The Broken Mirror

He missed the target, but hit the tree, enough to wound a little. Christine had to admit to herself that she had liked it, a lot, when Meaghan had kissed her all those years ago. And she had thoughts about Anne that were anything but innocent.

Christine wanted to angrily deny she had done anything wrong, but experience had taught her there was nothing to gain there, even if the accusations weren't true, so she clamped her teeth shut. Instead, she responded with the same icy control "Don't you start moralizing to me, you fucking hypocrite. I know how much you fucked around before you met me, and I can smell the cheap stripper perfume on your shirts after your 'working lunches'."

The response was pure rage, and the North Carolina twang so thick it was almost comical. "Shut your mouth. That's none of your damn business. Your business is to keep up this house, to support your husband's career, to get yourself pregnant next year like we planned, and to raise my children."

Christine knew at that moment that he was truly lost, that working for Senator Jackass had twisted and hardened the charming, kind soul she fell in love with into something petty, mean, and small. Or maybe that nasty streak had always been there, waiting to come out, and she had just willed herself not to see it. Either way, it was over, and she had to leave.

She knew she should have just kept her mouth shut and walked away, but she had him, and she was so angry she couldn't resist the fatal barb. She spoke with the same contempt he had showed her, but wrapped it in honey rather than venom.

"And how are we going to do that on your salary, hon? I make twice what you do, and the only reason you can afford to live in this nice big house is that your daddy bought it for you. He probably even got you the job with the Senator - how big a campaign contribution did he have to make for that?"

That hit home, cut him to the quick. He picked up the glass of water on his bedside table and threw it at her with an unintelligible scream. She ducked, avoiding all but a few drops of water, and the glass sailed over her shoulder and crashed into the mirror on top of the dresser.

Christine had spent her whole life working and striving for the perfect life, the perfect job, the perfect family. Just a few more years, and two children, and she would have had it. But now that perfect life was shattered, just like the stupid mirror.

Before he could throw anything else, Christine grabbed her phone, unlocked it and tapped out 9-1-1. She kept her thumb above the call button, without pressing it. Keeping her voice completely neutral, she said "You are going to calm down now and go down to the living room while I pack a bag. If you say a single word, I will call the police. You know damn well that a domestic disturbance call will end your career with Senator Family Values, and probably the rest of the party. So move. Now!"

He stood there for a moment, veins bulging in his neck, his mouth working and teeth grinding, but he got himself under control and shuffled out of the door and down the stairs to the living room. Christine put the first shirt she could find over her nightie, along with an old pair of jeans. She pulled the two big duffels out of the closet and started packing. Underwear and toiletries were first, then her laptop bag, and as many of her clothes and shoes as would fit. She pulled her five favorite work suits out of the closet, slung them over one of the bags, and found a pair of sandals to wear.

She walked down the stairs with one bag on each shoulder, straining a little under the load, phone still in her right hand. She grabbed her coat off the hook by the door and fished the car keys out of the left pocket. As she headed out the front door, Bob started to growl something at her, but she pointed her phone at him, thumb hovering over the screen, and he shut up.

Christine put her bags in the trunk, got into her little black BMW and drove into the city. She remembered a midrange chain hotel somewhere on her way to the office, and that was where she went. The desk clerk was inhumanly cheerful for the late hour, and for her mood, but he had a room available, so she gruffly thanked him and trudged down the hall to number 132.

She set one alarm on her phone and another with the hotel's wakeup call system, and collapsed into the bed. The adrenaline had drained out of her on the drive over, enough that she was shaking a little and completely exhausted. She was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

~~~

Christine awoke with a start to an obnoxiously loud phone ringing right next to her head. She knocked it off the hook to shut it up, and as soon as she did, her smartphone alarm went off as well. It was just as insistent, but at least a little less horrid to listen to. She silenced it, and tried to figure out where she was and what had happened.

The curtains were shut, but enough city light leaked through to tell her she was in a generic hotel room. She started to cast through her memory for how she got there, and then it all rolled over her - dinner with Meaghan and Sarah, the big fight at home afterwards, driving here.

A pit formed in her stomach, the kind you get when something terrible has happened, or is about to, and you can't ever fix it. It felt a little like when she was six years old, and the paramedics told her that her mother wasn't going to wake up.

Christine allowed herself ten minutes for a good cry. Bob had been so sweet and kind and generous when she met him, and he really was the husband she had dreamed about since she was a little girl - good job, good looking and a nice house in the country. Being married to him felt like she had finally made it, and she could finally stop worrying that everyone would discover she was just a worthless throwaway girl from a trailer park.

She realized the pit of dread wasn't about losing Bob - she had already lost him, bit by bit, to the ugliness and hate that had seeped into his soul. That saddened her, but she wouldn't miss him. The dread she felt was for losing that life she had worked so hard to achieve. She still had her job, and she was very good at it, but without the fairytale marriage, she was just another lonely soul trying to get ahead, and it felt like everything could be taken away from her without any warning. She knew that had already happened anyway, but it didn't make her feel any better.

Her ten minutes up, Christine cleared her mind and focused on what she needed to do right then, and later that day and that week. It was Tuesday morning, which meant she had almost the whole week of work ahead of her, and that was good. Work would give her something to do.

With grim determination, she hauled herself out of bed and dug into one of the bags for her bathroom kit, and then went to take a shower and get herself ready to tackle the day. The bathroom smelled vaguely of cleaning chemicals, and the fluorescent lights were harsh on her eyes, but the water was hot, and that was good enough.

She called the credit card companies as she was getting dressed, first to take Bob off her account and get a new card, and then to take herself off his card. It was still early yet, so the bank where she kept her checking account wouldn't be open for a while. There was a branch down the block from her office, so she could go during lunch. She was immensely grateful they had both decided to keep separate accounts when they got married.

After brushing out her hair, Christine pulled out her laptop and grabbed her smartphone. She was done with Bob, and she didn't want any contact with him again, except through an attorney - another task she'd have to tackle soon. She went through each of her accounts and blocked all of his phone numbers, email addresses, and all the rest, and she changed all her passwords just in case. She also blocked most of his buddies from her social media accounts - some of them were even worse than he was.

With nothing else useful she could do, she finished getting dressed, grabbed her laptop bag and headed out to work. She stopped by the front desk and the same guy was there, still cheerful but a little tired. She reserved her room through the end of the week, just in case. She'd have to find a place to live eventually, but that was a task for later.

~~~

It was surprisingly easy to go to work and behave as if nothing had changed. She got through all the administrative stuff she could do without a new address that morning, and nobody at work noticed anything different about her. She stayed late that night, eating Chinese takeout in her office for dinner, but that was fairly normal behavior at the firm.

Christine called Anne in the afternoon and asked her to lunch the next day. She desperately wanted to ask Anne to come get her and take her home and hold her while she let it all out and cried. But it was still too raw, and she knew if she started in, she'd lose control. She couldn't bear the idea of breaking down in front of anyone, especially Anne. So she went back to the hotel and cried herself to sleep.

The next morning, the office mail guy dropped an envelope on Christine's desk. It was from the messenger service the Senator's office used. Christine opened it and read the letter inside. She was sure Bob had not paid for the delivery, and that annoyed her, but she let it go. At least it wasn't on official stationery.

"Christine,

I forgive you for your outburst. If you come home, honor our marriage and give me the respect a husband is due, we don't need to ever speak of this again.

Your husband,

Bob"

Christine would have been furious if it weren't so pathetic. Instead, she just sighed a little and drafted a letter of her own. She made a point of paying for the messenger service with her personal account.

"Bob,

I will be at the house on Sunday at ten to collect my remaining things. It would be better for both of us if you were not there.

Christine"

She chose the time deliberately - she knew the Senator would be at church, pressing the flesh and being seen, and it would be unlike Bob to miss an opportunity to suck up.

~~~

Christine met Anne at the pub for lunch - it was a safe, familiar setting, with enough privacy that the whole place wouldn't hear about her problems. She was glad she waited a day to talk about it - it still hurt, but it wouldn't swallow her up when she told Anne her story.

Right after she sat down, Christine said to Anne in a flat voice "I left Bob."

Anne just stared at her for a while, not understanding. "What?"

"I left Bob. Monday night, after dinner with Meaghan and Sarah, I went home and got into bed with him and told him they were wonderful people and deserved to be happy.

He started giving me the standard conservative bullshit, and I could tell he believed it. I mean really believed it, deep down. And that was it - I knew it was over. I don't want to - I won't - live with a man who only sees me as a wife and mother, not as a real person, with her own ambitions and goals.

We got into a big fight, and we both said some horrible, hateful things. He threw a glass at my head, and I left."

Anne's eyes got wider and wider as Christine spoke. "Oh my god, sweetie. Are you okay? Did he hurt you?"

"I'm fine. I cried my eyes out yesterday, but one thing I learned from my crappy childhood was how to get over things and move on. I'll probably be an emotional wreck for a while, but I can get through the day, and that's enough for now.

And no, he didn't hurt me. I think he wanted to, but other than breaking my great aunt's mirror with that glass, there was no physical damage."

Anne didn't really know what to say, so she scooted over in the booth to put her arm around Christine and give her a little hug. A waiter showed up soon after that, so they ordered sodas and sandwiches from the lunch special menu. The food showed up very quickly, and eating broke the awkward silence.

After they finished, Anne asked "So what are you going to do now?"

"I don't really know. I've done all the basic stuff, at least all I can do without a new permanent address, and I've started looking for a divorce attorney. Bob will keep the house - it was his before we were married - and there's not much else to speak of. It will take a while - six months, I think - but it should be easy. The big thing I need to do is find a place to live."

Anne was a little nervous about making the suggestion, and what it might mean, but she said "You could move in with me. The second bedroom's been empty since Jamie moved out last year."

Christine loved the idea. "That would be great. Really great. I don't want to be alone right now, but I don't really like sharing my space with people - it was even hard with Bob. But you're my best friend, and I'm sure we'll get along great. It'll be fun."

Anne got a little flushed - the idea of having Christine in her home all the time, if not her bed, was almost too good to be true.

Christine noticed Anne's discomfort, but misunderstood what it meant. "Sorry, sorry - too much. I promise not to make a pest of myself, and to respect your privacy and your space. But I still think it'll be fun."

Anne took Christine's hand and smiled at her and answered "Yes, it will be fun. It'll be nice to have somebody else in the place again, especially somebody I actually like."

Christine took part of the afternoon off to do some shopping - Anne's apartment had a second bedroom, but not a second bed, or anything else, so she went out and bought herself a whole bedroom set, with delivery the next day, and a set of sheets and towels. It wouldn't be as elegant as Bob's house in Falls Church, but it would be hers in a way the house never was, and Christine was really looking forward to living with Anne.

Christine spent one more night at the hotel - Anne's couch didn't look that comfortable for sleeping - and moved into Anne's apartment Thursday evening after work. Anne surprised her with baked pasta and a salad for dinner when she got there, and Christine actually got a little choked up by the gesture. She wasn't used to people cooking for her.

Over dinner and wine, they worked out some rules for living together. They agreed to each cook dinner twice a week, when they could, and shop accordingly. Christine knew Anne would actually follow through, unlike Bob. Anything in the kitchen without a label was assumed to be shared, and books, music and videos on the shelves in the living room were fair game for either of them. Clothes were off limits without asking, but it didn't really matter - Christine was so tall and broad-shouldered that neither of them had much that would fit the other, beyond a few oversize sweaters.

Their schedules mostly overlapped - Anne only had two or three night or weekend shifts a month at the hospital - so they'd see each other just about every day, and probably spend time together on the weekends. Christine liked to go out and walk, at least when the weather was nice. Anne mostly hung around the apartment if she didn't have anything else to do, but she thought the idea of going out walking with Christine sounded great.

Even on brand new sheets in an unfamiliar bed, Christine felt instantly comfortable in her new home, and slept soundly.

~~~

Saturday morning, Anne told Christine "You should go meet Meaghan and Sarah by yourself today. I'm happy to come if you want me to - they're really nice people - but you deserve some alone time with them."

Christine thought about it and decided Anne was right. Besides, she wanted to talk to Meaghan about some things that she wasn't ready for Anne to hear. She got to the hotel a few minutes early and texted Meaghan, who texted back that they would be right down.

Meaghan and Sarah walked out the front door about two minutes later and loaded their bags into the Christine's trunk. They had several hours before they needed to be at the airport, so Christine took them to a little sandwich place she liked, and they drove to East Potomac Park for a picnic and a walk. They ate at a little table near the parking lot, and Christine told them the whole story about leaving Bob and moving in with Anne.

Meaghan took her hand when she was finished, and said, as gently as she could, "I'm so sorry if our being here broke up your marriage. When I called you, I never intended any harm. We've had our share bad feelings from people who can't accept us, especially my brother Danny, but I never imagined that sort of thing could affect you just for having dinner with us."

Christine appreciated the concern, and she replied "It's not your fault at all - there had been something wrong for a while; I just didn't see it. You two showing up here was the spark that set off the explosion, but it would have happened eventually anyway. I really should thank you - in another year or two, I probably would have been pregnant, and then things would have gotten really complicated and ugly."

Sarah got up and hugged Christine, and said "Still, we're both very sorry. I left a guy I lived with for two years a while before I met Meaghan, and almost married him, so I know how painful it can be. We're happy to help any way we can. Seattle's a great place to get away, if you need that, and we'd be happy to have you."

Christine found her eyes tearing up a little at Sarah's generosity, and smiled them both. "I may take you up on that sometime, but for now, I think I need to focus on putting my life here back together. Anne's been a wonderful friend to me, and I think living with her is really going to help."

They went for a long walk together in the park and around the Jefferson memorial, mostly in silence. It was a beautiful day.

On the way back to the parking lot, Christine diffidently asked "Sarah, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"How did you know when you were in love with Meaghan - I mean, what was it like realizing you were in love with a woman after being straight your whole life?"

Sarah got a dreamy smile on her face as she answered. "I still don't really know when it happened, or how. I just realized one night when Meaghan was out of town that she was the most important person in the world to me, and I couldn't bear not being with her. It took me weeks to work up the courage to do something about it, but I did, and Meaghan is the best part of my life."

Christine blushed a little at Sarah's answer, and Meaghan's reaction to it. She blushed even more at the question she was about to ask.

"And how was it to, um, you know . . . sleep together?"

Sarah blushed a little herself at that, but after looking at Meaghan for reassurance, she answered honestly, without any self-consciousness. "I was absolutely terrified. I wasn't sure I could do it, but Meaghan took care of me. She didn't push; she just held me until I was asleep our first night together. The next morning, sex didn't seem so scary, and it's been wonderful ever since."

A little ball of stress had been building up in Christine's mind for a while, even before she left Bob, and talking to Sarah started to untangle it. Christine was tremendously grateful.

"Thank you both so much. My head is way too messed up right now to think too much about being with anyone else, but I realize I'll be ready again, someday. I just needed to know I'll be okay if, if that someone is . . ." She let her voice trail off, but Sarah and Meaghan both knew what she meant, even if she couldn't quite say it yet.

Christine hugged them both as they got into the car, and drove them to the airport. She dropped them off with promises to keep in touch, and knew the promises would be kept. Meaghan held Sarah's hand as they walked into airport, and said "It was really nice to see her again. I hope she's going to be okay."

Sarah replied "I think she will be."