok." Megan called out. "Fine. I'll sleep on the sofa."

"Really?" John's dad asked.

"The one in front of the fireplace looks comfy."

And so ended the great family sleeping arrangement discussion of 2020. An hour later and everything seemed set and ready for bedtime. John could only imagine the noise the younger children were still producing even at this hour. That was certainly one of the benefits to this main building with satellite cabins style. Everyone could talk and drink and do other things and John could stay detached from it all.

But that also meant that he was now alone in the main hall with his sister. His full blooded sister.

"Here." he said as he brought some linens and blankets and put them down for her use.

"Thank you."

"So now it's 'thank you' all of the sudden."

"What else do you want me to say?"

"How about 'sorry' for trying to pull a stupid stunt that nearly got everyone kicked out. Try something else like that again. Go ahead. You think you've got something on me, but you're dreaming. You have no idea who you think you're messing with. So just go ahead and try to be stupid."

"Then please tell me, who am I messing with, John or Max?"

"In either case, mess with me and you'll lose."

She smiled. "And how did you come to that conclusion?"

"Simple. You've got no upside."

"What does that mean?"

"No matter what you threaten, you're not going to get your way. I'll see to it. So you're only option is to hurt everyone, including yourself. Or, and I know this may be too much to ask considering the kind of person you are ..."

"Can you quit with the meaningless insults?"

"Or, you can chill out and let everyone have a good time. You don't want to see me and you don't want to talk to me. Fine. There are plenty of other sofas around. Why'd you pick this one?"

"The fireplace is here."

"With no fire."

"I can't see how you ended up earning all of this money with the kind of attitude you have."

"You not understanding something is par for the course I guess."

"And what's with that? You don't know me. I'll have you know I have a degree ..."

"In Gender Studies?"

"No. Engineering."

"You, an engineer?"

"Yes. Me, an engineer."

"Ok. What have you built?"

"What do you mean?"

"Having a piece of paper from Incompetent Community College does not make you an engineer. Building something. Shipping a product. Actually solving problems. That's what makes you an engineer. So, what have you built?"

"What have you built?"

"Hey, you can think little of my intelligence and accomplishments to your hearts content. I have no need to justify myself to you. So go ahead. Prove to me how ignorant you are by claiming you don't know what I've done."

"Is this supposed to be reverse psychology or something? Cause if so, you suck at it."

"I guess a flunked out psychology major would know, wouldn't she."

"Are you just going to bother me all night or do you mind leaving me be so I can get some sleep?"

"Not all night. Just until you agree to take a taxi back to town cause I don't want to hear you snoring."

"Snoring?"

"Yes. I can take one look at you and know you're the kind who will fill this place up with so much ..."

"Did I snore last night?"

"How would I know?"

"Look, you don't have to do that. We're the only ones here."

"Do what?"

"You know, our previous talk was like ... I feel it was insufficient."

"Whoa, don't hurt yourself with those big words."

"Knock it off."

"Why should I?"

"Can we just go back and maybe talk about that one more time?"

"What are you even talking about?"

"We had sex and earlier we were both acting from anger. So I think ..."

"You were acting from anger. Not me. Besides, I have no idea what you're even talking about."

"Well, I'm sure the hotel has security camera footage of us together."

"Why would they have that? I wasn't with you last night. I was with Megan. You're Kryssy."

"I'm Megan. Kindly keep that abomination of a name away from me."

"Mom calls you Kryssy. Dad calls you Kryssy. In fact, everyone who knows you, calls you Kryssy."

"Not Amber."

"Who?"

"You remember Amber. From the bar when we first met."

"First met? We first met when you were a 12 year old kid being a brat while I tried to play piano."

"A brat? You were a fucking snob."

"Yes, it's so snobbish to learn piano on your own and then play for the enjoyment of others."

"You were all like 'Look at me. I'm so smart. I'm in college.' Every dumbass in this country goes to college these days."

"Well, I suppose if going to college was the only thing I'd ever done with my life that zinger would hurt but as to the facts, well we both know who did something with their degree and who didn't, don't we."

"Whatever. Think what you want. I don't care."

John made a couple more comments but she didn't respond so he left her alone. He got the fire place set up so he wouldn't have to run the heater all night for her. He just hoped she was smart enough to know not to get too close to the fire. Still, as the firelog started burning, he made a point to turn back and remind her not to touch it and that it would burn until well after she'd fallen asleep.

Back up in his bedroom, which was really more like a little apartment all of its own, John took a shower and let the hot water spray over him for an extended period of time. Yesterday didn't matter. Even today didn't matter. He could argue that tomorrow wouldn't matter either. January 5th he'd be back at the office and the rest of his life would start again. The future was the thing that was important, not some dimwitted nostalgia for a past that wasn't even his.

While he was drying off he heard a knock on his door. "What does she want this time?" He knew it was her. He just knew it was her. "Wait a minute." he called out as he got dressed in haste. Then he went to the door. "What?"

"Um ... Can I sleep in here?"

"No."

"Please?"

"I'm not taking the sofa. Sorry."

"Well, we can sleep in the same bed. That's ok."

"No, it's not."

"Why?" she asked.

"It would be weird. You know it would be weird."

"We're siblings. It's normal for siblings to share a bed sometimes."

"Maybe other siblings but not ones who ... are angry at each other."

"When I was little and I had fights with my sisters, my mom used to make us hug. Do you want to try that?"

"When I was little and I had fights with the other boys in the home they put us on separate halls and made sure we were never in the same room again."

"That doesn't sound healthy."

"No. Don't do that. I know where you're going."

"What?"

"The foster parents who open up their homes to kids they don't know and the people who choose to work in the care homes are doing a good, a very good thing and society just wants to demonize all of them because lazy writers make foster parents out to be monsters and that gets put in books and movies. It needs to stop. The vast majority of ..."

"I wasn't saying anything like that. What are you talking about?"

"And you know, when everyone is calling every staff member of an orphanage an abuser it makes it near impossible for a credible accusation of abuse to be believed by anyone."

"Ok. I'm sorry. Whatever."

"Can you just go? Is it not warm enough down there?"

"Actually, can we talk serious for a second?"

"Wait. I'm confused. Have we not been serious up until now?"

"I think we should talk about what happened."

"Nothing happened. There. We talked."

"I liked you." she said.

"And what do you want me to say?"

"Nothing. Can you just listen?"

Oh, so it was going to be one of those things. Fine. He offered her a chair at the little table. Instead of sitting opposite her, he sat on the corner of the bed. He watched her as she moved to sit. She turned the chair to look at him and began.

"Maybe, it was my fault." she said.

"What was your fault?"

"I should have known. I should have recognized you."

"You can't change the past so don't worry about it."

"But I am worried about it."

John didn't respond. He just gestured to let her know he was listening.

She continued, "See maybe some part of me did know it was you and I just didn't listen to it."

"I don't see that that's a thing I can help you with."

"I don't need your help. I just need you to listen."

"Ok."

"Maybe the reason I ... fell in love with you so quickly was because you reminded me of my brother. Like, every other guy I've ever met who was interested in me has always turned out to be like a pick up artist or something and with you I just knew you were different. That's why it broke my heart when ... when you didn't call me. I had thought I could trust you for some reason. And then when I saw you in the bookstore I didn't know what to think but you said that I meant something to you and that was all I needed to hear."

"I'm pretty sure more than just pick up artists were interested in you. I could take you out to any place in the world and any single guy of merit would easily fall for you."