The Broken Mirror

Anne said with all the tenderness in the world "No, sweetie, I'm not mad at you. It really is okay." And she really did mean it.

She had no claim on Christine, even though she wanted to. The thought of Christine in bed with whoever he was made her a little sick, but it didn't feel like betrayal to Anne. It felt more like violation. That both Christine and the man were willing participants didn't matter.

Christine put her head back down on Anne's shoulder and cried for a while, and Anne reached over to the side of the couch for a Kleenex. After Christine cried herself out, she bounced back, like she always did. "I'm really sorry you had to see me like that. Enough feeling sorry for myself. Let me buy you lunch?"

Anne smiled, surprised and happy to see her friend back to her normal self so suddenly, and agreed. They both got up and showered - Anne to wash off the travel, and Christine because she'd been moping around all day. They went out to a little diner near the apartment for a late lunch and spent the rest of the day together, the emotional fireworks calmed and under control, if not entirely forgotten.

~~~

Christine sent out a dozen emails before going into work on Monday morning, and by the end of the week she had four or five solid leads. Some of them were interesting, but nothing really jumped out at her as great, and she had plenty of time. The one she had been waiting for came over the weekend.

She had lunch on Saturday with the director of the Technology Law Foundation, and he offered her the legal director position on the spot, pending the usual administrative stuff. It was perfect - she really admired their work, and she'd actually get to run the whole legal department - five other attorneys and a couple of support staff. They had a small but nice office on K Street, so her commute wouldn't change much. And her personal life couldn't possibly be an issue - half the employees still lived like college students, and the communications director was very publicly gay. She'd have to take a small pay cut, but she was pleasantly surprised at the salary.

Anne took Christine out to celebrate on Saturday night and made a big deal out of the new job, even though Christine was terribly embarrassed at being fussed over.

The offer was finalized on Tuesday evening, and she went to talk to Daniel the next day. Daniel had been the managing partner of the firm for about three months, and had been Christine's mentor for her first few years there. Christine was pretty wound up as she walked into his office - she didn't expect it to be a very pleasant conversation.

Daniel had a boyish face and shaggy blond hair that made him look younger than his fifty-something years, and he often used that to his advantage. He'd start a conversation with a friendly grin, but it could turn instantly to a steely and even threatening determination when he needed it to, and Christine had seen him negotiate enough to know what to expect. She started by framing the issue as being about the firm, not about her.

"Schulte came to see me about a week ago. He suggested - how did he say it exactly? - that my priorities might not be conducive to partnership in the firm."

Christine watched for his reaction, and the touch of annoyance she saw before he hid it confirmed what she already thought - he knew about it, but hadn't approved. He responded with that trademark grin.

"Christine, you're doing great work here, and all the partners have every confidence in your abilities."

It was a clever evasion, exactly what Christine expected. That meant that he didn't know if she'd have the support of enough partners when she was up for partnership herself in a few years. She decided to lay out her case - she was leaving anyway, so it didn't really matter. However, she wasn't going without extracting a little something on the way out. Her pride wouldn't let her.

"I know quite well that partnership is about more than my abilities as an attorney. It's about bringing in clients and keeping them happy. Six months ago, my personal life was an asset to the firm. Now it's a liability, and that's enough to pass me over in two years, or three or five."

Daniel started to respond, but Christine held up her hand and continued.

"Daniel, it's okay. I understand. If I were on the committee, I'd probably see things the same way. And anyway, since my life has changed so much, I've been reevaluating my goals. I don't think the firm is the best place for me in the long term. I've got a few offers, and I plan to take one. I'll stay until the Capricorn matter is finished - it won't be more than three weeks; less if they settle."

Daniel looked a little stunned - in the current legal market, not a lot of associates would voluntarily leave a firm like his. And then he started to get worried - if she went to a smaller firm, she'd probably go as a partner. Some very big clients might very well go with her. Christine let that sink in for a bit, and then pushed her position.

"Schulte may be the partner on the accounts, but we both know ZQSoft and Capricorn are my clients. If I went to another firm, they'd happily follow me. Three or four others might as well. I don't want to hurt the firm, but I do want what've I've earned. Bonuses for associates are in three months. If you make sure I get my full bonus before I leave, plus a little something extra, I'll make sure the clients stay with the firm and stay happy. If not, I'll fulfill my professional and ethical obligations, but I can't say what will happen after I leave."

Daniel smiled at her - that toughness was why she was such a good attorney in the first place, and he couldn't help but respect her for it, even if it was going to cost him this time. She couldn't be going to a rival firm - she wouldn't give up her clients just to save her bonus - but it didn't really matter. Having her manage the clients and keep them happy before leaving was worth whatever it cost.

"I'll work it out with the partners. You'll get your bonus."

The next week the Capricorn matter settled, quite favorably, and Christine packed up her office to leave that Friday. Early in the afternoon, Schulte walked into her office with a warm smile on his face and a box under his arm.

"I'm too old to stay late for your going away party, so I thought I'd stop by now and wish you luck. I expect great things from you, Christine. You'll make a fine judge someday, even if I'm not alive to see it."

He handed her the box, saying "That beat up laptop bag you carry around just will not do, young lady. You need a proper briefcase."

Before Christine could even say "Thank you," he turned around and left. Christine just stood there for a minute, wondering what had happened. He had been the one who pushed her to leave, and she had assumed it was because he didn't approve of her lifestyle, whatever that meant. But now his motives were a complete mystery, and Christine decided not to try to understand, just to be grateful.

Daniel and a bunch of other attorneys took her out for drinks after work, and some of them probably stayed at the bar well into the evening. Any excuse was a good excuse. Christine stayed long enough to be polite and say goodbye to everyone, but left as soon as she could. The person she wanted to be with, the one who could reassure her that she was doing the right thing, was at home waiting for her.

~~~

Christine filed the paperwork to change her name from Christine Wainwright back to Christine Dewey just before leaving the firm, which made the new job feel like a clean break. She was still tied to Bob, but the waiting period would be over in seven weeks, and then she would be free.

Working at the foundation was a big adjustment, but Christine knew it was the right decision almost immediately. The legal work was great - the foundation only took on interesting cases, and she always felt like she was on the right side. Managing the staff attorneys was pretty easy - they were all very self-motivated, and the office politics of the firm were completely absent. Christine missed some of the support and resources she had at the firm, but the foundation made do with what they had, and with the public law libraries around town.

Christine knew she'd have to spend much of her time on what the director called 'outreach'. She started a blog, and wrote a lot of legal opinions for varying audiences. She also talked to a lot of reporters, and even did some TV interviews. What she didn't expect was how much she enjoyed it - helping people understand the complicated legal issues the foundation dealt with was important and very satisfying. When she was doing media interviews, her enthusiasm was infectious.

One unexpected benefit was that the dress code at the foundation was more relaxed than the firm - the foundation had started in Silicon Valley, and still had some of that culture. She only had to wear a suit when she was in court or talking to the media. The rest of the time, she could wear a cotton dress, a knit skirt and sweater or something else similarly nice.

One afternoon, Christine was sitting in her office writing an amicus brief for a case before the Federal Circuit when James, her assistant legal director, walked in and said "Christine - you have to see this!"

Christine dashed out to the lobby where everyone had gathered around the TV, tuned to one of the cable news channels. The blonde on the TV was saying ". . . shocking allegations on Capitol Hill of a gay love affair between Republican Senator Herbert Jackson of North Carolina and an unnamed Mexican man. Senator Jackson, a prominent opponent of both same-sex marriage and immigration reform, has been charged with making false statements to immigration officials in order to obtain a green card for the man. The Senator is also under investigation for financial irregularities regarding the man's apartment, allegedly paid for by the Senator's campaign fund. A representative from the Senator's office gave this statement."

Christine felt sorry for poor Melissa, the Senator's press secretary - she couldn't imagine having to go out in front of the press like that. But the person who showed up wasn't Melissa; it was Bob. Christine figured Melissa must have refused, probably even quit. "Good for her," Christine thought to herself.

Bob read the short statement. His voice was controlled, but his North Carolina accent came out thick. "The Senator denies these baseless accusations, and he looks forward to a full investigation. The Senator is confident that the he and his staff will be cleared of any wrongdoing, and that he will be able to return his full attention to the task of serving the people of North Carolina and the United States."

The reporters around him pressed forward, but Bob turned around and went back into the office without taking any questions.

Christine leaned over to James and whispered "It's all true - I could tell from Bob's voice that he didn't believe a word he was saying."

There was a great deal of jubilation in the lobby. The Senator was a big recipient of telecom company money, and he opposed pretty much everything the foundation advocated. The young employees at the foundation didn't much like his conservative stance on social issues either, and the accusations on the news made the hypocrisy all the more galling.

Christine didn't begrudge them their celebration, but she couldn't feel good about it; she was just sad. The Senator had been a positive force in politics years ago, before his party lurched so far to the right, and he had some real legislative accomplishments to his name.

She also felt a little bad for Bob - this could easily end his career in Washington. He had attached himself very tightly to the Senator, and this kind of scandal would make it much harder for him to be associated with anyone else from the state's Congressional delegation. On the bright side, he would probably move back to North Carolina, and Christine would be that much less likely to ever see him again.

~~~

The next Wednesday, Jared walked into her office. He was the foundation's communications director, and Christine had become his new best friend. She had a talent for explaining legal issues in plain English, she could think on her feet, and she was very pretty. All that meant she was very popular with the political news shows when they needed legal analysis, and Jared sent her out as often as he could. He was particularly excited about the latest one - he had gotten a call from one of the comedy shows in New York.

"Can you go up to New York tomorrow morning and do two minutes on net neutrality, plus some questions? Their regular New York legal analyst is in the hospital, and they asked for you specifically. It'll be great exposure for us - they've got a huge audience, and their demographics are great. Plus, they're paying for your travel, so it won't hit our budget."

Christine was kind of shocked - she had watched the show herself since law school. Of course she would go. Jared left a packet with a train ticket and a reservation at a very nice hotel, and Christine had an idea. She went online to reserve another train ticket, pausing at the last screen before pushing 'accept'. Then she called Anne.

"Anne, sweetie, do you want to come to New York with me tomorrow? I'm doing a TV show, and I could easily get you another train ticket."

Anne had been working extra over the past few weeks to cover for various other doctors out on vacation or home with sick kids or whatever, and she really needed a break herself, even if it was only overnight. She jumped at the chance.

"That sounds great - what's the plan?"

"I leave tomorrow morning from Union Station, tape the show at like six, and then spend the night. I come back on the morning train on Friday. Does that work for you?"

"That's perfect - I wasn't working Friday anyway, and at least three different doctors owe me a shift for tomorrow. I'll find somebody."

Christine pushed the accept button as soon as she hung up and got the train ticket for Anne. This was going to be fun.

They got to the station early the next morning - Christine was very nervous, and didn't want anything to mess up the trip. The train ride was blessedly uneventful, and they found themselves at Penn Station in Manhattan a little before noon. Anne took it upon herself to distract Christine - they had a whole afternoon to kill before they had to be at the studio, so they went to lunch in Chinatown and then spent the afternoon at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

They got to the studio about ten minutes before the schedule said they were supposed to arrive, and one of the production staff led them back to the green room. Christine sat with her tablet and reviewed her notes. She didn't need to - she knew the subject backwards and forwards - but it gave her something to do and made her feel better. Anne sat beside her and read a book, looking up at Christine after every page to make sure she was still okay.

The host walked in about half an hour later with a production assistant and explained what he was going to ask and what he wanted from Christine. He was very nice, and thanked her for coming on such short notice. It was fascinating for both of them to see what he was like behind the scenes, when he wasn't in his screen persona.

The actual exchange went exactly as expected - Christine was able to get through her explanation, despite the expected snarky comments from the host, and then he asked a mildly inappropriate and very funny question about Justice Scalia. Christine couldn't keep herself from giggling a little - she's a Scalia fan, in spite of the fact that she disagrees with him about almost everything - but she recovered and managed a snappy comeback.

Anne watched the whole thing from backstage and clapped along with the audience. She was so proud of Christine - it was kind of amazing to know that her best friend was on national TV, looking very smart and cool. Not to mention gorgeous. After the show, Anne took Christine out to a nice Italian place she knew about near the studio for dinner. Christine was still a little giddy from the experience, so she was very happy that Anne had planned the day and taken care of her.

After dinner, they went for a walk around town and then made their way to the hotel. It was beautiful, and they were both a little disappointed they would only be there for twelve hours or so. They had left their overnight bags at the desk earlier when they checked in, but hadn't been up to the room yet. When they got there, they had a bit of a surprise - there was just one bed. The reservation form had said there would be two queens, but they had apparently been upgraded to a suite with a king bed.

After they both nervously hemmed and hawed for a minute, Christine said "I can call the desk and get us a different room. If you want me to."

Anne was very conflicted - she wanted nothing in the world more than to spend the night in bed with Christine, but Christine was straight, technically even still married, and Anne really didn't want to embarrass herself or hurt Christine's feelings by doing anything inappropriate. But it was just sleeping together, in a very large bed - nothing they couldn't handle.

"No - I'm okay. I'm fine to stay here. But only if you want to."

Now it was Christine's turn to be conflicted. She didn't miss Bob at all, but she did miss, just a little, having someone else in bed with her. It made her feel warm and safe and not so alone. If that someone was Anne, so much the better. Christine wasn't even remotely prepared to act on the fantasies she had about Anne, but just sleeping together would be nice.

"I'm okay too. We're just going to sleep. It will be fine."

They spent an hour or so hanging out, Christine catching up on email and news while Anne read her book, and then got ready for bed. Anne wore a flannel pajama shirt to bed, and Christine wore an oversized tee shirt. They climbed into bed together, on opposite sides, said goodnight, and tried to sleep. Neither one was successful.

After fifteen very long minutes, Christine said to Anne "Okay - this is awkward. I can't just pretend you're not in the same bed with me, and I don't think I can go to sleep with you all the way over there."

After a very nervous pause, she continued "Can I come over? I think I'll sleep better if I'm next to you. Maybe you will too."

Anne's heart skipped a beat, and she answered "Um, okay, sweetie. If that will help you sleep."

Christine scooted over and snuggled up next to Anne, the same way she had snuggled up to her husband. She instantly felt comfortable in a way she had never quite been with Bob, and let out a deep sigh of contentment. "This is nice."

Anne thought it was nice too, but not comfortable at all. She hadn't shared a bed with anyone but her sister since college, and having Christine so close made her more than a little crazy. But Christine drifted off to sleep soon after, and she looked so peaceful that Anne couldn't help but fall asleep herself after a while.

~~~

Anne woke first in the early morning sun, with Christine's long arms wrapped around her. Her conflicting feelings about Christine didn't diminish how wonderful it was. She was content to just lie there and enjoy it as long as it lasted, holding Christine's arms close to her and feeling Christine's breath on her ear. After a few delightful minutes, the room got a little brighter and Christine stirred. As she was waking, she hugged Anne close to her and dreamily said "Good morning, sweetie."

After a happy sigh, Christine rolled over, stretched out her whole body, and rolled back over to look Anne in the face. "See. I told you it would be fine."

'Fine' was not the word Anne would have used, and she was a little annoyed that Christine seemed oblivious to the effect she was having on her. Still, they both slept well and woke feeling rested. The trip was exactly what they needed - a short but exciting break from the routine.