Pillar Ch. 03

"You don't care. Tell me, why do you think I want the two of you to meet?"

"So you can make the two of us have sex."

The corner of his mouth pulled down, and he shook his head. "Wrong. How many times do you think I've slept with her so far?"

"How should I know what you do with all your time? It's probably more than the number I'd stick on it, so I don't want to hear it."

The pained expression on Tom's face deepened. "You asked me to keep what happened to myself, and I respected that, but apparently that was a mistake. I've been with her three times. Each time she must've hurt for at least a few days, that's how rough it gets. Twice I played at raping her. I couldn't stand myself after the second time. It still bothers me. The way she handled me made me think it would be worth introducing the two of you. She's got the same caring heart you have."

"What, you're in love with her now?"

Tom sighed, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Little girl, are you even listening?"

"Don't call me that, Tom. Not now."

"You think I have no respect for you at all?"

"What? No."

"You don't?"

Tom rose on his feet and made his way to the door. His hand hesitated on the door knob. He looked at Ruth over his shoulder and said, "Ever since this mess started, I've tried my best to keep my troubles from affecting you. I've worked hard to care for you the same as before. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but this is not what I expected to happen."

"Where are you going with this, Tom?"

"Did I treat you differently?"

"No."

"I met Alex when you weren't available. Why do you think that is?"

"You were hiding her from me."

"Bullshit! If you'd asked, I would've told you everything. You can stop it if you ask from a calm place and make it clear why you're hurt. That's been the case from the start. I thought you realized this. Do you think this has been easy for me?"

Ruth snorted and Tom's expression soured. "It's like a drug, Ruth. Exhilarating at first and then afterwards all that's left is shit. I want you there at those times, but I don't want to burden you with this. You don't understand how much your words after I was rough with you meant to me. How much I love you for trying to be the one to do this for me."

He opened the door and stepped outside, but Ruth stopped him. "Where are you going? Are you going back to her?"

"Where am I going? Anywhere, it doesn't matter. After everything I've said tonight, you still ignore every single word of it. Do you even know how much I think about you? How much it means to me that you're happy? I was working this out so I could go back to the way things were and in the process I met a person who I thought you'd like."

He slammed the palm of his hand against his chest. "That's how I see this situation. And now you come tell me you're jealous, that you don't trust me and that I don't care about you? Now it's too late to take it back? What the fuck can I do about any of it right now? I'm angry, disappointed, hurt, you name it. I need to get out of here so I can cool my head. Why don't you go do the same."

He jerked his arm loose and slammed the door shut behind him, leaving Ruth behind with her hand resting on the cool wood. She let her forehead rest against it and fought to hold back her tears. What the hell was she supposed to do now?

***

Ruth wiped the tears from her face after she parked close to Jenny's place. It wouldn't hide she'd been crying though. She gathered her courage and rang the doorbell. Jenny's voice sounded through the door. "That's the doorbell. If you're right then it's probably her. I'm hanging up now."

Jenny opened the door and pulled her friend into her arms. "I just had Tom on the phone. He's a dick. He explained what he did and asked me to tell you again that he thinks what you say is very important. He'll be available as soon as he calms down."

Ruth shook her head into Jenny's shoulder and said, "I don't know, Jenny. I'm angry and afraid and I want to cry. What do I do? I thought I knew but now..."

Jenny stroked Ruth's hair and said, "Just come inside, okay? I'll make coffee."

She meekly followed her friend inside, sniffling. A few minutes later they were slurping hot, strong coffee in companionable silence. The doorbell rang and Jenny opened the door. She returned with a plastic bag and a bemused look on her face.

"It's every flavor of Ben & Jerry's. There's a note as well: Ruth, tonight was a shock for me. Please take all the time you need to consider whether I have your well-being in mind. I apologize for putting you in a difficult position. Until we talk this out, I will not see Alex. I honestly wasn't planning on having the two of you meet at first, but she seems like someone who could be a friend to you. And she could use a friend as well. Whatever you might think, I don't lie to you. Tom"

Jenny crumpled the note, threw it in the trash and said, "The man can't leave something alone can he? Here."

Ruth accepted a tub of ice cream and shot Jenny a helpless look. "And what am I supposed to make of this? Of course he buys a ton of ice cream, how couldn't he? Give me a spoon, will you."

By the time Ruth ran out of thoughts to blurt out, her ice cream was finished. Jenny had meticulously repeated everything Tom had told her. Ruth had tried to find anything different about the time they spent together during the last few weeks, without success. It dawned on her she'd been wrong to react the way she had.

She knew him, practically studied him. She trusted him. He hadn't lied to her. She had to admit to herself that she'd taken their agreement too lightly. The thought of how he'd looked back at her from the door frame made her cringe. "No matter how I twist and turn it, he didn't lie about that woman."

Jenny sighed and leaned back. "Sadly, I have to agree."

Ruth slumped against Jenny's shoulder and said, "But why would I meet her? I don't want to have anything to do with her."

"I don't know, honey. Why don't you just ask him?"

"You're right. I'll call him."

She washed her hands and called his number, wondering if he would pick up.

'Yes Ruth?'

"I just want to know why you want me to meet this Alex."

'Ruth, Jenny doesn't understand why you've moved on does she?'

"What? I didn't say..."

'Just answer the question.'

"She doesn't. She's still angry with you."

'Would you like a friend who understands? Who's similar, but has her own tastes and shortcomings to struggle with?'

"Maybe."

'Not maybe, Ruth. Don't lie to me. It would make it easier for you to stay strong and you know it.'

"It doesn't have to be her. You've introduced me to other people before."

The line was quiet for a while before he answered.

'That's true, I didn't think that far. I'm sorry, I didn't know how difficult this has been for you and how you see her without knowing her. I wish I did.'

"I have to think about this."

'Take all the time you need, Ruth. I'll be at my place, waiting for you.'

He hung up the phone, and Ruth felt tears coming to her eyes. "What did he say, honey?"

"He wants that Alex to be a friend who understands what it feels like to be like me. How can I be angry with that, Jenny?"

"You've forgiven him? Already? Aren't you forgetting he's fucking this woman?"

"In a very specific way, to work out issues he has."

Jenny looked her friend in the eye and said, "And when will he have another issue? Are you going to let him do as he pleases then as well?"

"Maybe, I can't say anything certain about a hypothetical question."

"Why, Ruth? Why don't you dump his ass?"

"It's simple. He cares about me."

"Oh, so he can fuck another woman as long as he cares about you?"

"You're missing the bigger picture. I'm sure he met other women before he decided on Alex. He could've slept with at least one of them, but he didn't. If he was just out to cheat on me, he wouldn't have gone to the trouble."

Jenny threw her hands up. "I don't know what to say, again. I don't get why you're explaining that guy."

"It's okay, Jenny. Thanks for having me over and listening. I have to go to him now. We'll talk it over and we'll get through this. And I'll ask him to tell me about Alex, so I can see if she's someone I'd even want to meet."

"You're crazy, you know that right?"

"Tell me that's not why you love me."

"Oh, shut up. You go to him. I'll be here to pick up the pieces if you're wrong. There's never going to be an end to the surprises, is there?"

"I certainly hope not."

Jenny let out an exasperated sigh. She didn't understand, but she hoped she would by the next crisis, so she wouldn't have a headache then.

***

"You've come to talk?"

"I guess I have, I don't know where to start though."

Tom put his hand on Ruth's hair and pulled her in close, hiding her face in his shoulder. "It's okay, little girl. It's my fault for needing what I'm doing. I just wanted you to open up sooner. You're my little, you have every right to tell me anything that bothers you. I'll always listen, although a little delicacy wouldn't hurt."

She clamped her arms around him and squeezed as hard as she could. "Can I come in?"

"Of course."

He left her in the couch while he got them something warm to drink. Ruth sat down and felt the atmosphere of the place settle her down. Her eyes fell on the picture on the wall. "You've changed the picture?"

"Yes, I needed something different."

The picture showed a wooden bench in the middle of a patch of little, colorful flowers. Slender silver birch trees surrounded the clearing. Ruth could see herself sitting on the bench with the sun on her face and the breeze rustling her hair. Tom returned with their drinks and put a cup in front of her.

"It's wonderful."

"I think so too. If I ever get a garden, that's what I want it to be like."

They kept quiet for a while, each sipping on their drink, lost in their own thoughts as they let them run their course. Ruth was the first to speak up. "Do you have feelings for Alex?"

"In a way, yes."

Tom held up his hand to forestall her reaction. "When I meet her, I don't use her and then send her home. I just can't. I'll go even further, it's my duty as a dominant to not do that. Every time I do at least one thing that's nice. I've gotten to know her during those times. She's smart and fun. I care for her as a friend. But she could never be what you are to me."

Ruth looked at him with eyes cleared from the anger and confusion that had clouded them. She felt like it could be worth it to listen to what Tom had to say. "Can you tell me about what the two of you have done together, from start to finish?"

"Now?"

"Yes."

"I'll make more coffee. This will take some time."

As he told her about the things he'd done together with Alex, Ruth felt envious at times and scared at others. She recognized how he treated Alex, the thought he put into things. But she hadn't expected how he hesitated to go through with it every time, how he felt during and how he felt after he dropped Alex off. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it, and Tom smiled at her and pointed at his lap. She gave in and sat down on his lap so he could embrace her.

Ruth said, "Do you think you need a lot more of this?"

"I don't think so. Right now, I think I should keep going and pushing myself further. Maybe if I go so far that I don't even want to think about doing anything like I do with Alex again, maybe then I can stop this."

She put her head against his shoulder and kept quiet. She was thinking, considering. "Three more times."

"What?"

"You can be with her three more times. Do to her whatever you need to do."

"No changing your mind this time? You're okay with this?"

"I'd like things to be different, but I'll trust you. You are my master after all, you wouldn't do anything to hurt me unless there was no other way, would you?"

He squeezed her against him and said, "I wouldn't. Thank you, little girl."

"Can we go to bed now?"

"Yes."

He carried her over to the bedroom and they cuddled close together. There could be more problems later, but he felt sure they would get through them.

12

The next morning, breakfast was subdued. Still, Tom didn't wait to tell Ruth what was on his mind. "Little girl, I'd like to have a word."

She looked up at hearing her pet name and. He wasn't looking at her with the look she'd seen the night before. This was the man she loved, in his element again, and she responded immediately. "Yes, Sir?"

He leaned back in his chair, his arms crossed as he kept quiet for a long moment, never breaking eye contact.

"Yesterday was a mess, a lot was said. You were in your right to speak up, but you also made mistakes I don't want to see you make again. First of all, you spoke disrespectfully of someone you don't know. This is not behavior I want to see. Secondly, you didn't tell me you changed your mind about what we agreed to.

"You also said I was doing more than what we talked about. That shows you didn't trust me, which is what I'm unhappy about. And most importantly, you hid your feelings from me and let them stew for weeks. I can't allow that. It just won't do for you to carry along secrets that make you unhappy."

Tom stopped talking for a second, reached out for his coffee cup and took a sip. Ruth tried to speak but he silenced her with a gesture. "I remember very clearly that we had a long conversation about what the Rules meant. You assured me that everything was clear and yet you failed to follow them. I feel it's my duty to remind you of what you said, tonight. Do you agree, little girl?"

"I... I don't."

"Little girl, were your actions yesterday the result of you hiding yourself from me? Can you deny any of the points I just mentioned?"

Her head dipped down when she answered. "No, Sir."

"So you agree with me?"

"Yes, Sir."

"You will accept your discipline?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Good, now clean the table so you won't be late for work."

***

That evening, Ruth kneeled in front of Tom, her eyes cast down. The hallway behind her was quiet, and she hoped it would stay that way.

"Why are you here, little girl?"

"Your servant needs to be disciplined, Sir."

"Why?"

She felt small as he towered above her, waiting for her to admit her mistakes. "Your servant distrusted you and hid from you, Sir. She was also disrespectful to others, for that she would very much like to repent."

He let her mull over her words. "What's waiting for you inside is not very pleasant, little girl. Do you still want it?"

"Yes, Sir. Your servant will accept what you think is needed. She's desperate to leave this mistake behind her, and she's afraid that her mistakes have made you doubt her love for you."

She never noticed the relieved look Tom couldn't suppress after hearing her plea. He'd known Alex was a risk, but he'd stuck by his decision. He cupped Ruth's cheek and turned her face up so he could kiss her. It was a tender kiss, and it worked wonders to relieve their tension. He leaned his chin on the top her head, blessing her for being understanding and trusting him.

"Don't say such a silly thing, little girl. I don't doubt you. If you make a mistake, all I have to do is set you straight and then we can move on. Remember how you feel after this whenever either of us makes a mistake. Sometimes we need someone to open our eyes and to give us the push we need to forgive ourselves. You've been brave enough to admit your mistakes and I'm proud of you for that. Now it's my turn to fulfill my part of the bargain."

She glowed at his praise and got up so she could hug him but Tom held her off.

"Undress, little girl. You can give me your clothes."

Ruth couldn't help looking over shoulder, she craned her neck to see if there was anybody who could see her undress. Normally she'd refuse to undress here, but tonight she wanted to atone for jeopardizing all she cared about. She undressed and folded her clothes as the rules demanded, which he noted. "You can crawl from here to the play room door, little girl."

Crawling in an even remotely attractive way had been a difficult thing for her to learn, but she tried her best to apply everything she could remember. The result was magnificent, as if she were a tigress stalking an unseen prey. Her hips swayed as her lithe body flowed over the floor. She kneeled to the right of the play room door and lowered her face to the floor, in a perfect Down position.

"You can wait in Kneel up while I prepare for you."

Ruth rose up from the floor and displayed herself as best she could even though he wouldn't be watching her. He could be back any moment after all.

She didn't know why she felt so... pliable. He could tell her to do anything at all, and she'd comply with enthusiasm. She got wet at the thought of being left in this position while he read the newspaper and glanced up at her from time to time. Her thighs would tremble from the effort to stay upright. He'd finally put down his book and shove her down to the ground, push his fingers into her pussy and say how wet she was.

She ached to move her hands away from her thighs and put them to use. But she couldn't, wasn't allowed to. A new fantasy bloomed in her mind. She was sitting right here and Tom caught her masturbating. He locked her wrists together with one hand and pulled her up until she stood on tip toe. His hand slipped between her thighs, and she would be so aroused that her quick orgasm surprised him. Angry that she stole an orgasm from him he'd release her hands, collapsing her on the floor. He'd grab a handful of her hair and drag her into the playroom...

"Little girl! What do you think you're doing?"

Ruth snapped back to the present and was horror struck to find two of her fingers lodged deep inside of her pussy while her other hand tweaked one of her stiff nipples. "Your servant is terribly sorry, Sir. She was fantasizing and had no idea she was actually masturbating."

"I expect you to write those fantasies in your diary at the soonest occasion. I'll also add this to your mistakes."

He sighed and shook his head. "What do I do with a servant like you, little girl?"

"Punish me, Sir. Punish your servant."

"There you go, making another mistake. You don't make demands in this situation."

He crouched down beside her and shoved four fingers inside her. Ruth moaned and ground her hips on his fingers.

"Look at how horny you are."

He leaned in closer and let her pump her pussy on his fingers. His voice was quiet when he said, "You think you know my crop, don't you? I've used it to correct you during your position training and I've given you a few stripes in the past. You seemed to like it. But you've never experienced the full extent of the pain that made it famous. I'm sure you read all about it. You might even think you're ready for what's coming. Trust me, you're not."

Her pussy clenched on his hand when he grazed her clit, she moaned.

"I can see the state you're in. I can hear you moan. I can feel your pussy tremble. It's obvious how horny you are. You loved being spanked, didn't you? A hit from the crop feels ten times worse than a slap. You know that, and it still turns you on. But do you realize that if I want to, I can make it fifty times worse or even a hundred times worse? A crop is such a versatile toy, there's no end to the fun you can have with it. I don't have to convince you that I've enjoyed playing with it in the past, do I?"

He pumped his hand into her pussy as he whispered to her, it pushed her to the brink of coming. "You will not come or I'll repeat your punishment at a later date, and I'll make damn sure you're not this eager. You will hurt tonight, and I'm sorry about that. But I don't want you to make the same mistakes ever again if it can be avoided."