Love and Trust

Later that day Irina took me aside, put her arms around my neck and pressed up hard against me.

"Thank you for last night Peter. You were wonderful to me and gave me a good experience. I hope it wasn't the last time. And thanks for pulling out. Petra was a little irritated though."

"Why?"

"After the sauna and sitting on your lap she felt confident she wanted more. She planned to share your bed but that attack of homesickness ruined it. This morning she thought she had missed her chance. I told her she hadn't."

"I don't follow you now."

"I told her we weren't in a relationship because of what happened, it was more like a therapy session, and I wouldn't mind if she and the others had 'sessions' too."

"You mean... us having sex too? After us? I don't know Irina. You said you hadn't screwed around, and neither have I. The women I've been with were serious relations, at least to me. It never worked for long, but that was my intention and the same applies to you."

"Thank you for saying so but still, I want you to give them therapy too if they ask for it. What happens after that remains to be seen. Okay?"

"I don't know. I have to think about that. Let me tell you this: you caught my eye from the start, more than the others. I was kind of jealous when that man followed you out of the bar the first time I saw you. I like you all, a lot, but you are number one. Maybe because you are closest to my age, I don't know, but that's how it is."

"You're sweet Peter, but I'm sure this is how I want it. If you say no: sure, I have to accept it. If the others say no: sad for them. Think about it."

A kiss, a smile, and she wandered off.

And I did think about it. Every time I saw Petra, Anna or Marija. Every time I saw Irina. When I heard their voices too, and when I was alone. Did I want to agree? Of course I did, but like I told Irina -- or at least hinted -- it didn't seem right after being with her, whatever the reason for that. They were all good looking and nice but I didn't want to complicate things.

What they said and/or agreed upon when I wasn't around I don't know but perhaps I could guess.

Anna passed me later, letting a hand graze my arm. She stopped and leaned over to whisper:

"I want to have a try after Petra."

Not long after that, Marija did the same thing:

"I'm in no hurry, but don't forget me when you have been with Petra and Anna."

Petra was next, and she didn't bother to just pass by. I sat in the living room with a book in hand but without reading and she pushed the book aside to sit on my lap like the previous evening.

"I don't want to be pushy, especially since I don't know how I would take it, but have you thought about -- us?"

"Not much else has passed through my mind since Irina told me."

"And?"

"I don't know. It's complicated, and it's not only about me or what I want."

"Of course, it's about us as well. I hope you understand that we want this fully or in part."

"Yes, but that's not what I mean."

"Tell me then. Perhaps I can help you decide."

"Well, Irina was first and for me that means she's the only one until she say stop: then she is off limits. I don't want to hurt her and I don't want her out."

"Yes, but she say it is okay, shouldn't it be for you too then?"

"Maybe, but is it honestly how she feels? What if she see it differently afterwards? Or you if we do this, or any of the others? We get along very well as it is and that might change as a result."

"True, but it may change because she gets something we want too and can't have. It's already started, I was so disappointed with myself this morning for not taking the chance when I had it in the sauna. I wasn't certain then, but what if...?"

"I know, Irina told me. I'm sorry about that but believe me when I say I have tried real hard not to look at any of you that way. You kind of ruined my effort out in the sauna."

"I know, we know. That irritates me also: if I hadn't done that nothing would probably have happened last night, and I could have bided my time. Next problem."

"Is it wise? For your sakes I mean, after what you have been through?"

"The way you treated Irina last night I think it is the wise thing to do. A good experience to counter all the bad ones. At least that is my hope. We had no choice but to do what we did, now we can decide ourselves, or as equals at least. You can't imagine what a difference that makes."

"There are other men. You can start dating."

"And how do we know they aren't ass-holes who will abuse us? I admit that I might never trust you entirely, or anyone else, but we know you well enough to know you're a nice man, you have proved that every day. How you will behave when you get drunk or angry we don't know, situations like that is the reason I might never trust you fully."

"But there are good guys out there. Most of them are I'm sure."

"I know and I agree. The problem is that it takes time to get to know them. Getting to know you we had Jenny with us in part and we were all four together. We also had nothing much to lose, it couldn't get much worse. When Jenny left we got nervous before we talked about the situation. A new guy who makes a stupid move would ruin so much now. I would be scared stiff dating anyone else alone."

"And if I make a mistake? I took some chances with Irina after all."

"You teased and that is not the same thing. You also talked and more importantly listened. Sure you can screw up, everyone can, but there is more than a little trust between us and we know each other reasonably well. Do something really stupid and I will scream. The others would tear you apart or Anna would shoot you."

"You're really encouraging, you know: 'Stop that or Anna will shoot you'. Some motivation to say no to the whole thing actually."

Petra pouted but lit up when I continued:

"Okay, I'll talk to Irina again to make sure she is absolutely certain this is okay. If so you are next whenever you say a word. Understand this though: I won't promise that it will be more than once, and you hold back any screams whatsoever. I don't want to be shot!"

Her squeal didn't quite reach scream level as she planted my face between her breasts.

- - - - - -

I asked Irina if she wanted to share my bed again that night. The look I got made me hurry to add:

"To cuddle and talk, mostly talk. I would never try to push you to do anything you didn't want to."

"I know. Sorry Peter, it was a reflexive response. I loved what we did last night but I'm not ready for more so soon. Yes, I will share your bed to cuddle and talk. What should we talk about?"

"Later Irina, in bed,"

She wore her nightgown when she joined me and she kept it on. She came close to me at once though, very close.

"I'm here, so tell me what this is about Peter."

"Anna, Marija and Petra told me one after the other that they were ready and willing, to put it bluntly. Apparently Petra would be first, then Anna and Marija. Petra and I talked quite a bit actually, after I told her I was less than eager."

"And?"

"I had the distinct impression that you have all talked about this a lot, made plans and decided everything without me. Decided that I will agree even."

"Won't you?"

"Irina, I meant we would talk in bed tonight, not that I would talk and you would ask short questions. Don't you have anything to tell me?"

A deep sigh escaped her and she backed away from me, her eyes avoiding mine.

"Okay. Yes, we talked about it and Petra got almost hysterical for a moment because of the missed opportunity. Marija was the least interested, more like curious really when I described my experience. You have to understand that none of us has had any positive experiences of sex, ever. All of us weren't virgins when we were kidnapped but that doesn't have to mean a lot, does it?"

"I guess not but you know what I told you: it was you who was first and therefore you should be the only one."

"Yes I know, but by then we had already talked. Perhaps we should have realised how you would feel about it but we didn't. We were sure that you would be happy to do it. You're really upset about this, aren't you?"

My turn to sigh deeply.

"In a way yes, but not because of what you wanted, decided or discussed. It is a moral dilemma for me, and that is the problem."

"Care to explain?" Irina said softly, carefully.

"I've told you most of it already. I've always stayed with monogamous relationships and really don't like cheating. You were the one that first caught my eyes, back in that bar. You were also the first in my bed, both innocently and sexually, and therefore you should be the only one. We didn't swear any vows of eternal love and faithfulness, I know that, but for me that was enough."

"Yes, you said so when I asked about 'therapy' for the others. Like I said then I appreciate the sentiment and generally agree fully, but the circumstances are far from ordinary. I also told you that I was okay with it."

"I know you did, but I'll get back to that later. Another side of my moral dilemma is that I am a man after all. I do recognise beautiful young women and I do desire them. All four of you go into that category: beautiful and desirable. I've actually tried real hard not to think of you that way and I dare say I was successful until Petra joined me to clean the sauna. Her scrubbing the benches naked reminded me that I'm only human. It didn't get any better later, in the living room."

"I noticed, but as you say it's only human to desire. The important thing is to restrain the desire when needed. All those men who bought sex with us didn't do that but you did until I told you I wanted to try."

"Yes, but in a way you want me to not restrain myself now."

"I see. And that scares you?"

"No, but it contradicts what the civilised part of me tells me to do. The caveman in me says 'go, go, go!' but the other side tells me I already have one woman I love and that should be enough. That brings us back to what you said earlier: that you're okay with it. If you really are, then you shouldn't share my bed again because you're not 'the one'. If you're not okay with it you lied and I shouldn't be okay with it either. Do you understand what I'm saying now? Why I'm disturbed and confused?"

The distance between us let me see the flash of hurt and sorrow on her face before she returned to rest close against me, an arm and a leg around me to push herself even closer.

"You don't understand! You can't understand!" she sniffled in my ear "Of course I don't want you to be with other women, but they are relatives, more like sisters than anything, and they were there with me, shared what I had to suffer through! They need you and I need you to give it to them. Besides, would you really consider a serious relationship with a former whore? That's what I am, willingly or not, a whore!"

Her entire body started to shake from violent sobs. All I could do was to hold her and whisper in her ear:

"You are a victim of repeated rape and abuse, not a whore. I'm appalled by what you all had to go through, but not by you or the others. I'm hoping for a serious relationship with you, lasting forever. It worries me what it might lead to if I do what you say you want me to do though. I'll do anything for you all but I'm not sure it's wise."

She continued clinging to me and crying, and I kept holding her for a long time. When her tears stopped we just held each other, and eventually she spoke again:

"I can't believe that you meant what you said, that you want me forever, but I do hope it is the truth. You've been unselfish for as long as we've known you though, and I can't be any different in this. The others really need what you can give them: love, tenderness, consideration. I want you to give them what they deserve no matter what, but I hope you won't think any less of me because of it. If you don't want me because of this it would break my heart."

"Okay, I'll do my best then. I only hope you know what you're doing honey. If it should cause a rift between us your broken heart is nothing compared to what I will have."

- - - - - -

Irina didn't -- as far as I knew at least -- move further than an inch from me all that night, and when I opened my eyes the following morning her interpretation of a lovesick octopus was close to perfection.

She held me with both arms and also had one leg around my thighs, her sex against my hip. Her head was on my shoulder and her eyes studied my face tenderly.

"Good morning love." was the first words she said "Please, prove to me that you still love me despite what I said. Don't try to pretend, I'm sure I will notice if you do. If you don't love me any more, tell me face to face."

"Nothing has changed honey but what if Petra comes looking for you again?"

"Let's show her what she can expect then. Please?"

"You want me to eat you first, or do you want to be on top?"

Her face split in a grin as she realised the meaning of what I said.

"Kiss me all over, lick me, eat me, do anything you want. Then I want to be on top before you take me!"

I rolled us sideways so she was underneath me, kissing every part of her lovely face. Her response was kind of limiting for me as her arms and legs encircled my body from beneath. It was then I realised she must have separated from me at some time during the night after all, since her nightgown was no longer there.

I could have stayed kissing her lips, nose, eyelids, cheeks and ears forever but she pushed me lower. To her breasts, and she pushed them towards me, offering me the nipples to suckle on. My hands were as busy as my mouth, massaging a breast each.

Continuing down with my mouth my hands stayed there. Teasing her navel with my tongue and licking around it, my fingers pinched her nipples and stretched them. She spread her thighs wider, inviting me to go lower still, and I did.

Perhaps I should have teased her more, like the first time, but I wanted to give her more direct pleasure. I pushed my tongue in between her lower lips, entering her slightly before licking up the slit slowly.

She seemed to enjoy it anyway, arching her back, putting her hands on my head to push me closer and gasping for breath.

"Don't stop. Please don't stop!" she pleaded.

At that moment I heard a 'click' from the door, followed by a creaking.

"Oh! I'm so sorry!" Petra called out, but Irina responded at once:

"Get in here and close that damned door! This is what awaits you so get used to it!"

Then she added softly to me:

"Oh God! More! Please, keep doing that!"

I can't say if it was because someone was watching, but before the sounds announced that the door had closed, Irina came hard on my tongue. Since I was busy I had no idea if Petra had left or not but before long I heard heavy breathing that didn't emanate from Irina.

When she had calmed down, Irina's eyes opened and stared over my shoulder.

"Take off your clothes Petra." she said "It's your turn whenever you like. I've got what I wanted for now. If you are ready."

"I... I don't... I'm not sure... I..." the shaky response came from somewhere behind me.

"You won't be until you experience it." Irina told her "Undress and lay down beside me. Peter will stop if you tell him. He can fuck me anytime if you're not up to it. Trust me."

I still had my tongue between Irina's pussy lips and my hands on her breasts when the mattress moved beside us, announcing that Petra had entered the bed.

Petra's nude body, so deliciously familiar to me from the sauna, came into view laying on her side beside us. She held one arm in front of her chest and her thighs were held close together. Her face was flushed, pink from embarrassment.

"I'm... not so sure about this any more." she admitted.

"Neither was I last night." Irina told her "Try to relax and let Peter please you, you won't regret it. I was tense and nervous at first, resisting his attempts. Now I know I shouldn't have and neither should you. He won't hurt you, and even if he tried I won't let him Petra."

Petra breathed like a marathon runner when she rolled over to lay on her back with legs spread wide. It wasn't in any way a display of trust and want, more like hesitation and reluctance.

"Do it Peter." Irina urged me "Please her, let her know that you love her too."

I did love her but it felt strange even so when I moved from Irina's body to Petra's. That Petra went stiff as a poker didn't help at all I can tell you.

"Relax Petra." I whispered in her ear "I'll be as tender as possible and all you have to do to stop this is to say 'no'. Trust me, I don't want to hurt you."

"I will try but I didn't expect this to happen now. I... I'm scared!"

I didn't have to look at her face to realise she told the truth: the tremble in her voice was enough. Her disappointment with herself for not taking the chance before was very far away all of a sudden.

I moved off of her to lay beside her instead, and her face showed her hurt from that.

"Petra, we need to slow down." I told her in my softest voice "I'm not turning you down but let's start with holding each other. Can you do that? Cuddle, talk if you like, perhaps some kissing. Show me what you are comfortable with. We don't have to do anything now or today, or at any time."

"I thought I was ready for this but I'm not!" she sobbed "I... I better leave and let you two continue."

She started to get up but Irina stopped her.

"Petra, calm down. If you leave I will follow you so there won't be a continuation anyway. Stay and do as Peter suggested: do what you are comfortable with. You are both naked and in the same bed. Try to go to sleep holding each other if that is all you can do, or stay separated like this. Like Peter said you don't have to do anything."

Petra stopped but refused to look at either of us. Instead she stared at the door.

"Petra, you can put on the nightgown if you like, too. I won't mind." I told her.

"No! We were naked together in the sauna so I refuse to get dressed now!"

"Then don't!" Irina agreed "Stay naked, stay separated, but stay. I'm here and Peter won't do anything against your will. I'm sure of it and so are you if you think about it. Right?"

Hesitantly Petra nodded, her eyes still on the door.

"I guess..." she sighed "It's just that I see other men reaching out for me, wanting to touch me... and more."

"I won't touch you Petra, unless you tell me to. Remember, you can scream if I do and Anna will shoot me!"

A funny sound escaped her, kind of a sob mixed with laughter.

"I wouldn't want that to happen! Then I wouldn't have any chance of experiencing good sex!"

"Oh, you'd still have the chance, believe me. Then again, why risk anything? Cuddle?"

She lay down again, her legs pressed tight together, and turned sideways to face me.

"Okay, hold me, loosely. No grabbing, just your arms around me."

My lower arm moved in under her and the upper rested on her waist without pushing her closer. Her upper arm came around me too with the hand on my back. It didn't take long before she tentatively pushed us closer together.

Our noses met, rubbing against each other, and then our lips touched lightly. Again, and again, and I let her control the contact between us, following her lead. When her tongue sought entrance to my mouth I let her in and met her with mine.

She pushed even closer, her breasts flattening against my chest with hard nipples sticking out. Her sex came into contact with my erection but that made her pull back entirely. A second passed, ten more, then she pushed her hips forward again slowly.