Pillar Ch. 03

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"Does it have to be like this?"

"It has to be, there's no other way. One of has to be firm, and I know it can't be you."

Tears rolled down her cheeks. He put his arm around her and she leaned into him.

"This is the second time my buzz got crashed."

"I'm sorry, Saschenka."

"So we can still hang out?"

"Yeah, just no crazy monkey sex for the time being."

"Are you planning on hanging me in some tree?"

He chuckled at that. "I have some ideas with trees, but I never tell."

"Oh shut up. I don't want to hear it anyway."

"Cheer up, it's not like I gave you a life sentence."

"Buy me some drinks if you want me to cheer up."

"Tequila?"

"Ricard, shots."

"Sure, what the hell."

***

The next morning wasn't all that cheerful, but Alex put the first shock behind her. Now all she had to do was wait two months and make it through the summer. Should be a piece of cake...

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4 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousabout 8 years ago
Much better but don't love it

I have to admit, even with the rewrite I still think Tom is kind of an asshole. Just because people are being upfront about what they are doing, doesn't mean that feelings won't get hurt, it was naive of him to think so. Also, in relationships people make sacrifices for their partners, he knew Ruth wasn't comfortable with what he wanted and she was super enthusiastic about him essentially cheating on her, if he really needed that kind of sex to be fulfilled then he had no business being with her in the first place but I also think that could have been a sacrifice he made for the relationship. Also, the kind of sex he was having with Alex is bound to create emotional ties the fact that he is so surprised and disappointed in both women when they react and have emotions seems, like I said, naive. You are an excellent writer but I wish this story had more of Tom trying to make Ruth happy since that is all she seems to do and no cheating. I look forward to more writing from you but hope they are more monogamous. Also, I have to admit the 24/7 thing really isn't my thing and weirds me out to be honest, but ah well.

mel_pomenemel_pomeneover 8 years ago
A finely re-worked piece

Thank you for bringing it to us again in this new and much better rewrite. Five stars, thank you, and please continue with this excellent story.

CaringAndDemandingCaringAndDemandingover 8 years agoAuthor
@anonymous

Thanks, that's the best compliment you could've given me. I knew from the start it was a difficult twist, but I always believed that the story and the characters could support it. I failed to bring that across in the past, but to see this comment now makes me happy.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago

This re-write handles the conflicts in a much better way than the original. This chapter is significantly better. The needs and motivations are well defined. The conflicts, especially the blow-up between Ruth and Tom, are still intense but more believable and palatable. Tom's internal struggles add greatly to the story. His response to Ruth's distress is vastly more caring and mature. The potential for a train wreck keeps things on edge, as opposed to having a train wreck that the dom proceeds to just pee on as it was before.

Your writing has gotten stronger with the do-over. The character development is improved. This is especially true for motivation and consistency. I'm not a big fan of edge play, especially the mind fuck stuff. It is a testament to the story improvements that I am comfortable with how it fits for this story.

I'm glad you have spent the time on rebirthing your baby.

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Pillar Ch. 02 Previous Part
Pillar Series Info

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