Lumberyard Miracle

Lumberyard Miracle - A tale of improbable love

INTRODUCTION / IS THIS STORY FOR YOU? — This is a love story, and like many love stories it is about the unlikely odds of two people finding one another in such a huge world made up of seemingly random events and billions of people. It is a story that I hope explores deeper than the flesh and bodies of the characters, and thus it is my humble attempt to uncover the souls, desires and hopes of individuals who happen to be part of humanity whose gender identity and attractions may not conform to society's rules. One of the main characters is on the knife edge that separates he/she from being transgender or a feminine man. The other main character is a bisexual-man. If descriptions of male/male or trans/male sex aren't your cup of tea, you probably need to back out now. It is a medium length tale of about 8 Literotica Screen pages — yes, I've written another Romance. But, I hope you can find time to read it. I have labored over this story for over a year and almost gave up. A complete rewrite with a change in point-of-view and style has saved it — I hope. As always, your vote and comments at the end are welcome and appreciated. You're also welcome to send me private feedback if you prefer. ~ yukonnights

All copyrights reserved by the author, yukonnights and published solely on Literotica.com

*****

I can't help glancing at the guy beside me. He's pretty much everything the perfect man in my day dreams would look like. He's obviously a working man, the hands picking through the stacked lumber are strong and calloused ... and his discerning eye is quick in choosing the boards he'll accept. I'm not such a man, and it is pretty obvious. But I need to find a few boards to patch my fence so here I am, way out of my element.

"What'cha building?" he asks, in the way of casual friendliness.

"Oh, nothing really, I just need to replace three boards in my fence," I tell him. It gives me an excuse to really look at him for the first time without it seeming weird and the first thing I notice is his honest friendly smile.

"I don't think those are what you want. I assume you have a cedar fence?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure it is cedar. We had one like it back home and my folks always called it a cedar fence."

"The cedar is down there near the end of the isle, these are just cheap common whitewood. They won't last long in the weather. Follow me, I'll help you find what you need."

I follow him and from the backside, he is indeed a perfect model for my imagined love making sessions. As he bends over to push his lumber cart, his faded jeans are obviously filled with muscle instead of fat. Plus, he's really nice. I've pretty much given up on the man of my dreams being a reality. After trying all the usual ways to meet a man that might be something more than a hook-up ... it's hopeless. That was true even back home. Now, out here in Flagstaff, I don't even know where to start. After so many years of searching for a man with a heart as well as a decent body, I so empathize with women and what they have to endure in the search for a guy who isn't afraid or incapable of tenderness. And now, I can't remember the last time I even tried to find such an elusive being. Yep, that's the sum of it — stranded high and dry and all alone.

Lost in my thoughts, I almost run into the stranger when he stops to shuffle through the pile of cedar fence boards. He quickly sets aside the three I need. "Thank you for helping me find the right boards. I guess it's pretty obvious I'm no carpenter."

"You know, I might also be able to help you with that other thing."

Confused and honestly not knowing what he means, I guess it's the look on my face that prompts him to help me understand by adding, "You're right, the nail polish makes me think you don't normally do this kind of work."

Nail polish! I cleaned it off last night! That I instantly look down at my hands pretty much busts me and I feel the panic coming on.

"You missed a little on your left hand. Nice color though."

I'm totally flustered now, I can feel that my face is red and since my mind just went blank, I don't have any reply.

"Hey, it's okay. I like it. I'm sorry I took you off guard like that. Here, take my card and If you need some help fixing that fence just give me a call ... no charge."

Finally getting my wits back in control, I take the card from his hand, and mumble a quiet, "Thanks." I look up into his eyes and feel a sense of relief when I see his smile. It's a kind smile, not some lecherous creepy one that's, in my experience, more common. In response, my own smile comes naturally and unbidden.

As we stand there, both knowing it's time to go our separate way, he says in a soft way, "I could help you with the other thing too, if you need someone to do that."

"What other thing?"

"The other thing about you being more feminine, unless you already have someone," he says softly and in a kind way.

"I'm not sure I know what you mean." It's a lie ... and it doesn't even sound very convincing to me.

"It's not my way to be pushy. I just want you to know before we leave that I find you interesting ... and, someone like you doesn't come into my life everyday. So, just thought I'd take a chance and be a little forward. Think about it, maybe we can just go out to dinner one night and talk or something."

"Oh ... okay, thank you for the help. Let me think about it, okay?"

"Of course. Actually you passed the first test," he replies.

"What test?"

"The slut test. If you had been all ready to go right now, I would have lost interest," he tells me and smiles again.

"Uh ... thank you, I guess that makes me feel a lot better about your offer..." I pause to look down at his card — "Daniel."

"Do you trust me with your name?"

"Oh, duh! I'm Erik, Erik Taylor," I take the offered hand that swallows up my own. As we shake, I'm surprised by his gentle touch, so unlike many men who try to see who can crush the other's hand first.

"It's been nice meeting you Erik, and I hope you'll give me a chance to prove my words."

"I just need to think about it. I'll call you though ... to let you know. I mean like, either way."

"I couldn't ask for more than that Erik. Until later," he says and pushes his cart in the opposite direction that I'm going.

I think this is the first time a man has ever approached me so honestly and confidently. I know I'm becoming more feminine on the inside, even with just my efforts toward being more passable in the privacy of home. But now that it's over, I'm surprised and a little flattered that he noticed me at all. Since giving up on men, I've pretty much accepted that I'll be alone in this part of my life ... actually, pretty much alone in all of life. Do I really want to try and take this out of my own bedroom again? I've dreamed of a man holding me, it feels scary now when it gets close to being real.

When I get home I put my three boards in the garage, and Daniel's card under a magnet on the fridge. First things first, get out of this disguise I'm wearing! As I slip into Erika's clothes I feel a calming sense of myself coming back into view. When I'm honest with myself, I'm really starting to be concerned about my cross-dressing. It had started ... oh it had started so long ago I can't even say — it's almost easier to say I've always been like this. But it's getting harder to pretend — harder to wear the disguise of my man clothes. I mean, I can pull it off okay at work and family, even if it is so draining. At times I feel like I'm not really living, just going through the motions that are scary. My eyes fall on the pile of books and snippets of articles on the shelf. These have been the only council I've relied on ... it's all I've got. They seem to tell me that I don't fit into the technical description of transgender — but where is the line drawn? I still wonder about that. It's being stuck out in limbo that keeps me so unsure of who I am ... of what I am. The only comfort to be found is to just be alone so Erika can come out and enjoy life ... and I can get some peace.

I sit on the sofa sipping a glass of wine, looking at Daniel's card in my hand. I smell it, and think I can detect some faint scent, or maybe I'm just imagining the smell of man and sawdust? Daniel Espenoza, Custom Home Builder. I thought maybe he was Native American at first. He's beautiful — I bet he doesn't even know it. Am I even ready for this? I've dreamed of laying open and vulnerable under a man so many times ... under someone who understands me and loves me anyway. But dreams are safe. Maybe that's enough. Why rock the boat with some stranger?

Once I've talked myself out of it, I pick up my phone to tell him I'm just too busy. I enter the number ... then delete it and set the phone back on the coffee table. No need to be hasty. Just sleep on it maybe. Life is pretty lonely all alone, and my only so called friends would die laughing if they saw me right now in these lacy things. I'm living a lie, sneaking around just waiting to be found out. Frustrated, I refill my glass and turn on the television, searching for something to distract me from this seemingly never ending conversation I have with myself. After less than an hour, the wine and the TV are putting me to sleep. So, I've succeeded in finishing off another day and head off to bed.

After my shower, I'm wide awake again and snuggle under the covers — playing with myself as thoughts of him drift back in unbidden. I imagine his strong hands rubbing my nipples, not my own hands. His hand runs across my panties and the small lump hidden in them, not mine. Frustrated, I get up and take one of my vibrators out of the bottom drawer of the bedside table. I grab a towel and spread it over the bed, then I do what I always do ... I make love to a man in my imagination. But this time he has a face and a name. As he fills me and pleasures me, I whisper his name, Daniel ... before I want it to end, I come on my belly and finally lay exhausted and relieved. I switch the vibrator off, leaving it in me as I come back down from the heights of my orgasm.

After the cleanup, sweet sleep visits and the anxious thoughts dissolve as I drift away.

*****

After three days and three nights of the same ritual, I'm ready to throw in the towel. This time when I pick up his phone and enter the number, I don't hang up. I'm as nervous as a virgin on her wedding night, waiting for Daniel to answer. A mechanical sounding voice comes on the line, "We're sorry we missed your call, please leave your name and number so we can call you back during business hours."

I hang up without leaving a message, and laugh out loud. "How stupid is that! It's a business card dummy — and way past normal business hours — duh!"

But at least I called. I'll try again tomorrow morning.

Oddly, I don't recall falling asleep — just that I was thinking about what I should say to Daniel tomorrow.

*****

Just before leaving for work, I make the call. It's only a little after seven and I'm not sure of when his office might open. Just before ending the call after a lot of rings, a man's voice says, "This is Dan, how can I help you?"

Now my nerves remind me they want to be in charge, but pressing through them I say, "Hi Daniel. It's Erik from the lumber store ... you helped me find the fence boards the other day."

Daniel replies in a delighted voice, "Well, I was really hoping you'd call Erik. I've been thinking about you. What's on your mind?"

"I've been thinking about all you said the other day ... and I ... I thought maybe I'd like to get to know you better and was wondering if you'd like to come over for dinner or something one of these days when you have time. I was thinking maybe Saturday if you're not busy," I say it all in one nervous rush of words and scold myself to calm down.

"Yes, this Saturday would be perfect, what time were you thinking?"

"I hadn't really thought about the details, I'm free all day ... so when do you think would be good?"

"How about in the morning? It might be fun to take a drive if you like to explore the country around here. Does that work for you?" Daniel asked.

"Sure, I'm free all day and getting out into the desert is actually one of my favorite things to do. I'll pack us something to eat and drink. Do you have any requests?"

"Oh, I'm easy to please, just keep it simple. I'm more interested in getting to know you than eating. But who knows how long we'll be out, so that's a good idea," Daniel replies.

"I guess I feel the same about you, and I'll keep it simple on the food. I'll see you Saturday then."

"Not if you don't tell me where to find you," Daniel says, with humor tinging his voice.

"You must think I'm a nit wit, it's just that this is all pretty new to me. I live at 320 Bern Street. Does my phone number show up on your phone?"

"Yeah, I got it. I'll see you Saturday. And Erik, I'm glad you called."

"Thanks for everything Daniel, I've been thinking about you a lot."

"I've been thinking about you too, and I really am glad you called."

"Okay, see you soon, bye Daniel."

The last thing I want to do now is to get my butt in gear and get to work. But like the rest of the world, I have no choice. The traffic seems pretty light today. I wonder what Daniel's days are like? Probably better than mine — it'd be nice to be my own boss. I wonder where this will all go with him? He seems nice, but he is a guy — they can fake nice pretty good. I'm happy I called him, just have to wait and see.

*****

The week drags on and on, even more than usual. I like Flagstaff, it's a nice change after college ... but I miss my friends. Being a loner doesn't help much in finding new ones either. At least I get to discover the wide open desert and the many places I've found on my weekend wanderings. Really, it's the time I get to spend in these canyons and deserts that keep me going — and now there's Daniel. I won't get my hopes up too high, maybe just let them run a little ... maybe someday I'll find my place in it all.

"Okay, I've got to just make a decision." I've been changing my mind about what to wear and what to pack for lunch all week. Time's up. The menu is the easy part. What to wear is the hard part. If I just knew what Daniel will be expecting, it'd be easier. Does he expect me to be dressed as a man or as Erika? Well, since I can't call him up and ask ... I'll just fall back to my safe place — go for my androgynous look.

At least I have a direction now, even if it is falling back to my coming of age, all the way back to 1999. Good times, I meshed perfectly into emo culture, wish it could have lasted. And now Obama's the new president — where'd the years go? I'll always love the music that fueled our passion — especially the softer, more broken hearted style. It was those songs of love and it's disappointments that helped me dig deeper into my own soul — to dig down and to find what I need in life — and what's just missing altogether. I guess nobody ever fully answers those questions, I'm still learning. At least I'm still asking and looking. I was lucky, it was the best time to be alive and I took full advantage of the freedom. It was what let me explore my feminine side, able to do it without it being too far out of the mainstream — at least not too far out for my circle of friends. I'll just fall back on that look and see how Daniel responds ... I don't really look twenty-six, it should look okay. Wonder what he was doing five years ago?

Having a week to get ready for the outing, affords me plenty of time to obsess over looking my best. My hair doesn't quite fit the look I'm after. I'll sacrifice my usual pulled back ponytail and get it cut a little shorter.

"I'd like to shape it into a more androgynous style," I tell the guy who always cuts my hair.

"I think that would look great on you Erik. Do you want me to straighten the curls out a little too?"

"Why not — and for the fun of it, maybe darken it too. What do you think Johnny?""I think so. Do you want any highlights?"

"No, I don't want to overdo it. I'm a little old for that I think, and I don't want to shock my date too much. It'll be the first time he sees me like this and the whole idea is to show some femininity without being too over the top. Plus, I don't want to freak out my coworkers next Monday."

"Gotcha, I know just what you're looking for Erik."

When the work is done, Johnny turns the chair toward the mirror. I'm actually thrilled to see an image of my old self looking back at me! It's perfect, not too fem ... and certainly not a boring masculine cut. I'll defiantly leave it this way for a while.

"You're a magician Johnny, I think this is perfect!"

"It looks good on you Erik, so greet him with confidence sweetie."

*****

I'm just putting the last touches on the clothes I'm going to wear tomorrow when Daniel calls.

"Hi Erik. You still up for a little drive tomorrow?"

"Yes, in fact it seems like it's been the longest week ever waiting for the weekend to come. How long do you think we'll be out so I can get an idea of food and drinks for us?"

"I usually get up early, how about you?"

"Yeh, I'm up by five almost every day Daniel."

"Good, mornings in the desert are a special time. I'll pick you up around six, okay?"

"I'll be ready ... I can make a thermos of coffee if you like?"

"Black works for me. And I'd suggest some hiking boots if you have them, I have some places in mind I'd like to show you and they are all a bit of a hike to get to."

"I was already planning on wearing hiking clothes, and I'm really excited to see your secret places."

"I just thought I'd mention one other thing. You can feel free to wear your nail polish if you want to, I doubt we'll see anyone where we're going. It's up to you, just thought I'd let you know."

"Thank you Daniel, I didn't know and wasn't going to but now I will ... just for you."

"Do it for both of us Erik, I want you to feel safe being yourself with me."

"Thank you, that means more to me than you can imagine."

"Then I'm glad I said it, and it's true. So I'll see you in the morning."

"Bye, and sweet dreams. I'll be up and ready to go when you get here."

Finishing up my clothes, my mind drifts to what this might all lead to ... what it might all mean? Dating just never panned out after college and these seven years seem a lifetime. Even in college, I didn't really date — just Kim and Sandra as real friends — they taught me some of the joys of being a woman, and how to start dressing properly ... Just one I'd call a boyfriend — my first kiss and learning how to suck him off ... so much for dating.

And now it's been seven lonely years without either. I know it's mostly my own insecurity that keeps me all alone. Can I help it if I crave a deeper connection than most people I've met? It finally dawned on me several years ago that I frighten most people away with my intensity to draw closer. I won't do that with Daniel, just keep it casual. Maybe I should accept casual sex? The idea is such a turn off — so empty. Just keep an open mind maybe?

I finally decide on the pale pink color for my fingernails and a brighter red for my toes. As I concentrate on guiding the brush, it's easy to get lost in a cloud thinking about what casual sex might be like. Maybe it won't be as fulfilling as something more meaningful, but it can't be any worse than jacking off or using a vibrator. Well, it could be worse, but maybe not always. Finally frustrated with the debate inside my head, "No way to know, just go see ... maybe he's not even all that interested in me and this is all for nothing. Just go for a drive dummy!"

I'm up at five, as usual, and take a quick shower before working on my makeup. Being careful to not overdo it, I only go for a hint of eyeliner and mascara, a light brush of powder and some light pink lip gloss. My clothes are hiking gear designed for a woman, so they fit nice — at least I think they look nice. I don't think Daniel will even notice, not that it matters so much — this is the most logical outdoor gear I have. They'll be fine, and they're comfortable and practical. The tan cargo pants have slim cut tapered legs and several pockets. Since it's a warm day, the snug fitting pinkish beige tee shirt, with a tan hiking vest with more pockets, should do. I grab my favorite straw hat, setting it aside in case the sun forces a need for it later. Taking one last look in the mirror, I'm satisfied with my look — clearly a feminine man, but not quite a woman.