Rudra and Riya Ch. 07

"Why were you so shy around ma today?" I asked. He didn't answer, but took his hand away from my breast. He fished the loofa out of the bubbles and began to gently wash my back instead.

"I mean we sucked on them as babies."

"I'm not a baby anymore Riya, I'm a grown man."

"Hmmm, doesn't seem that way, with the obsessive amount of time you spend on mine. You're a bigger baby than both Yukti and Vansh put together." I giggled.

"Is that so?" He began to tease me amidst squeals of laughter. "You're breasts were meant just for me, in my benevolence I let our babies use them. But they still belong to me and me alone." He said possessively.

I chuckled placing a sweet kiss on his neck. "They are yours baby."

I placed a hand on my huge belly getting myself ready to shift side. Lying on one side made my back ache. He helped me turn in his arms and settle on my other side. I sighed.

"Are you feeling okay?" He asked and I nodded.

"You''ll tell me if you're not? Won't you Riya?"

I nodded again.

"Answer me?" He asked anxiously.

"Yes, I will. I wasn't keeping anything from you Rudra. You must believe me. I just didn't know what I was feeling. Do you think I would risk the lives of our babies?"

He nodded.

"I thought the heaviness was because of the bulge I was carrying. That I was having an asthma attack. It didn't even occur to me that something was really wrong with me. I thought it was exertion."

"Remember to have your medicine before you sleep."

I nodded. "I will. Stop worrying now."

"Yea right, somehow I get this feeling that my worries have just begun." He exhaled raking his hair back.

"Now you're being plain stupid. Everything is under control. Help me up now, the water's beginning to turn cold."

He helped me into a shift, before helping me into bed. I was so happy to be back home. Hospitals were not for me, I'd decided on my brief visit there. The smell of death and sickness made my heart turn cold in my breast. And now within a month I'd be going there myself, voluntarily. A shiver ran down my spine.

"Rudra what are you doing? Come to bed." I called out to him. He didn't answer but returned after ten minutes.

"Where were you?" I asked annoyedly. "I'm cold."

"I was checking on Yukti and Vansh baby." He climbed into bed gently pulling me into his embrace.

"How are the sextuplets doing?"

That made me laugh instantly.

"They don't want anyone in a conundrum over the mystery of their origin. Sex made them happen and not some biblical miracle." Both of us laughed until our eyes teared.

"Sextuplets! How do you even tell people how many you're having? They couldn't coin a better word for it?"

"What's wrong with it, its just a word? Just say I'm having sextuplets."

"What's wrong with ma's breasts, they're just breasts? Look at them and be done with it."

"Oh shut up already!" He cursed.

I giggled placing my mouth on his to douse out his feigned anger. I still failed to understand his reaction to mother's breasts.

"Loosen your hold Rudra, you're squishing the babies." I whispered between his hungry kisses. Then I got myself ready for sleep, resting my belly partially on him, so my back wasn't left in that painfully peculiar angle.

"Aren't you going to suckle today?" I asked with a smile playing on my lips and my head swimming with dreams already.

"I think am off breasts for good." He answered peevishly.

"Really!" I guffawed.

Then I was falling off to sleep.

****

I cajoled Rudra into waiting for the C-section until I was confident that the babies would make it. I was keeping fairly healthy so he relented after my constant persuasion.

At the end of the eighth month I literally looked like the Hindenburg and I even navigated like one. I was anxious, would be like the understatement of the century. I was preparing to leave for the hospital, today. But the thought of it was making me sick. I decided to take a hot bath before I left to settle my nerves. Rudra helped me into the tub, then left to take care of things. I sighed forcing myself to relax and closed my eyes. I felt the gently lapping water against my skin. Warmth seeped through every pore of my body and into my bones. My hand extended to my belly and I began to murmur to my babies.

I must have dozed because I woke up next with a start. Was it a contraction that I had woken to, I wondered. I steadied my breathing. No, I was all nerves. I was being paranoid and I tried to relax myself again. The babies moved uneasily inside me.

"What are you doing in there? Stop it already," I gently rebuked my litter.

One of them had lodged himself up against his siblings so his butt was now sticking out prominently from my belly. I tried to rub him down gently so he would settle down.

Another jerk and I winced.

"Stop it babies. You're hurting me!" I exclaimed and then I felt it.

I bit into my lip until my teeth met. "Rudra," A long cry issued from my lungs.

It was a massive contraction. I was in labour.

I couldn't say how long it had been since my water had broken, but somehow I knew it had. The contractions I was feeling were too close together. I couldn't make sense of it. When Rudra tried to lift me out of water, I nearly passed out from the effort, so he let me lie back again. He was immediately over the phone with the doctor.

"In that case please hurry, Sid. Okay, okay. I will." He shoved the phone back in his pocket.

"You're going to be fine. Look at me Riya.The doctor is on his way. There's nothing to worry."

What I saw in his face frightened me worse. I hadn't seen him so scared in my entire life.

I tried to breathe evenly. I told myself that I'd have to be strong for all of us today. The life of my babies depended on it. It would take the doctor an hour to get here. Then again he would have no medical equipment here so he would hardly be in a condition to perform a c-section. I'd have to birth them naturally. It frightened me for a moment. But I forced myself to be brave.

"Rudra hold me into a sitting position will you?" I told him as calmly as I could. Ma ran off into the direction of the kitchen and a while later came back with warm water and towels. She placed a handful of sugar cubes in my mouth when my time neared and asked me to push as hard as I could. One head emerged at my opening. From behind me Rudra placed his hands over my bulge to help me push the baby out. I tried, then lay back exhausted against him, crying. Ma motivated me to push again.

"I can see the head, Riya, try again." She implored.

So I pushed again and again and again, until the first one was out. It was a girl. I cried. "Is she okay?" my voice broke. "Please tell me."

I saw mother swaddle the baby and place her in a basket, beaming with happiness. "She's perfect."

"Rudra," I looked back at him, then closed my eyes and felt him place a trembling kiss on my forehead.

Ten minutes later I was pushing another out of me. The third one wasn't as difficult as the first two had been. I only wished that the rest would follow soon. I was feeling weak and exhausted and I didn't know how long I could do this now. I had started to feel tingles in my finger tips and cold sweep up my arms. My mouth began to turn dry. I told my mother so and she quickly forced some more sugar into my mouth. I began to suck again and felt a little life return to me.

"Rudra," I moaned.

"I'm right here baby," he said placing a kiss on my wet cheek.

"I can't?" My lips drooped.

"Yes, you can baby." He gently squeezed me in his embrace.

"You will baby. For me, you will." His voice broke.

He was on the phone again. "How long?" He snapped angrily.

I cried as another contraction ripped through me. Another baby had been crowning for the past few minutes but I just did not have the strength to push anymore. Rudra held me up into a sitting position while mother pulled the head forcibly, until a limp baby fell out of me. Mother did not snip the chord for her.

"What's wrong?" I asked behind closed eyes. I knew something was wrong. I opened my eyes with difficulty to see ma trying hard to revive the baby. Then the world turned completely dark, but I was floating peacefully in his arms.

We're having sextuplets I told him.

No, he said, we're having quadruplets. Two didn't make it.

And I was brought out with a snap. I woke to find the doctor by my side. The bath was filled with hot water and he was pulling another baby out of me. I tried to ask ma but the words wouldn't come out.

"Rudra," I whispered as if in a dream. "How many?"

But he had heard me even from my dream. "All."

I closed my eyes relieved, resting back against him. I drifted again. The next time I came to the doctor was sewing me down there. There was already an IV attached to my arm. When I tried to move Rudra gently held my arm to keep me from jerking it loose.

I was woken next with the cries of my babies. My milk swollen breasts were hurting. I was in dire need of feeding them.

"How are you feeling now baby?"

I opened my eyes and found Rudra's anxious brown ones searching mine.

"A little raw between my legs, but otherwise okay," I slurred, closing my sleep ridden eyes again.

I smiled before drifting again. I had done it and I felt proud of myself.

"Sleep," he whispered against my ear placing a warm kiss on my forehead. "They're in good hands."

****

One by one I began the long process of feeding them all. While mother tried to pacify a few at her breast, the task inevitably landed at my doorstep no matter what. No matter how long she pacified them, I had to feed them in the end. My back ached heaving my heavy breasts day in and day out. Feeding eight kids around the clock was no mean feat. And this after ma and Rudra were helping me with taking care of them. Fifteen days into it and I was ready to tear my hair out. Weakness and sleep deprivation had started to tell on me.

"Rudra, please, not you too. I'm tired of feeding the babies." I complained one night when he tried to suckle on my breast.

"Not again Riya! Isn't it enough that we can't have sex."

"Please Rudra I'm tired." I knew he was right in sulking. I hadn't had any time for him lately. I was so busy with the babies, I had hardly spent an hour with him since the fortnight that I'd had by babies. At night I fell like a log. My sex drive had turned to zero. I couldn't even tolerate him at my breasts any longer. I felt so tired and irritable all the time.

He turned his back to me to sleep in a huff.

That night the babies kept ma and me awake again. "I wish you could feed them too ma. I'm so tired," I almost wept with exhaustion.

Ma laughed. "We can bottle feed them, if you like."

"Isn't it enough that we're bottle feeding the twins. I can't bottle feed the rest. They're too small."

"Then how do you suggest I remedy the situation. How do you propose I start lactating?"

"I don't know. All I know is I'm dead beat. A few more days of this and I'm ready to throw in the towel. Rudra is angry with me," I slowly let the words out.

My chin trembled. He'd never been this upset with me in my entire life.

"I'm always tired and exhausted and he's growing frustrated. And I ...," I felt strange talking to ma about it. But then there was no one I could talk to about this. "I don't feel sexually drawn to him anymore. But with everything going on between us, I don't know whether to tell him that or not. And I worry."

She began after a moment's hesitation. "There's nothing to worry. Its just nature's way of making sure, you give your offspring nurturing time. The effects aren't lasting. Don't worry."

"Ma..." I had often thought about it but never found the opportunity to ask her. "Don't you miss it? I mean you were very young when pa died. Did you never feel like...?" I tapered off.

"I ..." her voice shook and she was silent for a while. "I never had time after you and Rudra, after your father," she looked at her hands. "to think about it."

I nodded. I felt sad for ma. Having to spend all these years alone, without a man. Without any support or love. My heart cried inside my chest. I felt helpless. I didn't know what I could do to alleviate her loss, her pain.

****

"Rudra please honey, don't, you're hurting me. The stitches haven't healed yet. Stop poking me down there. Please honey."

"Riya, God I'm going to go insane if I don't have you. You know how long it's been, don't you. It's been forever." He growled looking petulantly at me.

Not again I thought. I didn't have strength for this.

"I can't Rudra, it's not like I don't want to."

"Lately, I'm having trouble believing that."

"The stitches haven't healed, can't you see," I snapped irritably.

"And what's wrong with your breasts? Are they healing as well?"

"I have to feed the babies, there isn't enough left for the babies when you play with them. I leak milk or haven't you noticed. You drink it remember." I snapped a little too angrily.

"There are other ways to satisfy, provided one wants to satisfy. But never mind I've had enough of this." He turned around and fell asleep.

I knew exactly what he meant. But I didn't feel like taking him in my mouth either. I used to love that. But lately just the thought of having sex made my skin turn cold. What was happening to me?

He was upset. I knew it. But even then I didn't try to pacify him. I was too glad that at least for that night he wouldn't touch me and just let me sleep.

I had slept only an hour when the babies began to chime their discontent and I had to scramble to the nursery. Ma was already trying to lull them back to sleep, but Jai would not just stop crying.

"I think he's hungry ma," I carried him like a zombie to the feeding chair. I cradled him in my arms and placed the nipple into his mouth. Rocking the chair slowly, I sighed.

Where was life going? I couldn't understand myself. Was I going to let my mind ruin everything again? No, I wasn't. Not this time. I was going to take charge. Then my heart fell again. Just the thought of sex made me choke. I sighed again.

"What's wrong?" Ma asked.

"I can't do this anymore." My chin trembled.

"Yes, you can."

"He's upset with me again. I can't these days and he's frustrated. But I just can't."

"It will be all right?" She pacified me gently rocking Oorja in her arms.

"Nothing will be all right." I exhaled discontentedly feeling a familiar pall descend on my heart.

"Yes, it will be. Soon you'll start functioning like a normal person again." She assured me in not so many words.

But I doubted if the sexual urge would come back. All I felt right now was depressed and sad and hopeless and stuck.

"How can you be so sure? You never felt the urge after you had us and after pa passed?"

"What's going to happen to us, to our family if I can't even tolerate his touch?" My lips drooped and I began to sob when mother had no response to my question. We were doomed.

Under normal circumstances I would've forced myself to look at the bigger picture but these days exhaustion, lack of sleep and hormonal imbalances were wreaking havoc with the rest of my senses and most evenings Rudra and I only ended up in each other's hair. We were both developing such short fuses that a tiny mis-step would have us raving and ranting until Rudra banged the door on me and leave in a huff. I couldn't even do that because I had the babies to take care of. It drove me insane.

"I can't live like this anymore," he cursed one day. "I'm leaving on a business trip. I might as well get out of here when all you're going to do is pick fights with me at the tiniest opportunity."

"Oh, so I'm picking fights with you. You're not doing anything to aggravate me? And you're not going anywhere. You'll stay right here. Do you hear me?" I flung a shirt that I was folding at him, I felt so mad at him.

His face grew dark. "I think its best that I leave now. He took out a bag and started to pack."

"Best for who? You, you mean?" I minced contemptuously.

"Whatever!" He murmured.

"So you're just going to run away from this? How convenient for you? And where do you suggest I run to, to get away from all this?"

He didn't reply.

"What no great ideas for my escape? The great tycoon has ideas only to save himself and no one else." I did't know why I was so hopping mad at him. I kept ranting but to my aggravation he just wouldn't answer.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you," I jerked the bag out of his hold. It fell, all its contents spilling on the floor.

The sting of it made me feel like my head had exploded. The shock lanced through my chest before I felt the floor coming up to meet me.

****

"I don't know what came over me. I hit her." He said in shocked disbelief. My head was still hurtling at million miles a second.

"What am I doing ma? What am I turning into? What's wrong with me?"

"I just hope she's all right," I heard mother say through the tunnel.

"She just tries my patience so much these days mother. I'm sorry. You know I'm not like this ma, don't you ma?" He sounded like a little kid in trouble.

"It's okay, come here."

Silence followed and I floated back into sleep.

I knew it was my fault. I had aggravated him into slapping me. But did he need to be so brutal. I pouted looking at my reflection in the mirror. One side of my face had already started to bruise.

But somehow the slap had settled the storm that had been ebbing inside me all these days. Strangely I felt settled. It didn't make any sense. But there it was clear as day. When I came back to bed, I heard him heading into the room.

"Riya." There was shock in his voice. Shock and something else.

"What's wrong?" I asked at once.

"I..." he looked down and slumped into bed.

I ran to the babies and only once I'd confirmed that all of them were all right did I come back to the room.

"You scared me Rudra!" I scowled at him. But he still had that frozen, haunted look about him?

"What's wrong? Are you going to tell me about it?"

"I..."

"I what Rudra?" I snapped at him.

"Is mother all right?"

He nodded.

"Then who the hell is dead? Why are you looking like this?"

"I, I had sex with ...ma."

"What?" The word froze on my lips.

All this while of plotting it and thinking about it, sometimes even praying for it, could not have braced me for the shock I felt at hearing him proclaim it. I tried to feel something, to know how I felt about it. But nothing came to me. But I did know what I did not feel. I did not feel jealous about it, the way I usually did when I thought of him with another woman. It did not send me into a tizzy. My head was so full of questions. But none that I could frame.

"Riya..."

"When?" I asked in a whisper.

"Have you even heard me Riya? Have you even heard what I've done?"

I looked at him then. How could I tell him that I was the one planting its seeds forever?

"Yes, I have and I don't blame you. I forced you into it." I tried to hold his face in my palms.

"How can you even say that? He shook himself free. I don't deserve you Riya and I don't deserve Ma either," he choked on a sob. He got up.

I remembered the time when I felt exactly like he did. Way back when I had developed a conscience right after going to college. Every time I had been with Rudra, it was an exhilaration while he was working hard at giving me an orgasm. But right after he'd fingered my cunt into a release I would be washed with guilt and regret and shame and all the hopeless things that were unimportant. And I knew it now it was because of the way we had been forced to think because of societal norms.

"Rudra," I tried to hold him again. I felt worried for him. He looked too shaken. "At least ask me how I am?" I tried to distract him.