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Click hereIt may have been simple, but it meant so much. It had been a gift. The last time we had been together, my lover had given it to me before we parted, and with it came a message, a simple clear message. I may have forgotten the exact words, but I could never forget what had been meant.
'I think we want the same, but it is your decision to make. You don't need to say anything. What you choose to wear will give me your answer. And, you know I'll always be there for you, my sweet little Anna, whatever you decide.'
Decide? What was there to Decide? Without hesitation, I wrapped the choker around my neck and fixed the clasp at the back.
I was ready.
Anna Johanssen had a date, and Anna Johanssen couldn't wait to be with her lover once more.
As I walked downstairs, my mind was already back to that last time with Natalia.
I was going to meet her again, and if this one was half as good, I would be one happy young woman. That said, I was so hoping for a lot more. I was so hoping to see the real Natalia, and at the same time to repay some of the love she had already given me.
I couldn't wait to get started.
The End
- COMMENTS
Anonymous9 months agoSteve:
In general your use of language is delightful. Articulate, varied, intelligent vocabulary
For all of that - Thank you.
Please forgive this minor observation:
Phase - a stage of life or similar
Faze - intimidation
CiaoSteveabout 2 years agoAuthorThank you Anonymous . . . I see what you mean. I've got an edit to the story on its way which hopefully addresses the worst culprits and makes the story flow better.
Anonymousabout 2 years agoAs mentioned, the point of view changes were a flaw and I would suggest a major flaw at that. At the end of chapter four were two short paragraphs with third person narration after a full chapter of first person. Completely discombobulating.
Then there is this passage, also in the middle of first person narration: “Anna! What, are you doing here?" In her voice, Natalia sounded surprised. Inside, she wasn't surprised at all. She had already guessed there was no friend. More so, she had always hoped it would be Anna who came to talk.
It’s impossible for Anna to have a clue what Natalia’s inner thoughts are and such a statement disrupts the flow of the work.
To make life easier as a writer, make it all third person omnipotent, that is, you the storyteller know all the thoughts of every character. Writing in first person requires concentration to avoid lapses such as you had.
CiaoSteveabout 2 years agoAuthorThank you so much for your kind comments. I'll take on board what you mentioned @haltwhogoesthere about the narration voice shifting, but it's one of those things you don't always notice for yourself. As for a second chapter... I didn't have in mind to continue the story, but more to leave you imagining just what was about to happen between Anna and Natalia. There could be several outcomes, and you can imagine the one you feel goes best with the two lovers. I know where I would have taken them, and yes Anna would have got just what she wanted, or more to the point... just what Natalia wanted the young blonde to have.
