Rudra and Riya Ch. 07

"No," I replied in a little voice. "What are the things that can't be helped? That keep you away half the night?" I asked

"Just things, things you don't need to bother yourself with. I'll worry about them. You're going to worry only about the babies and yourself."

That was the end of the conversation. I didn't want to put my fears into words. If I was wrong, I didn't want to stir the hornets nest so close to the tail end of my pregnancy. Maybe I was just plain afraid of the answers I might unearth.

The next morning I found out he was going out of station for the weekend. That night I couldn't sleep at all. The weekend was the only time he got to spend with me. I trudged up to my brother's room and placed the letter I had written to mother on the bedside table.

"Have you gone completely mad? You have no moral compass. You think everyone's just as perverted as you are? People have urges and they learn to keep them under control. You hear that. That is what differentiates the rest of us from animals. Now the next time you suggest something like this be sure Rudra will hear of it and god alone knows what he'll do to you for suggesting it." Ma fumed and left home for the day leaving me all alone with the babies.

Somehow hearing her rant helped me see things in perspective for a change. I felt a chill thinking of what would happen if mother told Rudra about my little plan. If he still loved me the way he did, it would thoroughly and completely devastate him. What was I even doing suggesting what I had?

By the time mother got home that evening I felt completely washed out taking care of the house and the babies. "I'm sorry," I apologized guiltily before heading to bed. I had been wheezing all day and my heart ached miserably. When she nodded I felt a little relief. " I don't know what came over me to suggest something as appalling," my eyes watered. The fact was I had been thinking so long about mother having sex with Rudra that my mind had somehow made it acceptable for me. I found the thought of Rudra being with some other woman so frightening that my mind kept honing on the only solution that my desperate brain could think of, no matter how unholy the solution was. But I understood it now and I felt ashamed.

I placed a comforting hand on the babies before lying in bed with some difficulty, my mind dwelling on the latest conundrum it had devised. I woke in the middle of the night with a start. Something was wrong. I was having trouble breathing and my heart felt heavy in my chest. It was strange how I always complicated things for myself. I was feeing so low that I felt the need to talk to Rudra even though I knew he would probably be asleep.

"Hello," my voice trembled with the anxiety that I felt.

"Hello, yes, is everything okay?"

"Yes, I just felt like hearing your voice."

"In the middle of night? I'll talk to you in the morning. Okay?"

"How is Ma?" He asked strangely.

"She's, she's fine," I stuttered.

"Good night then," he said stoically and I flinched.

"Good night," I mumbled feeling a cold sweat run down my spine. I stifled a sob.

"Rudra?" A cultured voice beckoned him and my heart sank.

I trembled feeling cold. Then my heart began to pound painfully inside my chest and my lungs began to hyperventilate. I felt my pulse unconsciously, instantly being reminded about the babies I was carrying. Something wasn't right. He was so abrupt. Tears welled in my eyes. The babies kicked agitatedly inside my belly. Sobs tore at my lungs. I tried hard to make my breathing normal again, to stop feeling this deep hurt. He was with another woman. I felt my chest as pain shot through my heart. Something lodged in my throat and constricted it. I willed myself to get up to ask mother for help. I had begun to sweat profusely. I was having an asthma attack.

By the time I got to the bottom of the stairs I knew there was no way I would make it to the top in my condition. Fear lanced through me. If anything happened to me now, the babies would not survive.

"Ma," I rasped but it was barely audible. In my daze I overturned a flower pot and barely kept myself from fainting until mother came.

"What's wrong?" She asked anxiously.

"I...," my fingers dug into the banister for a grip, I licked my lips to start again but never did.

"Riya? Wake up now baby." He sounded sad. But I felt too tired to respond. Was her here? Or was I dreaming? He was with another woman. Tears trailed down the corners of my eyes. My heart began to ache again and I convulsed unable to bear the pain anymore.

"Shhh, calm down baby." He kissed the tears away murmuring.

"You're going to be fine. Okay? I promise. I'm not going to let anything happen to you. I'm going to stay right by your side. I promise Riya. Pleaseeee." He was crying?

"Rudra," I whispered but no sound came out. Maybe saying his name would bring him out my dream and back to me. "Rudra?" That took the last of my strengths, then I was drifting back into a dark hole.

There was a swelling in my heart. The doctor was explaining. But I still felt a little confused. When I woke up I didn't get a chance to talk to Rudra. He rushed out at once to call in the doctor.

"It usually happens with a multiple pregnancy," the doctor was explaining to Rudra.

He pushed a cold stethoscope against my ribs. "How do you feel now?" He asked comfortingly.

I nodded still feeling weak. A swelling in the chest. So that was the heaviness I had been feeling. And I thought I was having an asthma attack.

"Is she going to be alright?"

He sounded tired. He had been dragged home because of me. Through my foggy brain I remembered that it was a Sunday. Which means he had probably had to cut his stay short and travel back home in the morning hours.

"We're running some tests, but I believe you'll be able to take her home by evening."

Running some tests? I thought with a start and my gaze flew to Rudra. What was he thinking admitting me to a hospital?

He was completely absorbed with what the doctor was saying.

"So there's nothing to worry now?" He asked the doctor again. "Maybe I should keep her here one more night, just as a precautionary measure?"

I wish I could knock some sense into his head. What was he thinking?

"There's no need. But if you feel it will make you feel better. We'll keep her another day," the doctor was smiling. "And by the way I thought you'd like to know. You're having sextuplets, five girls and a boy. They're in perfect health and there'r no signs of deformities. I thought you'd like to know that. Okay, I'll leave you to it."

It was the first time that I carefully saw the doctor. He was in his early thirties. Dark shaggy hair and almond eyes with thick brimmed glasses. Maybe it was the specs that made his eyes look so big. He was lean and muscularly built, like those doctors who took extra care of their physique.

As soon as he had left, I looked questioningly at Rudra. "Why have you admitted me into a hospital? Have you lost all sense?"

"How long have you been feeling chest pains?" His lips pursed into a thin line.

"I ...I," I began to stutter. "I never thought it was a chest pain. I just felt a heaviness."

"And when were you planning to tell me about it?" He minced.

"I'm sorry you had to come back from your important trip because of me. I do apologize. I'm all right. You can go back now." I closed my eyes shut.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" He spat.

"Don't think I don't know what you're doing behind my back." I glared at him.

"Stop shouting and calm the fuck down." He came to sit next to me, his brows gathered in the middle giving his face a dark menacing grimace. "Now," he breathed, then started again in a calmer tone of voice. "Will you care to explain what you're talking about?"

"No, I'm tired." I closed my eyes scared of him. "Please leave." I felt weak and fragile. I was in no condition to face this argument yet.

"I'm never leaving you alone after this. You hear me?" He growled.

The corners of my lips drooped and my chin began to tremble as sobs tore at my lungs.

"Riya?" His voice grew agitated at once. "What's wrong? Please talk Riya." His voice shook. "Stop torturing me Riya, I beg you."

He buried his face in the nook of my neck and shoulder and silently began to cry.

"Leave," he swallowed. "There's only one place I can go if I leave you."

"You were with a woman. And you didn't even bother to talk to me." I choked my grief.

"When?" He sounded baffled.

"When I called you last night."

"You fool!" He exclaimed exasperated. "I was with the entire team, who by the way know who Riya is. And I don't have any wives that are recently pregnant. What did you expect me to say Riya? You're so stupid?"

"You really want me to believe that? You were with a team after midnight."

"I only want you to believe the truth Riya. You think I'm such a loser that I would be fooling around while you're getting yourself killed having my babies." He choked on a sob. "I love you." He beseeched mournfully. "Doesn't that mean anything to you?" His eyes searched mine.

My lips drooped again. It meant everything to me. How could I explain to him, that, that was the only thing in this entire world that meant anything to me? The rest could all go down the drain.

"I was missing you so much and you couldn't even care to talk to me?" I hiccuped.

"Baby you're breaking my heart. I'm sorry. Will you not forgive me this once? Please. I promise it will never happen again."

"No, I'm so mad at you." I felt so vexed with him, monumentally relieved but vexed.

He chuckled deep down in his throat, the way I loved so much. "You can punish me all you want once you get better. Come here now and let me hold you."

I made space for him and he climbed into bed next to me holding me against his chest in the circle of his arms. My entire world existed in those arms. I would choose not to live if I had to survive without him.

"I'm going to be with you now. I informed the office I'm not coming for the next four months. I've appointed Amrit to finalize deals in my stead." He began to whisper slowly.

"Hmmm, I like the sound of that." I murmured, placing a kiss on his chest.

"Can you believe we're having six instead of four?" He placed a kiss on my head.

He was pleased. I smiled.

"Do you want to know what six babies are called?"

I nodded briskly against his chest.

"Sex-tuplets."

We laughed together. How appropriate!

"Five girls and a boy," I murmured to myself, then remembered the doctor. "Rudra they've run tests and when the results come won't they know about us?" I asked worriedly.

He gave a chuckle. "The doctor is an old friend. I ran into him on an adult site, while you were pregnant with the twins. It was just a back up I was keeping incase something went wrong with the pregnancy. We never got to use his services first time round. But I'm glad I knew him well because this time I wasn't even expecting something like this to happen and when mother called all I could think of was driving you to him as fast I could." He squeezed me to himself placing a kiss on my forehead.

"He knows our deal. In fact he has a little secret of his own."

"Really?"

"Yes, he's had one with his sister already. She couldn't have any with her husband so the good doctor stepped in of course, with the husband's consent. They're planning to have another."

The thought of that made me hot. I wondered how that happened. Did the husband watch them, help them in any way, Or did he move out of the picture for the time being while the doctor was fucking them into her belly? Did he love her or did he just like to fuck her, or was he just performing a duty? But then he could've donated his sperm, he didn't really have to fuck her.

Too many thoughts, I shook my head bringing my mind back to Rudra. I squeezed him and he squeezed me hard against himself. "I love you," I murmured.

"I love you more baby."

In the evening the doctor was back with the results. "The pregnancy is causing a pressure on your heart Riya. Multiple births are never safe, which is why nature usually opts out of them. You'll never see a woman conceiving so many naturally. Maybe the hormones that your mother gave you triggered this but the long and short of it is that now you have two options."

I saw Rudra look anxiously at the doctor.

"The first is," the doctor continued, "You can choose to terminate a few, so the rest of the babies have a better chance of survival."

"No, never," I said shocked. Just the thought was heart wrenching.

"Riya please at least listen to him."

I lifted a hand to my forehead. My head throbbed. "I can't believe you're even thinking about it," I said in disbelief.

"I'm not losing you Riya. You get that. I don't care what I have to forego for that."

"I can't believe it," I wiped my tears with the back of my hand. "Well, since I'm the one carrying them, I'll be the one to decide and I'm not terminating...," I sobbed, "...I'm not ending any of their lives to save mine. You hear that." I shouted at him, thoroughly mad with him for even considering it.

"I thought so," the doctor interjected. So here I come to my second choice. This is the sixth month. By the send of the seventh month, but it all depends on how the pregnancy proceeds, you will need to be admitted into the hospital for a C-section. We'll take the babies out before full term and keep them in incubators for the rest of the time period."

I looked at Rudra. "I don't believe this. Do you even know what will happen to the babies, if their taken out before time. What guarantee is there that they will survive? I want to get out of here." I began to scramble out of bed too afraid they might force me into one of the choices.

As soon as I stood, my head began to spin and I leaned against Rudra to keep myself from falling. My heart had started to ache inside my chest.

He placed me back into bed murmuring soothingly. "Please Riya. Please hear him out at least."

I couldn't answer my mouth had gone dry.

It was instead the doctor who did the talking thereafter. "You are not only endangering your life but also the life of your unborn babies. For the sake of your children I hope you decide what's best. I've told you what I needed to. Either way it's your choice. And I hope you'll choose what's best for everyone in question." Saying that he turned on his heels.

"Shhh stop crying baby."

"When I was conceiving them, I didn't even know a few months later I would be forced to decide who I was going to keep. Why would God let me conceive six if I couldn't keep all of them?" Then it hit me like a jackhammer. My conceiving them was a blessing so I would leave our fate in God's hands.

"I can't lose you Riya, can you understand that. I died a million times when you left me. What will happen if..." he couldn't finish. "Please Riya. Don't do this ti me."

"Okay," I wept. "I'll come for a C-section. But please don't ask me to terminate any of them Rudra. Please. I'll die if I have to."

The next day we returned home. Mother held me in her arms as soon as she saw me in the doorway. We were both crying.

I told her everything the doctor had said while I sat holding Yukti in my lap suckling at my breast. In ma's lap, Vansh had started to gnaw at mother's breast listening to his sister's sucking sounds. He was growing agitated by the second. I lay a comforting hand on the babies inside me. Even they were growing fidgety inside my belly feeling the stimulation on my breast. Vansh began to wail irritably.

"Aren't you done baby," I gently tried to pry my breast from my one and a half year old's grasp, so I could feed her brother."

"No, mama," She was not ready to let go.

Across me Vansh had begun raising a racket. "Mama...,"he wailed turning blue in the face.

I looked at ma, a smile playing on my lips. "I can't keep these two content, what's going to happen when I have to feed all eight of them?"

"We never thought of that. All three of us were so intent on having you conceive. We never gave anything else any thought."

The fact that I'd opted out of the first option of terminating two of my babies, had suddenly landed me in mother's good books. She was old school. In her mind, once you had children, you were supposed to sacrifice everything for their lives. Even if it meant your own life. After dad had passed away ma had never married, never even taken a lover. She had single handedly taken care of both Rudra and me, until Rudra had grown and become the man of the house.

Vansh was wailing at the top of his voice. "Give him to me ma, I'll try feeding him on the other breast." I tried to wriggle on the couch into a position that would allow me to hold both of them in my arms.

"You won't be able to feed both of them together." Ma eyed my belly.

"You shouldn't be carrying so much weight over your belly."

"Maybe I'll let Vansh suckle on mine while Yukti has her fill. It might stall him for a bit. I've done it before sometimes at night when you're sleeping. It calms them down. Sometimes they're not hungry, they're just agitated."

Ma let my babies suckle on her breasts. That was a curious idea. A human pacifier.

She pulled out a breast and let Vansh suckle. No wonder he had been gnawing at her breast a while ago, he was used to it. No sooner was the nipple inside his mouth that he settled into peacefully sucking. There was no milk to be had, but even so it seemed to pacify him. Like his father. The thought came unbidden. After I had shamed myself before mother I tried to beat the thoughts away.

But sometimes after a hard days work, all Rudra liked doing was climb into bed with me and suckle on my breast. Of course I was lactating. But right after dinner, it seemed illogical that he was doing it for the milk. Maybe it calmed him down too. The thought made my heart overflow with love for him. My maternal instincts were kicking in.

"Rudra?" I called. "Come and look at Vansh." It was a completely non-sexual comment.

But the moment Rudra came he looked everywhere but at mother's breast. He seemed so out of sorts, that I wondered what the matter was with him. I mean we both suckled on those breasts as children. He shouldn't feel so shy around them. Maybe the fact that he spent so much time obsessing on mine, probably made him see ma's breasts in the same light.

"Ma's a human pacifier," I said to fill in the awkward silence before I added hastily. "Darling will you get a bath ready for me. I want to bathe before I sleep. Hospitals make me feel yucky."

He nodded and without a word left the room. I threw a furtive glance at ma. I hoped she didn't think I had done it intentionally.

"Ma I think Yukti is done, does Vansh really need to be fed? Can you tell?" I asked tentatively.

"You might as well feed him now. It's been two days since he's had any."

I nodded and placed Yukti on the couch besides me and held Vansh in my arms. "Is my darling hungry," I cooed with love.

I exclaimed. "He bit into my nipple."

"Yes, he does that, when he doesn't get milk," ma explained.

Apparently in their brief time together ma knew more about my babies, than I did. I needed to spend more time with them. I felt my son's dark silky hair, so much like his father's and placed a kiss on his head. "Did you miss mama, baby? I'm so sorry, mama had to leave." I cooed gently to calm him down.

Later that night I relaxed in a long hot bath. "This is so relaxing." I murmured snuggling against his neck.

"Hmm," he half bit, half kissed my shoulder. I was lying between his legs on my side and my bulge was resting against him. He had one arm around my shoulders, holding me against him, while the other hand was gently feeling the babies inside me. I let out a long sigh, closing my eyes. Gradually his hand moved over to my breast and he began to circle a nipple.