Living with the Lie

"Yeah" I got all of that, but what's so funny?" he asked.

"Do you know what they're blackmailing me with?" I asked him.

"I haven't got a clue," he said.

"Remember the first time we got together?" I asked.

"Oh ... That," he said. "So tell him about it."

"I can't," I said. "I could lose him."

"It's either that or cheat on him," he said. "But don't worry I have it all handled." He looked across the room to where a man was setting up a laptop and some other equipment. "You about ready Bob?" he yelled. The man have him a thumbs up sign.

Before I could ask him what was going on, they walked in. Laci looked pissed. She looked as if she wanted to tear Dean a new asshole with her bare hands.

Gerry on the other hand looked like he had lost his best friend. He hadn't of course. He could never lose me, no matter what. But he thought he had. I rose to go to him, but the look of pain on his face stopped me in my tracks. If anyone had ever caused Gerry that kind of pain, I would have killed them. The fact that it was me who'd caused it was devastating.

But this evening would see either Gerry and I re-united or it would be our end and the end of my life.

We sat down at one of the larger tables. Those tables were designed to hold eight people. It was strange, but it made sense. Gerry and I were angry at each other so as much as it hurt me, we sat across from each other like enemies. It was the same with Laci and Dean. At the same time I didn't want to sit very close to Dean and give Gerry the idea that there was something going on between Dean and me.

"I'll start," said Laci. It was out of character for her to be so forceful, so we listened.

"Dean this time was the straw that broke the camel's back," she said. "I want a divorce. I don't need to be married to a man who is constantly cheating on me. I've given you too many chances to stop and you haven't. Anyone who cheats on me this much can't love me so there is no point in us staying married.

Less than two weeks ago, you remember it, the night I got so pissed over you and that fat waitress that I got up on that stage and danced? I told you that night that if you ever did it again we were done. So you get a lawyer and I'll get one too and ..."

She stopped in mid sentence and looked at him. "You think this is funny?" she asked him. He just nodded.

"Laci, I love you, Honey," he said. "These three days that we've been apart have forced me to do some thinking. Being without you, even for three days made me take a long look at myself and there are going to be some changes. There are going to be changes both in our relationship and in me personally."

"It's ... It's too late," she said hesitantly. Again he shook his head.

"Why isn't it?" she asked. You could tell that Dean's speech had reached her. They had been together for too long. Any long relationship builds ties between people and something deep inside of her was telling her to at least listen to what he had to say.

Dean gestured to the guy sitting in the booth on the other side of the room. The man walked over to our table.

"Dean, you don't need him," said Porky suddenly. "I recognized his equipment. He's a polygraph operator isn't he?" Dean nodded.

"Why don't the four of you come into my office," said Porky.

When we were all settled in Porky's office and confused he pointed a remote control at a huge TV across from his desk. "Everything in my office is usually recorded," he said. "This will be better proof than your lie detector."

The TV came to life and we watched a scene from out in the bar first. It showed Dean angrily pacing the floor and watching the door.

"That was Dean three nights ago," narrated Porky. "He was pissed that you weren't there. Notice that he was so angry that he was ignoring my waitresses.

If you look across the room, you'll see Miranda. As usual she's alone. It's funny that a woman that hot is always alone. But watch this ... One of her husband's band mates comes over. You can't really hear the conversation over the noise of the jukebox and the drinking. But he told her that he'd seen Gerry, stuck in traffic and that Gerry had picked Laci up.

I think that's what started all of this shit, right?" Dean and I nodded.

"Dean got really pissed," continued Porky. "And so did Miranda. But I don't understand why? Dean, Gerry did a nice thing. Did you really want him to leave your wife stranded on the road? And you ought to know that you can trust Gerry. And you Miranda, Laci has gone out of her way to be friends with you. She's always defending you when some of those uppity bitches around town talk badly about you. And you ought to know that you can trust Gerry too. That man's whole fuckin' world revolves around you."

I nodded. "I know it does," I said. "And I love him just as much, but I get so jealous about Laci. She's so pretty and he liked her for so long ..."

"But he grew up and married you," said Porky. "And he never looked back."

"Anyway ... Moving on," continued Porky. "Here we see Dean screaming and making a fool out of himself. I didn't even have my security guys throw him out because if you look at the screen you'll notice that no one in the bar is paying him any attention, they've all seen it before. No one cares ... Except for you Miranda, that is. And this is the part where the two of you sit down and concoct your brilliant plan to get back at Gerry and Laci for cheating on you two.

If you continue watching the video you'll see Miranda jump up suddenly and slap the shit out of Dean. That was probably when he suggested that the two of you have a revenge fuck to make them jealous. Then Dean manages to calm her down. Look at the fire in her eyes. Gerry do you really think a woman who is that pissed at the thought of cheating on you would do it willingly?"

The screen goes blank and Porky fast forwards to the next section. This part is here inside of his office. It shows Dean and me sitting down. At first we barely talk and then we start playing cards. Suddenly, Dean jumps up and yells, "They're here." Then he opens his shirt and un-zips his pants like he's trying to get dressed quickly.

Laci comes into view. I can see her screaming at Dean and hitting him a couple of times.

The next thing I see is the look on Gerry's face when he sees me behind Dean. It is an amazing change. The normal happy expression on Gerry's face morphs in seconds. It's like seeing a sudden severe thunderstorm on a sunny day.

Within seconds his face is angrier than I have ever seen it. The rest is almost too fast to follow. Gerry is suddenly standing in front of Dean and then he's on top of Dean and beating the shit out of him.

I see myself there on the screen. I am totally confused. I keep asking myself, 'what just happened?'

Then Gerry is gone. A few seconds later Dean's Mom comes into the room and explains everything. After her explanation, I just felt empty. I felt empty and stupid. The video ended there.

"Gerry, I'm so sorry," I burst out. "I never should have listened to him. I just wanted to ... I didn't want to lose you. I never want to spend another day without you. I was just stupid and jealous, but I didn't cheat. I would never cheat on you. It was just Dean's stupid plan and it went wrong. Can you forgive me?"

He nodded and held his arms out. Relief filled his features and I was happier than I had ever been. I ran into his arms hoping that he could get over the next and final hurdle.

I looked at Laci and she was nodding her head. But strangely she wasn't as happy as Gerry and I were.

"So Lace, are we cool?" Dean smirked.

"Let's just say that we're slightly below room temperature," she said. "I'm holding off the divorce on a technicality. You didn't actually cheat, but it was only because Miranda wasn't willing to. Since you didn't cheat, I have to give you a chance, but I'm sure you'll fuck it up."

"So what about you, Laci?" he asked angrily. "You and Dean were in a hotel somewhere for three days. You were both pissed off at us for what you think we did about what we thought you two did ..."

"What exactly are you asking, Dean?" asked Laci angrily.

"Come on Lace," said Dean. "We're all adults here. And we're human. Emotions have been running high. And Gerry has always had a crush on you. I just want to know ... did you and Gerry fu ...?"

Before the words were out of his mouth Laci had slapped him so hard that her handprint showed through his three day beard growth.

"Fuck you Dean," she hissed. "When you were fucking Connie Walters on your lunch hours and I found out from her co-workers at the gas station, I didn't go out and fuck anyone. I forgave you. When you were so worried about whether or not you got Heather Springer pregnant and her daddy wanted to tar and feather you, I forgave you and again I didn't go out and fuck anyone."

"I'm sorry, Honey," mumbled Dean.

"Shut up, Bitch," she said. "Every time I turn around I'm hearing about you and some waitress or dancer and I've forgiven you time and time again. I have never once ..." She paused and wiped away a tear.

"Gerry was a complete gentleman," she said. "We had separate rooms. Our rooms did not connect. We weren't even on the same God Damned floor. Neither one of us is the cheating type and ..."

"Lace, I'm sorry," he whined. "I love you. I just had to know. I'll bet Miranda wanted to know too, right?" He looked at me for support and I just turned my head. But I was glad that Gerry hadn't slept with Laci. I would have forgiven him if he had, but knowing that he hadn't was a double edged sword for me.

If he had slept with Laci, I would have forgiven him in an instant, because of what he was about to find out. But at the same time there was no way I would have ever let him out of my sight again.

"Gerry, I want to apologize to you for ..." began Dean.

"You have nothing to apologize for," said Gerry. "Nothing happened."

"Gerry, ever since we were in short pants, you and I have been competing," said Dean. "And for a lot of it ... Most of it ... Okay, Damned near all of it ... I've cheated. You always did everything on the up and up, and you were always gracious about everything. As so many people have pointed out, we've grown up. I'd like us to be friends. I mean it."

I was shocked. But Gerry reacted the way anyone who knew him could predict that he would. He shook Dean's hand and told him that he'd like that too.

"Miranda," said Laci.

"You don't even need to say anything Blondie," I told her. "I think it's time I had a friend too. So if you want to volunteer ..."

In typical Laci style she came around the table and hugged me. She really was a nice woman.

"Laci, maybe we should wait until you hear the next part," I said. "You might be pissed at me, but I swear I didn't know back then."

"You don't want to be my friend?" she asked. She actually seemed to be hurt.

"Of course, I do," I said. "But you might not want to be mine in a few minutes. I'm trying to protect you, okay?" she looked confused.

"Gerry, we have another problem, Honey," I told him. "I'm being blackmailed."

"By who?" he asked angrily.

"I haven't done anything yet," I said. "And I have no intention of doing anything. I'm going to come clean and tell you everything, just listen okay. It covers a lot of things. You already know most of it, but Laci doesn't and some of it explains some things."

"Okay," said both Gerry and Laci.

"Wait a minute," said Dean. "Hey, Porky. Can we get some beers over here?"

"Help yourself," yelled Porky.

Dean went out onto the bar and stepped behind it. Gerry turned and looked at Laci and me.

"What can I get for you, ladies?" he asked.

"Honey, you already know what I want," I told him. "Bring one for Laci too." She smiled at me and shrugged her shoulders. "You're gonna love it," I said to her.

Dean came back with a bottle of Porky's aged Jack Daniel's whiskey and a plate full of bar snacks. A few moments later, Gerry joined us with a full tray. Dean started laughing.

"What's so funny?" asked Laci.

"Look at Gerry carrying that tray," he said. "Thanks to him I got one last notch on my belt."

"Huh?" said both Laci and me. Neither of us got it.

"Every time I came into this place I always made friends with one of the waitresses," he laughed. The three of us had to join him laughing because it really was kind of funny.

As we settled in, I was just about to start my explanation when Laci sipped her beer. "Holy shit, this is good," she said. "What is this?"

"It's my favorite Beer. It comes from a brewery in Wisconsin," I told her. "It's called, "Not your father's root beer."

Then I started my story.

"I grew up in a normal family in Ohio. I was the youngest of three kids and the second girl. Except for being the baby, I was pretty much ignored. My older sister, had long pretty blond hair, like yours, Laci. My older brother was one of the best athletes in the school. I was just their awkward baby sister, until I turned eleven and started to develop. I started kind of early and by the time I was thirteen, my boobs were bigger than my sister's but everything else on me could have been on a twelve year old boy's body.

It was strange, because mentally and emotionally, I was still just a kid. I really didn't understand why all of a sudden I couldn't go down to the pond and jump in wearing just a t-shirt and some shorts. I told my mother that she had let me do it only a week earlier and I had always done it before then.

It turned out that my brother had gotten into several fights over the reaction that some of his friends got from seeing my boobs dancing around under my wet t-shirt. Every boy and a lot of men in our neighborhood started hanging out around the pond, hoping I would go down there to play.

At the same time, I had always been too much of a Tomboy to have many friends among the girls in the neighborhood, but suddenly, not only did I have fewer female friends, but the girls not hanging out with me because of our differences in activities turned to absolute hatred.

I hadn't done a single thing to earn their hatred. But the fact that a bunch of boy-crazy girls finding out that most of the boys were interested in my boobs when they didn't have any; was more than enough.

It took another three years for my next growth spurt. I didn't get any taller thank God. I was already this height at 15 and praying every day that I didn't get any taller. My mom told me that I was lucky. She told me that all of the famous runway models were tall. My sister reminded her every time she said it, that models didn't have huge boobs. Even my own sister hated me. But when I turned sixteen my skinny legs thickened and took on a shape.

It seemed like over-night my ass rounded and my hips widened. When I returned to school, the rumors started. Some said that I had spent the summer working as a stripper. Others swore that I had taken up bodybuilding. Some of my brother's friends thought that I was using steroids and working out. In reality I had spent the summer learning how to drive. I had sat on my ass the entire summer, listening to my dad preach about proper driving techniques. I had never seen the inside of a gym and that was a good thing.

I was not athletic in any sense of the word. I can't do anything athletic. My boobs are too big for me to run. Even in a sports bra their up and downward motion is painful and it gives me stretch marks. My hips are also so wide that my knees are injured too easily for any type of running movement.

I tried dancing but it caused too many problems. Because of my boobs and my ass any type of movement seems sexual. I had other problems. Most of the boys my age were too intimidated to approach me. And I had no interest in boys, which made some of the girls sure that I was a lezzie.

I was finally rescued from all of the drama by graduating from high school and leaving it all behind. My grades were fairly middling, mostly because I had never really applied myself.

I enrolled in the local community college, where I quickly began to make friends. A big part of my problem was the bullshit I went through in high school. I had no socialization skills, so I didn't really know what to do.

But just like in high school there was a group of bitches who were ready to paint me as evil. I went out with a few men and right away got taken advantage of. I was so desperate for friends and for someone to love me that I fell for almost any line. Before long, I had a reputation only this time it really was true.

My salvation arrived in the form of my English teacher. He had a way with words. He seemed to always know exactly what to say to me. He told me that I too had a gift for writing that should be explored and nourished. Luckily for me, he was willing to help me.

Before long we were spending so much time together that I became unavailable to anyone else. That seemed to cool down some of the rumors about me that those catty bitches seemed to like spinning.

He was everything I always wanted. Or at least I thought he was. He was attentive. He was kind. He made me feel really special. He said the nicest things to me. Unfortunately, he was married. He had three kids and he was the biggest liar I ever met.

I didn't find out any of this until it was far too late. I was already pregnant with his child. But even then, he managed to play on my stupidity. When I found out that he was married, he spun that too. He told me that his wife didn't understand him. And I believed him. He told me that he was in the process of getting a divorce. And I believed him again. He told me that it wasn't a good time for us to have a child. I was too young and when we went to court for the divorce, I would be drawn into it and made to look really bad. Naturally, I believed him. I got the procedure done and our child was no more. I really believed that he was as sorry as I was.

I believed him all the way until I heard him with my own ears, talking to one of his friends. He told him that I had the best body he had ever seen and fortunately for him, I was also the stupidest, most gullible girl he had ever run into. There was no chance of him giving up his wife and kids for me. He was also having trouble giving up my body... Not giving me up, just my body.

Our relationship soon got out, and he ended up getting a divorce for real. His wife took him to the cleaners. He lost his career, his money and any chance of ever seeing his kids again. Unfortunately, my reputation was made even worse. The only way for me to stay sane was to leave town.

My family sent me to a therapist to deal with my issues. It took a little over a couple of years for me to get over it all. When I moved here to live with my aunt, I was ready to start my life.

I decided that I would never be used again. I would also not be a victim of any catty bitches for any reason. A couple of days after moving here, I wasn't sure that I wanted to stay. There was really nothing I could find a job doing that was even close to my career field. My aunt encouraged me to look around the town. I went out a couple of times. The first time was with my aunt. We went to the ice cream parlor in town. I met a lot of guys, who all seemed interested in me.

The next day, I was still living out of a suitcase. Gerry came over early in the morning to do some chores for my aunt and I saw him. I heard the way he spoke to my aunt, and there was just something about him. While he was trying to fix her lawn mower and was trying to look at some stupid part on the motor, I saw his face. I saw his eyes.

I saw the kindness there and the honesty. More than anything else I saw the love there. No he didn't love me. He'd never met me. Obviously that love was generated for someone else. But I fell, ass over tea kettle for him, that day before he ever saw me.