My Man, My Marine, My Lover!

As I looked into his eyes, I watched his face change. He no longer stood there with this neutral stoic look on his face. He no longer looked as if he had all of the answers. Something I said had affected him. I could see his eyes darken and his face harden. The veins in his neck distended and I could see his carotid artery pulsate. His anger was almost palpable. He stood there with his fist clenched, just staring at me. Then he exploded.

"You don't think I feel? You don't think I hurt? You think it has been easy for me to not reach out for you for only God knows how long? You think that every time I walked away my heart didn't break, my gut didn't wrench? Do you think that every night I went home alone I didn't think of you and drive myself crazy? I did, it did! For Christ sake Andrea, it took everything I had to stay away from you. But I knew it would end up with me leaving and you staying here. And I didn't want you to wait. I don't want you to wait. I want you to be free to live. I want you to be with whoever you want to be with."

He moved to within inches of me. His face was so close to me as he tried to control his temper and still talk. I could feel every rush of warm breath over my face as he spoke. He was so emotional that his body was visibly shaking. I couldn't help myself. I wanted to comfort him. I wanted him to comfort me. I reached out and touched his face and I just walked into his chest and pressed my body up against him. I just stood there and melted into him. I could feel his chest rise with each breath. I could feel his heart pounding through his chest.

Without warning, his arms were around me and his mouth was on mine. Gone was the brotherly kiss I was used to from him. This kiss was the furthest thing from a brotherly or friendly kiss as a kiss could be. His mouth was melded with mine. He pushed his face so hard against mine that my head bent as far back as possible. My lips parted under the pressure of his probing tongue. He entered my mouth with the ferocity of the warrior I knew him to be. His tongue was warm, wet, soft, and knew exactly what to do. As he explored my mouth I felt myself open to him in ways I didn't know were possible.

My mind exploded and I lost all thought of anything other than the moment we were sharing. I saw white light behind my eyelids. My heart pounded through my breast. My stomach ached, my sex fired shock waves, and my legs trembled to hold my weight. Finally I knew the need he kept hidden, the desire he felt, the emotions he didn't share. I felt his kiss throughout my body. I felt everything that he had kept hidden come to the surface in that moment. His kiss may have originated in my mouth, but the heat and energy flowed through me and every fiber of my being exploded at once. His kiss affected my mind, my heart, my body, and my soul.

His kiss, his hug, and his emotion, exhibited all the passion he had denied us throughout the years. And in that one moment we shared everything two people could share.

He slowly ended the kiss and pulled away from me. Before he even said a word, I saw the light go from his eyes. I know the pain was written across my face because he closed his eyes in order to avoid seeing it. He took a deep breath and stepped back another foot or so. It was as if he needed physical space between us in order for him to keep it together. He shook his head as he spoke.

"I didn't say no all this time to say yes now before I leave for God knows where, for God only knows how long. I can't do this. I won't do this. I don't want to hurt you." He started to walk away.

"You already have." I said to the back of his head.

"It's not what I wanted." He called back. I could hear the internal conflict he was having in the tone of his words.

"It's not what I wanted either, but you never gave me a choice in the matter. You took that choice away from me and made it for both of us. It didn't have to be like this." My voice cracked as I tried to hold back tears.

He turned and just kept walking toward the cabin. "Go ahead, walk away. It's what you do best. You have had enough practice at it." I threw the words at him. If I had a rock in my hand, I think I would have thrown that at him also. He hurt me and I wanted to hurt him. I succeeded with the next thing out of my mouth.

"I hope it is a habit you can break soon. I wouldn't want you to walk away on your unit when things get tough." I wanted to take the words back before they were completely out of my mouth but I was too late. I said them and I couldn't unsay them no matter how much I wanted to.

Brian stopped and turned to look at me. For a minute he didn't say a word. He just stared at me with what I can only describe as hurt in his eyes. Hurt that I put there.

"Do you want to have lunch or should we just leave now?" He couldn't look at me so he just looked past me to the lake.

I hurt him. I knew it and I knew I needed to fix it now. I was wrong to say such a horrible thing. I couldn't let my words sit there and fester. I couldn't let him think I doubted him. More importantly, I couldn't send him off with any doubt in his own mind or in his ability to lead.

"Brian, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I should have never said that." I cried out to him.

"I know you didn't mean it and I know your sorry. But like you said, it doesn't make it hurt less. You're right you should have never said that. I expected better from you." I could hear the hurt and disappointment in his voice. "So, what is it lunch or leave?"

"Lunch." I had to put some distance between us fast. "Stay here, I'll get it and we can eat here on the beach." I said and tried to smile. I couldn't understand how the best moment of my life turned into the worst moment of my life in a matter of seconds. All I could think about was my dad's saying about how "three seconds can make the difference, can save a Marine's life." I wanted my three seconds back.

I ran up to the cabin and grabbed the picnic basket and blanket. I waited a few minutes to give us both time to calm down and to give me time to figure out how to fix my mistake, my huge, massive mistake.

I took the picnic lunch down to the lakefront. I spread out the blanket and set out lunch. All the while Brian was just standing there looking out over the lake and once in a while skipping a rock into the water. I walked up behind him and put my arms around his waist and hugged him. He stood motionless and didn't say a word. I pulled his back up against me. He didn't resist but he didn't give in to me either. He wasn't going to make it easy on me. I was going to have to work for his forgiveness.

"Brian." I quietly spoke with my head resting against his back.

"Yeah."

"I don't know what else to say other than I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said. I just wanted to hurt you because your words hurt me so much. It was a stupid thing to say. I was stupid for saying it."

"It's okay Brat. I know you didn't mean it. You always know how to push my buttons. You know exactly where to hit me to make it hurt the most."

He didn't turn to look at me as he spoke. He just stared out over the lake front. I could still hear the hurt in his voice. I was hopeful since he used his nickname for me that at least we were making progress.

"You make it sound like I hurt you on purpose." I whispered.

"Well didn't you?" He wasn't accusatory; he just said it as matter of fact.

"Yes. This time I did." I admitted to him. "But before the words were even out of my mouth, I wanted to pull them back."

"Once there out, you can't take them back." He was still staring out over the water. He tossed another rock and it skipped five times making several rippled circles as it skidded across the glassy surface of the lake. "Just like once the stone hits the water, I can't stop the ripple effect it makes. You threw the words out there, now we have to deal with their ripple effect."

"I bet you would like to toss me across the lake like you just tossed that rock." I said it half-heartedly as joke.

"Funny you should say that, because I was just thinking the same thing." As he said it, he spun around and picked me up in a cradled position in his arms. He walked to the edge of the lake and started to swing his arms back and forth as if he was going to toss me in the water.

"Brian don't, don't do it." I cried out. "I don't have a change of clothes with me and I'm not sitting around in wet clothes all day."

"What will you give me if I don't?" He asked teasingly.

"Whatever you want." I said teasing back at him.

"What did you bring for desert?" He smiled.

"Your favorite chocolate cake with chocolate icing."

"How many slices?" His smile became wicked as his brow rose in question.

"Two." I smiled back at him. His mood was almost back to the easy nature it was when we arrived.

"Ok. I want your piece of cake. You don't deserve desert." He was kidding but I felt the same way.

"You've got it. Two pieces of cake for you."

"Ok. I won't throw you in the lake. Come on, let's eat lunch." He carried me over to the blanket and pretended to drop me before he caught me a few inches before I hit the sand. Then he gently placed me down the rest of the way.

As we ate I apologized again. By the end of lunch things between us were much better. We were back on even ground. But I knew I had much more to make up for to him.

After lunch we lied on the blanket and stared up at the sky. We just talked. For over two hours we just lay there and talk. Mostly we talked about things we did when we were kids and things we wanted to do in the near future. Then a comfortable quiet set in and I reached over and took his hand. For a while I just held it and we remained silent. Then I asked him the question that was weighing heavy in my heart.

"Brian can you forgive me for what I said? Really forgive me?" I turned my head so I could see his face when he answered.

"I already have." He simply said it twice. "I already have." Then he squeezed my hand.

"Brian do you know what 'ESPRIT DE CORPS' means?" I asked even though I knew he was very much aware of the term. I would say every Marine is familiar with the term.

"Of course I do. I'm not only the son of a Marine, I am a Marine. Esprit De Corps...simply means one Marine never lets another Marine down. You know that, so why do you ask?" Now he was finally looking at me. Eye to eye we lay next to each other just several inches between us.

"Because I want you to know that even though I am not a Marine, I'm the daughter of a Marine and I understand all that that saying carries with it." I put my other hand out and rested it on his chest, over his heart. We laid there with my one hand holding his and my other hand over his heart. "I want you to know that I will never let you down again. That I'm sorry I did even once, but I will never do it again. I will ALWAYS be there for you, no matter what. I will always be there. I will NEVER let you down again. I promise."

"It's ok Brat. I forgive you. We're ok. That's enough said about it. Now we put it behind us and we never talk about again. Ok?" I could tell by the look in his eyes and the tone of his voice that he meant what he said.

"Ok. I won't bring it up again." I wanted so badly to lean in and kiss him but I knew that I would be pushing it and he would not be happy with me if I did. So to keep things on a comfortable level, I brought his hand up to mouth and kissed it. I held it there while I spoke. "I'm sorry Brian."

He nodded, smiled, than winked at me. "I'm not going there with you. Period. The end!"

I laughed. "Ok, enough said."

~~~~~~~~

We spent another hour or two at the lake. We took a walk, closed the cabin back up and headed home. The ride was quiet, but it was a comfortable quiet. Brian and I have always been good with silence. Neither of us is the type of person who has to have every minute together filled with words. It was a nice ride home and still fairly early when we got back. It was around seven thirty when he pulled the jeep into his driveway and came around to get the picnic basket and give me a hand getting out.

As he walked with me across the yard to my house I asked, "What are your plans for the rest of the evening?"

"I'll probably just have dinner with my parents and hang around the house with them. Mom is going to want to hover over me for a while and I need to let her get it out of her system. Plus, I want to spend as much time with them as possible before I leave."

"What about tomorrow? Will I see you at all?" I didn't sound needy, I was just asking about his plans.

"I don't really have any special plans. I know my mom wants to have a luncheon with your family so we get a chance to say good bye. Then I will probably just get my stuff packed and hang around the house all evening. Are you up for a game of twenty one around seven?" He smiled at me as he asked.

"Sure. I'll even let you win."

"Watch it or I may have to bust your lip again." He said kiddingly.

"I always knew you did that on purpose. You just wanted to scar up my beautiful face. I knew it." I laughed.

We got to the front porch and he handed me the basket. He said, "Good night" as he walked away. Then he stopped at the edge of the yard and looked back. "You're right about one thing Brat."

"Only one? What's that?"

"You do have a beautiful face." He smiled and winked.

"What kind of Marine waits until he is half way home to say something like that to a girl?"

"A damn SMART one." He laughed as he crossed into his side of the yard.

"Brian."

"Yeah." He looked back over his shoulder knowing what I was going to say.

"Nothing that happened or was said today changes the fact that I love you."

"Yeah Brat, I know."

I watched him as he turned back to his house and took a few more steps. Then he stopped and turned back toward me. I took a deep breath and waited. All the while I was sending off a prayer that he would come back to me now and in the future.

Suddenly he started to walk back his walk became a jog as he hurried back to my porch. He was right in front of me before he stopped his advance on the step below me. He grabbed my shoulders and shook me lightly.

"What am I going to do with you?" He said as he shook his head in question.

I smiled and stroked my hand over his short cropped military buzz cut. I let my hand slide down the back of his head and come to rest on the back of his neck. I pulled his head closer and brought his face to mine. I wanted him close to me. I wanted to look directly into his eyes.

"I have a couple of ideas in mind but it involves you skipping dinner tonight or basketball tomorrow, or both!" I pulled his head down as I raised my mouth up to his and began to kiss him.

We stood there and kissed each other. This time I took control of the kiss. I moved my lips over his. I kissed him like I had been kissing him in my dreams for years. First I kissed him long and hard dead center. Then I lightly kissed the right side of his mouth. Gliding my tongue across the crease of his lips I moved to the left side of his mouth. I kissed him again. Then I pulled back slightly and kissed his bottom lip. When I took his bottom lip between my teeth I lightly bit him, he didn't protest. When I licked the area I just bit he sighed and his lips parted. I took the opportunity to enter his mouth with my tongue. Then I explored like I had wanted to since I was a teenager.

I increased the pressure of the kiss as I moved my tongue over the ridges of his teeth. Then I glided my tongue along the roof of his mouth all the way to the back and licked the tip of my tongue across his soft palate. I dueled with his tongue and circled around it with mine. When he moaned and his body weight shifted forward, I leaned my body into his. His hands came up and grasped my waist. His grip was like a vice and his fingers were digging into the soft flesh of my ass. He slid his hands up my rib cage until they came in contact with the underside of my breasts. He cupped my breasts and started to massage the soft tissue until I moaned into his mouth.

As he continued to massage my breast, his fingertips started to tease over my nipples and they hardened. I could feel the pull as my breast tissue tightened at his touch. I could feel little shards of pain as he roughly thumbed my erect nipples through the material of my lacey bra. My breathing became faster as did my heart beat. I needed to touch him. I needed to know he felt as excited as I did. Slowly I moved my hand from his hip to his groin and felt his excitement for myself. His cock was hard as a rock and from what I could tell he was at full attention.

As I stroked him through his jeans his fingers started to pinch my nipples harder as his other hand went to the small of my back and pulled me closer to him. Then his hand drifted down over the crack of my ass only to come to rest at the base of my ass as it curves under to my perineum. As he pinched my nipple with one hand, his other hand moved forward and he pushed his fingers upward on the crotch area of my pants and into the back-side of my pussy.

His fingers started to push up into me at a paced rhythm and every time his fingers pushed up my body moved back and down. It was an almost reflexive movement but I couldn't stop it. I was moaning into his mouth and fingers were picking up pace. I slid my hand down the waist band of his jeans and into his boxers. I thought to myself, two can play at this game. I wrapped my hand around his cock and started to stroke him. Every time he pushed his fingers up into me, I stroked the hard shaft of his cock upward. When he released pressure on me, I stroked him downward. This went on for about three or four minutes. My head was spinning.

Finally we had to break our kiss to catch our breath. We stood there looking at each other, waiting to see who would give in first. He didn't miss a beat with his damn fingers. I could barely concentrate on what I was doing. I needed to get his attention, so I tightened my grip around his cock and started to stroke faster.

In less than a minute I had his complete attention and his facial features were begging me for mercy. But mercy wasn't in his vocabulary, not My Marine. So I gave him a full frontal attack. I leaned in and whispered in his ear, "Say yes Mam and I'll stop." Then I took his earlobe and licked it, sucked it into my mouth and did things with my tongue that made him wish it replaced my hand on his cock.

He moaned, "Oh fuck!" Then he looked at me and whispered back, "Say yes Sir and I'll give you what you want." He had the sexiest, most wicked smile on his face that I had ever seen on him. His eyes were practically black with lust. When he slowly licked his lips I almost wet my panties I was so turned on. I felt like I would pass out at any minute.

I continued to stroke his cock as I looked into his eyes. "What do you think I want Marine?"

"It's not what I think you want, it's what I know you want. I fell how warm and wet your sex is right now. I fell how your body begs for my touch. I hear it in your moans. Now say it and it's yours for the asking." He licked his lips just before he planted them over mine and assaulted my mouth with his tongue.

"Christ Brian, why couldn't you do this while we were alone at the cabin?" My breath was coming in short gasps and I swear I was light headed.

"Strategic planning, we would have never made it back here tonight if we started this up there." He could barely get the words out as he gasped between every other word. "If you keep...stroking...my cock...like that...I'm going to...come any...minute now."

"Say yes Mam and I'll stop." I held eye contact with him but didn't see one sign of his yielding to me.