Lawyers

I had never doubted the seriousness of what Cahill was saying, but I realized what he was asking of me was to testify against a woman I had fallen in love with, testimony that could put her jail. But ultimately what choice did I have? If the cops wanted to talk to me about Kerri, there wasn't a damn thing I could do but talk to them, and it didn't matter whether or not Cahill or any of the rest of the partners wanted me to cooperate. As an officer of the court, I had an obligation whether I liked it or not.

"Mr. Cahill, I want to reiterate, I will do anything that is in the best interests of this company, short of lying. I've told you the truth, and I am willing to repeat that truth to anyone else that needs to hear it." I looked around the room, and most of the partners were shaking their heads in approval. Some were actually smiling. But now I was curious. "If I could ask one question, how did the alleged embezzlement occur?"

"I suppose I am not revealing too much to answer that question, Mr. Floyd. You would have found as soon you spoke to the police, anyway. By the way, I hope you do not mind, but I took the liberty of giving them your phone number, so that conversation will happen sooner rather than later, I believe."

He continued, "Two checks for the retainer totaling $100,000 were paid by our client to secure your and Ms. Parson's services. But the checks were not paid to Cahill, Swann & Moore. Instead, the two checks, each written for $50,000 were made out to Ms. Parson. We have yet to determine whether or not those checks have been cashed, but Ms. Parson is no longer in the employ of CS&M."

Jesus, Kerri, I thought to myself. Then, I remembered the expensive dinners, the lingerie, the jewelry, and the dresses. I thought she was smart! How could she have done something so incredibly stupid, not to mention, immoral and illegal? And why?

In six weeks, Andrew Parson was going to be one of the very first players selected in the NFL draft. He was guaranteed to sign a contract for tens of millions of dollars, including a signing bonus of as much as $5 million!

From that point forward in her life, Kerri was on easy street. Why would she have sacrificed it all with such an impulsive, idiotic, and immoral act? And what about me? How could I have ever thought that I knew her, if I did not know she was capable of doing what it seemed pretty clearly she had actually done? And still that didn't change the way I felt about her.

Cahill continued. "Mr. Floyd, we would like to thank you for speaking to us today, and for coming down here to Phoenix several days early. We want you to know that you are an invaluable asset to this firm. Thank you for everything you do, and in particular, for your laudable integrity. Please enjoy your weekend, Mr. Floyd, and we will see you again on Monday for the opening meeting. Thank you again," I was escorted from the room, and I drove back to the resort. I had nothing to do for the next two days, but I was in no mood for celebration.

For several hours, I just sat in my room and thought about what had happened. I was stunned, disappointed, and ultimately crestfallen. I knew it was a potentially dangerous thing to do, but I wanted more than anything else to see Kerri. I had to talk to her, to get her side of the story. I figured I owed her that.

Then, my phone rang. It was the L.A. cops. They asked me if I could meet them at the Phoenix police department the next morning. I promised them I would. Though they never said anything one way or the other about it, I knew I shouldn't talk to Kerri. No one, including the partners, seemed to know anything about my relationship with her. But right or wrong, I was going to try to see her anyway.

I tried her phone again, but now I realized why her number was disconnected -- she had been issued a company phone, just as I had, and it had probably been confiscated from her along with everything else in her possession that the company owned. By the time I was able to track down another number from Grayson, the police had already interviewed me, and I had told them everything that I knew. When I tried calling Kerri at the new number, she did not answer.

I got her address, also from Grayson -- who I had sworn to secrecy -- and during the following week when I had some free time from the meetings, I drove by her condominium. I rang the bell, even walked around to another door and knocked on it. She didn't answer. She was gone. As suddenly as she had entered in my life, just as suddenly she had disappeared. For whatever reason, and there were certainly a host of possible ones, Kerri didn't want to see me -- not now, apparently, not ever!

I sat through a week of meetings beginning on Monday. Paul and Tom received their 25 Year Service Awards, along with their gold Rolex watches, and I was happy for them. They deserved some accolades, but there was little joy in any of it for me. None of the things that I had looked forward to about the week seemed attractive any more.

I spoke to Grayson, and he told me the story of when the firm brought in the security people and the cops to escort Kerri out of the office -- the security took everything from her -- her phone, computer, keys to the company car, etc. Then, the cops handcuffed her outside in the parking lot, read her her rights, put her in the backseat of a squad car, and drove her back to L.A. He said it was ugly, sad, that she was crying, sobbing the whole time.

I also talked to Paul and Tom, and several other people about Kerri. I was incredibly embarrassed -- embarrassed that I hadn't seen it coming, hadn't suspected a thing. In retrospect, it seemed like I should have.

I felt like all of their criticism of Kerri and everyone else was now warranted, and that after their earlier warnings to me about her, just discussing her was another way of saying, "I told you so!" Not that they ever reminded me of those warnings. In fact, everyone told me it wasn't my fault -- that it wasn't up to me to monitor the integrity of my colleagues.

But, of course, they didn't know how intimate I had been with Kerri Parson. Didn't know how I felt about her! Didn't know the personal betrayal that I was feeling! I suppose if she had wanted to, Kerri could have set me up, made me look like I was involved. But even if she didn't do that -- and she didn't -- she could have gotten me into a lot of trouble, could easily have gotten me fired.

I barely drank at all that week -- didn't party with anyone. Went back to my room every night and moped around, replaying in my mind every moment I had spent with her.

In early April the NFL draft ceremony was held in New York, and I watched from the TV in my home in Cleveland. And, of course, there by Andrew's side was Kerri. She looked incredible as always. But she also seemed reserved, and what had happened to her must certainly have muted the celebration for Andrew.

He was picked second, by the Detroit Lions, and eventually he signed a $68 million, five year contract with $40 million of that amount guaranteed. I don't know what his signing bonus was, but he was rich, immediately rich, and by association, so too was Kerri. I had heard that Andrew bought a home in Gross Pointe Shores, outside of Detroit.

I later learned that Kerri returned the $100,000 and accepted a plea bargain. That was a relief because it meant I wouldn't have to testify against her. She had cashed only one of the two checks, and she returned the other one and repaid all the money immediately.

Nonetheless, she was disbarred and still faced a significant criminal penalty. Having had no criminal record and considering her restitution, I was told that she received a short jail sentence, something like 60 days in the L.A. County jail, and five years probation. After that, I have no idea what happened to her, though I presumed she was somewhere near Andrew.

By the following summer, I was again called in to meet with the partners in Phoenix. This time the occasion was more upbeat. I was offered a partnership! Of course, I took it! But I had no one with whom to celebrate it, and I was now nearly 37 years old and right back where I didn't want to be -- wishing I could "have it all" and convinced that that whole business was lie -- a joke, perpetrated upon a gullible population.

I am a lawyer. There are a whole handful of names for people like me -- attorney, counselor, litigator, esquire, advocate, and barrister. To plenty of other people, asshole, jerk, ambulance chaser, etc. are more appropriate. I had always considered law an admirable profession, though I've always known a lot of people would beg to differ. Now, I'm not so sure myself.

I make even more money than I did before, and though most people would consider me quite successful, I still haven't found happiness or even self-satisfaction.

And as for true love? I guess that's just a pipe dream. I got a taste of that dream, just a nibble -- almost three months of it, to be precise. I suppose that's something. But it's not enough.

So now, I'm alone again, and it seems ridiculous to try to maintain those impossibly high standards that I had set so long ago for the woman that I wanted to marry. Now, all of those things -- beauty, intelligence, humor, ambition, integrity -- they all seem absurdly idealistic.

And all of the successes -- awards, recognition, money, house, car? I would trade them all in an instant for a woman that I could love and who would love me in return.