The April Fool

I could see our busy body neighbour watching Kevin intently through the windows wondering who he was. I even saw her call Phil over to ask him if he knew him and whenever I knew she was watching I stayed as close as I could to Kevin without scarring him away. It didn't take long for Grace to knock on our door with some excuse to see Vicky's mom but really to find out who was with us. I did the good neighbourly thing and introduced her to him and as I did I put my hand on his shoulder. I almost choked as she was speechless when he spoke to her and she obviously thought he was as camp as a row of tents. I wasn't sure what Kevin thought about my hand on his shoulder but Grace couldn't get back to Phil fast enough to tell him I was now entertaining gays. Poor Kevin couldn't work out why Frank and I were laughing so much as Grace raced home. I knew Vicky would now hear about my new "interest" in life to make her time even more miserable although Grace's credibility was suspect when Vicky's mom visited her in prison afterwards and told her I had just employed him and he was just watching the game with us. I sort of suspected Vicky lost some sleep thinking about how I couldn't get hard for her and wondering if I was "batting for the other side now as well" so to speak.

Saturday morning golf was becoming quite enjoyable after that first game as Ron tried to work his magic on me during the mornings. I couldn't work out which I liked most, playing golf or winding Ron up. He became very subtle in his questioning and I let him think he was quite skilled in getting me to talk. I had to be careful though not to contradict anything I had said earlier but I needed him to believe I had suffered severely at Vicky's hands. I knew he was taping everything that was said and doing his notes up later. I was laying the groundwork for some damming Psych Reports I would need soon enough.

It was fantastic to have Vicky back home after two months. We all had seen her during visiting hours but it wasn't the same. Bright fluro orange overalls did nothing for her. I had picked her up on a Saturday afternoon. During my usual Saturday morning game I had appeared jittery and a little fearful as we discussed Vicky's return. We had everyone over for a bar-b-cue and a swim to welcome her home and she seemed to get on very well with Kevin and Julie although she did ask me later if I thought Kevin was Bi. Not wanting to finish that little game yet I just shrugged my shoulders and smiled a little.

Watching the play-backs, I was pleased to see later that William now had two girls after him and somehow was managing to make out with both. If he didn't know already, a porno would give him a few clues and if they all watched it he would probably get very lucky sometime over the next few months as it looked like the dinners with Lauren and Ron as well as Kevin and Julie would continue.

First thing Monday morning, I found myself with Vicky sitting in my doctor's surgery. Even though he would have heard the stories and read the papers he had Vicky explain what she had done to me and then I added that they had been unable to save my nuts but the scrotum had successfully been reattached. When he asked me to drop my pants and get up on the table I seriously thought about just walking out but I would need his Reports as well in the coming months, so I just shut my mouth, dropped my pants and hopped up on the table.

Vicky joined him in his examination and they decided the hospital had done an excellent job as he handled my tackle. Vicky told him of "my problem." "My problem!" I screamed in my head. "It wasn't my fucking problem! I wasn't the one that was missing being fucked." Strangely it no longer seemed to bother me that I couldn't get hard anymore. I told him I had been taking tablets daily and showed him the empty packet. He looked at the packet and said something about an implant that lasted 5 months might work better and be more reliable as it would give a measured dose throughout the day, every day. I wondered how many family doctors happened to have a testosterone implant in their cabinet and wondered how Vicky had reached him and even made the appointment at such short notice for a Monday morning until I remembered she had been talking with Ron every day and he probably could have organised it.

The implant went just under my skin in my left arm and it was covered with a small band-aide. Just before we left his office he smiled at Vicky and told her everything should return to normal within days. I just smiled to myself. I truth I should have been angry as I had not even been consulted about how I felt but was feeling strangely compliant. Vicky returned to her surgery when we got home and she seemed happier than she had since the incident. I went to the garage as if to drive to work instead of walking and opened the first-aid kit, took out a scalpel and sliced open my arm where it had been covered and pushed the implant out. I replaced it with piece plastic I cut to a similar size and shape then covered it with the Band-Aid. Deep down, I knew had to stay true to my plan.

Poor Vicky was distraught as the implant was having no effect on me over the next few months and she wasn't getting the attention and loving she was used to or wanting. She was becoming really concerned, as first the tablets had not worked then the implants. Vicky even showered with me occasionally trying hard to get a reaction but nothing was happening from my end; literally. I realized as she was washing my arm she was feeling to make sure the implant was still there. She visited the doctor alone several times only to be told that everyone was different and maybe it could take a little longer with me. Eventually, he even suggested that maybe I was the problem and had psychological issues about making love to her. I think she may have wondered that herself but could never accept it as I seemed happy enough to eat her pussy whenever she felt the need.

Halloween was approaching quickly. This year the party was at our place and strangely every invitation sent out was accepted. It was Frank who enlighten me one day when he said that even he was being questioned by everyone who was invited that he met as to what prank I was going to spring on the trio. He knew but didn't want to spoil the night for me. My lawyer and his wife were invited as he had become a close friend over time. I watched my recordings carefully in the weeks preceding to make sure they had nothing planned for me but all I heard was when they met next door and felt it would be in poor taste if they took advantage of my mental state and it could push me over the edge. That suited me just fine.

In the next few weeks, my lawyer requested reports from every doctor, specialist, and hospital I had been involved with over the preceding months since the incident. Ron was a bit of a problem but he was told there were problems with my health insurance and his report could convince then I was genuine. The court transcripts of the trio pleading guilty were also collected as were details of the Ballamy's personal liability insurance and Vicky's business liability insurance noted. We were ready.

Halloween arrived and the bar-b-cue went off flawlessly but everyone, particularly the trio, was on tender hooks all night as they waited for a "prank to end all pranks" that never eventuated. We waited during the night for the three to be alone together in the house and we struck. Some guests noted a flurry of activity when a couple of us excused ourselves from the conversations we were in and made our way to the house. Later, the recording of the trio's conversation told me they were wishing something would happen so we could all be even; they were on eggshells. I walked in on them with my lawyer right behind me and they stopped talking. I stepped aside and smiled as he presented them each with an envelope and told them they were now served with notice that each was being sued for four million dollars for their part in my castration and subsequent mental and physical anguish. Vicky and Grace looked stunned but Phil just grinned and said he didn't care and we could fight it out with his insurance company. Vicky was trying to say something but ended up looking down at her envelope and shaking her head slowly. The party broke up. Vicky refused to talk to me until I was able to sit her down and explain I was after her insurance company and that I still loved her.

Phil had been right of course and we only would have to fight it out with their insurance companies but they didn't know that we were thoroughly prepared for exactly that and we had no intention of hurting them. With the trio already having admitted their guilt and been found guilty, combined with the damming medical evidence and notes from our doctor reporting how the testosterone was not working and our sex life had been affected, the insurance companies settled quickly with acceptable offers. Phil's attitude gave me the shits and I knew I was not finished.

Nothing changed as the months rolled on. I money obtained when the insurance companies settled was safely invested for our retirement and our businesses prospered. Vicky was resigned to the belief that I could never fuck her again and I hated myself when I found her still crying from time to time about what she had done. My golf had improved dramatically and I was on par with Ron now. I found that during the games I would frequently steer the conversation away from me to discuss Vicky and her memories of what she had done. One day he even suggested that I allow Vicky a lover, but I put an end to that when I said I would kill them both if I ever caught her cheating and nothing more was ever said. I always had the feeling that he wanted to fuck Vicky but I never heard anything recorded.

Sadly I knew what I was doing was not helping her; I still loved her so much. Every night when she was in the mood I went down on her and brought her to orgasm. I could see her frustration in her not being able to get me hard so that we could fuck and every time it would end the same as we held each other while she reminisced about how much she used to enjoy me fucking her since we were young. Vibrators helped her but did not satisfy her needs.

I decided that twelve months was long enough to teach my wife her lesson and April Fool's Day would put an end to my games. Towards the middle of February found me back in the doctor's surgery asking for another implant to be inserted. I had removed my plastic friend from my arm earlier in the morning and told the doctor I was depressed about it not working so had removed it myself; but then I later had second thoughts and wanted to keep trying for Vicky's sake; I didn't remove this one. I wanted to be Vicky's lover again very soon. As the days rolled on, I deliberately started acting a little edgy as my first anniversary approached. April Fool's Day this year fell on the first Saturday in April. It was raining heavily and there was no golf so I went to work. I really wasn't needed so I returned home early and found the family was out so I took the opportunity and sat at the kitchen table cleaning my handguns again; really just filling in time. I watched the screen on the laptop again until I saw Grace watching me and loaded the chamber of my Dirty Harry Special again with my special display cartridge and spun the chamber. I put the barrel in my mouth and remembered I hated the taste of that gun oil, then pulled the trigger while all the time watching Grace on the screen; she appeared to be quite concerned; all was good as I heard her calling out for Phil. I was setting the scene for pay-back tonight.

I had some errands to make after I locked the guns up and left for the barbers and the butcher shop; I already had the glue I needed. As I arrived home and pulled into the garage, Frank pulled in after me as arranged and I went inside and grabbed the Smith and Wesson Model 29 .44 magnum and put it and "the box" of cartridges in a gun case for the trip to the handgun range. I had seen Grace watching me leave the house with my handgun and cartridges and of course we spoke loud enough for her to hear where we were going.

Before she had gone to prison, Vicky had visited the local gunsmith with the box of my .44 magnum cartridges I kept in my gun cabinet and asked him to remove all the gunpowder and primers and make them appeal real in appearance and weight. Of course I had heard the planning of this priceless operation to stop me blowing my head off while not stopping me trying hoping I would soon tire of it. I knew I would have fun with this as well but I still had to make sure I did not mix the cartridges up; in any case what if he accidently missed one or two; I certainly didn't want to lose the top of my head. I only ever used the cartridge I knew for certain was a dud. We spent an hour at the range as I used other boxes that were stored in my study; it was good to relax again and mentally get ready for the night ahead.

Ron was a creature of habit. He had told me many times that he always, without fail, turned his cell phone off just after lunch on Saturdays so he could have "his" family time. He always switched it back on at eight pm after his favourite TV show; and he thought I had problems? I had to trust it would be not different and phoned his cell and thankfully was able to leave a message I knew he would get at eight pm. Frank helped me in the basement as we erected a metal frame and glued the hair from the barber shop onto the pig's head I had picked up at the butchers and mounted in the frame. We laughed quietly as we rehearsed what I was planning tonight.

Grace and Phil were happy to be back in our house after all that time as a couple. Phil had been missing the companionship (even though I thought he was an asshole but his time was near) and mainly watching the Friday night games on the big screen. I knew they had planned nothing again as I had been exhibiting some signs of depression as the twelve month anniversary approached. Vicky's mum took our kids and the Bellamy's daughter to the movies as had been her practice over the past few years. Before she left she spoke harshly to Vicky to make sure they had planned nothing this year as she was still concerned about me. Sharon and Frank showed up as arranged and when I was out of the room he told them I had invited them as I no longer felt safe with the three of them together again. They told him how badly they all still felt about what had happened and even though they were hurt by my lack of trust they understood. Frank rubbed the salt in by saying that it was a pity they didn't think about the consequences of what they were doing 12 months ago. The scene was almost set.

The bar-b-cue went well and they must have thought it was nervous tension that kept me looking at my watch, but I had to time the rest of the night very carefully. Just before eight pm I lifted a handset of the home phone and discretely turned both Vicky's and my cell off. I needed Ron at our house and in any case I knew he would bill me for it; he had for everything else; even our first dinner at the Hilton. I had timed the drive between Ron's and our place and knew he would take about ten minutes. Luckily everyone was the kitchen helping clean up. I had deliberately been looking and sounding very depressed all night and just after eight pm I excused myself saying I had to go to the toilet but instead went to the family room and removed the Smith and Wesson and the box of cartridges and went down to the basement to get ready for my final prank; "the prank to end all pranks." This would be it for me.

At ten past eight, Ron burst through the front door startling everyone except Frank who had been expecting him. Ron looked around for me and not seeing me asked where I was, as everyone moved to the family room. He told Vicky I had phoned him earlier in the afternoon but his phone was switched off and he had only just heard that I was extremely depressed and told them I wanted his thoughts on the very last prank I would ever pull. He had tried to phone back when he heard the message but had been unable to get through on any of our phones. As he was talking his gaze luckily fell onto my open gun display cabinet and the Smith and Wesson was obviously missing. If he hadn't seen it missing Frank's role was to make everyone aware it was.

I was watching on my laptop from down in the basement and saw Ron starting to panic saying he was concerned I was suicidal and he was worried about my using the gun on myself but Vicky interrupted saying she had replaced all of the cartridges with dummy bullets that would not work. Grace then spoke up suggesting that maybe I was feeling depressed after all, saying she had seen me with the barrel in my mouth pulling the trigger earlier in the day but she hadn't worried as she knew about the dud bullets. Frank then stepped in with a questioning look on his face as he said, "Well that explains why none of his cartridges worked at the range this afternoon when we went down there so he bought two new boxes after he threw the duds away. What is going on? What is everyone talking about?" Vicky turned to Frank with her eyes and mouth wide open and grabbed his shoulder as she asked, although it was more a statement, "James threw the duds out and bought new boxes of bullets?" I answered, "Yea, James seemed keen to fire the S & W today and none of his cartridges worked so he managed to buy some more from the range. He seemed a bit quiet but seemed to enjoy it." Vicky thought for a moment and asked, "So he has live ammunition now?" I just nodded as Vicky turned her gaze to the open gun cabinet and started looking around the room and screaming out, "Noooooooo Jamessssssss!"

As she commenced screaming out for me I took my cue and pulled the trigger. Upstairs the gunshot was deafening. Vicky was still finishing calling out as Phil screamed, "Oh fuck! No!" Grace held her hands up to the side of her face as her eyes widened; her ears were still ringing. Phil always fancied himself as a leader and I banked on that as he took for towards the basement. Then Vicky, Sharon and Grace then ran to the basement door as well and raced down the stairs behind Phil. Frank did what he had to do and slowed Ron down as they both headed for the basement as well.

Phil reached the bottom of the stairs and turned the corner to see a horribly bloodied wall in front of him. The wall was covered with blood, matted hair, pieces of brain and chips of bone. Without looking for me he turned and dropped to his knees and vomited his dinner up over the wall and floor as well as his pants. The three women were not far behind Phil and had not seen the wall yet but saw him vomiting continuously as he tried to keep saying, "Oh fuck no!" between his partly digested dinner leaving his lips at speed. Vicky was instantly too scared to go any further as she could only think that it was her James that Phil had seen with the back of his head missing and she stopped in her tracks, not game to proceed. Grace was more inquisitive and stepped around her husband and greeted with the same gruesome sight and she turned and vomited all over Phil.

Frank told Sharon to hold Vicky back as we had planned and then he moved around both Phil and Grace who were now squatting down with their hands on the wall as they found they were unable to find anything more in their stomachs to bring up. Vicky watched fearfully as she saw Frank look at what must have been a mess and shake his head then kept moving forward out of sight. It was probably more shock that stopped her crying but Vicky anticipated the worst as Frank did not re-appear immediately. In her heart she realized she had hurt her husband more than she ever imagined and was thankful Sharon was there to hold her. Ron just stayed well back as he remembered the terrible things his trauma victims had told him they had seen in similar situations.